RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 


BOOKS  BY  THE  SAME  AUTHOR 

Boss  OF  LITTLE  ARCADY 
BUNKER  BEAN 
EWING'S  LADY 
LIONS  OF  THE  LORD 
SPENDERS 


RUGGLES 

of  RED  GAP 


By 

Harry  Leon  Wilson 


Illustrated  by  F.  R.  Gruger 


GARDEN  CITY  NEW  TORK 

DOUBLEDAY,  PAGE  &  COMPANY 

1916 


Copyright,  1915,  by 
DOUBLEBAYJ.PAGE,  & 

AH  rights  reserved,  including  th'at  of 

translation  infafqpeign  languages," ' 

inditdini  tTie  ScQn'driilavian.    .  ^ 


COPYBIGHT,  1914,  1915,  BY  CUETI8  PUBLISHING  COMPANY 


TO   HELEN   COOKE   WILSON 


328431 


LIST  OF  ILLUSTRATIONS 

"  I  take  it  you  failed  to  win  the  hundred  pounds, 

sir?" Frontispiece 

FACING  PAGB 

"  Wonderful!     Now  he  looks  like  some  one! "  .     .        36 

"  Mrs.  Ballard,  allow  me  to  make  you  acquainted 
with  my  friend  Colonel  Ruggles!"  Thus 
Cousin  Egbert  performed  his  ceremony  .  .  134 

"  Why,  look  at  Mr.  Barker — he's  actually  taken 
up  with  you  right  away,  and  him  usually  so 
suspicious  of  strangers " 174 

I  was  shocked  to  observe  the  Honourable  George 
and  Cousin  Egbert  waltzing  madly  with  the 
cow-persons,  Hank  and  Buck 256 

Mis'  Kenner  set  down  to  the  piano  and  sung 
some  coon  songs  that  tickled  him  most  to 
death 284 

I  stood  in  the  back  door  of  the  Grill  giving  upon 

the  alley,  where  I  mused  rather  excitedly  .    .      304 

For  an  hour  there  were  heard  quite  all  over  the 

house  words  of  the  most  explosive  character  .      824 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

CHAPTER    ONE 

A  6:30  in  our  Paris  apartment  I  had  finished  the 
Honourable  George,  performing  those  final 
touches  that  make  the  difference  between  a  man 
well  turned  out  and  a  man  merely  dressed.  In  the  main  I 
was  not  dissatisfied.  His  dress  waistcoats,  it  is  true,  no 
longer  permit  the  inhalation  of  anything  like  a  full  breath, 
and  his  collars  clasp  too  closely.  (I  have  always  held  that  a 
collar  may  provide  quite  ample  room  for  the  throat  without 
sacrifice  of  smartness  if  the  depth  be  at  least  two  and  one 
quarter  inches.)  And  it  is  no  secret  to  either  the  Honour 
able  George  or  our  intimates  that  I  have  never  approved 
his  fashion  of  beard,  a  reddish,  enveloping,  brushlike  affair 
never  nicely  enough  trimmed.  I  prefer,  indeed,  no  beard 
at  all,  but  he  stubbornly  refuses  to  shave,  possessing  a 
difficult  chin.  Still,  I  repeat,  he  was  not  nearly  impossible 
as  he  now  left  my  hands. 

"Dining  with  the  Americans,"  he  remarked,  as  I  conveyed 
the  hat,  gloves,  and  stick  to  him  in  their  proper  order. 

"Yes,  sir,"  I  replied.  "And  might  I  suggest,  sir,  that 
your  choice  be  a  grilled  undercut  or  something  simple, 
bearing  in  mind  the  undoubted  effects  of  shell-fish  upon 
one's  complexion?"  The  hard  truth  is  that  after  even  a 
very  little  lobster  the  Honourable  George  has  a  way  of 

8 


4  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

coming  out  in  spots.  A:  single  oyster  patty,  too,  will  often 
spot  him  quite  all  over. 

"What  cheek!  Decide  that  for  myself,"  he  retorted 
with  a  lame  effort  at  dignity  which  he  was  unable  to  sus 
tain.  His  eyes  fell  from  mine.  "Besides,  I'm  almost 
quite  certain  that  the  last  time  it  was  the  melon.  Wretched 
things,  melons!" 

Then,  as  if  to  divert  me,  he  rather  fussily  refused  the 
correct  evening  stick  I  had  chosen  for  him  and  seized  a 
knobby  bit  of  thornwood  suitable  only  for  moor  and  up 
land  work,  and  brazenly  quite  discarded  the  gloves. 

"  Feel  a  silly  fool  wearing  gloves  when  there's  no  reason ! " 
he  exclaimed  pettishly. 

"Quite  so,  sir,"  I  replied,  freezing  instantly. 

"Now,  don't  play  the  juggins,"  he  retorted.  "Let  me 
be  comfortable.  And  I  don't  mind  telling  you  I  stand  to 
win  a  hundred  quid  this  very  evening." 

"  I  dare  say,"  I  replied.  The  sum  was  more  than  needed, 
but  I  had  cause  to  be  thus  cynical. 

"From  the  American  Johnny  with  the  eyebrows,"  he 
went  on  with  a  quite  pathetic  enthusiasm.  "We're  to 
play  their  American  game  of  poker — drawing  poker  as 
they  call  it.  I've  watched  them  play  for  near  a  fortnight. 
It's  beastly  simple.  One  has  only  to  know  when  to  bluff." 

"A  hundred  pounds,  yes,  sir.     And  if  one  loses " 

He  flashed  me  a  look  so  deucedly  queer  that  it  fair 
chilled  me. 

"I  fancy  you'll  be  even  more  interested  than  I  if  I  lose," 
he  remarked  in  tones  of  a  curious  evenness  that  were 
somehow  rather  deadly.  The  words  seemed  pregnant  with 
meaning,  but  before  I  could  weigh  them  I  heard  him 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  5 

noisily  descending  the  stairs.  It  was  only  then  I  recalled 
having  noticed  that  he  had  not  changed  to  his  varnished 
boots,  having  still  on  his  feet  the  doggish  and  battered 
pair  he  most  favoured.  It  was  a  trick  of  his  to  evade  me 
with  them.  I  did  for  them  each  day  all  that  human  boot- 
cream  could  do,  but  they  were  things  no  sensitive  gentle 
man  would  endure  with  evening  dress.  I  was  glad  to 
reflect  that  doubtless  only  Americans  would  observe  them. 

So  began  the  final  hours  of  a  14th  of  July  in  Paris  that 
must  ever  be  memorable.  My  own  birthday,  it  is  also 
chosen  by  the  French  as  one  on  which  to  celebrate  with 
carnival  some  one  of  those  regrettable  events  in  their  own 
distressing  past. 

To  begin  with,  the  day  was  marked  first  of  all  by  the 
breezing  in  of  his  lordship  the  Earl  of  Brinstead,  brother  of 
the  Honourable  George,  on  his  way  to  England  from  the 
Engadine.  More  peppery  than  usual  had  his  lordship 
been,  his  grayish  side-whiskers  in  angry  upheaval  and  his 
inflamed  words  exploding  quite  all  over  the  place,  so  that 
the  Honourable  George  and  I  had  both  perceived  it  to  be 
no  time  for  admitting  our  recent  financial  reverse  at  the 
gaming  tables  of  Ostend.  On  the  contrary,  we  had  gamely 
affirmed  the  last  quarter's  allowance  to  be  practically 
untouched — a  desperate  stand,  indeed!  But  there  was 
that  in  his  lordship's  manner  to  urge  us  to  it,  though  even 
so  he  appeared  to  be  not  more  than  half  deceived. 

"No  good  greening  me!"  he  exploded  to  both  of  us. 
"Tell  in  a  flash — gambling,  or  a  woman — typing-girl, 
milliner,  dancing  person,  what,  what !  Guilty  faces,  both 
of  you.  Know  you  too  well.  My  word,  what,  what!" 

Again  we  stoutly  protested  while  his  lordship  on  the 


6  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

hearthrug  rocked  in  his  boots  and  glared.  The  Honour 
able  George  gamely  rattled  some  loose  coin  of  the  baser 
sort  in  his  pockets  and  tried  in  return  fora  glare  of  innocence 
foully  aspersed.  I  dare  say  he  fell  short  of  it.  His  his 
trionic  gifts  are  but  meagre. 

"Fools,  quite  fools,  both  of  you!"  exploded  his  lord 
ship  anew.  "And,  make  it  worse,  no  longer  young  fools. 
Young  and  a  fool,  people  make  excuses.  Say,  Tool? 
Yes,  but  so  young!'  But  old  and  a  fool — not  a  word  to 
say,  what,  what!  Silly  rot  at  forty."  He  clutched  his 
side- whiskers  with  frenzied  hands.  He  seemed  to  comb 
them  to  a  more  bristling  rage. 

"Dare  say  you'll  both  come  croppers.  Not  surprise  me. 
Silly  old  George,  course,  course !  Hoped  better  of  Ruggles, 
though.  Ruggles  different  from  old  George.  Got  a  brain. 
But  can't  use  it.  Have  old  George  wed  to  a  charwoman 
presently.  Hope  she'll  be  a  worker.  Need  to  be — sup 
port  you  both,  what,  what ! " 

I  mean  to  say,  he  was  coming  it  pretty  thick,  since  he 
could  not  have  forgotten  that  each  time  I  had  warned 
him  so  he  could  hasten  to  save  his  brother  from  distressing 
mesalliances.  I  refer  to  the  affair  with  the  typing-girl 
and  to  the  later  entanglement  with  a  Brixton  milliner 
encountered  informally  under  the  portico  of  a  theatre  in 
Charing  Cross  Road.  But  he  was  in  no  mood  to  con 
cede  that  I  had  thus  far  shown  a  scrupulous  care  in  these 
emergencies.  Peppery  he  was,  indeed.  He  gathered  hat 
and  stick,  glaring  indignantly  at  each  of  them  and  then  at 
us. 

"Greened  me  fair,  haven't  you,  about  money?  Quite 
so,  quite  so!  Not  hear  from  you  then  till  next  quarter. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  7 

No  telegraphing — no  begging  letters.  Shouldn't  a  bit 
know  what  to  make  of  them.  Plenty  you  got  to  last.  Say 
so  yourselves."  He  laughed  villainously  here.  "  Morning," 
said  he,  and  was  out. 

"Old  Nevil  been  annoyed  by  something,"  said  the 
Honourable  George  after  a  long  silence.  "Know  the  old 
boy  too  well.  Always  tell  when  he's  been  annoyed. 
Rather  wish  he  hadn't  been." 

So  we  had  come  to  the  night  of  this  memorable  day, 
and  to  the  Honourable  George's  departure  on  his  mys 
terious  words  about  the  hundred  pounds. 

Left  alone,  I  began  to  meditate  profoundly.  It  was  the 
closing  of  a  day  I  had  seen  dawn  with  the  keenest  mis 
giving,  having  had  reason  to  believe  it  might  be  fraught 
with  significance  if  not  disaster  to  myself.  The  year  be 
fore  a  gypsy  at  Epsom  had  solemnly  warned  me  that  a 
great  change  would  come  into  my  life  on  or  before  my 
fortieth  birthday.  To  this  I  might  have  paid  less  heed 
but  for  its  disquieting  confirmation  on  a  later  day  at  a 
psychic  parlour  in  Edgware  Road.  Proceeding  there  in 
company  with  my  eldest  brother-in  law,  a  plate-layer  and 
surfaceman  on  the  Northern  (he  being  uncertain  about 
the  Derby  winner  for  that  year),  I  was  told  by  the  person 
for  a  trifle  of  two  shillings  that  I  was  soon  to  cross  water 
and  to  meet  many  strange  adventures.  True,  later  events 
proved  her  to  have  been  psychically  unsound  as  to  the 
Derby  winner  (so  that  my  brother-in-law,  who  was  out 
two  pounds  ten,  thereby  threatened  to  have  an  action 
against  her);  yet  her  reference  to  myself  had  confirmed 
the  words  of  the  gypsr;  so  it  will  be  plain  why  I  had  been 
anxious  the  whole  of  this  birthday. 


8  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

For  one  thing,  I  had  gone  on  the  streets  as  little  as 
possible,  though  I  should  naturally  have  done  that,  for  the 
behaviour  of  the  French  on  this  bank  holiday  of  theirs  is 
repugnant  in  the  extreme  to  the  sane  English  point  of  view 
— I  mean  their  frivolous  public  dancing  and  marked  con 
versational  levity.  Indeed,  in  their  soberest  moments, 
they  have  too  little  of  British  weight.  Their  best-dressed 
men  are  apparently  turned  out  not  by  menservants  but 
by  modistes.  I  will  not  say  their  women  are  without  a 
gift  for  wearing  gowns,  and  their  chefs  have  unquestion 
ably  got  at  the  inner  meaning  of  food,  but  as  a  people  at 
large  they  would  never  do  with  us.  Even  their  language 
is  not  based  on  reason.  I  have  had  occasion,  for  example, 
to  acquire  their  word  for  bread,  which  is  "pain."  As  if 
that  were  not  wild  enough,  they  mispronounce  it  atro 
ciously.  Yet  for  years  these  people  have  been  separated 
from  us  only  by  a  narrow  strip  of  water! 

By  keeping  close  to  our  rooms,  then,  I  had  thought  to 
evade  what  of  evil  might  have  been  in  store  for  me  on  this 
day.  Another  evening  I  might  have  ventured  abroad  to 
a  cinema  palace,  but  this  was  no  time  for  daring,  and  I 
took  a  further  precaution  of  locking  our  doors.  Then, 
indeed,  I  had  no  misgiving  save  that  inspired  by  the  last 
words  of  the  Honourable  George.  In  the  event  of  his 
losing  the  game  of  poker  I  was  to  be  even  more  concerned 
than  he.  Yet  how  could  evil  come  to  me,  even  should  the 
American  do  him  in  the  eye  rather  frightfully?  In  truth, 
I  had  not  the  faintest  belief  that  the  Honourable  George 
would  win  the  game.  He  fancies  himself  a  card-player, 
though  why  he  should,  God  knows.  At  bridge  with  him 
every  hand  is  a  no-trumper.  I  need  not  say  more.  Also 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  9 

it  occurred  to  me  that  the  American  would  be  a  person 
not  accustomed  to  losing.  There  was  that  about  him. 

More  than  once  I  had  deplored  this  rather  Bohemian 
taste  of  the  Honourable  George  which  led  him  to  associate 
with  Americans  as  readily  as  with  persons  of  his  own  class; 
and  especially  had  I  regretted  his  intimacy  with  the  family 
in  question.  Several  times  I  had  observed  them,  on  the 
occasion  of  bearing  messages  from  the  Honourable  George — 
usually  his  acceptance  of  an  invitation  to  dine.  Too  ob 
viously  they  were  rather  a  handful.  I  mean  to  say,  they 
were  people  who  could  perhaps  matter  in  their  own  wilds, 
but  they  would  never  do  with  us. 

Their  leader,  with  whom  the  Honourable  George  had 
consented  to  game  this  evening,  was  a  tall,  careless-spoken 
person,  with  a  narrow,  dark  face  marked  with  heavy  black 
brows  that  were  rather  tremendous  in  their  effect  when  he 
did  not  smile.  Almost  at  my  first  meeting  him  I  divined 
something  of  the  public  man  in  his  bearing,  a  suggestion, 
perhaps,  of  the  confirmed  orator,  a  notion  in  which  I  was 
somehow  further  set  by  the  gesture  with  which  he  swept 
back  his  carelessly  falling  forelock.  I  was  not  surprised, 
then,  to  hear  him  referred  to  as  the  "Senator."  In  some 
unexplained  manner,  the  Honourable  George,  who  is  never 
as  reserved  in  public  as  I  could  wish  him  to  be,  had 
chummed  up  with  this  person  at  one  of  the  race-tracks, 
and  had  thereafter  been  almost  quite  too  pally  with  him 
and  with  the  very  curious  other  members  of  his  family — 
the  name  being  Floud. 

The  wife  might  still  be  called  youngish,  a  bit  florid  in 
type,  plumpish,  with  yellow  hair,  though  to  this  a  stain 
had  been  applied,  leaving  it  in  deficient  consonance  with 


10  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

her  eyebrows;  these  shading  grayish  eyes  that  crackled 
with  determination.  Rather  on  the  large  side  she  was, 
forcible  of  speech  and  manner,  yet  curiously  eager,  I  had 
at  once  detected,  for  the  exactly  correct  thing  in  dress  and 
deportment. 

The  remaining  member  of  the  family  was  a  male  cousin 
of  the  so-called  Senator,  his  senior  evidently  by  half  a 
score  of  years,  since  I  took  him  to  have  reached  the  late 
fifties.  "Cousin  Egbert"  he  was  called,  and  it  was  at 
once  apparent  to  me  that  he  had  been  most  direly  sub 
jugated  by  the  woman  whom  he  addressed  with  great 
respect  as  "Mrs.  Effie."  Rather  a  seamed  and  drooping 
chap  he  was,  with  mild,  whitish-blue  eyes  like  a  porcelain 
doll's,  a  mournfully  drooped  gray  moustache,  and  a  grayish 
jumble  of  hair.  I  early  remarked  his  hunted  look  in  the 
presence  of  the  woman.  Timid  and  soft-stepping  he  was 
beyond  measure. 

Such  were  the  impressions  I  had  been  able  to  glean  of 
these  altogether  queer  people  during  the  fortnight  since 
the  Honourable  George  had  so  lawlessly  taken  them  up. 
Lodged  they  were  in  an  hotel  among  the  most  expensive 
situated  near  what  would  have  been  our  Trafalgar  Square, 
and  I  later  recalled  that  I  had  been  most  interestedly 
studied  by  the  so-called  "Mrs.  Effie"  on  each  of  the  few 
occasions  I  appeared  there.  I  mean  to  say,  she  would  not 
be  above  putting  to  me  intimate  questions  concerning  my 
term  of  service  with  the  Honourable  George  Augustus 
Vane-Basingwell,  the  precise  nature  of  the  duties  I  per 
formed  for  him,  and  even  the  exact  sum  of  my  honoura- 
rium.  On  the  last  occasion  she  had  remarked — and  too 
well  I  recall  a  strange  glitter  in  her  competent  eyes — "You 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  11 

are  just  the  man  needed  by  poor  Cousin  Egbert  there — 
you  could  make  something  of  him.  Look  at  the  way  he's 
tied  that  cravat  after  all  I've  said  to  him." 

The  person  referred  to  here  shivered  noticeably, 
stroked  his  chin  in  a  manner  enabling  him  to  conceal  the 
cravat,  and  affected  nervously  to  be  taken  with  a  sight  in 
the  street  below.  In  some  embarrassment  I  withdrew, 
conscious  of  a  cold,  speculative  scrutiny  bent  upon  me  by 
the  woman. 

If  I  have  seemed  tedious  in  my  recital  of  the  known 
facts  concerning  these  extraordinary  North  American 
natives,  it  will,  I  am  sure,  be  forgiven  me  in  the  light  of 
those  tragic  developments  about  to  ensue. 

Meantime,  let  me  be  pictured  as  reposing  in  fancied 
security  from  all  evil  predictions  while  I  awaited  the 
return  of  the  Honourable  George.  I  was  only  too  certain 
he  would  come  suffering  from  an  acute  acid  dyspepsia, 
for  I  had  seen  lobster  in  his  shifty  eyes  as  he  left  me; 
but  beyond  this  I  apprehended  nothing  poignant,  and 
I  gave  myself  up  to  meditating  profoundly  upon  our 
situation. 

Frankly,  it  was  not  good.  I  had  done  my  best  to  cheer 
the  Honourable  George,  but  since  our  brief  sojourn  at 
Ostend,  and  despite  the  almost  continuous  hospitality  of 
the  Americans,  he  had  been  having,  to  put  it  bluntly,  an 
awful  hump.  At  Ostend,  despite  my  remonstrance,  he 
had  staked  and  lost  the  major  portion  of  his  quarter's 
allowance  in  testing  a  system  at  the  wheel  which  had  been 
warranted  by  the  person  who  sold  it  to  him  in  London  to 
break  any  bank  in  a  day's  play.  He  had  meant  to  pause 
but  briefly  at  Ostend,  for  little  more  than  a  test  of  the 


12  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

system,  then  proceed  to  Monte  Carlo,  where  his  proposed 
terrific  winnings  would  occasion  less  alarm  to  the  managers. 
Yet  at  Ostend  the  system  developed  such  grave  faults  in 
the  first  hour  of  play  that  we  were  forced  to  lay  up  in 
Paris  to  economize. 

For  myself  I  had  entertained  doubts  of  the  system  from 
the  moment  of  its  purchase,  for  it  seemed  awfully  certain 
to  me  that  the  vendor  would  have  used  it  himself  instead 
of  parting  with  it  for  a  couple  of  quid,  he  being  in  plain 
need  of  fresh  linen  and  smarter  boots,  to  say  nothing  of 
the  quite  impossible  lounge-suit  he  wore  the  night  we 
met  him  in  a  cab  shelter  near  Covent  Garden.  But  the 
Honourable  George  had  not  listened  to  me.  He  insisted 
the  chap  had  made  it  all  enormously  clear;  that  those 
mathematical  Johnnies  never  valued  money  for  its  own 
sake,  and  that  we  should  presently  be  as  right  as  two 
sparrows  in  a  crate. 

Fearfully  annoyed  I  was  at  the  denouement.  For  now 
we  were  in  Paris,  rather  meanly  lodged  in  a  dingy  hotel 
on  a  narrow  street  leading  from  what  with  us  might  have 
been  Piccadilly  Circus.  Our  rooms  were  rather  a  good 
height  with  a  carved  cornice  and  plaster  enrichments,  but 
the  furnishings  were  musty  and  the  general  air  depressing, 
notwithstanding  the  effect  of  a  few  good  mantel  ornaments 
which  I  have  long  made  it  a  rule  to  carry  with  me. 

Then  had  come  the  meeting  with  the  Americans.  Glad 
I  was  to  reflect  that  this  had  occurred  in  Paris  instead  of 
London.  That  sort  of  thing  gets  about  so.  Even  from 
Paris  I  was  not  a  little  fearful  that  news  of  his  mixing  with 
this  raffish  set  might  get  to  the  ears  of  his  lordship  either 
at  the  town  house  or  at  Chaynes-Wotten.  True,  his  lord- 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  13 

ship  is  not  over-liberal  with  his  brother,  but  that  is  small 
reason  for  affronting  the  pride  of  a  family  that  attained 
its  earldom  in  the  fourteenth  century.  Indeed  the  family 
had  become  important  quite  long  before  this  time,  the 
first  Vane-Basingwell  having  been  beheaded  by  no  less  a 
personage  than  William  the  Conqueror,  as  I  learned  in 
one  of  the  many  hours  I  have  been  privileged  to  browse  in 
the  Chaynes-Wotten  library. 

It  need  hardly  be  said  that  in  my  long  term  of  service 
with  the  Honourable  George,  beginning  almost  from  the 
time  my  mother  nursed  him,  I  have  endeavoured  to  keep 
him  up  to  his  class,  combating  a  certain  laxness  that  has 
hampered  him.  And  most  stubborn  he  is,  and  wilful. 
At  games  he  is  almost  quite  a  duffer.  I  once  got  him  to 
play  outside  left  on  a  hockey  eleven  and  he  excited  much 
comment,  some  of  which  was  of  a  favourable  nature,  but 
he  cares  little  for  hunting  or  shooting  and,  though  it  is 
scarce  a  matter  to  be  gossiped  of,  he  loathes  cricket. 
Perhaps  I  have  disclosed  enough  concerning  him.  Al 
though  the  Vane-Basingwells  have  quite  almost  always 
married  the  right  people,  the  Honourable  George  was  be 
yond  question  born  queer. 

Again,  in  the  matter  of  marriage,  he  was  difficult.  His 
lordship,  having  married  early  into  a  family  of  poor  lifes, 
was  now  long  a  widower,  and  meaning  to  remain  so  he  had 
been  especially  concerned  that  the  Honourable  George 
should  contract  a  proper  alliance.  Hence  our  constant 
worry  lest  he  prove  too  susceptible  out  of  his  class.  More 
than  once  had  he  shamefully  funked  his  fences.  There 
was  the  distressing  instance  of  the  Honourable  Agatha 
Cradleigh.  Quite  all  that  could  be  desired  of  family  and 


14  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

dower  she  was,  thirty-two  years  old,  a  bit  faded  though 
still  eager,  with  the  rather  immensely  high  forehead  and 
long,  thin,  slightly  curved  Cradleigh  nose. 

The  Honourable  George  at  his  lordship's  peppery  urg 
ing  had  at  last  consented  to  a  betrothal,  and  our  troubles 
for  a  time  promised  to  be  over,  but  it  came  to  precisely 
nothing.  I  gathered  it  might  have  been  because  she  wore 
beads  on  her  gown  and  was  interested  in  uplift  work,  or 
that  she  bred  canaries,  these  birds  being  loathed  by  the 
Honourable  George  with  remarkable  intensity,  though  it 
might  equally  have  been  that  she  still  mourned  a  deceased 
fiance  of  her  early  girlhood,  a  curate,  I  believe,  whose  faded 
letters  she  had  preserved  and  would  read  to  the  Honourable 
George  at  intimate  moments,  weeping  bitterly  the  while. 
Whatever  may  have  been  his  fancied  objection — that  is 
the  time  we  disappeared  and  were  not  heard  of  for  near  a 
twelvemonth. 

Wondering  now  I  was  how  we  should  last  until  the  next 
quarter's  allowance.  We  always  had  lasted,  but  each 
time  it  was  a  different  way.  The  Honourable  George  at  a 
crisis  of  this  sort  invariably  spoke  of  entering  trade,  and 
had  actually  talked  of  selling  motor-cars,  pointing  out  to  me 
that  even  certain  rulers  of  Europe  had  frankly  entered  this 
trade  as  agents.  It  might  have  proved  remunerative  had 
he  known  anything  of  motor-cars,  but  I  was  more  than 
glad  he  did  not,  for  I  have  always  considered  machinery 
to  be  unrefined.  Much  I  preferred  that  he  be  a  company 
promoter  or  something  of  that  sort  in  the  city,  knowing 
about  bonds  and  debentures,  as  many  of  the  best  of  our 
families  are  not  above  doing.  It  seemed  all  he  could  do 
with  propriety,  having  failed  in  examinations  for  the 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  15 

army  and  the  church,  and  being  incurably  hostile  to  poli 
tics,  which  he  declared  silly  rot. 

Sharply  at  midnight  I  aroused  myself  from  these  gloomy 
thoughts  and  breathed  a  long  sigh  of  relief.  Both  gipsy 
and  psychic  expert  had  failed  in  their  prophecies.  With  a 
lightened  heart  I  set  about  the  preparations  I  knew  would 
be  needed  against  the  Honourable  George's  return. 
Strong  hi  my  conviction  that  he  would  not  have  been  able 
to  resist  lobster,  I  made  ready  his  hot  foot-bath  with  its 
solution  of  brine-crystals  and  put  the  absorbent  fruit- 
lozenges  close  by,  together  with  his  sleeping-suit,  his  bed- 
cap,  and  his  knitted  night-socks.  Scarcely  was  all  ready 
when  I  heard  his  step. 

He  greeted  me  curtly  on  entering,  swiftly  averting  his 
face  as  I  took  his  stick,  hat,  and  top-coat.  But  I  had  seen 
the  worst  at  one  glance.  The  Honourable  George  was 
more  than  spotted — he  was  splotchy.  It  was  as  bad  as 
that. 

"Lobster  and  oysters,"  I  made  bold  to  remark,  but  he 
affected  not  to  have  heard,  and  proceeded  rapidly  to  dis 
robe.  He  accepted  the  foot-bath  without  demur,  pulling 
a  blanket  well  about  his  shoulders,  complaining  of  the 
water's  temperature,  and  demanding  three  of  the  fruit- 
lozenges. 

"Not  what  you  think  at  all,"  he  then  said.  "It  was 
that  cursed  bar-le-duc  jelly.  Always  puts  me  this  way, 
and  you  quite  well  know  it." 

"Yes,  sir,  to  be  sure,"  I  answered  gravely,  and  had  the 
satisfaction  of  noting  that  he  looked  quite  a  little  foolish. 
Too  well  he  knew  I  could  not  be  deceived,  and  even  now  I 
could  surmise  that  the  lobster  had  been  supported  by 


16  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

sherry.  How  many  times  have  I  not  explained  to  him 
that  sherry  has  double  the  tonic  vinosity  of  any  other 
wine  and  may  not  be  tampered  with  by  the  sensitive.  But 
he  chose  at  present  to  make  light  of  it,  almost  as  if  he  were 
chaffing  above  his  knowledge  of  some  calamity. 

"Some  book  Johnny  says  a  chap  is  either  a  fool  or  a 
physician  at  forty,"  he  remarked,  drawing  the  blanket 
more  closely  about  him. 

"I  should  hardly  rank  you  as  a  Harley  Street  con 
sultant,  sir,"  I  swiftly  retorted,  which  was  slanging  him 
enormously  because  he  had  turned  forty.  I  mean  to  say, 
there  was  but  one  thing  he  could  take  me  as  meaning  him 
to  be,  since  at  forty  I  considered  him  no  physician.  But 
at  least  I  had  not  been  too  blunt,  the  touch  about  the  Har 
ley  Street  consultant  being  rather  neat,  I  thought,  yet  not 
too  subtle  for  him. 

He  now  demanded  a  pipe  of  tobacco,  and  for  a  tim^ 
smoked  in  silence.  I  could  see  that  his  mind  workea 
painfully. 

"Stiffish  lot,  those  Americans,"  he  said  at  last. 

"They  do  so  many  things  one  doesn't  do,"  I  answered. 

"And  their  brogue  is  not  what  one  could  call  top-hole, 
is  it  now?  How  often  they  say  'I  guess!'  I  fancy  they 
must  say  it  a  score  of  times  in  a  half -hour." 

"I  fancy  they  do,  sir,"  I  agreed. 

"I  fancy  that  Johnny  with  the  eyebrows  will  say  it  even 
oftener." 

"  I  fancy  so,  sir.  I  fancy  I've  counted  it  well  up  to 
that." 

"I  fancy  you're  quite  right.  And  the  chap  'guesses' 
when  he  awfuUv  well  knows,  too.  That's  the  essential 


/ 

RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  17 

rabbit.  To-night  he  said  'I  guess  I've  got  you  beaten  to  a 
pulp,'  when  I  fancy  he  wasn't  guessing  at  all.  I  mean  to 
say,  I  swear  he  knew  it  perfectly." 

"You  lost  the  game  of  drawing  poker?"  I  asked  coldly, 
though  I  knew  he  had  carried  little  to  lose. 

"I  lost "  he  began.  I  observed  he  was  strangely 

embarrassed.  He  strangled  over  his  pipe  and  began  anew : 
"I  said  that  to  play  the  game  soundly  you've  only  to  know 
when  to  bluff.  Studied  it  out  myself,  and  jolly  well  right 
I  was,  too,  as  far  as  I  went.  But  there's  further  to  go  in 
the  silly  game.  I  hadn't  observed  that  to  play  it  greatly 
one  must  also  know  when  one's  opponent  is  bluffing." 

"Really,  sir?" 

"Oh,  really;  quite  important,  I  assure  you.  More  im 
portant  than  one  would  have  believed,  watching  their 
silly  ways.  You  fancy  a  chap's  bluffing  when  he's  doing 
nothing  of  the  sort.  I'd  enormously  have  liked  to  know  it 
before  we  played.  Things  would  have  been  so  awfully 
different  for  us" — he  broke  off  curiously,  paused,  then 
added — "for  you." 

"Different  for  me,  sir?"  His  words  seemed  gruesome. 
They  seemed  open  to  some  vaguely  sinister  interpretation. 
But  I  kept  myself  steady. 

"We  live  and  learn,  sir,"  I  said,  lightly  enough. 

"Some  of  us  learn  too  late,"  he  replied,  increasingly 
ominous. 

"I  take  it  you  failed  to  win  the  hundred  pounds,  sir?" 

"I  have  the  hundred  pounds;   I  won  it — by  losing." 

Again  he  evaded  my  eye. 

"Played,  indeed,  sir,"  said  I. 

"You  jolly  well  won't  believe  that  for  long." 


18  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

Now  as  he  had  the  hundred  pounds,  I  couldn't  fancy 
what  the  deuce  and  all  he  meant  by  such  prattle.  I  was 
half  afraid  he  might  be  having  me  on,  as  I  have  known 
him  do  now  and  again  when  he  fancied  he  could  get  me. 
I  fearfully  wanted  to  ask  questions.  Again  I  saw  the 
dark,  absorbed  face  of  the  gipsy  as  he  studied  my  future. 

"Rotten  shift,  life  is,"  now  murmured  the  Honourable 
George  quite  as  if  he  had  forgotten  me.  "  If  I'd  have  but  put 
through  that  Monte  Carlo  affair  I  dare  say  I'd  have  chucked 
the  whole  business — gone  to  South  Africa,  perhaps,  and 
set  up  a  mine  or  a  plantation.  Shouldn't  have  come 
back.  Just  cut  off,  and  good-bye  to  this  mess.  But  no 
capital.  Can't  do  things  without  capital.  Where  these 
American  Johnnies  have  the  pull  of  us.  Do  anything. 
Nearly  do  what  they  jolly  well  like  to.  No  sense  to 
money.  Stuff  that  runs  blind.  Look  at  the  silly  beggars 

that  have  it "  On  he  went  quite  alarmingly  with  his 

tirade.  Almost  as  violent  he  was  as  an  ugly-headed  chap 
I  once  heard  ranting  when  I  went  with  my  brother-in-law 
to  a  meeting  of  the  North  Brixton  Radical  Club.  Quite 
like  an  anarchist  he  was.  Presently  he  quieted.  After  a 
long  pull  at  his  pipe  he  regarded  me  with  an  entire  change 
of  manner.  Well  I  knew  something  was  coming;  coming 
swift  as  a  rocketing  woodcock.  Word  for  word  I  put  down 
our  incredible  speeches : 

"You  are  going  out  to  America,  Ruggles." 

"Yes,  sir;  North  or  South,  sir?" 

"North,  I  fancy;  somewhere  on  the  West  coast — Ohio, 
Omaha,  one  of  those  Indian  places." 

"  Perhaps  Indiana  or  the  Yellowstone  Valley,  sir." 

"The  chap's  a  sort  of  millionaire." 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  1& 

"The  chap,  sir?" 

"Eyebrow  chap.  Money  no  end — mines,  lumber,  do 
mestic  animals,  that  sort  of  thing." 

"  Beg  pardon,  sir !     I'm  to  go " 

"Chap's  wife  taken  a  great  fancy  to  you.  Would  have 
you  to  do  for  the  funny,  sad  beggar.  So  he's  won  you. 
Won  you  in  a  game  of  drawing  poker.  Another  man 
would  have  done  as  well,  but  the  creature  was  keen  for 
you.  Great  strength  of  character.  Determined  sort.  Hope 
you  won't  think  I  didn't  play  soundly,  but  it's  not  a 
forthright  game.  Think  they're  bluffing  when  they  aren't. 
When  they  are  you  mayn't  think  it.  So  far  as  hiding 
one's  intentions,  it's  a  most  rottenly  immoral  game. 
Low,  animal  cunning — that  sort  of  thing." 

"Do  I  understand  I  was  the  stake,  sir?"  I  controlled  my 
self  to  say.  The  heavens  seemed  bursting  about  my  head. 

"Ultimately  lost  you  were  by  the  very  trifling  margin 
of  superiority  that  a  hand  known  as  a  club  flush  bears  over 
another  hand  consisting  of  three  of  the  eights — not  quite 
all  of  them,  you  understand,  only  three,  and  two  other 
quite  meaningless  cards." 

I  could  but  stammer  piteously,  I  fear.  I  heard  myself 
make  a  wretched  failure  of  words  that  crowded  to  my  lips. 

"But  it's  quite  simple,  I  tell  you.  I  dare  say  I  could 
show  it  you  in  a  moment  if  you've  cards  in  your  box." 

"Thank  you,  sir,  I'll  not  trouble  you.  I'm  certain  it 
was  simple.  But  would  you  mind  telling  me  what  ex 
actly  the  game  was  played  for?" 

"Knew  you'd  not  understand  at  once.  My  word,  it 
was  not  too  bally  simple.  If  I  won  I'd  a  hundred  pounds. 
If  I  lost  I'd  to  give  you  up  to  them  but  still  to  receive  a 


20  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

hundred  pounds.  I  suspect  the  Johnny's  conscience  pricked 
him.  Thought  you  were  worth  a  hundred  pounds,  and 
guessed  all  the  time  he  could  do  me  awfully  in  the  eye  with 
his  poker.  Quite  set  they  were  on  having  you.  Eyebrow 
chap  seemed  to  think  it  a  jolly  good  wheeze.  She  didn't, 
though.  Quite  off  her  head  at  having  you  for  that  glum 
one  who  does  himself  so  badly." 

Dazed  I  was,  to  be  sure,  scarce  comprehending  the  ca 
lamity  that  had  befallen  us. 

"Am  I  to  understand,  sir,  that  I  am  now  in  the  service 
of  the  Americans?" 

"Stupid!  Of  course,  of  course!  Explained  clearly, 
haven't  I,  about  the  club  flush  and  the  three  eights. 
Only  three  of  them,  mind  you.  If  the  other  one  had  been 
in  my  hand,  I'd  have  done  him.  As  narrow  a  squeak  as 
that.  But  I  lost.  And  you  may  be  certain  I  lost  gamely, 
as  a  gentleman  should.  No  laughing  matter,  but  I  laughed 
with  them — except  the  funny,  sad  one.  He  was  worried 
and  made  no  secret  of  it.  They  were  good  enough  to  say 
I  took  my  loss  like  a  dead  sport." 

More  of  it  followed,  but  always  the  same.  Ever  he  came 
back  to  the  sickening,  concise  point  that  I  was  to  go  out 
to  the  American  wilderness  with  these  grotesque  folk  who 
had  but  the  most  elementary  notions  of  what  one  does 
and  what  one  does  not  do.  Always  he  concluded  with 
his  boast  that  he  had  taken  his  loss  like  a  dead  sport.  He 
became  vexed  at  last  by  my  painful  efforts  to  understand 
how,  precisely,  the  dreadful  thing  had  come  about.  But 
neither  could  I  endure  more.  I  fled  to  my  room.  He 
had  tried  again  to  impress  upon  me  that  three  eights  are 
but  slightly  inferior  to  the  flush  of  clubs. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  21 

I  faced  my  glass.  My  ordinary  smooth,  full  face  seemed 
to  have  shrivelled.  The  marks  of  my  anguish  were  upon 
me.  Vainly  had  I  locked  myself  in.  The  gipsy's  warn 
ing  had  borne  its  evil  fruit.  Sold,  I'd  been;  even  as  once 
the  poor  blackamoors  were  sold  into  American  bondage.  I 
recalled  one  of  their  pathetic  folk-songs  in  which  the 
wretches  were  wont  to  make  light  of  their  lamentable 
estate;  a  thing  I  had  often  heard  sung  by  a  black  with 
a  banjo  on  the  pier  at  Brighton;  not  a  genuine  black,  only 
dyed  for  the  moment  he  was,  but  I  had  never  lost  the 
plaintive  quality  of  the  verses: 

"Away  down  South  in  Michigan, 
Where  I  was  so  happy  and  so  gay, 
'Twos  there  I  mowed  the  cotton  and  the  cane " 

How  poignantly  the  simple  words  came  back  to  me! 
A  slave,  day  after  day  mowing  his  owner's  cotton  and 
cane,  plucking  the  maize  from  the  savannahs,  yet  happy 
and  gay!  Should  I  be  equal  to  this  spirit?  The  Hon 
ourable  George  had  lost;  so  I,  his  pawn,  must  also  submit 
like  a  dead  sport. 

How  little  I  then  dreamed  what  adventures,  what 
adversities,  what  ignominies — yes,  and  what  triumphs  were 
to  be  mine  in  those  back  blocks  of  North  America!  I 
saw  but  a  bleak  wilderness,  a  distressing  contact  with  people 
who  never  for  a  moment  would  do  with  us.  I  shuddered. 
I  despaired. 

And  outside  the  windows  gay  Paris  laughed  and  sang 
in  the  dance,  ever  unheeding  my  plight  I 


CHAPTER  TWO 

IN  THAT  first  sleep  how  often  do  we  dream  that 
our  calamity  has  been  only  a  dream.  It  was  so 
in  my  first  moments  of  awakening.  Vestiges  of 
some  grotesquely  hideous  nightmare  remained  with  me. 
Wearing  the  shackles  of  the  slave,  I  had  been  mowing  the 
corn  under  the  fierce  sun  that  beats  down  upon  the  Amer 
ican  savannahs.  Sickeningly,  then,  a  wind  of  memory 
blew  upon  me  and  I  was  alive  to  my  situation. 

Nor  was  I  forgetful  of  the  plight  in  which  the  Honour 
able  George  would  now  find  himself.  He  is  as  good  as 
lost  when  not  properly  looked  after.  In  the  ordinary 
affairs  of  life  he  is  a  simple,  trusting,  incompetent  duffer, 
if  ever  there  was  one.  Even  in  so  rudimentary  a  matter 
as  collar-studs  he  is  like  a  storm-tossed  mariner — I  mean 
to  say,  like  a  chap  in  a  boat  on  the  ocean  who  doesn't 
know  what  sails  to  pull  up  nor  how  to  steer  the  silly  rudder. 

One  rather  feels  exactly  that  about  him. 

And  now  he  was  bound  to  go  seedy  beyond  description 
— like  the  time  at  Mentone  when  he  dreamed  a  system  for 
playing  the  little  horses,  after  which  for  a  fortnight  I  was 
obliged  to  nurse  a  well-connected  invalid  in  order  that  we 
might  last  over  till  next  remittance  day.  The  havoc  he 
managed  to  wreak  among  his  belongings  in  that  time  would 
scarce  be  believed  should  I  set  it  down — not  even  a  single 
boot  properly  treed — and  his  appearance  when  I  was  en- 

fi 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  23 

abled  to  recover  him  (my  client  having  behaved  most 
handsomely  on  the  eve  of  his  departure  for  Spain)  being 
such  that  I  passed  him  in  the  hotel  lounge  without  even 
a  nod — climbing-boots,  with  trousers  from  his  one  suit 
of  boating  flannels,  a  blazered  golfing  waistcoat,  his  best 
morning-coat  with  the  wide  braid,  a  hunting-stock  and  a 
motoring-cap,  with  his  beard  more  than  discursive,  as 
one  might  say,  than  I  had  ever  seen  it.  If  I  disclose  this 
thing  it  is  only  that  my  fears  for  him  may  be  comprehended 
when  I  pictured  him  being  permanently  out  of  hand. 

Meditating  thus  bitterly,  I  had  but  finished  dressing  when 
I  was  startled  by  a  knock  on  my  door  and  by  the  entrance, 
to  my  summons,  of  the  elder  and  more  subdued  Floud,  he 
of  the  drooping  moustaches  and  the  mournful  eyes  of  pale 
blue.  One  glance  at  his  attire  brought  freshly  to  my  mind 
the  atrocious  difficulties  of  my  new  situation.  I  may  be 
credited  or  not,  but  combined  with  tan  boots  and  wretch 
edly  fitting  trousers  of  a  purple  hue  he  wore  a  black  frock- 
coat,  revealing  far,  far  too  much  of  a  blue  satin  "made" 
cravat  on  which  was  painted  a  cluster  of  tiny  white  flowers 
— lilies  of  the  valley,  I  should  say.  Unbelievably  above 
this  monstrous  melange  was  a  rather  low-crowned  bowler 
hat. 

Hardly  repressing  a  shudder,  I  bowed,  whereupon  he 
advanced  solemnly  to  me  and  put  out  his  hand.  To  cover 
the  embarrassing  situation  tactfully  I  extended  my  own, 
and  we  actually  shook  hands,  although  the  clasp  was  limply 
quite  formal. 

"How  do  you  do,  Mr.  Ruggles?  "  he  began. 

I  bowed  again,  but  speech  failed  me. 

"  She  sent  me  over  to  get  you,"  he  went  on.     He  uttered 


24  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

the  word  "She"  with  such  profound  awe  that  I  knew  he 
could  mean  none  other  than  Mrs  Effie.  It  was  most  ex 
traordinary,  but  I  dare  say  only  what  was  to  have  been 
expected  from  persons  of  this  sort.  In  any  good-class 
club  or  among  gentlemen  at  large  it  is  customary  to  allow 
one  at  least  twenty-four  hours  for  the  payment  of  one's 
gambling  debts.  Yet  there  I  was  being  collected  by  the 
winner  at  so  early  an  hour  as  half -after  seven.  If  I  had 
been  a  five-pound  note  instead  of  myself,  I  fancy  it  would 
have  been  quite  the  same.  These  Americans  would  most 
indecently  have  sent  for  their  winnings  before  the  Hon 
ourable  George  had  awakened.  One  would  have  thought 
they  had  expected  him  to  refuse  payment  of  me  after  losing 
me  the  night  before.  How  little  they  seemed  to  realize 
that  we  were  both  intending  to  be  dead  sportsmen. 

"Very  good,  sir,"  I  said,  "but  I  trust  I  may  be  allowed 
to  brew  the  Honourable  George  his  tea  before  leaving? 
I'd  hardly  like  to  trust  to  him  alone  with  it,  sir." 

"Yes,  sir,"  he  said,  so  respectfully  that  it  gave  me  an 
odd  feeling.  "Take  your  time,  Mr.  Ruggles.  I  don't 
know  as  I  am  in  any  hurry  on  my  own  account.  It's  only 
account  of  Her." 

I  trust  it  will  be  remembered  that  in  reporting  this  pel- 
son's  speeches  I  am  making  an  earnest  effort  to  set  them 
down  word  for  word  in  all  their  terrific  peculiarities.  I 
mean  to  say,  I  would  not  be  held  accountable  for  his  phras 
ing,  and  if  I  corrected  his  speech,  as  of  course  the  tendency 
is,  our  identities  might  become  confused.  I  hope  this  will 
be  understood  when  I  report  him  as  saying  things  in  ways 
one  doesn't  word  them.  I  mean  to  say  that  it  should  not 
be  thought  that  I  would  say  them  in  this  way  if  it  chanced 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  25 

that  I  were  saying  the  same  things  in  my  proper  person.  I 
fancy  this  should  now  be  plain. 

"Very  well,  sir,"  I  said. 

"  If  it  was  me,"  he  went  on,  "  I  wouldn't  want  you  a  little 
bit.  But  it's  Her.  She's  got  her  mind  made  up  to  do  the 
right  thing  and  have  us  all  be  somebody,  and  when  she 

makes  her  mind  up "  He  hesitated  and  studied  the 

ceiling  for  some  seconds.  "Believe  me,"  he  continued, 
"Mrs,  Effie  is  some  wildcat!" 

"Yes,  sir — some  wildcat,"  I  repeated. 

"Believe  me,  Bill,"  he  said  again,  quaintly  addressing 
me  by  a  name  not  my  own — "believe  me,  she'd  fight  a 
rattlesnake  and  give  it  the  first  two  bites." 

Again  let  it  be  recalled  that  I  put  down  this  extraordi 
nary  speech  exactly  as  I  heard  it.  I  thought  to  detect  in  it 
that  grotesque  exaggeration  with  which  the  Americans  so 
distressingly  embellish  their  humour.  I  mean  to  say,  it 
could  hardly  have  been  meant  in  all  seriousness.  So  far  as 
my  researches  have  extended,  the  rattlesnake  is  an  inva 
riably  poisonous  reptile.  Fancy  giving  one  so  downright 
an  advantage  as  the  first  two  bites,  or  even  one  bite,  al 
though  I  believe  the  thing  does  not  in  fact  bite  at  all,  but 
does  one  down  with  its  forked  tongue,  of  which  there  is  an 
excellent  drawing  in  my  little  volume,  "Inquire  Within; 
1,000  Useful  Facts." 

"Yes,  sir,"  I  replied,  somewhat  at  a  loss;  "quite  so,  sir!" 

"I  just  thought  I'd  wise  you  up  beforehand." 

"Thank  you,  sir,"  I  said,  for  his  intention  beneath  the 
weird  jargon  was  somehow  benevolent.  "And  if  you'll  be 
good  enough  to  wait  until  I  have  taken  tea  to  the  Honour- 
•iMe  George " 


26  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

"How  is  the  Judge  this  morning?"  he  broke  in. 

"The  Judge,  sir?"  I  was  at  a  loss,  until  he  gestured 
toward  the  room  of  the  Honourable  George. 

"The  Judge,  yes.  Ain't  he  a  justice  of  the  peace  or 
something?" 

"But  no,  sir;  not  at  all,  sir." 

"Then  what  do  you  call  him  'Honourable'  for,  if  he 
ain't  a  judge  or  something?" 

"Well,  sir,  it's  done,  sir,"  I  explained,  but  I  fear  he  was 
unable  to  catch  my  meaning,  for  a  moment  later  (the  Hon 
ourable  George,  hearing  our  voices,  had  thrown  a  boot 
smartly  against  the  door)  he  was  addressing  him  as  "Judge" 
and  thereafter  continued  to  do  so,  nor  did  the  Honourable 
George  seem  to  make  any  moment  of  being  thus  miscalled. 

I  served  the  Ceylon  tea,  together  with  biscuits  and  mar 
malade,  the  while  our  caller  chatted  nervously.  He  had,  it 
appeared,  procured  his  own  breakfast  while  on  his  way  to 
us. 

"I  got  to  have  my  ham  and  eggs  of  a  morning,"  he  con 
fided.  "But  she  won't  let  me  have  anything  at  that  hotel 
but  a  continental  breakfast,  which  is  nothing  but  coffee  and 
toast  and  some  of  that  there  sauce  you're  eating.  She 
says  when  I'm  on  the  continent  I  got  to  eat  a  continental 
breakfast,  because  that's  the  smart  thing  to  do,  and  not 
stuff  myself  like  I  was  on  the  ranch;  but  I  got  that  game 
beat  both  ways  from  the  jack.  I  duck  out  every  morning 
before  she's  up.  I  found  a  place  where  you  can  get  regular 
ham  and  eggs." 

"Regular  ham  and  eggs?"  murmured  the  Honourable 
George. 

"French  ham  and  eggs  is  a  joke.    They  put  a  slice  of 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  27 

boiled  ham  in  a  little  dish,  slosh  a  couple  of  eggs  on  it,  and 
tuck  the  dish  into  the  oven  a  few  minutes.  Say,  they 
won't  ever  believe  that  back  in  Red  Gap  when  I  tell  it. 
But  I  found  this  here  little  place  where  they  do  it  right, 
account  of  Americans  having  made  trouble  so  much  over 
the  other  way.  But,  mind  you,  don't  let  on  to  her,"  he 
warned  me  suddenly. 

"Certainly  not,  sir,"  I  said.  "Trust  me  to  be  discreet, 
sir." 

"All  right,  then.  Maybe  we'll  get  on  better  than  what 
I  thought  we  would.  I  was  looking  for  trouble  with  you, 
the  way  she's  been  talking  about  what  you'd  do  for  me." 

"I  trust  matters  will  be  pleasant,  sir,"  I  replied. 

"I  can  be  pushed  just  so  far,"  he  curiously  warned  me, 
"and  no  farther — not  by  any  man  that  wears  hair." 

"Yes,  sir,"  I  said  again,  wondering  what  the  wearing 
of  hair  might  mean  to  this  process  of  pushing  him,  and 
feeling  rather  absurdly  glad  that  my  own  face  is  smoothly 
shaven. 

"You'll  find  Ruggles  fairish  enough  after  you've  got 
used  to  his  ways,"  put  in  the  Honourable  George. 

"All  right,  Judge;  and  remember  it  wasn't  my  doings," 
said  my  new  employer,  rising  and  pulling  down  to  his  ears 
his  fearful  bowler  hat.  "And  now  we  better  report  to  her 
before  she  does  a  hot-foot  over  here.  You  can  pack  your 
grip  later  in  the  day,"  he  added  to  me. 

"Pack  my  grip — yes,  sir,"  I  said  numbly,  for  I  was  on 
the  tick  of  leaving  the  Honourable  George  helpless  in  bed. 
In  a  voice  that  I  fear  was  broken  I  spoke  of  clothes  for  the 
day's  wear  which  I  had  laid  out  for  him  the  night  before. 
He  waved  a  hand  bravely  at  us  and  sank  back  into  his 


28  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

pillow  as  my  new  employer  led  me  forth.  There  had 
been  barely  a  glance  between  us  to  betoken  the  dreadful- 
ness  of  the  moment. 

At  our  door  I  was  pleased  to  note  that  a  taximetre  cab 
awaited  us.  I  had  acutely  dreaded  a  walk  through  the 
streets,  even  of  Paris,  with  my  new  employer  garbed  as  he 
was.  The  blue  satin  cravat  of  itself  would  have  been 
bound  to  insure  us  more  attention  than  one  would  care 
for. 

I  fear  we  were  both  somewhat  moody  during  the  short 
ride.  Each  of  us  seemed  to  have  matters  of  weight  to  re 
flect  upon.  Only  upon  reaching  our  destination  did  my 
companion  brighten  a  bit.  For  a  fare  of  five  francs  forty 
centimes  he  gave  the  driver  a  ten-franc  piece  and  waited 
for  no  change. 

"I  always  get  around  them  that  way,"  he  said  with  an 
expression  of  the  brightest  cunning.  "She  used  to  have 
the  laugh  on  me  because  I  got  so  much  counterfeit  money 
handed  to  me.  Now  I  don't  take  any  change  at  all." 

"Yes,  sir,"  I  said.     "Quite  right,  sir." 

"There's  more  than  one  way  to  skin  a  cat,"  he  added  as 
we  ascended  to  the  Floud's  drawing-room,  though  why  his 
mind  should  have  flown  to  this  brutal  sport,  if  it  be  a 
sport,  was  quite  beyond  me.  At  the  door  he  paused  and 
hissed  at  me:  "Remember,  no  matter  what  she  says,  if 
you  treat  me  white  I'll  treat  you  white."  And  before  I 
could  frame  any  suitable  response  to  this  puzzling  an 
nouncement  he  had  opened  the  door  and  pushed  me  in, 
almost  before  I  could  remove  my  cap. 

Seated  at  the  table  over  coffee  and  rolls  was  Mrs.  Effie. 
Her  face  brightened  as  she  saw  me,  then  froze  to  disap- 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  29 

proval  as  her  glance  rested  upon  him  I  was  to  know  as 
Cousin  Egbert.  I  saw  her  capable  mouth  set  in  a  straight 
line  of  determination. 

"You  did  your  very  worst,  didn't  you?"  she  began. 
"  But  sit  down  and  eat  your  breakfast.  He'll  soon  change 
that."  She  turned  to  me.  "Now,  Ruggles,  I  hope  you 
understand  the  situation,  and  I'm  sure  I  can  trust  you  to 
take  no  nonsense  from  him.  You  see  plainly  what  you've 
got  to  do.  I  let  him  dress  to  suit  himself  this  morning,  so 
that  you  could  know  the  worst  at  once.  Take  a  good 
look  at  him — shoes,  coat,  hat — that  dreadful  cravat!" 

"I  call  this  a  right  pretty  necktie,"  mumbled  her  victim 
over  a  crust  of  toast.  She  had  poured  coffee  for  him. 

"You  hear  that?"  she  asked  me.  I  bowed  sympa 
thetically. 

"What  does  he  look  like?"  she  insisted.  "Just  tell  him 
for  his  own  good,  please." 

But  this  I  could  not  do.  True  enough,  during  our  short 
ride  he  had  been  reminding  me  of  one  of  a  pair  of  cross 
talk  comedians  I  had  once  seen  in  a  music-hall.  This,  of 
course,  was  not  a  thing  one  could  say. 

"I  dare  say,  Madam,  he  could  be  smartened  up  a  bit. 
If  I  might  take  him  to  some  good-class  shop " 

"And  burn  the  things  he's  got  on "  she  broke  in. 

"Not  this  here  necktie,"  interrupted  Cousin  Egbert 
rather  stubbornly.  "It  was  give  to  me  by  Jeff  Tuttle's 
littlest  girl  last  Christmas;  and  this  here  Prince  Albert 
coat — what's  the  matter  of  it,  I'd  like  to  know?  It  come 
right  from  the  One  Price  Clothing  Store  at  Red  Gap,  and 
it's  plenty  good  to  go  to  funerals  in " 

"And  then  to  a  barber-shop  with  him,"  went  on  Mrs. 


30  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

Effie,  who  had  paid  no  heed  to  his  outburst.  "Get  him 
done  right  for  once." 

Her  relative  continued  to  nibble  nervously  at  a  bit  of 
toast. 

"I've  done  something  with  him  myself,"  she  said, 
watching  him  narrowly.  "At  first  he  insisted  on  having 
the  whole  bill-of-fare  for  breakfast,  but  I  put  my  foot 
down,  and  now  he's  satisfied  with  the  continental  break 
fast.  That  goes  to  show  he  has  something  in  him,  if  we 
can  only  bring  it  out." 

"Something  in  him,  indeed,  yes,  Madam!"  I  assented, 
and  Cousin  Egbert,  turning  to  me,  winked  heavily. 

"I  want  him  to  look  like  some  one,"  she  resumed,  "and 
I  think  you're  the  man  can  make  him  if  you're  firm  with 
him;  but  you'll  have  to  be  firm,  because  he's  full  of  tricks. 
And  if  he  starts  any  rough  stuff,  just  come  to  me." 

"Quite  so,  Madam,"  I  said,  but  I  felt  I  was  blushing 
with  shame  at  hearing  one  of  my  own  sex  so  slanged  by  a 
woman.  That  sort  of  thing  would  never  do  with  us.  And 
yet  there  was  something  about  this  woman — something 
weirdly  authoritative.  She  showed  rather  well  in  the 
morning  light,  her  gray  eyes  crackling  as  she  talked.  She 
was  wearing  a  most  elaborate  peignoir,  and  of  course  she 
should  not  have  worn  the  diamonds;  it  seemed  almost  too 
much  like  the  morning  hour  of  a  stage  favourite;  but  still 
one  felt  that  when  she  talked  one  would  do  well  to  listen. 

Hereupon  Cousin  Egbert  startled  me  once  more. 

"Won't  you  set  up  and  have  something  with  us,  Mr. 
Ruggles?"  he  asked  me. 

I  looked  away,  affecting  not  to  have  heard,  and  could 
feel  Mrs.  Effie  scowling  at  him.  He  coughed  into  his  cup 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  31 

and  sprayed  coffee  well  over  himself.  His  intention  had 
been  obvious  in  the  main,  though  exactly  what  he  had 
meant  by  "setting  up"  I  couldn't  fancy — as  if  I  had  been 
a  performing  poodle! 

The  moment's  embarrassment  was  well  covered  by 
Mrs.  Effie,  who  again  renewed  her  instructions,  and  from 
an  escritoire  brought  me  a  sheaf  of  the  pretentiously  printed 
sheets  which  the  French  use  in  place  of  our  banknotes. 

"You  will  spare  no  expense,"  she  directed,  "and  don't 
let  me  see  him  again  until  he  looks  like  some  one.  Try  to 
have  him  back  here  by  five.  Some  very  smart  friends  of 
ours  are  coming  for  tea." 

"I  won't  drink  tea  at  that  outlandish  hour  for  any  one," 
said  Cousin  Egbert  rather  snappishly. 

"You  will  at  least  refuse  it  like  a  man  of  the  world,  I 
hope,"  she  replied  icily,  and  he  drooped  submissive  once 
more.  "You  see?"  she  added  to  me. 

"Quite  so,  Madam,"  I  said,  and  resolved  to  be  firm  and 
thorough  with  Cousin  Egbert.  In  a  way  I  was  put  upon 
my  mettle.  I  swore  to  make  him  look  like  some  one. 
Moreover,  I  now  saw  that  his  half- veiled  threats  of  re 
bellion  to  me  had  been  pure  swank.  I  had  in  turn  but  to 
threaten  to  report  him  to  this  woman  and  he  would  be  as 
clay  in  my  hands. 

I  presently  had  him  tucked  into  a  closed  taxicab,  half 
heartedly  muttering  expostulations  and  protests  to  which 
I  paid  not  the  least  heed.  During  my  strolls  I  had  ob 
served  in  what  would  have  been  Regent  Street  at  home  a 
rather  good-class  shop  with  an  English  name,  and  to  this 
I  now  proceeded  with  my  charge.  I  am  afraid  I  rather 
hustled  him  across  the  pavement  and  into  the  shop,  not 


32  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

knowing  what  tricks  he  might  be  up  to,  and  not  until  he 
was  well  to  the  back  did  I  attempt  to  explain  myself  to 
the  shop -walker  who  had  followed  us.  To  him  I  then 
gave  details  of  my  charge's  escape  from  a  burning  hotel 
the  previous  night,  which  accounted  for  his  extraordinary 
garb  of  the  moment,  he  having  been  obliged  to  accept  the 
loan  of  garments  that  neither  fitted  him  nor  harmonized 
with  one  another.  I  mean  to  say,  I  did  not  care  to  have 
the  chap  suspect  we  would  don  tan  boots,  a  frock-coat, 
and  bowler  hat  except  under  the  most  tremendous  com 
pulsion. 

Cousin  Egbert  stared  at  me  open  mouthed  during  this 
recital,  but  the  shop-walker  was  only  too  readily  con 
vinced,  as  indeed  who  would  not  have  been,  and  called 
an  intelligent  assistant  to  relieve  our  distress.  With  his 
help  I  swiftly  selected  an  outfit  that  was  not  half  bad  for 
ready-to-wear  garments.  There  was  a  black  morning- 
coat,  snug  at  the  waist,  moderately  broad  at  the  shoulders, 
closing  with  two  buttons,  its  skirt  sharply  cut  away  from 
the  lower  button  and  reaching  to  the  bend  of  the  knee. 
The  lapels  were,  of  course,  soft-rolled  and  joined  the  col 
lar  with  a  triangular  notch.  It  is  a  coat  of  immense  char 
acter  when  properly  worn,  and  I  was  delighted  to  observe 
in  the  trying  on  that  Cousin  Egbert  filled  it  rather  smartly. 
Moreover,  he  submitted  more  meekly  than  I  had  hoped. 
The  trousers  I  selected  were  of  gray  cloth,  faintly  striped, 
the  waistcoat  being  of  the  same  material  as  the  coat,  re 
lieved  at  the  neck-opening  by  an  edging  of  white. 

With  the  boots  I  had  rather  more  trouble,  as  he  re 
fused  to  wear  the  patent  leathers  that  I  selected,  together 
with  the  pearl  gray  spats,  until  I  grimly  requested  the 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  33 

telephone  assistant  to  put  me  through  to  the  hotel,  desir 
ing  to  speak  to  Mrs.  Senator  Floud.  This  brought  him 
around,  although  muttering,  and  I  had  less  trouble  with 
shirts,  collars,  and  cravats.  I  chose  a  shirt  of  white  pique, 
a  wing  collar  with  small,  square-cornered  tabs,  and  a 
pearl  ascot. 

Then  in  a  cabinet  I  superintended  Cousin  Egbert's 
change  of  raiment.  We  clashed  again  in  the  matter  of 
sock-suspenders,  which  I  was  astounded  to  observe  he 
did  not  possess.  He  insisted  that  he  had  never  worn  them 
— garters  he  called  them — and  never  would  if  he  were 
shot  for  it,  so  I  decided  to  be  content  with  what  I  had 
already  gained. 

By  dint  of  urging  and  threatening  I  at  length  achieved 
my  ground-work  and  was  more  than  a  little  pleased  with 
my  effect,  as  was  the  shop-assistant,  after  I  had  tied  the 
pearl  ascot  and  adjusted  a  quiet  tie-pin  of  my  own  choosing. 

"Now  I  hope  you're  satisfied!"  growled  my  charge, 
seizing  his  bowler  hat  and  edging  off. 

"By  no  means,"  I  said  coldly.  "The  hat,  if  you  please, 
sir." 

He  gave  it  up  rebelliously,  and  I  had  again  to  threaten 
him  with  the  telephone  before  he  would  submit  to  a  top- 
hat  with  a  moderate  bell  and  broad  brim.  Surveying 
this  in  the  glass,  however,  he  became  perceptibly  recon 
ciled.  It  was  plain  that  he  rather  fancied  it,  though  as 
yet  he  wore  it  consciously  and  would  turn  his  head  slowly 
and  painfully,  as  if  his  neck  were  stiffened. 

Having  chosen  the  proper  gloves,  I  was,  I  repeat,  more 
than  pleased  with  this  severely  simple  scheme  of  black, 
white,  and  gray.  I  felt  I  had  been  wise  to  resist  any  ten- 


34  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

dency  to  colour,  even  to  the  most  delicate  of  pastel  tints. 
My  last  selection  was  a  smartish  Malacca  stick,  the  ideal 
stick  for  town  wear,  which  I  thrust  into  the  defenceless 
hands  of  my  client. 

"And  now,  sir,"  I  said  firmly,  "it  is  but  a  step  to  a  bar 
ber's  shop  where  English  is  spoken."  And  ruefully  he 
accompanied  me.  I  dare  say  that  by  that  time  he  had  dis 
covered  that  I  was  not  to  be  trifled  with,  for  during  his 
hour  in  the  barber's  chair  he  did  not  once  rebel  openly. 
Only  at  times  would  he  roll  his  eyes  to  mine  in  dumb  ap 
peal.  There  was  in  them  something  of  the  utter  confiding 
helplessness  I  had  noted  in  the  eyes  of  an  old  setter  at 
Chaynes-Wotten  when  I  had  been  called  upon  to  assist  the 
undergardener  in  chloroforming  him.  I  mean  to  say,  the 
dog  had  jolly  well  known  something  terrible  was  being 
done  to  him,  yet  his  eyes  seemed  to  say  he  knew  it  must 
be  all  for  the  best  and  that  he  trusted  us.  It  was  this  look 
I  caught  as  I  gave  directions  about  the  trimming  of  the 
hair,  and  especially  when  I  directed  that  something  radical 
should  be  done  to  the  long,  grayish  moustache  that  fell  to 
either  side  of  his  chin  in  the  form  of  a  horseshoe.  I  my 
self  was  puzzled  by  this  difficulty,  but  the  barber  solved 
it  rather  neatly,  I  thought,  after  a  whispered  consultation 
with  me.  He  snipped  a  bit  off  each  end  and  then  stoutly 
waxed  the  whole  affair  until  the  ends  stood  stiffly  out  with 
distinct  military  implications.  I  shall  never  forget,  and 
indeed  I  was  not  a  little  touched  by  the  look  of  quivering 
anguish  in  the  eyes  of  my  client  when  he  first  beheld  this 
novel  effect.  And  yet  when  we  were  once  more  in  the 
street  I  could  not  but  admit  that  the  change  was  worth  all 
that  it  had  cost  him  in  suffering.  Strangely,  he  now  looked 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  35 

like  some  one,  especially  after  I  had  persuaded  him  to  a 
carnation  for  his  buttonhole.  I  cannot  say  that  his  car 
riage  was  all  that  it  should  have  been,  and  he  was  still 
conscious  of  his  smart  attire,  but  I  nevertheless  felt  a  dis 
tinct  thrill  of  pride  in  my  own  work,  and  was  eager  to  reveal 
him  to  Mrs.  Effie  in  his  new  guise. 

But  first  he  would  have  luncheon — dinner  he  called  it — 
and  I  was  not  averse  to  this,  for  I  had  put  in  a  long  and 
trying  morning.  I  went  with  him  to  the  little  restaurant 
where  Americans  had  made  so  much  trouble  about  ham 
and  eggs,  and  there  he  insisted  that  I  should  join  him  in 
chops  and  potatoes  and  ale.  I  thought  it  only  proper 
then  to  point  out  to  him  that  there  was  certain  differences 
in  our  walks  of  life  which  should  be  more  or  less  denoted  by 
his  manner  of  addressing  me.  Among  other  things  he 
should  not  address  me  as  Mr.  Ruggles,  nor  was  it  custom 
ary  for  a  valet  to  eat  at  the  same  table  with  his  master. 
He  seemed  much  interested  in  these  distinctions  and  there 
upon  addressed  me  as  "Colonel,"  which  was  of  course  quite 
absurd,  but  this  I  could  not  make  him  see.  Thereafter, 
I  may  say,  that  he  called  me  impartially  either  "Colonel" 
or  "Bill."  It  was  a  situation  that  I  had  never  before 
been  obliged  to  meet,  and  I  found  it  trying  in  the  extreme. 
He  was  a  chap  who  seemed  ready  to  pal  up  with  any  one, 
and  I  could  not  but  recall  the  strange  assertion  I  had  so 
often  heard  that  in  America  one  never  knows  who  is  one's 
superior.  Fancy  that!  It  would  never  do  with  us.  I 
could  only  determine  to  be  on  my  guard. 

Our  luncheon  done,  he  consented  to  accompany  me  to 
the  hotel  of  the  Honourable  George,  whence  I  wished  to 
remove  my  belongings.  I  should  have  preferred  to  go 


36  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

alone,  but  I  was  too  fearful  of  what  he  might  do  to  himself 
or  his  clothes  in  my  absence. 

We  found  the  Honourable  George  still  in  bed,  as  I  had 
feared.  He  had,  it  seemed,  been  unable  to  discover  his 
collar  studs,  which,  though  I  had  placed  them  in  a  fresh 
shirt  for  him,  he  had  carelessly  covered  with  a  blanket. 
Begging  Cousin  Egbert  to  be  seated  in  my  room,  I  did  a 
few  of  the  more  obvious  things  required  by  my  late  master. 

"You'd  leave  me  here  like  a  rat  in  a  trap,"  he  said  re 
proachfully,  which  I  thought  almost  quite  a  little  unjust. 
I  mean  to  say,  it  had  all  been  his  own  doing,  he  having 
lost  me  in  the  game  of  drawing  poker,  so  why  should  he  row 
me  about  it  now?  I  silently  laid  out  the  shirt  once  more. 

"You  might  have  told  me  where  I'm  to  find  my  brown 
tweeds  and  the  body  linen." 

Again  he  was  addressing  me  as  if  I  had  voluntarily  left 
him  without  notice,  but  I  observed  that  he  was  still  mildly 
speckled  from  the  night  before,  so  I  handed  him  the  fruit- 
lozenges,  and  went  to  pack  my  own  box.  Cousin  Egbert 
I  found  sitting  as  I  had  left  him,  on  the  edge  of  a  chair, 
carefully  holding  his  hat,  stick,  and  gloves,  and  staring  into 
the  wall.  He  had  promised  me  faithfully  not  to  fumble 
with  his  cravat,  and  evidently  he  had  not  once  stirred.  I 
packed  my  box  swiftly — my  "grip,"  as  he  called  it — and 
we  were  presently  off  once  more,  without  another  sight  of 
the  Honourable  George,  who  was  to  join  us  at  tea.  I 
could  hear  him  moving  about,  using  rather  ultra-frightful 
language,  but  I  lacked  heart  for  further  speech  with  him 
at  the  moment. 

An  hour  later,  in  the  Floud  drawing-room,  I  had  the 
supreme  satisfaction  of  displaying  to  Mrs.  Erne  the  happy 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  37 

changes  I  had  been  able  to  effect  in  my  charge.  Posing 
him,  I  knocked  at  the  door  of  her  chamber.  She  came  at 
once  and  drew  a  long  breath  as  she  surveyed  him,  from 
varnished  boots,  spats,  and  coat  to  top-hat,  which  he  still 
wore.  He  leaned  rather  well  on  his  stick,  the  hand  to  his 
hip,  the  elbow  out,  while  the  other  hand  lightly  held  his 
gloves.  A  moment  she  looked,  then  gave  a  low  cry  of 
wonder  and  delight,  so  that  I  felt  repaid  for  my  trouble. 
Indeed,  as  she  faced  me  to  thank  me  I  could  see  that  her 
eyes  were  dimmed. 

" Wonderful!"  she  exclaimed.  "Now  he  looks  like 
some  one!"  And  I  distinctly  perceived  that  only  just  in 
time  did  she  repress  an  impulse  to  grasp  me  by  the  hand. 
Under  the  circumstances  I  am  not  sure  that  I  wouldn't 
have  overlooked  the  lapse  had  she  yielded  to  it.  "Won 
derful  ! "  she  said  again. 

Hereupon  Cousin  Egbert,  much  embarrassed,  leaned 
his  stick  against  the  wall;  the  stick  fell,  and  in  reaching 
down  for  it  his  hat  fell,  and  in  reaching  for  that  he  dropped 
his  gloves;  but  I  soon  restored  him  to  order  and  he  was 
safely  seated  where  he  might  be  studied  in  further  detail, 
especially  as  to  his  moustaches,  which  I  had  considered 
rather  the  supreme  touch. 

"He  looks  exactly  like  some  well-known  clubman,"  ex 
claimed  Mrs.  Effie. 

Her  relative  growled  as  if  he  were  quite  ready  to  savage 
her. 

"Like  a  man  about  town,"  she  murmured.  "Who 
would  have  thought  he  had  it  in  him  until  you  brought  it 
out?"  I  knew  then  that  we  two  should  understand  each 
other. 


38  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

The  slight  tension  was  here  relieved  by  two  of  the  hotel 
servants  who  brought  tea  things.  At  a  nod  from  Mrs. 
Effie  I  directed  the  laying  out  of  these. 

At  that  moment  came  the  other  Floud,  he  of  the  eye 
brows,  and  a  cousin  cub  called  Elmer,  who,  I  understood, 
studied  art.  I  became  aware  that  they  were  both  suddenly 
engaged  and  silenced  by  the  sight  of  Cousin  Egbert.  I 
caught  their  amazed  stares,  and  then  terrifically  they 
broke  into  gales  of  laughter.  The  cub  threw  himself  on  a 
couch,  waving  his  feet  in  the  air,  and  holding  his  middle 
as  if  he'd  suffered  a  sudden  acute  dyspepsia,  while  the  elder 
threw  his  head  back  and  shrieked  hysterically.  Cousin 
Egbert  merely  glared  at  them  and,  endeavouring  to  stroke 
his  moustache,  succeeded  in  unwaxingone  side  of  it  so  that 
it  once  more  hung  limply  down  his  chin,  whereat  they  re 
newed  their  boorishness.  The  elder  Floud  was  now  quite 
dangerously  purple,  and  the  cub  on  the  couch  was  shrieking: 
"No  matter  how  dark  the  clouds,  remember  she  is  still 
your  stepmother,"  or  words  to  some  such  silly  effect  as 
that.  How  it  might  have  ended  I  hardly  dare  conjecture 
— perhaps  Cousin  Egbert  would  presently  have  roughed 
them — but  a  knock  sounded,  and  it  became  my  duty  to 
open  our  door  upon  other  guests,  women  mostly;  Amer 
icans  in  Paris;  that  sort  of  thing. 

I  served  the  tea  amid  their  babble.  The  Honourable 
George  was  shown  up  a  bit  later,  having  done  to  himself 
quite  all  I  thought  he  might  in  the  matter  of  dress.  In 
spite  of  serious  discrepancies  in  his  attire,  however,  I  saw 
that  Mrs.  Effie  meant  to  lionize  him  tremendously.  With 
vast  ceremony  he  was  presented  to  her  guests — the  Hon 
ourable  George  Augustus  Vane-Basingwell,  brother  of  his 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  39 

lordship  the  Earl  of  Brinstead.  The  women  fluttered 
about  him  rather,  though  he  behaved  moodily,  and  at  the 
first  opportunity  fell  to  the  tea  and  cakes  quite  whole 
heartedly. 

In  spite  of  my  aversion  to  the  American  wilderness,  I 
felt  a  bit  of  professional  pride  in  reflecting  that  my  first 
day  in  this  new  service  was  about  to  end  so  auspiciously. 
Yet  even  in  that  moment,  being  as  yet  unfamiliar  with  the 
room's  lesser  furniture,  I  stumbled  slightly  against  a  has 
sock  hid  from  me  by  the  tray  I  carried.  A  cup  of  tea  was 
lost,  though  my  recovery  was  quick.  Too  late  I  observed 
that  the  hitherto  self-effacing  Cousin  Egbert  was  in  range 
of  my  clumsiness. 

"There  goes  tea  all  over  my  new  pants!"  he  said  in  a 
high,  pained  voice. 

"Sorry,  indeed,  sir,"  said  I,  a  ready  napkin  in  hand. 
"Let  me  dry  it,  sir!" 

"Yes,  sir,  I  fancy  quite  so,  sir,"  said  he. 

I  most  truly  would  have  liked  to  shake  him  smartly  for 
this.  I  saw  that  my  work  was  cut  out  for  me  among  these 
Americans,  from  whom  at  their  best  one  expects  so  little. 


CHAPTER  THREE 

A  I  brisked  out  of  bed  the  following  morning  at 
half-after  six,  I  could  not  but  wonder  rather 
nervously  what  the  day  might  have  in  store  for 
me.  I  was  obliged  to  admit  that  what  I  was  in  for  looked 
a  bit  thick.  As  I  opened  my  door  I  heard  stealthy  foot 
steps  down  the  hall  and  looked  out  in  time  to  observe 
Cousin  Egbert  entering  his  own  room.  It  was  not  this 
that  startled  me.  He  would  have  been  abroad,  I  knew, 
for  the  ham  and  eggs  that  were  forbidden  him.  Yet  I 
stood  aghast,  for  with  the  lounge-suit  of  tweeds  I  had  se 
lected  the  day  before  he  had  worn  his  top-hat!  I  am 
aware  that  these  things  I  relate  of  him  may  not  be  credited. 
I  can  only  put  them  down  in  all  sincerity. 

I  hastened  to  him  and  removed  the  thing  from  his  head. 
I  fear  it  was  not  with  the  utmost  deference,  for  I  have  my 
human  moments. 

"It's  not  done,  sir,"  I  protested.  He  saw  that  I  was 
offended. 

"All  right,  sir,"  he  replied  meekly.  "But  how  was  I  to 
know?  I  thought  it  kind  of  set  me  off."  He  referred  to 
it  as  a  "stove-pipe"  hat.  I  knew  then  that  I  should  find 
myself  overlooking  many  things  in  him.  He  was  not  a 
person  one  could  be  stern  with,  and  I  even  promised  that 
Mrs.  Effie  should  not  be  told  of  his  offence,  he  promising 
in  turn  never  again  to  stir  abroad  without  first  submitting 

40 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  41 

himself  to  me  and  agreeing  also  to  wear  sock-suspenders 
from  that  day  forth.  I  saw,  indeed,  that  diplomacy  might 
work  wonders  with  him. 

At  breakfast  in  the  drawing-room,  during  which  Cousin 
Egbert  earned  warm  praise  from  Mrs.  Effie  for  his  lack  of 
appetite  (he  winking  violently  at  me  during  this),  I  learned 
that  I  should  be  expected  to  accompany  him  to  a  certain 
art  gallery  which  corresponds  to  our  British  Museum.  I 
was  a  bit  surprised,  indeed,  to  learn  that  he  largely  spent 
his  days  there,  and  was  accustomed  to  make  notes  of  the 
various  objects  of  interest. 

"I  insisted,"  explained  Mrs.  Effie,  "that  he  should  ab 
sorb  all  the  culture  he  could  on  his  trip  abroad,  so  I  got 
him  a  notebook  in  which  he  puts  down  his  impressions, 
and  I  must  say  he's  done  fine.  Some  of  his  remarks  are 
so  good  that  when  he  gets  home  I  may  have  him  read  a 
paper  before  our  Onwards  and  Upwards  Club." 

Cousin  Egbert  wriggled  modestly  at  this  and  said: 
"Shucks!"  which  I  took  to  be  a  term  of  deprecation. 

"You  needn't  pretend,"  said  Mrs.  Effie.  "Just  let 
Ruggles  here  look  over  some  of  the  notes  you  have  made," 
and  she  handed  me  a  notebook  of  ruled  paper  in  which 
there  was  a  deal  of  writing.  I  glanced,  as  bidden,  at  one 
or  two  of  the  paragraphs,  and  confess  that  I,  too,  was 
amazed  at  the  fluency  and  insight  displayed  along  lines 
in  which  I  should  have  thought  the  man  entirely  unin 
formed.  "This  choice  work  represents  the  first  or  for 
mative  period  of  the  Master,"  began  one  note,  "but 
distinctly  foreshadows  that  later  method  which  made  him 
at  once  the  hope  and  despair  of  his  contemporaries.  In  the 
'  Portrait  of  the  Artist  by  Himself  we  have  a  canvas  that 


42  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

well  repays  patient  study,  since  here  is  displayed  in  its  full 
flower  that  ruthless  realism,  happily  attenuated  by  a 

superbly  subtle  delicacy  of  brush  work "  It  was  really 

quite  amazing,  and  I  perceived  for  the  first  time  that  Cousin 
Egbert  must  be  "a  diamond  in  the  rough,"  as  the  well- 
known  saying  has  it.  I  felt,  indeed,  that  I  would  be  very 
pleased  to  accompany  him  on  one  of  his  instructive  strolls 
through  this  gallery,  for  I  have  always  been  of  a  studious 
habit  and  anxious  to  improve  myself  in  the  fine  arts. 

"You  see?"  asked  Mrs.  Erne,  when  I  had  perused  this 
fragment.  "And  yet  folks  back  home  would  tell  you  that 
he's  just  a "  Cousin  Egbert  here  coughed  alarm 
ingly.  "No  matter,"  she  continued.  "He'll  show  them 
that  he's  got  something  in  him,  mark  my  words." 

"Quite  so,  Madam,"  I  said,  "and  I  shall  consider  it  a 
privilege  to  be  present  when  he  further  prosecutes  his  art 
studies." 

"You  may  keep  him  out  till  dinner-time,"  she  con 
tinued.  "I'm  shopping  this  morning,  and  in  the  after 
noon  I  shall  motor  to  have  tea  in  the  Boy  with  the  Sen 
ator  and  Mr.  Nevil  Vane-Basingwell." 

Presently,  then,  my  charge  and  I  set  out  for  what  I 
hoped  was  to  be  a  peaceful  and  instructive  day  among  ob 
jects  of  art,  though  first  I  was  obliged  to  escort  him  to  a 
hatter's  and  glover's  to  remedy  some  minor  discrepancies 
in  his  attire.  He  was  very  pleased  when  I  permitted  him 
to  select  his  own  hat.  I  was  safe  in  this,  as  the  shop  was 
really  artists  in  gentlemen's  headwear,  and  carried  only 
shapes,  I  observed,  that  were  confined  to  exclusive  firms 
so  as  to  insure  their  being  worn  by  the  right  set.  As  to 
gloves  and  a  stick,  he  was  again  rather  pettish  and  had  to 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  43 

be  set  right  with  some  firmness.  He  declared  he  had  lost 
his  stick  and  gloves  of  the  previous  day.  I  discovered  later 
that  he  had  presented  them  to  the  lift  attendant.  But  I 
soon  convinced  him  that  he  would  not  be  let  to  appear 
without  these  adjuncts  to  a  gentleman's  toilet. 

Then,  having  once  more  stood  by  at  the  barber's  while 
he  was  shaved  and  his  moustaches  firmly  waxed  anew,  I 
saw  that  he  was  fit  at  last  for  his  art  studies.  The  barber 
this  day  suggested  curling  the  moustaches  with  a  heated 
iron,  but  at  this  my  charge  fell  into  so  unseemly  a  rage 
that  I  deemed  it  wise  not  to  insist.  He,  indeed,  bluntly 
threatened  a  nameless  violence  to  the  barber  if  he  were  so 
much  as  touched  with  the  iron,  and  revealed  an  altogether 
shocking  gift  for  profanity,  saying  loudly:  "I'll  be — 
dashed — if  you  will!"  I  mean  to  say,  I  have  written 
"dashed "  for  what  he  actually  said.  But  at  length  I  had 
him  once  more  quieted. 

"Now,  sir,"  I  said,  when  I  had  got  him  from  the  bar 
ber's  shop,  to  the  barber's  manifest  relief:  "I  fancy  we've 
time  to  do  a  few  objects  of  art  before  luncheon.  I've  the 
book  here  for  your  comments,"  I  added. 

"Quite  so,"  he  replied,  and  led  me  at  a  rapid  pace  along 
the  street  in  what  I  presumed  was  the  direction  of  the 
art  museum.  At  the  end  of  a  few  blocks  he  paused  at  one 
of  those  open-air  public  houses  that  disgracefully  line  the 
streets  of  the  French  capital.  I  mean  to  say  that  chairs 
and  tables  are  set  out  upon  the  pavement  in  the  most 
brazen  manner  and  occupied  by  the  populace,  who  there 
drink  their  silly  beverages  and  idle  away  their  time.  After 
scanning  the  score  or  so  of  persons  present,  even  at  so 
early  an  hour  as  ten  of  the  morning,  he  fell  into  one  of  the 


44  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

iron  chairs  at  one  of  the  iron  tables  and  motioned  me  to 
another  at  his  side. 

When  I  had  seated  myself  he  said  "Beer"  to  the  waiter 
who  appeared,  and  held  up  two  fingers. 

"Now,  look  at  here,"  he  resumed  to  me,  "this  is  a  good 
place  to  do  about  four  pages  of  art,  and  then  we  can  go  out 
and  have  some  recreation  somewhere."  Seeing  that  I  was 
puzzled,  he  added:  "This  way — you  take  that  notebook 
and  write  in  it  out  of  this  here  other  book  till  I  think  you've 
done  enough,  then  I'll  tell  you  to  stop."  And  while  I  was 
still  bewildered,  he  drew  from  an  inner  pocket  a  small, 
well-thumbed  volume  which  I  took  from  him  and  saw  to 
be  entitled  "One  Hundred  Masterpieces  of  the  Louvre/' 

"Open  her  about  the  middle,"  he  directed,  "and  pick 
out  something  that  begins  good,  like  'Here  the  true  art- 
lover  will  stand  entranced '  You  got  to  write  it,  be 
cause  I  guess  you  can  write  faster  than  what  I  can.  I'll 
tell  her  I  dictated  to  you.  Get  a  hustle  on  now,  so's  we 
can  get  through.  Write  down  about  four  pages  of  that 
stuff." 

Stunned  I  was  for  a  moment  at  his  audacity.  Too 
plainly  I  saw  through  his  deception.  Each  day,  doubtless, 
he  had  come  to  a  low  place  of  this  sort  and  copied  into  the 
notebook  from  the  printed  volume. 

"But,  sir,"  I  protested,  "why  not  at  least  go  to  the 
gallery  where  these  art  objects  are  stored?  Copy  the 
notes  there  if  that  must  be  done." 

'I  don't  know  where  the  darned  place  is,"  he  confessed. 
"  I  did  start  for  it  the  first  day,  but  I  run  into  a  Punch  and 
Judy  show  in  a  little  park,  and  I  just  couldn't  get  away 
from  it,  it  was  so  comical,  with  all  the  French  kids  holler- 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  45 

ing  their  heads  off  at  it.  Anyway,  what's  the  use?  I'd 
rather  set  here  in  front  of  this  saloon,  where  everything 
is  nice." 

"It's  very  extraordinary,  sir,"  I  said,  wondering  if  I 
oughtn't  to  cut  off  to  the  hotel  and  warn  Mrs.  Effie  so  that 
she  might  do  a  heated  foot  to  him,  as  he  had  once  ex 
pressed  it. 

"  Well,  I  guess  I've  got  my  rights  as  well  as  anybody," 
he  insisted.  "I'll  be  pushed  just  so  far  and  no  farther, 
not  if  I  never  get  any  more  cultured  than  a  jack-rabbit. 
And  now  you  better  go  on  and  write  or  I'll  be — dashed — 
if  I'll  ever  wear  another  thing  you  tell  me  to." 

He  had  a  most  bitter  and  dangerous  expression  on  his 
face,  so  I  thought  best  to  humour  him  once  more.  Accord 
ingly  I  set  about  writing  in  his  notebook  from  the  volume 
of  criticism  he  had  supplied. 

"  Change  a  word  now  and  then  and  skip  around  here  and 
there,"  he  suggested  as  I  wrote,  "so's  it'll  sound  more 
like  me." 

"Quite  so,  sir,"  I  said,  and  continued  to  transcribe 
from  the  printed  page.  I  was  beginning  the  fifth  page  in 
the  notebook,  being  in  the  midst  of  an  enthusiastic  de 
scription  of  the  bit  of  statuary  entitled  "The  Winged 
Victory,"  when  I  was  startled  by  a  wild  yell  in  my  ear. 
Cousin  Egbert  had  leaped  to  his  feet  and  now  danced  in 
the  middle  of  the  pavement,  waving  his  stick  and  hat  high 
in  the  air  and  shouting  incoherently.  At  once  we  attracted 
the  most  undesirable  attention  from  the  loungers  about 
us,  the  waiters  and  the  passers-by  in  the  street,  many  of 
whom  stopped  at  once  to  survey  my  charge  with  the  liveli 
est  interest.  It  was  then  I  saw  that  he  had  merely  wished 


46  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

to  attract  the  attention  of  some  one  passing  in  a  cab.  Half 
a  block  down  the  boulevard  I  saw  a  man  likewise  waving 
excitedly,  standing  erect  in  the  cab  to  do  so.  The  cab 
thereupon  turned  sharply,  came  back  on  the  opposite  side 
of  the  street,  crossed  over  to  us,  and  the  occupant  alighted. 

He  was  an  American,  as  one  might  have  fancied  from 
his  behaviour,  a  tall,  dark-skinned  person,  wearing  a 
drooping  moustache  after  the  former  style  of  Cousin  Eg 
bert,  supplemented  by  an  imperial.  He  wore  a  loose- 
fitting  suit  of  black  which  had  evidently  received  no  proper 
attention  from  the  day  he  purchased  it.  Under  a  folded 
collar  he  wore  a  narrow  cravat  tied  in  a  bowknot,  and  in 
the  bosom  of  his  white  shirt  there  sparkled  a  diamond  such 
as  might  have  come  from  a  collection  of  crown- jewels . 
This  much  I  had  time  to  notice  as  he  neared  us.  Cousin 
Egbert  had  not  ceased  to  shout,  nor  had  he  paid  the  least 
attention  to  my  tugs  at  his  coat.  When  the  cab's  occupant 
descended  to  the  pavement  they  fell  upon  each  other  and 
did  for  some  moments  a  wild  dance  such  as  I  imagine  they 
might  have  seen  the  red  Indians  of  western  America  per 
form.  Most  savagely  they  punched  each  other,  calling 
out  in  the  meantime:  "Well,  old  horse!"  and  "Who'd  ever 
^iexpected  to  see  you  here,  darn  your  old  skin!"  (Their 
actual  phrases,  be  it  remembered.) 

The  crowd,  I  was  glad  to  note,  fell  rapidly  away,  many 
of  them  shrugging  their  shoulders  in  a  way  the  French  have, 
and  even  the  waiters  about  us  quickly  lost  interest  in  the 
pair,  as  if  they  were  hardened  to  the  sight  of  Americans 
greeting  one  another.  The  two  were  still  saying:  "Well! 
well!"  rather  breathlessly,  but  had  become  a  bit  more 
coherent. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  47 

"Jeff  Tuttle,  you — dashed — old  long-horn!"  exclaimed 
Cousin  Egbert. 

"Good  old  Sour-dough!"  exploded  the  other.  "Ain't 
this  just  like  old  home  week!" 

"I  thought  mebbe  you  wouldn't  know  me  with  all  my 
beadwork  and  my  new  war-bonnet  on,"  continued  Cousin 
Egbert. 

"Know  you,  why,  you  knock-kneed  old  Siwash,  I  could 
pick  out  your  hide  in  a  tanyard! " 

"Well,  well,  well!"  replied  Cousin  Egbert. 

"Well,  well,  well!"  said  the  other,  and  again  they  dealt 
each  other  smart  blows. 

"  Where'd  you  turn  up  from?  "  demanded  Cousin  Egbert. 

"Europe,"  said  the  other.  "We  been  all  over  Europe 
and  Italy — just  come  from  some  place  up  over  the  divide 
where  they  talk  Dutch,  the  Madam  and  the  two  girls  and 
me,  with  the  Reverend  Timmins  and  his  wife  riding  line  on 
us.  Say,  he's  an  out-and-out  devil  for  cathedrals — it's 
just  one  church  after  another  with  him — Baptist,  Metho 
dist,  Presbyterian,  Lutheran,  takes  'em  all  in — never  over 
looks  a  bet.  He's  got  Addie  and  the  girls  out  now.  My 
gosh !  it's  solemn  work !  Me?  I  ducked  out  this  morning." 

"How'dyoudoit?" 

"Told  the  little  woman  I  had  to  have  a  tooth  pulled — I 
was  working  it  up  on  the  train  all  day  yesterday.  Say, 
what  you  all  rigged  out  like  that  for,  Sour-dough,  and 
what  you  done  to  your  face?  " 

Cousin  Egbert  here  turned  to  me  in  some  embarrass 
ment.  "Colonel  Ruggles,  shake  hands  with  my  friend 
Jeff  Tuttle  from  the  State  of  Washington." 

"Pleased  to  meet  you,  Colonel,"  said  the  other  before  I 


48  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

could  explain  that  I  had  no  military  title  whatever,  never 
having,  in  fact,  served  our  King,  even  in  the  ranks.  He 
shook  my  hand  warmly. 

"Any  friend  of  Sour-dough  Floud's  is  all  right  with 
me,"  he  assured  me.  "What's  the  matter  with  having  a 
drink?" 

"Say,  listen  here!  I  wouldn't  have  to  be  blinded  and 
backed  into  it,"  said  Cousin  Egbert,  enigmatically,  I 
thought,  but  as  they  sat  down  I,  too,  seated  myself.  Some 
thing  within  me  had  sounded  a  warning.  As  well  as  I 
know  it  now  I  knew  then  in  my  inmost  soul  that  I  should 
summon  Mrs.  Effie  before  matters  went  farther. 

"Beer  is  all  I  know  how  to  say,"  suggested  Cousin 
Egbert. 

"Leave  that  to  me,"  said  his  new  friend  masterfully. 
"Where's  the  boy?  Here,  boy!  Veesky-soda!  That's 
French  for  high-ball,"  he  explained.  "  I've  had  to  pick  up 
a  lot  of  their  lingo." 

Cousin  Egbert  looked  at  him  admiringly.  "Good  old 
Jeff ! "  he  said  simply.  He  glanced  aside  to  me  for  a  second 
with  downright  hostility,  then  turned  back  to  his  friend. 
"Something  tells  me,  Jeff,  that  this  is  going  to  be  the  first 
happy  day  I've  had  since  I  crossed  the  state  line.  I've 
been  pestered  to  death,  Jeff — what  with  Mrs.  Effie  after' 
me  to  improve  myself  so's  I  can  be  a  social  credit  to  her 
back  in  Red  Gap,  and  learn  to  wear  clothes  and  go  without 
my  breakfast  and  attend  art  galleries.  If  you'd  stand  by 
me  I'd  throw  her  down  good  and  hard  right  now,  but  you 
know  what  she  is " 

"I  sure  do,"  put  in  Mr.  Tuttle  so  fervently  that  I  knew 
he  spoke  the  truth.  "  That  woman  can  bite  through  nails. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  49 

But  here's  your  drink,  Sour-dough.  Maybe  it  will  cheer 
you  up." 

Extraordinary!     I  mean  to  say,  biting  through  nails. 

"Three  rousing  cheers!"  exclaimed  Cousin  Egbert  with 
more  animation  than  I  had  ever  known  him  display. 

"Here's  looking  at  you,  Colonel,"  said  his  friend  to  me, 
whereupon  I  partook  of  the  drink,  not  wishing  to  offend 
him.  Decidedly  he  was  not  vogue.  His  hat  was  remark 
able,  being  of  a  black  felt  with  high  crown  and  a  wide  and 
flopping  brim.  Across  his  waistcoat  was  a  watch-chain  of 
heavy  links,  with  a  weighty  charm  consisting  of  a  sculp 
tured  gold  horse  in  full  gallop.  That  sort  of  thing  would 
never  do  with  us. 

"Here,  George,"  he  immediately  called  to  the  waiter, 
for  they  had  quickly  drained  their  glasses,  "tell  the  bar 
tender  three  more.  By  gosh!  but  that's  good,  after  the 
way  I've  been  held  down." 

"  Me,  too,"  said  Cousin  Egbert.  "  I  didn't  know  how  to 
say  it  in  French." 

"The  Reverend  held  me  down,"  continued  the  Tuttle 
person.  "  'A  glass  of  native  wine,'  he  says,  'may  perhaps 
be  taken  now  and  then  without  harm.'  "'Well,'  I  says, 
'leave  us  have  ales,  wines,  liquors,  and  cigars,'  I  says,  but 
not  him.  I'd  get  a  thimbleful  of  elderberry  wine  or  some 
thing  about  every  second  Friday,  except  when  I'd  duck 
out  the  side  door  of  a  church  and  find  some  caffy.  Here, 
George,  foomer,  foomer — bring  us  some  seegars,  and  then 
stay  on  that  spot — I  may  want  you." 

"  Well,  well ! "  said  Cousin  Egbert  again,  as  if  the  meeting 
were  still  incredible. 

"You  old  stinging-lizard!"  responded  the  other  affec- 


50  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

tionately.     The  cigars  were  brought  and  I  felt  constrained 
to  light  one. 

"The  State  of  Washington  needn't  ever  get  nervous 
over  the  prospect  of  losing  me,"  said  the  Tuttle  person, 
biting  off  the  end  of  his  cigar. 

I  gathered  at  once  that  the  Americans  have  actually 
named  one  of  our  colonies  "Washington"  after  the  rebel 
George  Washington,  though  one  would  have  thought  that 
the  indelicacy  of  this  would  have  been  only  too  apparent. 
But,  then,  I  recalled,  as  well,  the  city  where  their  so-called 
parliament  assembles,  Washington,  D.  C.  Doubtless  the 
initials  indicate  that  it  was  named  in  "honour"  of  another 
member  of  this  notorious  family.  I  could  not  but  reflect 
how  shocked  our  King  would  be  to  learn  of  this  effrontery. 

Cousin  Egbert,  who  had  been  for  some  moments  moving 
his  lips  without  sound,  here  spoke: 

"I'm  going  to  try  it  myself,"  he  said.  "Here,  Charley, 
veesky-soda!  He  made  me  right  off,"  he  continued  as 
the  waiter  disappeared.  "Say,  Jeff,  I  bet  I  could  have 
learned  a  lot  of  this  language  if  I'd  had  some  one  like  you 
around." 

"Well,  it  took  me  some  time  to  get  the  accent,"  replied 
the  other  with  a  modesty  which  I  could  detect  was  as 
sumed.  More  acutely  than  ever  was  I  conscious  of  a 
psychic  warning  to  separate  these  two,  and  I  resolved  to 
act  upon  it  with  the  utmost  diplomacy.  The  third  whiskey 
and  soda  was  served  us. 

"Three  rousing  cheers!"  said  Cousin  Egbert. 

"Here's  looking  at  you!"  said  the  other,  and  I  drank 
When  my  glass  was  drained  I  arose  briskly  and  said : 

"I  think  we  should  be  getting  along  now,  sir,  if  Mr. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  51 

Tuttle  will  be  good  enough  to  excuse  us."  They  both 
stared  at  me. 

"Yes,  sir — I  fancy  not,  sir,"  said  Cousin  Egbert. 

"  Stop  your  kidding,  you  fat  rascal ! "  said  the  other. 

"Old  Bill  means  all  right,"  said  Cousin  Egbert,  "so 
don't  let  him  irritate  you.  Bill's  our  new  hired  man. 
He's  all  right — just  let  him  talk  along." 

"  Can't  he  talk  setting  down?"  asked  the  other.  "  Does 
he  have  to  stand  up  every  time  he  talks  ?  Ain't  that  a 
good  chair?"  he  demanded  of  me.  "Here,  take  mine," 
and  to  my  great  embarrassment  he  arose  and  offered  me 
his  chair  in  such  a  manner  that  I  felt  moved  to  accept  it. 
Thereupon  he  took  the  chair  I  had  vacated  and  beamed 
upon  us,  "  Now  that  we're  all  home-folks,  together  once 
more,  I  would  suggest  a  bit  of  refreshment.  Boy,  veesky- 
soda!" 

"I  fancy  so,  sir,"  said  Cousin  Egbert,  dreamily  contem 
plating  me  as  the  order  was  served.  I  was  conscious  even 
then  that  he  seemed  to  be  studying  my  attire  with  a  critical 
eye,  and  indeed  he  remarked  as  if  to  himself:  "What  a 
coat!"  I  was  rather  shocked  by  this,  for  my  suit  was 
quite  a  decent  lounge-suit  that  had  become  too  snug  fop 
the  Honourable  George  some  two  years  before.  Yet  some 
thing  warned  me  to  ignore  the  comment. 

"Three  rousing  cheers ! "  he  said  as  the  drink  was  served. 

"Here's  looking  at  you!"  said  the  Tuttle  person. 

And  again  I  drank  with  them,  against  my  better  judg 
ment,  wondering  if  I  might  escape  long  enough  to  be  put 
through  to  Mrs.  Floud  on  the  telephone.  Too  plainly  the 
situation  was  rapidly  getting  out  of  hand,  and  yet  I  hesi 
tated.  The  Tuttle  person  under  an  exterior  geniality  was 


. 

52  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

rather  abrupt.  And,  moreover,  I  now  recalled  having 
observed  a  person  much  like  him  in  manner  and  attire  in  a 
certain  cinema  drama  of  the  far  Wild  West.  He  had  been 
a  constable  or  sheriff  in  the  piece  and  had  subdued  a  band 
of  armed  border  ruffians  with  only  a  small  pocket  pistol. 
I  thought  it  as  well  not  to  cross  him. 

When  they  had  drunk,  each  one  again  said,  "Well! 
well!" 

"You  old  maverick!"  said  Cousin  Egbert. 

"You — dashed — old  horned  toad!"  responded  his 
friend. 

"What's  the  matter  with  a  little  snack?" 

"Not  a  thing  on  earth.  My  appetite  ain't  been  so 
powerful  craving  since  Heck  was  a  pup." 

These  were  their  actual  words,  though  it  may  not  be 
believed.  The  Tuttle  person  now  approached  his  cabman, 
who  had  waited  beside  the  curb. 

"Say,  Frank,"  be  began,  "Ally  restorong,"  and  this  he 
supplemented  with  a  crude  but  informing  pantomime  of 
one  eating.  Cousin  Egbert  was  already  seated  in  the  cab, 
and  I  could  do  nothing  but  follow.  "Ally  restorong!" 
commanded  our  new  friend  in  a  louder  tone,  and  the  cab 
man  with  an  explosion  of  understanding  drove  rapidly  off. 

"It's  a  genuine  wonder  to  me  how  you  learned  the  lan 
guage  so  quick,"  said  Cousin  Egbert. 

"It's  all  in  the  accent,"  protested  the  other.  I  occu 
pied  a  narrow  seat  in  the  front.  Facing  me  in  the  back 
seat,  they  lolled  easily  and  smoked  their  cigars.  Down 
the  thronged  boulevard  we  proceeded  at  a  rapid  pace  and 
were  passing  presently  before  an  immense  gray  edifice 
which  I  recognized  as  the  so-called  Louvre  from  its  illus- 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  53 

/ration  on  the  cover  of  Cousin  Egbert's  art  book.  He  him 
self  regarded  it  with  interest,  though  I  fancy  he  did  not 
recognize  it,  for,  waving  his  cigar  toward  it,  he  announced 
to  his  friend : 

''The  Public  Library."  His  friend  surveyed  the  build 
ing  with  every  sign  of  approval. 

"That  Carnegie  is  a  hot  sport,  all  right,"  he  declared 
warmly.  "I'll  bet  that  shack  set  him  back  some." 

"Three  rousing  cheers!"  said  Cousin  Egbert,  without 
point  that  I  could  detect. 

We  now  crossed  their  Thames  over  what  would  have 
been  Westminster  Bridge,  I  fancy,  and  were  presently  bowl 
ing  through  a  sort  of  Battersea  part  of  the  city.  The 
streets  grew  quite  narrow  and  the  shops  smaller,  and  I 
found  myself  wondering  not  without  alarm  what  sort  of 
restaurant  our  abrupt  friend  had  chosen. 

"Three  rousing  cheers!"  said  Cousin  Egbert  from  time 
to  time,  with  almost  childish  delight. 

Debouching  from  a  narrow  street  again  into  what  the 
French  term  a  boulevard,  we  halted  before  what  was  indeed 
a  restaurant,  for  several  tables  were  laid  on  the  pavement 
before  the  door,  but  I  saw  at  once  that  it  was  anything 
but  a  nice  place.  "  Au  Rendezvous  des  Cochers  Fideles, " 
read  the  announcement  on  the  flap  of  the  awning,  and 
truly  enough  it  was  a  low  resort  frequented  by  cabbies — 
"The  meeting-place  of  faithful  coachmen."  Along  the 
curb  half  a  score  of  horses  were  eating  from  their  bags, 
while  their  drivers  lounged  before  the  place,  eating,  drink 
ing,  and  conversing  excitedly  in  their  grotesque  jargon. 

We  descended,  in  spite  of  the  repellent  aspect  of  the 
place,  and  our  driver  went  to  the  foot  of  the  line,  where  he 


54  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

fed  his  own  horse.  Cousin  Egbert,  already  at  one  of  the 
open-air  tables,  was  rapping  smartly  for  a  waiter. 

"What's  the  matter  with  having  just  one  little  one  be 
fore  grub  ?  "  asked  the  Tuttle  person  as  we  joined  him.  He 
had  a  most  curious  fashion  of  speech.  I  mean  to  say, 
when  he  suggested  anything  whatsoever  he  invariably 
wished  to  know  what  might  be  the  matter  with  it. 

"  Veesky-soda! "  demanded  Cousin  Egbert  of  the  serving 
person  who  now  appeared,  "and  ask  your  driver  to  have 
one,"  he  then  urged  his  friend. 

The  latter  hereupon  addressed  the  cabman  who  had 
now  come  up. 

"Vooley-voos  take  something!"  he  demanded,  and  the 
cabman  appeared  to  accept. 

"Vooley-voos  your  friends  take  something,  too? "he 
demanded  further,  with  a  gesture  that  embraced  all  the 
cabmen  present,  and  these,  too,  appeared  to  accept  with 
the  utmost  cordiality. 

"You're  a  wonder,  Jeff,"  said  Cousin  Egbert.  "You 
talk  it  like  a  professor." 

"It  come  natural  to  me,"  said  the  fellow,  "and  it's  a 
good  thing,  too.  If  you  know  a  little  French  you  can  go 
ajl  over  Europe  without  a  bit  of  trouble." 

Inside  the  place  was  all  activity,  for  many  cabmen  were 
now  accepting  the  proffered  hospitality,  and  calling  "  votry 
santy!"  to  their  host,  who  seemed  much  pleased.  Then 
to  my  amazement  Cousin  Egbert  insisted  that  our  cabman 
should  sit  at  table  with  us.  I  trust  I  have  as  little  foolish 
pride  as  most  people,  but  this  did  seem  like  crowding  "t 
on  a  bit  thick.  In  fact,  it  looked  rather  dicky.  I  was  glad 
to  remember  that  we  were  in  what  seemed  to  be  the  foreign 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  55 

quarter  of  the  town,  where  it  was  probable  that  no  one 
would  recognize  us.  The  drink  came,  though  our  cabman 
refused  the  whiskey  and  secured  a  bottle  of  native  wine. 

"Three  rousing  cheers!"  said  Cousin  Egbert  as  we 
drank  once  more,  and  added  as  an  afterthought,  "  What  a 
beautiful  world  we  live  in!" 

"Vooley-voos  make-um  bring  dinner!"  said  the  Tuttle 
person  to  the  cabman,  who  thereupon  spoke  at  length  in 
his  native  tongue  to  the  waiter.  By  this  means  we  se 
cured  a  soup  that  was  not  half  bad  and  presently  a  stew 
of  mutton  which  Cousin  Egbert  declared  was  "some 
goo."  To  my  astonishment  I  ate  heartily,  even  in  such 
raffish  surroundings.  In  fact,  I  found  myself  pigging  it 
with  the  rest  of  them.  With  coffee,  cigars  were  brought 
from  the  tobacconist's  next  door,  each  cabman  present 
accepting  one.  Our  own  man  was  plainly  feeling  a  vast 
pride  in  his  party,  and  now  circulated  among  his  fellows 
with  an  account  of  our  merits. 

"This  is  what  I  call  life,"  said  the  Tuttle  person,  leaning 
back  in  his  chair. 

"I'm  coming  right  back  here  every  day,"  declared 
Cousin  Egbert  happily. 

"  What's  the  matter  with  a  little  drive  to  see  some  well- 
known  objects  of  interest?"  inquired  his  friend. 

"Not  art  galleries,"  insisted  Cousin  Egbert. 

"And  not  churches,"  said  his  friend.  "Every  day's 
been  Sunday  with  me  long  enough." 

"And  not  clothing  stores,"  said  Cousin  Egbert  firmly. 
"The  Colonel  here  is  awful  fussy  about  my  clothes,"  he 
added. 

"Is,,  heh?"  inquired  his  friend.     "How  do  you  like  this 


56  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

hat  of  mine?  "  he  asked,  turning  to  me.  It  was  that  sudden 
I  nearly  fluffed  the  catch,  but  recovered  myself  in  time. 

"I  should  consider  it  a  hat  of  sound  wearing  properties, 
sir,"  I  said. 

He  took  it  off,  examined  it  carefully,  and  replaced  it. 

"  So  far,  so  good,"  he  said  gravely.  "  But  why  be  fussy 
about  clothes  when  God  has  given  you  only  one  life  to 
live?" 

"Don't  argue  about  religion,"  warned  Cousin  Egbert. 

"I  always  like  to  see  people  well  dressed,  sir,"  I  said, 
"because  it  makes  such  a  difference  in  their  appearance." 

He  slapped  his  thigh  fiercely.  "My  gosh!  that's  true. 
He's  got  you  there,  Sour-dough.  I  never  thought  of 
that." 

"He  makes  me  wear  these  chest-protectors  on  my 
ankles,"  said  Cousin  Egbert  bitterly,  extending  one  foot. 

"What's  the  matter  of  taking  a  little  drive  to  see  some 
well-known  objects  of  interest?  "  said  his  friend. 

"Not  art  galleries,"  said  Cousin  Egbert  firmly. 

"We  said  that  before — and  not  churches." 

"And  not  gents'  furnishing  goods." 

"You  said  that  before." 

"Well,  you  said  not  churches  before." 

"Well,  what's  the  matter  with  taking  a  little  drive?" 

"Not  art  galleries,"  insisted  Cousin  Egbert.  The  thing 
seemed  interminable.  I  mean  to  say,  they  went  about 
the  circle  as  before.  It  looked  to  me  as  if  they  were  having 
a  bit  of  a  spree. 

"We'll  have  one  last  drink,"  said  the  Tuttle  person. 

"No,"  said  Cousin  Egbert  firmly,  "not  another  drop. 
Don't  you  see  the  condition  poor  Bill  here  is  in?  "  To  my 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  57 

amazement  he  was  referring  to  me.  Candidly,  he  was 
attempting  to  convey  the  impression  that  I  had  taken  a 
drop  too  much.  The  other  regarded  me  intently. 

"Pickled,"  he  said. 

"Always  affects  him  that  way,"  said  Cousin  Egbert. 
"  He's  got  no  head  for  it." 

"Beg  pardon,  sir,"  I  said,  wishing  to  explain,  but  this  I 
was  not  let  to  do. 

"Don't  start  anything  like  that  here,"  broke  in  the 
Tuttle  person,  "the  police  wouldn't  stand  for  it.  Just 
keep  quiet  and  remember  you're  among  friends." 

"Yes,  sir;  qu/te  so,  sir,"  said  I,  being  somewhat  puzzled 
by  these  strange  words.  "I  was  merely " 

"Look  out,  Jeff,"  warned  Cousin  Egbert,  interrupting 
me;  "he's  a  devil  when  he  starts." 

"Have  you  got  a  knife?  "  demanded  the  other  suddenly. 

"I  fancy  so,  sir,"  I  answered,  and  produced  from  my 
waistcoat  pocket  the  small  metal-handled  affair  I  have  long 
carried.  This  he  quickly  seized  from  me. 

"You  can  keep  your  gun,"  he  remarked,  "but  you  can't 
be  trusted  with  this  in  your  condition.  I  ain't  afraid  of  a 
gun,  but  I  am  afraid  of  a  knife.  You  could  have  backed 
me  off  the  board  any  time  with  this  knife." 

"Didn't  I  tell  you?"  asked  Cousin  Egbert. 

"Beg  pardon,  sir,"  I  began,  for  this  was  drawing  it  quite 
too  thick,  but  again  he  interrupted  me. 

"We'd  better  get  him  away  from  this  place  right  off," 
he  said. 

"A  drive  in  the  fresh  air  might  fix  him,"  suggested 
Cousin  Egbert.  "He's  as  good  a  scout  as  you  want  to 
know  when  he's  himself."  Hereupon,  calling  our  waiting 


58  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

cabman,  they  both,  to  my  embarrassment,  assisted  me  to 
the  vehicle. 

"Ally  caffy!"  directed  the  Tuttle  person,  and  we  were 
driven  off,  to  the  raised  hats  of  the  remaining  cabmen, 
through  many  long,  quiet  streets. 

"I  wouldn't  have  had  this  happen  for  anything,"  said 
Cousin  Egbert,  indicating  me. 

"Lucky  I  got  that  knife  away  from  him,"  said  the  other. 

To  this  I  thought  it  best  to  remain  silent,  it  being  plain 
that  the  men  were  both  well  along,  so  to  say. 

The  cab  now  approached  an  open  square  from  which 
issued  discordant  blasts  of  music.  One  glance  showed  it 
to  be  a  street  fair.  I  prayed  that  we  might  pass  it,  but 
my  companions  hailed  it  with  delight  and  at  once  halted 
the  cabby. 

"Ally  caffy  on  the  corner,"  directed  the  Tuttle  person, 
and  once  more  we  were  seated  at  an  iron  table  with  whiskey 
and  soda  ordered.  Before  us  was  the  street  fair  in  all 
its  silly  activity.  There  were  many  tinselled  booths  at 
which  games  of  chance  or  marksmanship  were  played,  or 
at  which  articles  of  ornament  or  household  decoration  were 
displayed  for  sale,  and  about  these  were  throngs  of  low- 
class  French  idling  away  their  afternoon  in  that  mad  pur 
suit  of  pleasure  which  is  so  characteristic  of  this  race.  In 
the  centre  of  the  place  was  a  carrousel  from  which  came 
the  blare  of  a  steam  orchestrion  playing  the  "  Marseillaise," 
one  of  their  popular  songs.  From  where  I  sat  I  could  per 
ceive  the  circle  of  gaudily  painted  beasts  that  revolved 
about  this  musical  atrocity.  A  fashion  of  horses  seemed 
to  predominate,  but  there  was  also  an  ostrich  (a  bearded 
Frenchman  being  astride  this  bird  for  the  moment),  a 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  59 

zebra,  a  lion,  and  a  gaudily  emblazoned  giraffe.  I  shud 
dered  as  I  thought  of  the  evil  possibilities  that  might  be 
suggested  to  my  two  companions  by  this  affair.  For  the 
moment  I  was  pleased  to  note  that  they  had  forgotten  my 
supposed  indisposition,  yet  another  equally  absurd  com 
plication  ensued  when  the  drink  arrived. 

"Say,  don't  your  friend  ever  loosen  up?"  asked  the 
Tuttle  person  of  Cousin  Egbert. 

"Tighter  than  Dick's  hatband,"  replied  the  latter. 

"And  then  some!  He  ain't  bought  once.  Say,  Bo," 
he  continued  to  me  as  I  was  striving  to  divine  the  drift 
of  these  comments,  "have  I  got  my  fingers  crossed  or 
not?" 

Seeing  that  he  held  one  hand  behind  him  I  thought  to 
humour  him  by  saying,  "I  fancy  so,  sir." 

"He  means  *yes>*  "  said  Cousin  Egbert. 

The  other  held  his  hand  before  me  with  the  first  two 
fingers  spread  wide  apart.  "You  lost,"  he  said.  "How's 
that,  Sour-dough?  We  stuck  him  the  first  rattle  out  of 
the  box." 

"Good  work,"  said  Cousin  Egbert.  "You're  stuck  for 
this  round,"  he  added  to  me.  "Three  rousing  cheers!" 

I  readily  perceived  that  they  meant  me  to  pay  the  score, 
which  I  accordingly  did,  though  I  at  once  suspected  the 
fairness  of  the  game.  I  mean  to  say,  if  my  opponent  had 
been  a  trickster  he  could  easily  have  rearranged  his  fingers 
to  defeat  me  before  displaying  them.  I  do  not  say  it  was 
done  in  this  instance.  I  am  merely  pointing  out  that  it 
left  open  a  way  to  trickery.  I  mean  to  say,  one  would 
wish  to  be  assured  of  his  opponent's  social  standing  before 
playing  this  game  extensively. 


60  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

No  sooner  had  we  finished  the  drink  than  the  Tuttle 
person  said  to  me: 

"I'll  give  you  one  chance  to  get  even.  I'll  guess  your 
fingers  this  time."  Accordingly  I  put  one  hand  behind  me 
and  firmly  crossed  the  fingers,  fancying  that  he  would 
guess  them  to  be  uncrossed.  Instead  of  which  he  called 
out  "Crossed,"  and  I  was  obliged  to  show  them  in  that 
wise,  though,  as  before  pointed  out,  I  could  easily  have  de 
feated  him  by  uncrossing  them  before  revealing  my  hand. 
I  mean  to  say,  it  is  not  on  the  face  of  it  a  game  one  would 
care  to  play  with  casual  acquaintances,  and  I  questioned 
even  then  in  my  own  mind  its  prevalence  in  the  States. 
(As  a  matter  of  fact,  I  may  say  that  in  my  later  life  in 
the  States  I  could  find  no  trace  of  it,  and  now  believe  it  to 
have  been  a  pure  invention  on  the  part  of  the  Tuttle  per 
son.  I  mean  to  say,  I  later  became  convinced  that  it  was, 
properly  speaking,  not  a  game  at  all.) 

Again  they  were  hugely  delighted  at  my  loss  and  rapped 
smartly  on  the  table  for  more  drink,  and  now  to  my  em 
barrassment  I  discovered  that  I  lacked  the  money  to  pay 
for  this  "round"  as  they  would  call  it. 

"Beg  pardon,  sir,"  said  I  discreetly  to  Cousin  Egbert, 
"but  if  you  could  let  me  have  a  bit  of  change,  a  half- 
crown  or  so "  To  my  surprise  he  regarded  me  coldly 

and  shook  his  head  emphatically  in  the  negative. 

"Not  me,"  he  said;  "I've  been  had  too  often.  You're  a 
good  smooth  talker  and  you  may  be  all  right,  but  I  can't 
take  a  chance  at  my  time  of  life." 

"What's  he  want  now?"  asked  the  other. 

"The  old  story,"  said  Cousin  Egbert:  "come  off  and 
left  his  purse  on  the  hatrack  or  out  in  the  woodshed  some 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  61 

place."     This  was  the  height  of  absurdity,  for  I  had  said 
nothing  of  the  sort. 

"I  was  looking  for  something  like  that,"  said  the  other 
"  I  never  make  a  mistake  in  faces.  You  got  a  watch  there 
haven't  you?" 

"Yes,  sir,"  I  said,  and  laid  on  the  table  my  silver  Eng 
lish  half -hunter  with  Albert.  They  both  fell  to  examining 
this  with  interest,  and  presently  the  Tuttle  person  spoke 
up  excitedly: 

"Well,  darn  my  skin  if  he  ain't  got  a  genuine  double 
Gazottz.  How  did  you  come  by  this,  my  man?"  he  de 
manded  sharply. 

"It  came  from  my  brother-in-law,  sir,"  I  explained, 
"six  years  ago  as  security  for  a  trifling  loan." 

"He  sounds  honest  enough,"  said  the  Tuttle  person  to 
Cousin  Egbert. 

"Yes,  but  maybe  it  ain't  a  regular  double  Gazottz," 
said  the  latter.  "The  market  is  flooded  with  imitations." 

"No,  sir,  I  can't  be  fooled  on  them  boys,"  insisted  the 
other.  "Blindfold  me  and  I  could  pick  a  double  Gazottz 
out  every  time.  I'm  going  to  take  a  chance  on  it,  any 
way."  Whereupon  the  fellow  pocketed  my  watch  and 
from  his  wallet  passed  me  a  note  of  the  so-called  French 
money  which  I  was  astounded  to  observe  was  for  the 
equivalent  of  four  pounds,  or  one  hundred  francs,  as  the 
French  will  have  it.  "I'll  advance  that  much  on  it,"  he 
said,  "but  don't  ask  for  another  cent  until  I've  had  it 
thoroughly  gone  over  by  a  plumber.  It  may  have  moths 
in  it." 

It  seemed  to  me  that  the  chap  was  quite  off  his  head, 
for  the  watch  was  worth  not  more  than  ten  shillings  at  the 


62  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

most,  though  what  a  double  Gazottz  might  be  I  could  not 
guess.  However,  I  saw  it  would  be  wise  to  appear  to 
accept  the  loan,  and  tendered  the  note  in  payment  of  the 
score. 

When  I  had  secured  the  change  I  sought  to  intimate  that 
we  should  be  leaving.  I  thought  even  the  street  fair 
would  be  better  for  us  than  this  rapid  consumption  of 
stimulants. 

"I  bet  he'd  go  without  buying,"  said  Cousin  Egbert. 

"No,  he  wouldn't,"  said  the  other.  "He  knows  what's 
customary  in  a  case  like  this.  He's  just  a  little  embar 
rassed.  Wait  and  see  if  I  ain't  right."  At  which  they 
both  sat  and  stared  at  me  in  silence  for  some  moments 
until  at  last  I  ordered  more  drink,  as  I  saw  was  expected 
of  me. 

"He  wants  the  cabman  to  have  one  with  him,"  said 
Cousin  Egbert,  whereat  the  other  not  only  beckoned  our 
cabby  to  join  us,  but  called  to  two  labourers  who  were 
passimf,  and  also  induced  the  waiter  who  served  us  to 
join  in  the  "round." 

"He  seems  to  have  a  lot  of  tough  friends,"  said  Cousin 
Egbert  as  we  all  drank,  though  he  well  knew  I  had  ex 
tended  none  of  these  invitations. 

"Acts  like  a  drunken  sailor  soon  as  he  gets  a  little 
money,"  said  the  other. 

"Three  rousing  cheers!"  replied  Cousin  Egbert,  and  to 
my  great  chagrin  he  leaped  to  his  feet,  seized  one  of  the 
navvies  about  the  waist,  and  there  on  the  public  pavement 
did  a  crude  dance  with  him  to  the  strain  of  the  "Mar 
seillaise"  from  the  steam  orchestrion.  Not  only  this,  but 
when  the  music  had  ceased  he  traded  hats  with  the  navvy, 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  63 

securing  a  most  shocking  affair  in  place  of  the  new  one,  and 
as  they  parted  he  presented  the  fellow  with  the  gloves  and 
stick  I  had  purchased  for  him  that  very  morning.  As  I 
stared  aghast  at  this  faux  pas  the  navvy,  with  his  new 
hat  at  an  angle  and  twirling  the  stick,  proceeded  down  the 
street  with  mincing  steps  and  exaggerated  airs  of  gentility, 
to  the  applause  of  the  entire  crowd,  including  Cousin 
Egbert. 

"This  ain't  quite  the  hat  I  want,"  he  said  as  he  re 
turned  to  us,  "but  the  day  is  young.  I'll  have  other 
chances,"  and  with  the  help  of  the  public-house  window 
as  a  mirror  he  adjusted  the  unmentionable  thing  with 
affectations  of  great  nicety. 

"He  always  was  a  dressy  old  scoundrel,"  remarked  the 
Tuttle  person.  And  then,  as  the  music  came  to  us  once 
more,  he  continued:  "Say,  Sour-dough,  let's  go  over  to  the 
rodeo — they  got  some  likely  looking  broncs  over  there." 

Arm  in  arm,  accordingly,  they  crossed  the  street  and 
proceeded  to  the  carrousel,  first  warning  the  cabby  and  my 
self  to  stay  by  them  lest  harm  should  come  to  us.  What 
now  ensued  was  perhaps  their  most  remarkable  behaviour 
of  the  day.  At  the  time  I  could  account  for  it  only  by  the 
liquor  they  had  consumed,  but  later  experience  in  the 
States  convinced  me  that  they  were  at  times  consciously 
spoofing.  I  mean  to  say,  it  was  quite  too  absurd — their 
seriously  believing  what  they  seemed  to  believe. 

The  carrousel  being  at  rest  when  we  approached,  they 
gravely  examined  each  one  of  the  painted  wooden  effigies, 
looking  into  such  of  the  mouths  as  were  open,  and  cau 
tiously  feeling  the  forelegs  of  the  different  mounts,  keeping 
up  an  elaborate  pretence  the  while  that  the  beasts  were 


64  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

real  and  that  they  were  in  danger  of  being  kicked.  One 
absurdly  painted  horse  they  agreed  would  be  the  most 
difficult  to  ride.  Examining  his  mouth,  they  disputed  as 
to  his  age,  and  called  the  cabby  to  have  his  opinion  of 
the  thing's  fetlocks,  warning  each  other  to  beware  of  his 
rearing:  The  cabby,  who  was  doubtless  also  intoxicated, 
made  an  equal  pretence  of  the  beast's  realness,  and  in 
dulged,  I  gathered,  in  various  criticisms  of  its  legs  at  great 
length. 

"I  think  he's  right,"  remarked  the  Tuttle  person  when 
the  cabby  had  finished.  "It's  a  bad  case  of  splints.  The 
leg  would  be  blistered  if  I  had  him." 

"I  wouldn't  give  him  corral  room,"  said  Cousin  Egbert. 
"He's  a  bad  actor.  Look  at  his  eye!  Whoa!  there — you 
would,  would  you!"  Here  he  made  a  pretence  that  the 
beast  had  seized  him  by  the  shoulder.  "  He's  a  man-eater ! 
What  did  I  tell  you?  Keep  him  away ! " 

"I'll  take  that  out  of  him,"  said  the  Tuttle  person. 
"I'll  show  him  who's  his  master." 

"You  ain't  never  going  to  try  to  ride  him,  Jeff?  Think 
of  the  wife  and  little  ones!" 

"You  know  me,  Sour-dough.  No  horse  never  stepped 
out  from  under  me  yet.  I'll  not  only  ride  him,  but  I'll  put 
a  silver  dollar  in  each  stirrup  and  give  you  a  thousand  for 
each  one  I  lose  and  a  thousand  for  every  time  I  touch 
leather." 

Cousin  Egbert  here  began  to  plead  tearfully : 

"Don't  do  it,  Jeff — come  on  around  here.  There's  a 
big  five-year-old  roan  around  here  that  will  be  safe  as  a 
church  for  you.  Let  that  pinto  alone.  They  ought  to 
be  arrested  for  having  him  here." 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  65 

But  the  other  seemed  obdurate. 

"  Start  her  up,  Professor,  when  I  give  the  word! "  he 
called  to  the  proprietor,  and  handed  him  one  of  the  French 
banknotes.  "  Play  it  all  out ! "  he  directed,  as  this  person 
gasped  with  amazement. 

Cousin  Egbert  then  proceeded  to  the  head  of  the  beast. 

"You'll  have  to  blind  him,"  he  said. 

"Sure!"  replied  the  other,  and  with  loud  and  profane 
cries  to  the  animal  they  bound  a  handkerchief  about  his 
eyes. 

"I  can  tell  he's  going  to  be  a  twister,"  warned  Cousin 
Egbert.  "  I  better  ear  him,"  and  to  my  increased  amaze 
ment  he  took  one  of  the  beast's  leather  ears  between  his 
teeth  and  held  it  tightly.  Then  with  soothing  words  to  the 
supposedly  dangerous  animal,  the  Tuttle  person  mounted 
him. 

"Let  him  go!"  he  called  to  Cousin  Egbert,  who  re 
leased  the  ear  from  between  his  teeth. 

"  Wait ! "  called  the  latter.  "  We're  all  going  with  you," 
whereupon  he  insisted  that  the  cabby  and  I  should  enter  a 
sort  of  swan-boat  directly  in  the  rear.  I  felt  a  silly  fool, 
but  I  saw  there  was  nothing  else  to  be  done.  Cousin 
Egbert  himself  mounted  a  horse  he  had  called  a  "blue 
roan,"  waved  his  hand  to  the  proprietor,  who  switched  a 
lever,  the  "Marseillaise"  blared  forth,  and  the  platform 
began  to  revolve.  As  we  moved,  the  Tuttle  person 
whisked  the  handkerchief  from  off  the  eyes  of  his  mount 
and  with  loud,  shrill  cries  began  to  beat  the  sides  of  its 
head  with  his  soft  hat,  bobbing  about  in  his  saddle,  more 
over,  as  if  the  beast  were  most  unruly  and  like  to  dismount 
him.  Cousin  Egbert  joined  in  the  yelling,  I  am  sorry  to 


66  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

say,  and  lashed  his  beast  as  if  he  would  overtake  his  com 
panion.  The  cabman  also  became  excited  and  shouted 
his  utmost,  apparently  in  the  way  of  encouragement. 
Strange  to  say,  I  presume  on  account  of  the  motion,  I  felt 
the  thing  was  becoming  infectious  and  was  absurdly  moved 
to  join  in  the  shouts,  restraining  myself  with  difficulty.  I 
could  distinctly  imagine  we  were  in  the  hunting  field  and 
riding  the  tails  off  the  hounds,  as  one  might  say. 

In  view  of  what  was  later  most  unjustly  alleged  of  me, 
I  think  it  as  well  to  record  now  that,  though  I  had  par 
taken  freely  of  the  stimulants  since  our  meeting  with  the 
Tuttle  person,  I  was  not  intoxicated,  nor  until  this  mo 
ment  had  I  felt  even  the  slightest  elation.  Now,  however, 
I  did  begin  to  feel  conscious  of  a  mild  exhilaration,  and  to 
be  aware  that  I  was  viewing  the  behaviour  of  my  com 
panions  with  a  sort  of  superior  but  amused  tolerance.  I 
can  account  for  this  only  by  supposing  that  the  swift  revo 
lutions  of  the  carrousel  had  in  some  occult  manner  in 
tensified  or  consummated,  as  one  might  say,  the  effect  of 
my  previous  potations.  I  mean  to  say,  the  continued 
swirling  about  gave  me  a  frothy  feeling  that  was  not  un 
pleasant. 

As  the  contrivance  came  to  rest,  Cousin  Egbert  ran  to 
the  Tuttle  person,  who  had  dismounted,  and  warmly  shook 
his  hand,  as  did  the  cabby. 

"I  certainly  thought  he  had  you  there  once,  Jeff,"  said 
Cousin  Egbert.  "Of  all  the  twisters  I  ever  saw,  that  out 
law  is  the  worst." 

"Wanted  to  roll  me,"  said  the  other,  "but  I  learned  him 
something." 

It  may  not  be  credited,  but  at  this  moment  I  found 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  67 

myself  examining  the  beast  and  saying:  "He's  crocked 
himself  up,  sir — he's  gone  tender  at  the  heel."  I  knew  per 
fectly,  it  must  be  understood,  that  this  was  silly,  and  yet 
I  further  added,  "  I  fancy  he's  picked  up  a  stone."  I  mean 
to  say,  it  was  the  most  utter  rot,  pretending  seriously  that 
way. 

"You  come  away,"  said  Cousin  Egbert.  "Next  thing 
you'll  be  thinking  you  can  ride  him  yourself."  I  did  in 
truth  experience  an  earnest  craving  for  more  of  the  revo 
lutions  and  said  as  much,  adding  that  I  rode  at  twelve 
stone. 

"Let  him  break  his  neck  if  he  wants  to,"  urged  the 
Tuttle  person. 

"It  wouldn't  be  right,"  replied  Cousin  Egbert,  "not  in 
his  condition.  Let's  see  if  we  can't  find  something  gentle 
for  him.  Not  the  roan — 1  found  she  ain't  bridle-wise. 
How  about  that  pheasant?  " 

"It's  an  ostrich,  sir,"  I  corrected  him,  as  indeed  it  most 
distinctly  was,  though  at  my  words  they  both  indulged  in 
loud  laughter,  affecting  to  consider  that  I  had  misnamed 
the  creature. 

"Ostrich!"  they  shouted.  "Poor  old  Bill— he  thinks 
it's  an  ostrich!" 

"Quite  so,  sir,"  I  said,  pleasantly  but  firmly,  deter 
mining  not  to  be  hoaxed  again. 

"Don't  drivel  that  way,"  said  the  Tuttle  person. 

"Leave  it  to  the  driver,  Jeff — maybe  he'll  believe  him" 
said  Cousin  Egbert  almost  sadly,  whereupon  the  other  ad 
dressed  the  cabby : 

"Hey,  Frank,"  he  began,  and  continued  with  some 
French  words,  among  which  I  caught  "  vooley-vous,  ally 


68  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

caffy,  foomer";  and  something  that  sounded  much  like 
"kafoozleum,"  at  which  the  cabby  spoke  at  some  length 
in  his  native  language  concerning  the  ostrich.  When  he 
had  done,  the  Tuttle  person  turned  to  me  with  a  superior 
frown. 

"Now  I  guess  you're  satisfied,"  he  remarked.  "You 
heard  what  Frank  said — it's  an  Arabian  muffin  bird." 
Of  course  I  was  perfectly  certain  that  the  chap  had  said 
nothing  of  the  sort,  but  I  resolved  to  enter  into  the  spirit 
of  the  thing,  so  I  merely  said:  "Yes,  sir;  my  error;  it  was 
only  at  first  glance  that  it  seemed  to  be  an  ostrich." 

"Come  along,"  said  Cousin  Egbert.  "I  won't  let  him 
ride  anything  he  can't  guess  the  name  of.  It  wouldn't  be 
right  to  his  folks." 

"Well,  what's  that,  then?"  demanded  the  other,  point 
ing  full  at  the  giraffe. 

"It's  a  bally  ant-eater,  sir,"  I  replied,  divining  that  I 
should  be  wise  not  to  seem  too  obvious  in  naming  the 
beast. 

"Well,  well,  so  it  is!"  exclaimed  the  Tuttle  person  de 
lightedly. 

"He's  got  the  eye  with  him  this  time,"  said  Cousin  Eg 
bert  admiringly. 

"He's  sure  a  wonder,"  said  the  other.  "That  thing  had 
me  fooled;  I  thought  at  first  it  was  a  Russian  mouse 
hound." 

"Well,  let  him  ride  it,  then,"  said  Cousin  Egbert,  and 
I  was  practically  lifted  into  the  saddle  by  the  pair  of  them. 

"One  moment,"  said  Cousin  Egbert.  "Can't  you  see 
the  poor  thing  has  a  sore  throat?  Wait  till  I  fix  him." 
And  forthwith  he  removed  his  spats  and  in  another  mo- 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  69 

ment  had  buckled  them  securely  high  about  the  throat  of 
the  giraffe.  It  will  be  seen  that  I  was  not  myself  when  I 
say  that  this  performance  did  not  shock  me  as  it  should 
have  done,  though  I  was,  of  course,  less  entertained  by  it 
than  were  the  remainder  of  our  party  and  a  circle  of  the 
French  lower  classes  that  had  formed  about  us. 

4<Give  him  his  head!  Let's  see  what  time  you  can 
make!"  shouted  Cousin  Egbert  as  the  affair  began  once 
more  to  revolve.  I  saw  that  both  my  companions  held 
opened  watches  in  their  hands. 

It  here  becomes  difficult  for  me  to  be  lucid  about  the 
succeeding  events  of  the  day.  I  was  conscious  of  a  mount 
ing  exhilaration  as  my  beast  swept  me  around  the  circle, 
and  of  a  marked  impatience  with  many  of  the  proprieties 
of  behaviour  that  ordinarily  with  me  matter  enormously. 
I  swung  my  cap  and  joyously  urged  my  strange  steed  to  a 
faster  pace,  being  conscious  of  loud  applause  each  time  I 
passed  my  companions.  For  certain  lapses  of  memory 
thereafter  I  must  wholly  blame  this  insidious  motion. 

For  example,  though  I  believed  myself  to  be  still 
mounted  and  whirling  (indeed  I  was  strongly  aware  of  the 
motion),  I  found  myself  seated  again  at  the  corner  public 
house  and  rapping  smartly  for  drink,  which  I  paid  for. 
I  was  feeling  remarkably  fit,  and  suffered  only  a  mild 
wonder  that  I  should  have  left  the  carrousel  without  ob 
serving  it.  Having  drained  my  glass,  I  then  remember 
asking  Cousin  Egbert  if  he  would  consent  to  change  hats 
with  the  cabby,  which  he  willingly  did.  It  was  a  top-hat  of 
some  strange,  hard  material  brightly  glazed.  Although 
many  unjust  things  were  said  of  me  later,  this  is  the  sole 
incident  of  the  day  which  causes  me  to  admit  that  I  might 


70  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

have  taken  a  glass  too  much,  especially  as  I  undoubtedly 
praised  Cousin  Egbert's  appearance  when  the  exchange 
had  been  made,  and  was  heard  to  wish  that  we  might  all 
have  hats  so  smart. 

It  was  directly  after  this  that  young  Mr.  Elmer,  the 
art  student,  invited  us  to  his  studio,  though  I  had  not 
before  remarked  his  presence,  and  cannot  recall  now  where 
we  met  him.  The  occurrence  in  the  studio,  however, 
was  entirely  natural.  I  wished  to  please  my  friends  and 
made  no  demur  whatever  when  asked  to  don  the  things 
— a  trouserish  affair,  of  sheep's  wool,  which  they  called 
"chapps,"  a  flannel  shirt  of  blue  (they  knotted  a  scarlet 
handkerchief  around  my  neck),  and  a  wide-brimmed  white 
hat  with  four  indentations  in  the  crown,  such  as  one 
may  see  worn  in  the  cinema  dramas  by  cow-persons  and 
other  western-coast  desperadoes.  When  they  had  strapped 
around  my  waist  a  large  pistol  in  a  leather  jacket,  I  con 
sidered  the  effect  picturesque  in  the  extreme,  and  my 
friends  were  loud  in  their  approval  of  it. 

I  repeat,  it  was  an  occasion  when  it  would  have  been 
boorish  in  me  to  refuse  to  meet  them  halfway.  I  even 
told  them  an  excellent  wheeze  I  had  long  known,  which  I 
thought  they  might  not  have  heard.  It  runs:  "Why  is 
Charing  Cross?  Because  the  Strand  runs  into  it."  I 
mean  to  say,  this  is  comic  providing  one  enters  wholly  into 
the  spirit  of  it,  as  there  is  required  a  certain  nimbleness  of 
mind  to  get  the  point,  as  one  might  say.  In  the  present 
instance  some  needed  element  was  lacking,  for  they  actu 
ally  drew  aloof  from  me  and  conversed  in  low  tones  among 
themselves,  pointedly  ignoring  me.  I  repeated  the  thing 
to  make  sure  they  should  see  it,  whereat  I  heard  Cousin 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  71 

Egbert  say:  "Better  not  irritate  him — he'll  get  mad  if  we 
don't  laugh,"  after  which  they  burst  into  laughter  so  ex 
travagant  that  I  knew  it  to  be  feigned.  Hereupon,  feeling 
quite  drowsy,  I  resolved  to  have  forty  winks,  and  with  due 
apologies  reclined  upon  the  couch,  where  I  drifted  into  a 
refreshing  slumber. 

Later  I  inferred  that  I  must  have  slept  for  some  hours. 
I  was  awakened  by  a  light  flashed  in  my  eyes,  and  beheld 
Cousin  Egbert  and  the  Tuttle  person,  the  latter  wishing 
to  know  how  late  I  expected  to  keep  them  up.  I  was  on 
my  feet  at  once  with  apologies,  but  they  instantly  hustled 
me  to  the  door,  down  a  flight  of  steps,  through  a  court 
yard,  and  into  the  waiting  cab.  It  was  then  I  noticed 
that  I  was  wearing  the  curious  hat  of  the  American  Far 
West,  but  when  I  would  have  gone  back  to  leave  it 
and  secure  my  own,  they  protested  vehemently,  wish 
ing  to  know  if  I  had  not  given  them  trouble  enough  that 
day. 

In  the  cab  I  was  still  somewhat  drowsy,  but  gathered 
that  my  companions  had  left  me,  to  dine  and  attend  a 
public  dance-hall  with  the  cubbish  art  student.  They  had 
not  seemed  to  need  sleep  and  were  still  wakeful,  for  they 
sang  from  time  to  time,  and  Cousin  Egbert  lifted  the 
cabby's  hat,  which  he  still  wore,  bowing  to  imaginary 
throngs  along  the  street  who  were  supposed  to  be  applaud 
ing  him.  I  at  once  became  conscience-stricken  at  the 
thought  of  Mrs.  Effie's  feelings  when  she  should  discover 
him  to  be  in  this  state,  and  was  on  the  point  of  suggesting 
that  he  seek  another  apartment  for  the  night,  when  the 
cab  pulled  up  in  front  of  our  own  hotel. 

Though  I  protest  that  I  was  now  entirely  recovered 


72  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

from  any  effect  that  the  alcohol  might  have  had  upon  me, 
it  was  not  until  this  moment  that  I  most  horribly  discov 
ered  myself  to  be  in  the  full  cow-person's  regalia  I  had 
donned  in  the  studio  in  a  spirit  of  pure  frolic.  I  mean  to 
say,  I  had  never  intended  to  wear  the  things  beyond  the 
door  and  could  not  have  been  hired  to  do  so.  What  was 
my  amazement  then  to  find  my  companions  laboriously 
lifting  me  from  the  cab  in  this  impossible  tenue.  I  ob 
jected  vehemently,  but  little  good  it  did  me. 

"Get  a  policeman  if  he  starts  any  of  that  rough  stuff," 
said  the  Tuttle  person,  and  in  sheer  horror  of  a  scandal  I 
subsided,  while  one  on  either  side  they  hustled  me  through 
the  hotel  lounge — happily  vacant  of  every  one  but  a 
tariff  manager — and  into  the  lift.  And  now  I  perceived 
that  they  were  once  more  pretending  to  themselves  that  I 
was  in  a  bad  way  from  drink,  though  I  could  not  at  once 
suspect  the  full  iniquity  of  their  design. 

As  we  reached  our  own  floor,  one  of  them  still  seeming 
to  support  me  on  either  side,  they  began  loud  and  excited 
admonitions  to  me  to  be  still,  to  come  along  as  quickly  as 
possible,  to  stop  singing,  and  not  to  shoot.  I  mean  to  say, 
I  was  entirely  quiet,  I  was  coming  along  as  quickly  as  they 
would  let  me,  I  had  not  sung,  and  did  not  wish  to  shoot, 
yet  they  persisted  in  making  this  loud  ado  over  my  sup 
posed  intoxication,  aimlessly  as  I  thought,  until  the  door 
of  the  Floud  drawing-room  opened  and  Mrs.  Effie  ap 
peared  in  the  hallway.  At  this  they  redoubled  their  ab 
surd  violence  with  me,  and  by  dint  of  tripping  me  they 
actually  made  it  appear  that  I  was  scarce  able  to  walk,  nor 
do  I  imagine  that  the  costume  I  wore  was  any  testimonial 
Vo  my  sobriety. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  73 

"Now  we  got  him  safe,"  panted  Cousin  Egbert,  pushing 
open  the  door  of  my  room. 

"Get  his  gun,  first!"  warned  the  Tuttle  person,  and  this 
being  taken  from  me,  I  was  unceremoniously  shoved  inside. 

"What  does  all  this  mean?"  demanded  Mrs.  Effie,  com 
ing  rapidly  down  the  hall.  "Where  have  you  been  till 
this  time  of  night?  I  bet  it's  your  fault,  Jeff  Tuttle— 
you've  been  getting  him  going." 

They  were  both  voluble  with  denials  of  this,  and  though 
I  could  scarce  believe  my  ears,  they  proceeded  to  tell  a 
story  that  laid  the  blame  entirely  on  me. 

"No,  ma'am,  Mis'  Effie,"  began  the  Tuttle  person. 
"It  ain't  that  way  at  all.  You  wrong  me  if  ever  a  man 
was  wronged." 

"You  just  seen  what  state  he  was  in,  didn't  you?" 
asked  Cousin  Egbert  in  tones  of  deep  injury.  "Do  you 
want  to  take  another  look  at  him?"  and  he  made  as  if  to 
push  the  door  farther  open  upon  me. 

"Don't  do  it — don't  get  him  started  again!"  warned  the 
Tuttle  person.  "I've  had  trouble  enough  with  that  man 
to-day." 

"I  seen  it  coming  this  morning,"  said  Cousin  Egbert, 
"when  we  was  at  the  art  gallery.  He  had  a  kind  of  wild 
look  in  his  eyes,  and  I  says  right  then:  *  There's  a  man  ought 
to  be  watched,'  and,  well,  one  thing  led  to  another — look 
at  this  hat  he  made  me  wear — nothing  would  satisfy  him 
but  I  should  trade  hats  with  some  cab-driver — 

"  I  was  coming  along  from  looking  at  two  or  three  good 
churches,"  broke  in  the  Tuttle  person,  "when  I  seen  Sour 
dough  here  having  a  kind  of  a  mix-up  with  this  man  be- 
of  him  insisting  he  must  ride  a  kangaroo  or  some- 


74  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

thing  on  a  merry-go-round,  and  wanting  Sour-dough  to 
ride  an  ostrich  with  him,  and  then  when  we  got  him  quieted 
down  a  little,  nothing  would  do  him  but  he's  got  to  be 
a  cowboy — you  seen  his  clothes,  didn't  you?  And  of 
course  I  wanted  to  get  back  to  Addie  and  the  girls,  but  I 
seen  Sour-dough  here  was  in  trouble,  so  I  stayed  right  by 
him,  and  between  us  we  got  the  maniac  here." 

"He's  one  of  them  should  never  touch  liquor,"  said 
Cousin  Egbert;  "it  makes  a  demon  of  him." 

"I  got  his  knife  away  from  him  early  in  the  game,"  said 
the  other. 

"I  don't  suppose  I  got  to  wear  this  cabman's  hat  just 
because  he  told  me  to,  have  I? "demanded  Cousin  Eg 
bert. 

"And  here  I'd  been  looking  forward  to  a  quiet  day  seeing 
some  well-known  objects  of  interest,"  came  from  the  other, 
"after  I  got  my  tooth  pulled,  that  is." 

"And  me  with  a  tooth,  too,  that  nearly  drove  me  out 
of  my  mind,"  said  Cousin  Egbert  suddenly. 

I  could  not  see  Mrs.  Effie,  but  she  had  evidently  listened 
to  this  outrageous  tale  with  more  or  less  belief,  though  not 
wholly  credulous. 

"You  men  have  both  been  drinking  yourselves,"  she 
said  shrewdly. 

"We  had  to  take  a  little;  he  made  us,"  declared  the 
Tuttle  person  brazenly. 

"He  got  so  he  insisted  on  our  taking  something  every 
time  he  did,"  added  Cousin  Egbert.  "And,  anyway,  I 
didn't  care  so  much,  with  this  tooth  of  mine  aching  like 
it  does." 

"You  come  right  out  with  me  and  around  to  that  den- 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  75 

«ist  I  went  to  this  morning,"  said  the  Tuttle  person. 
"You'll  suffer  all  night  if  you  don't." 

"Maybe  I'd  better,"  said  Cousin  Egbert,  "though  I 
hate  to  leave  this  comfortable  hotel  and  go  out  into  the 
night  air  again." 

"I'll  have  the  right  of  this  in  the  morning,"  said  Mrs. 
Effie.  "Don't  think  it's  going  to  stop  here!"  At  this 
my  door  was  pulled  to  and  the  key  turned  in  the  lock. 

Frankly  I  am  aware  that  what  I  have  put  down  above 
is  incredible,  yet  not  a  single  detail  have  I  distorted. 
With  a  quite  devilish  ingenuity  they  had  fastened  upon 
some  true  bits:  I  had  suggested  the  change  of  hats  with 
the  cabby,  I  had  wished  to  ride  the  giraffe,  and  the  Tuttle 
person  had  secured  my  knife,  but  how  monstrously  untrue 
of  me  was  the  impression  conveyed  by  these  isolated  facts. 
I  could  believe  now  quite  all  the  tales  I  had  ever  heard 
of  the  queerness  of  Americans.  Queerness,  indeed !  I  went 
to  bed  resolving  to  let  the  morrow  take  care  of  itself. 

Again  I  was  awakened  by  a  light  flashing  in  my  eyes, 
and  became  aware  that  Cousin  Egbert  stood  in  the  middle 
of  the  room.  He  was  reading  from  his  notebook  of  art 
criticisms,  with  something  of  an  oratorical  effect.  Through 
the  half -drawn  curtains  I  could  see  that  dawn  was  break 
ing.  Cousin  Egbert  was  no  longer  wearing  the  cabby's 
hat.  It  was  now  the  flat  cap  of  the  Paris  constable  or 
policeman. 


CHAPTER  FOUR 

THE  sight  was  a  fair  crumpler  after  the  outrageous 
slander  that  had  been  put  upon  me  by  this  elderly 
inebriate  and  his  accomplice.  I  sat  up  at  once, 
prepared  to  bully  him  down  a  bit.  Although  I  was  not 
sure  that  I  engaged  his  attention,  I  told  him  that  his  read 
ing  could  be  very  well  done  without  and  that  he  might 
take  himself  off.  At  this  he  became  silent  and  regarded 
me  solemnly. 

"Why  did  Charing  Cross  the  Strand?  Because  three 
rousing  cheers,"  said  he. 

Of  course  he  had  the  wheeze  all  wrong  and  I  saw  that  he 
should  be  in  bed.  So  with  gentle  words  I  lured  him  to  his 
own  chamber.  Here,  with  a  quite  unexpected  perversity, 
he  accused  me  of  having  kept  him  up  the  night  long  and 
begged  now  to  be  allowed  to  retire.  This  he  did  with  mut 
tered  complaints  of  my  behaviour,  and  was  almost  in 
stantly  asleep.  I  concealed  the  constable's  cap  in  one  of 
his  boxes,  for  I  feared  that  he  had  not  come  by  this  hon 
estly.  I  then  returned  to  my  own  room,  where  for  a  long 
time  I  meditated  profoundly  upon  the  situation  that  now 
confronted  me. 

It  seemed  probable  that  I  should  be  shopped  by  Mrs. 
Effie  for  what  she  had  been  led  to  believe  was  my  rowdyish 
behaviour.  However  dastardly  the  injustice  to  me,  it 
was  a  solution  of  the  problem  that  I  saw  I  could  bring  my- 

76 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  77 

self  to  meet  with  considerable  philosophy.  It  meant  a 
return  to  the  quiet  service  of  the  Honourable  George  and 
that  I  need  no  longer  face  the  distressing  vicissitudes  of 
life  in  the  back  blocks  of  unexplored  America.  I  would  not 
be  obliged  to  muddle  along  in  the  blind  fashion  of  the  last 
two  days,  feeling  a  frightful  fool.  Mrs.  Effie  would  surely 
not  keep  me  on,  and  that  was  all  about  it.  I  had  merely 
to  make  no  defence  of  myself.  And  even  if  I  chose  to 
make  one  I  wras  not  certain  that  she  would  believe  me,  so 
cunning  had  been  the  accusations  against  me,  with  that 
tiny  thread  of  fact  which  I  make  no  doubt  has  so  often 
enabled  historians  to  give  a  false  colouring  to  their  re 
citals  without  stating  downright  untruths.  Indeed,  my 
shameless  appearance  in  the  garb  of  a  cow  person  would 
alone  have  cast  doubt  upon  the  truth  as  I  knew  it  to  be. 

Then  suddenly  I  suffered  an  illumination.  I  perceived 
all  at  once  that  to  make  any  sort  of  defence  of  myself 
would  not  be  cricket.  I  mean  to  say,  I  saw  the  proceed 
ings  of  the  previous  day  in  a  new  light.  It  is  well  known 
that  I  do  not  hold  with  the  abuse  of  alcoholic  stimulants, 
and  yet  on  the  day  before,  in  moments  that  I  now  confess 
to  have  been  slightly  elevated,  I  had  been  conscious  of  a 
certain  feeling  of  fellowship  with  my  two  companions  that 
was  rather  wonderful.  Though  obviously  they  were  not 
university  men,  they  seemed  to  belong  to  what  in  America 
would  be  called  the  landed  gentry,  and  yet  I  had  felt  my 
self  on  terms  of  undoubted  equality  with  them.  It  may  be 
believed  or  not,  but  there  had  been  brief  spaces  when  I 
forgot  that  I  was  a  gentleman's  man.  Astoundingly  I  had 
experienced  the  confident  ease  of  a  gentleman  among  his 
equals.  I  was  obliged  to  admit  now  that  this  might 


78  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

been  a  mere  delusion  of  the  cup,  and  yet  I  wondered,  too, 
if  perchance  I  might  not  have  caught  something  of  that 
American  spirit  of  equality  which  is  said  to  be  peculiar  to 
republics.  Needless  to  say  I  had  never  believed  in  the 
existence  of  this  spirit,  but  had  considered  it  rather  a 
ghastly  jest,  having  been  a  reader  of  our  own  periodical 
press  since  earliest  youth.  I  mean  to  say,  there  could 
hardly  be  a  stable  society  in  which  one  had  no  superiors, 
because  in  that  case  one  would  not  know  who  were  one's 
inferiors.  Nevertheless,  I  repeat  that  I  had  felt  a  most 
novel  enlargement  of  myself;  had,  in  fact,  felt  that  I  was  a 
gentleman  among  gentlemen,  using  the  word  in  its  strictly 
technical  sense.  And  so  vividly  did  this  conviction  re 
main  with  me  that  I  now  saw  any  defence  of  my  course 
to  be  out  of  the  question. 

I  perceived  that  my  companions  had  meant  to  have  me 
on  toast  from  the  first.  I  mean  to  say,  they  had  started 
a  rag  with  me — a  bit  of  chaff — and  I  now  found  myself 
rather  preposterously  enjoying  the  manner  in  which  they 
had  chivied  me.  I  mean  to  say,  I  felt  myself  taking  it  as 
one  gentleman  would  take  a  rag  from  other  gentlemen — 
not  as  a  bit  of  a  sneak  who  would  tell  the  truth  to  save  his 
face.  A  couple  of  chaffing  old  beggars  they  were,  but 
they  had  found  me  a  topping  dead  sportsman  of  their  own 
sort.  Be  it  remembered  I  was  still  uncertain  whether  I 
had  caught  something  of  that  alleged  American  spirit,  or 
whether  the  drink  had  made  me  feel  equal  at  least  to 
Americans.  Whatever  it  might  be,  it  was  rather  great, 
and  I  was  prepared  to  face  Mrs.  Effie  without  a  tremor — 
to  face  her,  of  course,  as  one  overtaken  by  a  weakness  for 
spirits. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  79 

When  the  bell  at  last  rang  I  donned  my  service  coat  and, 
assuming  a  look  of  profound  remorse,  I  went  to  the  draw 
ing-room  to  serve  the  morning  coffee.  As  I  suspected, 
only  Mrs.  Effie  was  present.  I  believe  it  has  been  before 
remarked  that  she  is  a  person  of  commanding  presence, 
with  a  manner  of  marked  determination.  She  favoured 
me  with  a  brief  but  chilling  glance,  and  for  some  mo 
ments  thereafter  affected  quite  to  ignore  me.  Obviously 
she  had  been  completely  greened  the  night  before  and  was 
treating  me  with  a  proper  contempt.  I  saw  that  it  was  no 
use  grousing  at  fate  and  that  it  was  better  for  me  not  to  go 
into  the  American  wilderness,  since  a  rolling  stone  gathers 
no  moss.  I  was  prepared  to  accept  instant  dismissal  with 
out  a  character. 

She  began  upon  me,  however,  after  her  first  cup  of  coffee, 
more  mildly  than  I  had  expected. 

"Ruggles,  I'm  horribly  disappointed  in  you." 

"Not  more  so  than  I  myself,  Madam,"  I  replied. 

"I  am  more  disappointed,"  she  continued,  "because  I 
felt  that  Cousin  Egbert  had  something  in  him " 

"Something  in  him,  yes,  Madam,"  I  murmured  sym 
pathetically. 

"And  that  you  were  the  man  to  bring  it  out.  I  was 
quite  hopeful  after  you  got  him  into  those  new  clothes.  I 
don't  believe  any  one  else  could  have  done  it.  And  now  it 
turns  out  that  you  have  this  weakness  for  drink.  Not 
only  that,  but  you  have  a  mania  for  insisting  that  other 
men  drink  with  you.  Think  of  those  two  poor  fellows 
trailing  you  over  Paris  yesterday  trying  to  save  you  from 
yourself." 

"I  shall  never  forget  it,  Madam,"  I  said. 


80  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

"Of  course  I  don't  believe  that  Jeff  Tuttle  always  has 
to  have  it  forced  on  him.  Jeff  Tuttle  is  an  Indian.  But 
Cousin  Egbert  is  different.  You  tore  him  away  from  that 
art  gallery  where  he  was  improving  his  mind,  and  led  him 
into  places  that  must  have  been  disgusting  to  him.  All 
he  wanted  was  to  study  the  world's  masterpieces  in  canvas 
and  marble,  yet  you  put  a  cabman's  hat  on  him  and  made 
him  ride  an  antelope,  or  whatever  the  thing  was.  I  can't 
think  where  you  got  such  ideas." 

"I  was  not  myself.  I  can  only  say  that  I  seemed  to  be 
subject  to  an  attack."  And  the  Tuttle  person  was  one 
of  their  Indians !  This  explained  so  much  about  him. 

"You  don't  look  like  a  periodical  souse,"  she  remarked. 

"Quite  so,  Madam." 

"But  you  must  be  a  wonder  when  you  do  start.  The 
point  is:  am  I  doing  right  to  intrust  Cousin  Egbert  to 
you  again?" 

"Quite  so,  Madam." 

"It  seems  doubtful  if  you  are  the  person  to  develop  his 
higher  nature." 

Against  my  better  judgment  I  here  felt  obliged  to  pro 
test  that  I  had  always  been  given  the  highest  character  for 
quietness  and  general  behaviour  and  that  I  could  safely 
promise  that  I  should  be  guilty  of  no  further  lapses  of  this 
kind.  Frankly,  I  was  wishing  to  be  shopped,  and  yet  I 
could  not  resist  making  this  mild  defence  of  myself.  Such 
I  have  found  to  be  the  way  of  human  nature.  To  my  sur 
prise  I  found  that  Mrs.  Effie  was  more  than  half  persuaded 
by  these  words  and  was  on  the  point  of  giving  me  another 
trial.  I  cannot  say  that  I  was  delighted  at  this.  I  was 
ready  to  give  up  all  Americans  as  problems  one  too  many 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  81 

for  me,  and  yet  I  was  strangely  a  little  warmed  at  thinking 
I  might  not  have  seen  the  last  of  Cousin  Egbert,  whom  I 
had  just  given  a  tuckup. 

"You  shall  have  your  chance,"  she  said  at  last,  ''and 
just  to  show  you  that  I'm  not  narrow,  you  can  go  over  to 
the  sideboard  there  and  pour  yourself  out  a  little  one.  It 
ought  to  be  a  lifesaver  to  you,  feeling  the  way  you  must 
this  morning." 

"Thank  you,  Madam,"  and  I  did  as  she  suggested.  I 
was  feeling  especially  fit,  but  I  knew  that  I  ought  to  play 
in  character,  as  one  might  say. 

"Three  rousing  cheers!"  I  said,  having  gathered  the 
previous  day  that  this  was  a  popular  American  toast.  She 
stared  at  me  rather  oddly,  but  made  no  comment  other 
than  to  announce  her  departure  on  a  shopping  tour.  Her 
bonnet,  I  noted,  was  quite  wrong.  Too  extremely  modish 
it  was,  accenting  its  own  lines  at  the  expense  of  a  face  to 
which  less  attention  should  have  been  called.  This  is  a 
mistake  common  to  the  sex,  however.  They  little  dream 
how  sadly  they  mock  and  betray  their  own  faces.  Nothing 
I  think  is  more  pathetic  than  their  trustful  unconscious 
ness  of  the  tragedy — the  rather  plainish  face  under  the 
contemptuous  structure  that  points  to  it  and  shrieks  deri 
sion.  The  rather  plain  woman  who  knows  what  to  put 
upon  her  head  is  a  woman  of  genius.  I  have  seen  three, 
perhaps. 

I  now  went  to  the  room  of  Cousin  Egbert.  I  found  him 
awake  and  cheerful,  but  disinclined  to  arise.  It  was  hard 
for  me  to  realize  that  his  simple,  kindly  face  could  mask 
the  guile  he  had  displayed  the  night  before.  He  showed  no 
sign  of  regret  for  the  false  light  in  which  he  had  placed  me. 


82  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

Indeed  he  was  sitting  up  in  bed  as  cheerful  and  independent 
as  if  he  had  paid  two-pence  for  a  park  chair. 

"I  fancy,"  he  began,  "that  we  ought  to  spend  a  peaceful 
day  indoors.  The  trouble  with  these  foreign  parts  is  that 
they  don't  have  enough  home  life.  If  it  isn't  one  thing  it's 
another." 

"Sometimes  it's  both,  sir,"  I  said,  and  he  saw  at  once 
that  I  was  not  to  be  wheedled.  Thereupon  he  grinned  bra 
zenly  at  me,  and  demanded: 

"What  did  she  say?" 

"Well,  sir,"  I  said,  "she  was  highly  indignant  at  me  for 
taking  you  and  Mr.  Tuttle  into  public  houses  and  forcing 
you  to  drink  liquor,  but  she  was  good  enough,  after  I  had 
expressed  my  great  regret  and  promised  to  do  better  in 
the  future,  to  promise  that  I  should  have  another  chance. 
It  was  more  than  I  could  have  hoped,  sir,  after  the  out 
rageous  manner  in  which  I  behaved." 

He  grinned  again  at  this,  and  in  spite  of  my  resentment 
I  found  myself  grinning  with  him.  I  am  aware  that  this 
was  a  most  undignified  submission  to  the  injustice  he  had 
put  upon  me,  and  it  was  far  from  the  line  of  stern  rebuke 
that  I  had  fully  meant  to  adopt  with  him,  but  there  seemed 
no  other  way.  I  mean  to  say,  I  couldn't  help  it. 

"I'm  glad  to  hear  you  talk  that  way,"  he  said.  "It 
shows  you  may  have  something  in  you  after  all.  What 
you  want  to  do  is  to  learn  to  say  no.  Then  you  won't  be 
so  much  trouble  to  those  who  have  to  look  after  you." 

"Yes,  sir,"  I  said,  "I  shall  try,  sir." 

"Then  I'll  give  you  another  chance,"  he  said  sternly. 

I  mean  to  say,  it  was  all  spoofing,  the  way  we  talked. 
I  am  certain  he  knew  it  as  well  as  I  did,  and  I  am  sure  we 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  83 

both  enjoyed  it.  I  am  not  one  of  those  who  think  it  shows 
a  lack  of  dignity  to  unbend  in  this  manner  on  occasion. 
True,  it  is  not  with  every  one  I  could  afford  to  do  so,  but 
Cousin  Egbert  seemed  to  be  an  exception  to  almost  every 
rule  of  conduct. 

At  his  earnest  request  I  now  procured  for  him  another 
carafe  of  iced  water  (he  seemed  already  to  have  consumed 
two  of  these),  after  which  he  suggested  that  I  read  to  him. 
The  book  he  had  was  the  well-known  story,  "Robinson 
Crusoe,"  and  I  began  a  chapter  which  describes  some  of 
the  hero's  adventures  on  his  lonely  island. 

Cousin  Egbert,  I  was  glad  to  note,  was  soon  sleeping 
soundly,  so  I  left  him  and  retired  to  my  own  room  for  a 
bit  of  needed  rest.  The  story  of  "Robinson  Crusoe"  is 
one  in  which  many  interesting  facts  are  conveyed  regarding 
life  upon  remote  islands  where  there  are  practically  no 
modern  conveniences  and  one  is  put  to  all  sorts  of  crude 
makeshifts,  but  for  me  the  narrative  contains  too  little 
dialogue. 

For  the  remainder  of  the  day  I  was  left  to  myself,  a  period 
of  peace  that  I  found  most  welcome.  Not  until  evening 
did  I  meet  any  of  the  family  except  Cousin  Egbert,  who 
partook  of  some  light  nourishment  late  in  the  afternoon. 
Then  it  was  that  Mrs.  Erne  summoned  me  when  she  had 
dressed  for  dinner,  to  say : 

"We  are  sailing  for  home  the  day  after  to-morrow.  See 
that  Cousin  Egbert  has  everything  he  needs." 

The  following  day  was  a  busy  one,  for  there  were  many 
boxes  to  be  packed  against  the  morrow's  sailing,  and  much 
shopping  to  do  for  Cousin  Egbert,  although  he  was  much 
against  this. 


84  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

"It's  all  nonsense,"  he  insisted,  "her  saying  all  that 
truck  helps  to  *  finish'  me.  Look  at  me!  I've  been  in 
Europe  darned  near  four  months  and  I  can't  see  that  I'm 
a  lick  more  finished  than  when  I  left  Red  Gap.  Of  course 
it  may  show  on  me  so  other  people  can  see  it,  but  I  don't 
believe  it  does,  at  that."  Nevertheless,  I  bought  him 
no  end  of  suits  and  smart  haberdashery. 

When  the  last  box  had  been  strapped  I  hastened  to  our 
old  lodgings  on  the  chance  of  seeing  the  Honourable 
George  once  more.  I  found  him  dejectedly  studying  an 
ancient  copy  of  the  "Referee."  Too  evidently  he  had 
dined  that  night  in  a  costume  which  would,  I  am  sure,  have 
offended  even  Cousin  Egbert.  Above  his  dress  trousers 
he  wore  a  golfing  waistcoat  and  a  shooting  jacket.  How 
ever,  I  could  not  allow  myself  to  be  distressed  by  this. 
Indeed,  I  knew  that  worse  would  come.  I  forebore  to 
comment  upon  the  extraordinary  choice  of  garments  he 
had  made.  I  knew  it  was  quite  useless.  From  any  word 
that  he  let  fall  during  our  chat,  he  might  have  supposed 
himself  to  be  dressed  as  an  English  gentleman  should  be. 

He  bade  me  seat  myself,  and  for  some  time  we  smoked 
our  pipes  in  a  friendly  silence.  I  had  feared  that,  as 
on  the  last  occasion,  he  would  row  me  for  having  deserted 
him,  but  he  no  longer  seemed  to  harbour  this  unjust 
thought.  We  spoke  of  America,  and  I  suggested  that  he 
might  some  time  come  out  to  shoot  big  game  along  the 
Ohio  or  the  Mississippi.  He  replied  moodily,  after  a  long 
interval,  that  if  he  ever  did  come  out  it  would  be  to  set 
up  a  cattle  plantation.  It  was  rather  agreed  that  he 
would  come  should  I  send  for  him.  "Can't  sit  around 
forever  waiting  for  old  Nevil's  toast  crumbs,"  said  he. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  85 

We  chatted  for  a  time  of  home  politics,  which  was,  of 
course,  in  a  wretched  state.  There  was  a  time  when  we 
might  both  have  been  won  to  a  sane  and  reasoned  liber 
alism,  but  the  present  so-called  government  was  coming 
it  a  bit  too  thick  for  us.  We  said  some  sharp  things  about 
the  little  Welsh  attorney  who  was  beginning  to  be  Eng 
land's  humiliation.  Then  it  was  time  for  me  to  go. 

The  moment  was  rather  awkward,  for  the  Honourable 
George,  to  my  great  embarrassment,  pressed  upon  me  his 
dispatch-case,  one  that  we  had  carried  during  all  our  trav 
els  and  into  which  tidily  fitted  a  quart  flask.  Brandy  we 
usually  carried  in  it.  I  managed  to  accept  it  with  a  word 
of  thanks,  and  then  amazingly  he  shook  hands  twice  with 
me  as  we  said  good-night.  I  had  never  dreamed  he  could 
be  so  greatly  affected.  Indeed,  I  had  always  supposed 
that  there  was  nothing  of  the  sentimentalist  about  him. 

So  the  Honourable  George  and  I  were  definitely  apart 
for  the  first  time  in  our  lives. 

It  was  with  mingled  emotions  that  I  set  sail  next  day 
for  the  foreign  land  to  which  I  had  been  exiled  by  a  turn  of 
the  cards.  Not  only  was  I  off  to  a  wilderness  where  a  life 
of  daily  adventure  was  the  normal  life,  but  I  was  to  mingle 
with  foreigners  who  promised  to  be  quite  almost  impossibly 
queer,  if  the  family  of  Flouds  could  be  taken  as  a  sample 
of  the  native  American — knowing  Indians  like  the  Tuttle 
person;  that  sort  of  thing.  If  some  would  be  less  queer, 
others  would  be  even  more  queer,  with  queerness  of  a  sort 
to  tax  even  my  savoir  faire,  something  which  had  been 
sorely  taxed,  I  need  hardly  say,  since  that  fatal  evening 
when  the  Honourable  George's  intuitions  had  played  him 
false  in  the  game  of  drawing  poker.  I  was  not  the  first 


86  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

of  my  countrymen,  however,  to  find  himself  in  desperate 
straits,  and  I  resolved  to  behave  as  England  expects  us  to. 

I  have  said  that  I  was  viewing  the  prospect  with  mingled 
emotions.  Before  we  had  been  out  many  hours  they  be 
came  so  mingled  that,  having  crossed  the  Channel  many 
times,  I  could  no  longer  pretend  to  ignore  their  true  nature. 
For  three  days  I  was  at  the  mercy  of  the  elements,  and 
it  was  then  I  discovered  a  certain  hardness  in  the  nature 
of  Cousin  Egbert  which  I  had  not  before  suspected.  It 
was  only  by  speaking  in  the  sharpest  manner  to  him  that 
I  was  able  to  secure  the  nursing  my  condition  demanded. 
I  made  no  doubt  he  would  actually  have  left  me  to  the 
care  of  a  steward  had  I  not  been  firm  with  him.  I  have 
known  him  leave  my  bedside  for  an  hour  at  a  time  when 
it  seemed  probable  that  I  would  pass  away  at  any  moment. 
And  more  than  once,  when  I  summoned  him  in  the  night 
to  administer  one  of  the  remedies  with  which  I  had  pro 
vided  myself,  or  perhaps  to  question  him  if  the  ship  were 
out  of  danger,  he  exhibited  something  very  like  irritation. 
Indeed  he  was  never  properly  impressed  by  my  suffering, 
and  at  times  when  he  would  answer  my  call  it  was  plain 
to  be  seen  that  he  had  been  passing  idle  moments  in  the 
smoke-room  or  elsewhere,  quite  as  if  the  situation  were 
an  ordinary  one. 

It  is  only  fair  to  say,  however,  that  toward  the  end  of  my 
long  and  interesting  illness  I  had  quite  broken  his  spirit 
and  brought  him  to  be  as  attentive  as  even  I  could  wish. 
By  the  time  I  was  able  with  his  assistance  to  go  upon  deck 
again  he  was  bringing  me  nutritive  wines  and  jellies  with 
out  being  told,  and  so  attentive  did  he  remain  that  I 
overheard  a  fellow-passenger  address  him  as  Florence 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  87 

Nightingale.  I  also  overheard  the  Senator  tell  him  that  I 
had  got  his  sheep,  whatever  that  may  have  meant — a  sheep 
or  a  goat — some  domestic  animal.  Yet  with  all  his  willing 
ness  he  was  clumsy  in  his  handling  of  me;  he  seemed  to 
take  nothing  with  any  proper  seriousness,  and  in  spite  of 
my  sharpest  warning  he  would  never  wear  the  proper 
clothes,  so  that  I  always  felt  he  was  attracting  undue 
attention  to  us.  Indeed,  I  should  hardly  care  to  cross 
with  him  again,  and  this  I  told  him  straight. 

Of  the  so-called  joys  of  ship-life,  concerning  which  the 
boat  companies  speak  so  enthusiastically  in  their  folders, 
the  less  said  the  better.  It  is  a  childish  mind,  I  think,  that 
can  be  impressed  by  the  mere  wabbly  bulk  of  water.  It  is 
undoubtedly  tremendous,  but  nothing  to  kick  up  such  a 
row  about.  The  truth  is  that  the  prospect  from  a  ship's 
deck  lacks  that  variety  which  one  may  enjoy  from  almost 
any  English  hillside.  One  sees  merely  water,  and  that's 
all  about  it. 

It  will  be  understood,  therefore,  that  I  hailed  our  ap 
proach  to  the  shores  of  foreign  America  with  relief  if  not 
with  enthusiasm.  Even  this  was  better  than  an  ocean 
which  has  only  size  in  its  favour  and  has  been  quite  too 
foolishly  overrated. 

We  were  soon  steaming  into  the  harbour  of  one  of  their 
large  cities.  Chicago,  I  had  fancied  it  to  be,  until  the 
chance  remark  of  an  American  who  looked  to  be  a  well- 
informed  fellow  identified  it  as  New  York.  I  wras  much 
annoyed  now  at  the  behaviour  of  Cousin  Egbert,  who 
burst  into  silly  cheers  at  the  slightest  excuse,  a  passing 
steamer,  a  green  hill,  or  a  rusty  statue  of  quite  ungainly 
height  which  seemed  to  be  made  of  crude  iron.  Do  as  I 


88  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

would,  I  could  not  restrain  him  from  these  unseemly- 
shouts.  I  could  not  help  contrasting  his  boisterousness 
with  the  fine  reserve  which,  for  example,  the  Honourable 
George  would  have  maintained  under  these  circumstances. 
A  further  relief  it  was,  therefore,  when  we  were  on  the 
dock  and  his  mind  was  diverted  to  other  matters.  A  long 
time  we  were  detained  by  customs  officials  who  seemed 
rather  overwhelmed  by  the  gowns  and  millinery  of  Mrs. 
Effie,  but  we  were  at  last  free  and  taken  through  the  streets 
of  the  crude  new  American  city  of  New  York  to  a  hotel 
overlooking  what  I  dare  say  in  their  simplicity  they  call 
their  Hyde  Park. 


CHAPTER    FIVE 

I  MUST  admit  that  at  this  inn  they  did  things  quite 
nicely,  doubtless  because  it  seemed  to  be  almost  en 
tirely  staffed  by  foreigners.  One  would  scarce  have 
known  within  its  walls  that  one  had  come  out  to  North 
America,  nor  that  savage  wilderness  surrounded  one  on 
every  hand.  Indeed  I  was  surprised  to  learn  that  we  were 
quite  at  the  edge  of  the  rough  Western  frontier,  for  in  but 
one  night's  journey  we  were  to  reach  the  American  moun 
tains  to  visit  some  people  who  inhabited  a  camp  in  their 
dense  wilds. 

A  bit  of  romantic  thrill  I  felt  in  this  adventure,  for  we 
should  encounter,  I  inferred,  people  of  the  hardy  pioneer 
stock  that  has  pushed  the  American  civilization,  such  as 
it  is,  ever  westward.  I  pictured  the  stalwart  woodsman, 
axe  in  hand,  braving  the  forest  to  fell  trees  for  his  rustic 
home,  while  at  night  the  red  savages  prowled  about  to 
scalp  any  who  might  stray  from  the  blazing  campfire.  On 
the  day  of  our  landing  I  had  read  something  of  this — of 
depredations  committed  by  their  Indians  at  Arizona. 

From  what  would,  I  take  it,  be  their  Victoria  static^ 
we  three  began  our  journey  in  one  of  the  Pullman  night 
coaches,  the  Senator  of  this  family  having  proceeded  to 
their  home  settlement  of  Red  Gap  with  word  that  he  must 
"look  after  his  fences,"  referring,  doubtless,  to  those  about 
his  cattle  plantation. 


90  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

As  our  train  moved  out  Mrs.  Effie  summoned  me  for  a 
serious  talk  concerning  the  significance  of  our  present 
visit;  not  of  the  wilderness  dangers  to  which  we  might 
be  exposed,  but  of  its  social  aspects,  which  seemed  to  be 
of  prime  importance.  We  were  to  visit,  I  learned,  one 
Charles  Belknap-Jackson  of  Boston  and  Red  Gap,  he 
being  a  person  who  mattered  enormously,  coming  from 
one  of  the  very  oldest  families  of  Boston,  a  port  on  their 
east  coast,  and  a  place,  I  gathered,  in  which  some  decent 
attention  is  given  to  the  matter  of  who  has  been  one's 
family.  A  bit  of  a  shock  it  was  to  learn  that  in  this  rough 
land  they  had  their  castes  and  precedences.  I  saw  I  had 
been  right  to  suspect  that  even  a  crude  society  could  not 
exist  without  its  rules  for  separating  one's  superiors  from 
the  lower  sorts.  I  began  to  feel  at  once  more  at  home  and 
I  attended  the  discourse  of  Mrs.  Effie  with  close  attention. 

The  Boston  person,  in  one  of  those  irresponsibly  ro 
mantic  moments  that  sometimes  trap  the  best  of  us,  had 
married  far  beneath  him,  espousing  the  simple  daughter  of 
one  of  the  crude,  old-settling  families  of  Red  Gap.  Fur 
ther,  so  inattentive  to  details  had  he  been,  he  had  neglected 
to  secure  an  ante-nuptial  settlement  as  our  own  men  so 
wisely  make  it  their  rule  to  do,  and  was  now  suffering  a 
painful  embarrassment  from  this  folly;  for  the  mother- 
in-law,  controlling  the  rather  sizable  family  fortune,  had 
harshly  insisted  that  the  pair  reside  in  Red  Gap,  permit 
ting  no  more  than  an  occasional  summer  visit  to  his  native 
Boston,  whose  inhabitants  she  affected  not  to  admire. 

"Of  course  the  poor  fellow  suffers  frightfully,"  explained 
Mrs.  Effie,  "shut  off  there  away  from  all  he'd  been  brought 
up  to,  but  good  has  come  of  it,  for  his  presence  has  simply 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  91 

done  wonders  for  us.  Before  he  came  our  social  life  was 
too  awful  for  words — oh,  a  mixture!  Practically  every 
one  in  town  attended  our  dances;  no  one  had  ever  told  us 
any  better.  The  Bohemian  set  mingled  freely  with  the 
very  oldest  families — oh,  in  a  way  that  would  never  be  tol 
erated  in  London  society,  I'm  sure.  And  everything 
so  crude !  Why,  I  can  remember  when  no  one  thought  of 
putting  doilies  under  the  finger-bowls.  No  tone  to  it  at 
all.  For  years  we  had  no  country  club,  if  you  can  believe 
that.  And  even  now,  in  spite  of  the  efforts  of  Charles  and 
a  few  of  us,  there  are  still  some  of  the  older  families  that 
are  simply  sloppy  in  their  entertaining.  And  promiscuous . 
The  trouble  I've  had  with  the  Senator  and  Cousin  Egbert!" 

"The  Flouds  are  an  old  family?"  I  suggested,  wishing 
to  understand  these  matters  deeply. 

"The  Flouds,"  she  answered  impressively,  "were  living 
in  Red  Gap  before  the  spur  track  was  ever  run  out  to  the 
canning  factory — and  I  guess  you  know  what  that  means ! " 

"Quite  so,  Madam,"  I  suggested;  and,  indeed,  though  it 
puzzled  me  a  bit,  it  sounded  rather  tremendous,  as  mean 
ing  with  us  something  like  since  the  battle  of  Hastings. 

"But,  as  I  say,  Charles  at  once  gave  us  a  glimpse  of  the 
better  things.  Thanks  to  him,  the  Bohemian  set  and  the 
North  Side  set  are  now  fairly  distinct.  The  scraps  we've 
had  with  that  Bohemian  set!  He  has  a  real  genius  for 
leadership,  Charles  has,  but  I  know  he  often  finds  it  so  dis 
couraging,  getting  people  to  know  their  places.  Even  his 
own  mother-in-law,  Mrs.  Lysander  John  Pettengill — but 
you'll  see  to-morrow  how  impossible  she  is,  poor  old  soul! 
I  shouldn't  talk  about  her,  I  really  shouldn't.  Awfully 
good  heart  the  poor  old  dear  has,  but — well,  I  don't  see 


92  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

why  I  shouldn't  tell  you  the  exact  truth  in  plain  words — 
you'd  find  it  out  soon  enough.  She  is  simply  a  confirmed 
mixer.  The  trial  she's  been  and  is  to  poor  Charles!  Al 
most  no  respect  for  any  of  the  higher  things  he  stands  for — 
and  temper?  Well,  I've  heard  her  swear  at  him  till  you'd 
have  thought  it  was  Jeff  Tuttle  packing  a  green  cayuse  for 
the  first  time.  Words?  Talk  about  words!  And  Cousin 
Egbert  always  standing  in  with  her.  He's  been  another 
awful  trial,  refusing  to  play  tennis  at  the  country  club,  or 
to  take  up  golf,  or  do  any  of  those  smart  things,  though  I 
got  him  a  beautiful  lot  of  sticks.  But  no:  when  he  isn't 
out  in  the  hills,  he'd  rather  sit  down  in  that  back  room 
at  the  Silver  Dollar  saloon,  playing  cribbage  all  day  with 
a  lot  of  drunken  loafers.  But  I'm  so  hoping  that  will  be 
changed,  now  that  I've  made  him  see  there  are  better 
things  in  life.  Don't  you  really  think  he's  another  man?  " 

"To  an  extent,  Madam,  I  dare  say,"  I  replied  cautiously. 

"It's  chiefly  what  I  got  you  for,"  she  went  on.  "And 
then,  in  a  general  way  you  will  give  tone  to  our  establish 
ment.  The  moment  I  saw  you  I  knew  you  could  be  an  in 
fluence  for  good  among  us.  No  one  there  has  ever  had 
anything  like  you.  Not  even  Charles.  He's  tried  to  have 
American  valets,  but  you  never  can  get  them  to  under 
stand  their  place.  Charles  finds  them  so  offensively  fa 
miliar.  They  don't  seem  to  realize.  But  of  course  you 
realize." 

I  inclined  my  head  in  sympathetic  understanding. 

"  I'm  looking  forward  to  Charles  meeting  you.  I  guess 
he'll  be  a  little  put  out  at  our  having  you,  but  there's  no 
harm  letting  him  see  I'm  to  be  reckoned  with.  Naturally 
his  wife,  Millie,  is  more  or  less  mentioned  as  a  social  leader, 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  93 

but  I  never  could  see  that  she  is  really  any  more  promi 
nent  than  I  am.  In  fact,  last  year  after  our  Bazaar  of  All 
Nations  our  pictures  in  costume  were  in  the  Spokane 
paper  as  'Red  Gap's  Rival  Society  Queens,'  and  I  suppose 
that's  what  we  are,  though  we  work  together  pretty  well  as 
a  rule.  Still,  I  must  say,  having  you  puts  me  a  couple  of 
notches  ahead  of  her.  Only,  for  heaven's  sake,  keep  your 
eye  on  Cousin  Egbert!" 

"I  shall  do  my  duty,  Madam,"  I  returned,  thinking  it  all 
rather  morbidly  interesting,  these  weird  details  about  their 
county  families. 

"I'm  sure  you  will,"  she  said  at  parting.  "I  feel  that 
we  shall  do  things  right  this  year.  Last  year  the  Sunday 
Spokane  paper  used  to  have  nearly  a  column  under  the 
heading  'Social  Doings  of  Red  Gap's  Smart  Set.'  This 
year  we'll  have  a  good  two  columns,  if  I  don't  miss  my 
guess." 

In  the  smoking-compartment  I  found  Cousin  Egbert 
staring  gloomily  into  vacancy,  as  one  might  say,  the  reason 
I  knew  being  that  he  had  vainly  pleaded  with  Mrs.  Effie 
to  be  allowed  to  spend  this  time  at  their  Coney  Island, 
which  is  a  sort  of  Brighton.  He  transferred  his  stare  to 
me,  but  it  lost  none  of  its  gloom. 

"Hell  begins  to  pop!"  said  he*. 

"Referring  to  what,  sir?"  I  rejoined  with  some  severity, 
for  I  have  never  held  with  profanity. 

"Referring  to  Charles  Belknap  Hyphen  Jackson  of 
Boston,  Mass.,"  said  he,  "the  greatest  little  trouble-maker 
that  ever  crossed  the  hills — with  a  bracelet  on  one  wrist 
and  a  watch  on  the  other  and  a  one-shot  eyeglass  and  a 
gold  cigareet  case  and  key  chains,  rings,  bangles,  and 


94  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

jewellery  till  he'd  sink  like  lead  if  he  ever  fell  into  the  crick 
with  all  that  metal  on." 

"You  are  speaking,  sir,  about  a  person  who  matters 
enormously,"  I  rebuked  him. 

"If  I  hadn't  been  afraid  of  getting  arrested  I'd  have  shot 
him  long  ago." 

"It's  not  done,  sir,"  I  said,  quite  horrified  by  his  rash 
words. 

"It's  liable  to  be,"  he  insisted.  "I  bet  Ma  Pettengill 
will  go  in  with  me  on  it  any  time  I  give  her  the  word.  Say, 
listen!  there's  one  good  mixer." 

"The  confirmed  Mixer,  sir?"  For  I  remembered  the 
term. 

"The  best  ever.  Any  one  can  set  into  her  game  that's 
got  a  stack  of  chips."  He  uttered  this  with  deep  feeling, 
whatever  it  might  exactly  mean. 

"I  can  be  pushed  just  so  far,"  he  insisted  sullenly.  It 
struck  me  then  that  he  should  perhaps  have  been  kept 
longer  in  one  of  the  European  capitals.  I  feared  his  brief 
contact  with  those  refining  influences  had  left  him  less 
polished  than  Mrs.  Effie  seemed  to  hope.  I  wondered  un 
easily  if  he  might  not  cause  her  to  miss  her  guess.  Yet  I 
saw  he  was  in  no  mood  to  be  reasoned  with,  and  I  retired 
to  my  bed  which  the  blackamoor  guard  had  done  out. 
Here  I  meditated  profoundly  for  some  time  before  I  slept. 

Morning  found  our  coach  shunted  to  a  siding  at  a  back 
woods  settlement  on  the  borders  of  an  inland  sea.  The 
scene  was  wild  beyond  description,  where  quite  almost 
anything  might  be  expected  to  happen,  though  I  was  a  bit 
reassured  by  the  presence  of  a  number  of  persons  of  both 
sexes  who  appeared  to  make  little  of  the  dangers  by  whicfc 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  95 

we  were  surrounded.  I  mean  to  say  since  they  thus  took 
their  women  into  the  wilds  so  freely,  I  would  still  be  a  dead 
sportsman. 

After  a  brief  wait  at  a  rude  quay  we  embarked  on  a 
launch  and  steamed  out  over  the  water.  Mile  after  mile 
we  passed  wooded  shores  that  sloped  up  to  mountains  of 
prodigious  height.  Indeed  the  description  of  the  Rocky 
Mountains,  of  which  I  take  these  to  be  a  part,  have  not 
been  overdrawn.  From  time  to  time,  at  the  edge  of  the 
primeval  forest,  I  could  make  out  the  rude  shelters  of 
hunter  and  trapper  who  braved  these  perils  for  the  sake 
of  a  scanty  livelihood  for  their  hardy  wives  and  little  ones. 

Cousin  Egbert,  beside  me,  seemed  unimpressed,  making 
no  outcry  at  the  fearsome  wildness  of  the  scene,  and  when 
I  spoke  of  the  terrific  height  of  the  mountains  he  merely 
admonished  me  to  "quit  my  kidding."  The  sole  interest 
he  had  thus  far  displayed  was  in  the  title  of  our  craft — 
Storm  King. 

"Think  of  the  guy's  imagination,  naming  this  here 
chafing  dish  the  Storm  King ! "  said  he;  but  I  was  impatient 
of  levity  at  so  solemn  a  moment,  and  promptly  rebuked 
him  for  having  donned  a  cravat  that  I  had  warned  him 
was  for  town  wear  alone;  whereat  he  subsided  and  did  not 
again  intrude  upon  me. 

Far  ahead,  at  length,  I  could  descry  an  open  glade  at 
the  forest  edge,  and  above  this  I  soon  spied  floating  the 
North  American  flag,  or  national  emblem.  It  is,  of  course, 
known  to  us  that  the  natives  are  given  to  making  rather  a 
silly  noise  over  this  flag  of  theirs,  but  in  this  instance — the 
pioneer  fighting  his  way  into  the  wilderness  and  hoisting 
it  above  his  frontier  home — I  felt  strangely  indisposed  to 


96  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

criticise.  I  understood  that  he  could  be  greatly  cheered  by 
the  flag  of  the  country  he  had  left  behind. 

We  now  neared  a  small  dock  from  which  two  ladies 
brandished  handkerchiefs  at  us,  and  were  presently  wel 
comed  by  them.  I  had  no  difficulty  in  identifying  the 
Mrs.  Charles  Belknap- Jackson,  a  lively  featured  brunette 
of  neutral  tints,  rather  stubby  as  to  figure,  but  modishly 
done  out  in  white  flannels.  She  surveyed  us  interestedly 
through  a  lorgnon,  observing  which  Mrs.  Effie  was  quick 
with  her  own.  I  surmised  that  neither  of  them  was 
skilled  with  this  form  of  glass  (which  must  really  be  raised 
with  an  air  or  it's  no  good) ;  also  that  each  was  not  a  little 
chagrined  to  note  that  the  other  possessed  one. 

Nor  was  it  less  evident  that  the  other  lady  was  the 
mother  of  Mrs.  Belknap- Jackson;  I  mean  to  say,  the  con 
firmed  Mixer — an  elderly  person  of  immense  bulk  in  gray 
walking-skirt,  heavy  boots,  and  a  flowered  blouse  that  was 
overwhelming.  Her  face,  under  her  grayish  thatch  of 
hair,  was  broad  and  smiling,  the  eyes  keen,  the  mouth 
wide,  and  the  nose  rather  a  bit  blobby.  Although  at  every 
point  she  was  far  from  vogue,  she  impressed  me  not  un 
pleasantly.  Even  her  voice,  a  magnificently  hoarse  rumble, 
was  primed  with  a  sort  of  uncouth  good-will  which  one 
might  accept  in  the  States.  Of  course  it  would  never  do 
with  us. 

I  fancied  I  could  at  once  detect  why  they  had  called  her 
the  "Mixer."  She  embraced  Mrs.  Effie  with  an  air  of 
being  about  to  strangle  the  woman;  she  affectionately 
wrung  the  hands  of  Cousin  Egbert,  and  had  grasped  my 
own  tightly  before  I  could  evade  her,  not  having  looked 
for  that  sort  of  thing. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  97 

"That's  Cousin  Egbert's  man!"  called  Mrs.  Effie.  But 
even  then  the  powerful  creature  would  not  release  me  until 
her  daughter  had  called  sharply,  "  Maw !  Don't  you  hear? 
He's  a  man!'"  Nevertheless  she  gave  my  hand  a  parting 
shake  before  turning  to  the  others. 

" Glad  to  see  a  human  face  at  last ! "  she  boomed.  "Here 
I've  been  a  month  in  this  dinky  hole,"  which  I  thought 
strange,  since  we  were  surrounded  by  league  upon  league 
of  the  primal  wilderness.  "Cooped  up  like  a  hen  in  a 
barrel,"  she  added  in  tones  that  must  have  carried  well  out 
over  the  lake. 

"Cousin  Egbert's  man,"  repeated  Mrs.  Effie,  a  little 
ostentatiously,  I  thought.  "Poor  Egbert's  so  dependent 
on  him — quite  helpless  without  him." 

Cousin  Egbert  muttered  sullenly  to  himself  as  he  as 
sisted  me  with  the  bags.  Then  he  straightened  himself 
to  address  them. 

"Won  him  in  a  game  of  freeze-out,"  he  remarked  quite 
viciously. 

"Does  he  doll  Sour-dough  up  like  that  all  the  time?" 
demanded  the  Mixer,  "or  has  he  just  come  from  a  mas 
querade?  What's  he  represent,  anyway?"  And  these 
words  when  I  had  taken  especial  pains  and  resorted  to  all 
manner  of  threats  to  turn  him  smartly  out  in  the  walking- 
suit  of  a  pioneer! 

"Maw!"  cried  our  hostess,  "do  try  to  forget  that  dread 
ful  nickname  of  Egbert's." 

"I  sure  will  if  he  keeps  his  disguise  on,"  she  rumbled 
back.  "The  old  horned  toad  is  most  as  funny  as  Jack 
son." 

Really,  I  mean  to  say,  they  talked  most  amazingly.     I 


98  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

was  but  too  glad  when  they  moved  on  and  we  could  follow 
with  the  bags. 

"Calls  her  'Maw'  all  right  now,"  hissed  Cousin  Egbert 
in  my  ear,  "but  when  that  begoshed  husband  of  hers  is 
around  the  house  she  calls  her  *  Mater."3 

His  tone  was  vastly  bitter.  He  continued  to  mutter 
sullenly  to  himself — a  way  he  had — until  we  had  disposed 
of  the  luggage  and  I  was  laying  out  his  afternoon  and 
evening  wear  in  one  of  the  small  detached  houses  to  which 
we  had  been  assigned.  Nor  did  he  sink  his  grievance  on  the 
arrival  of  the  Mixer  a  few  moments  later.  He  now  ad 
dressed  her  as  "Ma"  and  asked  if  she  had  "the  makings," 
which  puzzled  me  until  she  drew  from  the  pocket  of  her 
skirt  a  small  cloth  sack  of  tobacco  and  some  bits  of  brown 
paper,  from  which  they  both  fashioned  cigarettes. 

"The  smart  set  of  Red  Gap  is  holding  its  first  annual 
meeting  for  the  election  of  officers  back  there,"  she  began 
after  she  had  emitted  twin  jets  of  smoke  from  the  widely 
separated  corners  of  her  set  mouth. 

"I  say,  you  know,  where's  Hyphen  old  top?"  demanded 
Cousin  Egbert  in  a  quite  vile  imitation  of  one  speaking  in 
the  correct  manner. 

"Fishing,"  answered  the  Mixer  with  a  grin.  "In  a 
thousand  dollars'  worth  of  clothes.  These  here  Eastern 
trout  won't  notice  you  unless  you  dress  right."  I  thought 
this  strange  indeed,  but  Cousin  Egbert  merely  grinned  in 
his  turn. 

"How'dheget  you  into  this  awfully  horrid  rough  place?" 
he  next  demanded. 

"Made  him.  'This  or  Red  Gap  for  yours,'  I  says.  The 
two  weeks  in  New  York  wasn't  so  bad,  what  with  Millie 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  99 

and  me  getting  new  clothes,  though  him  and  her  both 
jumped  on  me  that  I'm  getting  too  gay  about  clothes  for  a 
party  of  my  age.  *  What's  age  to  me, '  I  says,  'when  I  like 
bright  colours?'  Then  we  tried  his  home-folks  in  Boston, 
but  I  played  that  string  out  in  a  week. 

"Two  old-maid  sisters,  thin  noses  and  knitted  shawls! 
Stick  around  in  the  back  parlour  talking  about  families — 
whether  it  was  Aunt  Lucy's  Abigail  or  the  Concord  cousin's 
Hester  that  married  an  Adams  in  '78  and  moved  out  west  to 
Buffalo.  I  thought  first  I  could  liven  them  up  some,  you 
know.  Looked  like  it  would  help  a  lot  for  them  to  get  out 
in  a  hack  and  get  a  few  shots  of  hooch  under  their  belts, 
stop  at  a  few  roadhouses,  take  in  a  good  variety  show; 
get  'em  to  feeling  good,  understand?  No  use.  Wouldn't 
start.  Darn  it !  they  held  off  from  me.  Don't  know  why. 
I  sure  wore  clothes  for  them.  Yes,  sir.  I'd  get  dressed 
up  like  a  broken  arm  every  afternoon;  and,  say,  I  got  one 
sheath  skirt,  black  and  white  striped,  that  just  has  to  be 
looked  at.  Never  phased  them,  though. 

"  I  got  to  thinking  mebbe  it  was  because  I  made  my  own 
smokes  instead  of  using  those  vegetable  cigarettes  of  Jack 
son's,  or  maybe  because  I'd  get  parched  and  demand  a 
slug  of  booze  before  supper.  Like  a  Sunday  afternoon 
"all  the  time,  when  you  eat  a  big  dinner  and  everybody's 
sleepy  and  mad  because  they  can't  take  a  nap,  and  have 
to  set  around  and  play  a  few  church  tunes  on  the  organ  or 
look  through  the  album  again." 

"Ain't  that  right?  Don't  it  fade  you?"  murmured 
Cousin  Egbert  with  deep  feeling. 

"And  little  Lysander,  my  only  grandson,  poor  kid,  get 
ting  the  fidgets  because  they  try  to  make  him  talk  differ- 


100  RTJGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

ent,  and  raise  hell  every  time  he  knocks  over  a  vase  or 
busts  a  window.  Say,  would  you  believe  it?  they  wanted 
to  keep  him  there — yes,  sir — make  him  refined.  Not  for 
me!  'His  father's  about  all  he  can  survive  in  those  re 
spects,'  I  says.  What  do  you  think?  Wanted  to  let  his 
hair  grow  so  he'd  have  curls.  Some  dames,  yes?  I  bet 
they'd  have  give  the  kid  lovely  days.  *  Boston  may  be  all 
O.  K.  for  grandfathers,'  I  says;  'not  for  grandsons,  though.' 

"Then  Jackson  was  set  on  Bar  Harbor,  and  I  had  to  be 
firm  again.  Darn  it!  that  man  is  always  making  me  be 
firm.  So  here  we  are.  He  said  it  was  a  camp,  and  that 
sounded  good.  But  my  lands!  he  wears  his  full  evening 
dress  suit  for  supper  every  night,  and  you  had  ought  to 
heard  him  go  on  one  day  when  the  patent  ice-machine 
went  bad." 

"My  good  gosh!"  said  Cousin  Egbert  quite  simply. 

I  had  now  finished  laying  out  his  things  and  was  about, 
to  withdraw. 

" Is  he  always  like  that? "suddenly  demanded  the  Mixer, 
pointing  at  me. 

"  Oh,  Bill's  all  right  when  you  get  him  out  with  a  crowd," 
explained  the  other.  "Bill's  really  got  the  makings  of 
one  fine  little  mixer." 

They  both  regarded  me  genially.  It  was  vastly  puzzling. 
I  mean  to  say,  I  was  at  a  loss  how  to  take  it,  for,  of  course, 
that  sort  of  thing  would  never  do  with  us.  And  yet  I  felt 
a  queer,  confused  sort  of  pleasure  in  the  talk.  Absurd 
though  it  may  seem,  I  felt  there  might  come  moments  in 
which  America  would  appear  almost  not  impossible. 

As  I  went  out  Cousin  Egbert  was  telling  her  of  Paris. 
I  lingered  to  hear  him  disclose  that  all  Frenchmen  have 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  101 


"M"  for  their  first  initial,  and  that  the  tamer 
be  one  of  their  wealthiest,  the  name  "A.  Louer"  being 
conspicuous  on  millions  of  dollars'  worth  of  their  real 
estate.  This  family,  he  said,  must  be  like  the  Rothschilds. 
Of  course  the  poor  soul  was  absurdly  wrong.  I  mean  to 
say,  the  letter  "M"  merely  indicates  "Monsieur,"  which 
is  their  foreign  way  of  spelling  Mister,  while  "A  Louer" 
signifies  "to  let."  I  resolved  to  explain  this  to  him  at  the 
first  opportunity,  not  thinking  it  right  that  he  should 
spread  such  gross  error  among  a  race  still  but  half-en 
lightened. 

Having  now  a  bit  of  time  to  myself,  I  observed  the  con 
struction  of  this  rude  homestead,  a  dozen  or  more  de 
tached  or  semi-detached  structures  of  the  native  log,  yet 
with  the  interiors  more  smartly  done  out  than  I  had  sup 
posed  was  common  even  with  the  most  prosperous  of  their 
j&outs  and  trappers.  I  suspected  a  false  idea  of  this  rude 
life  had  been  given  by  the  cinema  dramas.  I  mean  to  say, 
with  pianos,  ice-machines,  telephones,  objects  of  art,  and 
servants,  one  saw  that  these  woodsmen  were  not  primitive 
in  any  true  sense  of  the  word. 

The  butler  proved  to  be  a  genuine  blackamoor,  a  Mr. 
Waterman,  he  informed  me,  his  wife,  also  a  black,  being 
the  cook.  An  elderly  creature  of  the  utmost  gravity  of 
bearing,  he  brought  to  his  professional  duties  a  finish,  a 
dignity,  a  manner  in  short  that  I  have  scarce  known  ex 
celled  among  our  own  serving  people.  And  a  creature  he 
was  of  the  most  eventful  past,  as  he  informed  me  at  our 
first  encounter.  As  a  slave  he  had  commanded  an  im 
mensely  high  price,  some  twenty  thousand  dollars,  as  the 
American  money  is  called,  and  two  prominent  slaveholders 


102  EUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

had  .once  fought  a  duel,  to -the  death  over  his  possession. 
Not  many,  he  assured  me,  had  been  so  eagerly  sought 
after,  they  being  for  the  most  part  held  cheaper — "com 
mon  black  trash,"  he  put  it. 

Early  tiring  of  the  life  of  slavery,  he  had  fled  to  the 
wilds  and  for  some  years  led  a  desperate  band  of  outlaws 
whose  crimes  soon  put  a  price  upon  his  head.  He  spoke 
frankly  and  with  considerable  regret  of  these  lawless 
years.  At  the  outbreak  of  the  American  war,  however, 
with  a  reward  of  fifty  thousand  dollars  offered  for  his  body, 
he  had  boldly  surrendered  to  their  Secretary  of  State  for 
War,  receiving  a  full  pardon  for  his  crimes  on  condition 
that  he  assist  in  directing  the  military  operations  against 
the  slaveholding  aristocracy.  Invaluable  he  had  been  in 
this  service,  I  gathered,  two  generals,  named  respectively 
Grant  and  Sherman,  having  repeatedly  assured  him  that 
but  for  his  aid  they  would  more  than  once  in  sheer  despair 
have  laid  down  their  swords. 

I  could  readily  imagine  that  after  these  years  of  strife 
he  had  been  glad  to  embrace  the  peaceful  calling  in  which 
I  found  him  engaged.  He  was,  as  I  have  intimated,  a 
person  of  lofty  demeanour,  with  a  vein  of  high  seriousness. 
Yet  he  would  unbend  at  moments  as  frankly  as  a  child  and 
play  at  a  simple  game  of  chance  with  a  pair  of  dice.  This 
he  was  good  enough  to  teach  to  myself  and  gained  from  me 
quite  a  number  of  shillings  that  I  chanced  to  have.  For 
his  consort,  a  person  of  tremendous  bulk  named  Clarice, 
he  showed  a  most  chivalric  consideration,  and  even  what 
I  might  have  mistaken  for  timidity  in  one  not  a  confessed 
desperado.  In  truth,  he  rather  flinched  when  she  inter 
rupted  our  chat  from  the  kitchen  doorway  by  roundly 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  103 

calling  him  "an  old  black  liar."  I  saw  that  his  must  in 
deed  be  a  complex  nature. 

From  this  encounter  I  chanced  upon  two  lads  who 
seemed  to  present  the  marks  of  the  backwoods  life  as  I  had 
conceived  it.  Strolling  up  a  woodland  path,  I  discovered 
a  tent  pitched  among  the  trees,  before  it  a  smouldering 
campfire,  over  which  a  cooking-pot  hung.  The  two  lads, 
of  ten  years  or  so,  rushed  from  the  tent  to  regard  me,  both 
attired  in  shirts  and  leggings  of  deerskin  profusely  fringed 
after  the  manner  in  which  the  red  Indians  decorate  their 
outing  or  lounge-suits.  They  were  armed  with  sheath 
knives  and  revolvers,  and  the  taller  bore  a  rifle. 

"Howdy,  stranger?"  exclaimed  this  one,  and  the  other 
repeated  the  simple  American  phrase  of  greeting.  Re 
sponding  in  kind,  I  was  bade  to  seat  myself  on  a  fallen  log, 
which  I  did.  For  some  moments  they  appeared  to  ignore 
me,  excitedly  discussing  an  adventure  of  the  night  before, 
and  addressing  each  other  as  Dead  Shot  and  Hawk  Eye. 
From  their  quaint  backwoods  speech  I  gathered  that  Dead 
Shot,  the  taller  lad,  had  the  day  before  been  captured  by  a 
band  of  hostile  redskins  who  would  have  burned  him  at  the 
stake  but  for  the  happy  chance  that  the  chieftain's  daughter 
had  become  enamoured  of  him  and  cut  his  bonds. 

They  now  planned  to  return  to  the  encampment  at 
nightfall  to  fetch  away  the  daughter,  whose  name  was 
White  Fawn,  and  cleaned  and  oiled  their  weapons  for  the 
enterprise.  Dead  Shot  was  vindictive  in  the  extreme, 
swearing  to  engage  the  chieftain  in  mortal  combat  and 
to  cut  his  heart  out,  the  same  chieftain  in  former  years 
having  led  his  savage  band  against  the  forest  home  of 
Dead  Shot  while  he  was  yet  too  young  to  defend  it,  and 


104  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

scalped  both  of  his  parents.  "I  was  a  mere  stripling  then, 
but  now  the  coward  will  feel  my  steel!"  he  coldly  declared. 

It  had  become  absurdly  evident  as  I  listened  that  the 
whole  thing  was  but  spoofing  of  a  silly  sort  that  lads  of  this 
age  will  indulge  in,  for  I  had  seen  the  younger  one  take 
his  seat  at  the  luncheon  table.  But  now  they  spoke  of  a 
raid  on  the  settlement  to  procure  "grub,"  as  the  American 
slang  for  food  has  it.  Bidding  me  stop  on  there  and  to 
utter  the  cry  of  the  great  horned  owl  if  danger  threatened, 
they  stealthily  crept  toward  the  buildings  of  the  camp. 
Presently  came  a  scream,  followed  by  a  hoarse  shout  of 
rage.  A  second  later  the  two  dashed  by  me  into  the  dense 
woods,  Hawk  Eye  bearing  a  plucked  fowl.  Soon  Mr. 
Waterman  panted  up  the  path  brandishing  a  barge  pole 
and  demanding  to  know  the  whereabouts  of  the  marauders. 
As  he  had  apparently  for  the  moment  reverted  to  his 
primal  African  savagery,  I  deliberately  misled  him  by 
indicating  a  false  direction,  upon  which  he  went  off,  mutter 
ing  the  most  frightful  threats. 

The  two  culprits  returned,  put  their  fowl  in  the  pot  to 
boil,  and  swore  me  eternal  fidelity  for  having  saved  them. 
They  declared  I  should  thereafter  be  known  as  Keen 
Knife,  and  that,  needing  a  service,  I  might  call  upon  them 
freely. 

"Dead  Shot  never  forgets  a  friend,"  affirmed  the  taller 
lad,  whereupon  I  formally  shook  hands  with  the  pair  and 
left  them  to  their  childish  devices.  They  were  plotting  as 
I  left  to  capture  "that  nigger,"  as  they  called  him,  and 
put  him  to  death  by  slow  torture. 

But  I  was  now  shrewd  enough  to  suspect  that  I  might 
still  be  far  from  the  western  frontier  of  America.  The  evi- 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  105 

dence  had  been  cumulative  but  was  no  longer  question 
able.  I  mean  to  say,  one  might  do  here  somewhat  after 
the  way  of  our  own  people  at  a  country  house  in  the  shires. 
I  resolved  at  the  first  opportunity  to  have  a  look  at  a  good 
map  of  our  late  colonies. 

Late  in  the  afternoon  our  party  gathered  upon  the  small 
dock  and  I  understood  that  our  host  now  returned  from 
his  trouting.  Along  the  shore  of  the  lake  he  came,  pro 
pelled  in  a  native  canoe  by  a  hairy  backwoods  person 
quite  wretchedly  gotten  up,  even  for  a  wilderness.  Our 
host  himself,  I  was  quick  to  observe,  was  vogue  to  the  last 
detail,  with  a  sense  of  dress  and  equipment  that  can  never 
be  acquired,  having  to  be  born  in  one.  As  he  stepped  from 
his  frail  craft  I  saw  that  he  was  rather  slight  of  stature, 
dark,  with  slender  moustaches,  a  finely  sensitive  nose,  and 
eyes  of  an  almost  austere  repose.  That  he  had  much  of 
the  real  manner  was  at  once  apparent.  He  greeted  the 
Flouds  and  his  own  family  with  just  that  faint  touch  of 
easy  superiority  which  would  stamp  him  to  the  trained  eye 
as  one  that  really  mattered.  Mrs.  Effie  beckoned  me  to 
the  group. 

"Let  Ruggles  take  your  things — Cousin  Egbert's  man," 
she  was  saying.  After  a  startled  glance  at  Cousin  Egbert, 
our  host  turned  to  regard  me  with  flattering  interest  for 
a  moment,  then  transferred  to  me  his  oddments  of  fishing 
machinery :  his  rod,  his  creel,  his  luncheon  hamper,  landing 
net,  small  scales,  ointment  for  warding  off  midges,  a  jar 
of  cold  cream,  a  case  containing  smoked  glasses,  a  rolled 
map,  a  cameia,  a  book  of  flies.  As  I  was  stowing  these 
he  explained  that  his  sport  had  been  wretched;  no  fish 
had  been  hooked  because  his  guide  had  not  known  where 


106  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

to  find  them.  I  here  glanced  at  the  backwoods  person 
referred  to  and  at  once  did  not  like  the  look  in  his  eyes. 
He  winked  swiftly  at  Cousin  Egbert,  who  coughed  rather 
formally. 

"Let  Ruggles  help  you  to  change,"  continued  Mrs. 
Effie.  "He's  awfully  handy.  Poor  Cousin  Egbert  is  per 
fectly  helpless  now  without  him." 

So  I  followed  our  host  to  his  own  detached  hut,  though 
feeling  a  bit  queer  at  being  passed  about  in  this  manner,  I 
mean  to  say,  as  if  I  were  a  basket  of  fruit.  Yet  I  found  it 
a  grateful  change  to  be  serving  one  who  knew  our  respec 
tive  places  and  what  I  should  do  for  him.  His  manner  of 
speech,  also,  was  less  barbarous  than  that  of  the  others, 
suggesting  that  he  might  have  lived  among  our  own  people 
a  fortnight  or  so  and  have  tried  earnestly  to  correct  his 
deficiencies.  In  fact  he  remarked  to  me  after  a  bit:  "I 
fancy  I  talk  rather  like  one  of  yourselves,  what?"  and  was 
pleased  as  Punch  when  I  assured  him  that  I  had  observed 
this.  He  questioned  me  at  length  regarding  my  associ 
ation  with  the  Honourable  George,  and  the  houses  at 
which  we  would  have  stayed,  being  immensely  particular 
about  names  and  titles. 

"You'll  find  us  vastly  different  here,"  he  said  with  a 
sigh,  as  I  held  his  coat  for  him.  "Crude,  I  may  say.  In 
truth,  Red  Gap,  where  my  interests  largely  confine  me,  is 
a  town  of  impossible  persons.  You'll  see  in  no  time  what 
I  mean." 

"I  can  already  imagine  it,  sir,"  I  said  sympathetically. 

"It's  not  for  want  of  example,"  he  added.  "Scores  of 
times  I  show  them  better  ways,  but  they're  eaten  up  with 
commercialism — money-grubbing. " 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  107 

I  perceived  him  to  be  a  person  of  profound  and  inter 
esting  views,  and  it  was  with  regret  I  left  him  to  bully 
Cousin  Egbert  into  evening  dress.  It  is  undoubtedly  true 
that  he  will  never  wear  this  except  it  have  the  look  of  hav 
ing  been  forced  upon  him  by  several  persons  of  superior 
physical  strength. 

The  evening  passed  in  a  refined  manner  with  cards  and 
music,  the  latter  being  emitted  from  a  phonograph  which 
I  was  asked  to  attend  to  and  upon  which  I  reproduced 
many  of  their  quaint  North  American  folksongs,  such 
as  "Everybody  Is  Doing  It,"  which  has  a  rare  native 
rhythm.  At  ten  o'clock,  it  being  noticed  by  the  three 
playing  dummy  bridge  that  Cousin  Egbert  and  the  Mixer 
were  absent,  I  accompanied  our  host  in  search  of  them. 
In  Cousin  Egbert's  hut  we  found  them,  seated  at  a  bare 
table,  playing  at  cards — a  game  called  seven-up wards, 
I  learned.  Cousin  Egbert  had  removed  his  coat,  collar, 
and  cravat,  and  his  sleeves  were  rolled  to  his  elbows 
like  a  navvy's.  Both  smoked  the  brown  paper  cigar 
ettes. 

"You  see?"  murmured  Mr.  Belknap-Jackson  as  we 
looked  in  upon  them. 

"Quite  so,  sir,"  I  said  discreetly. 

The  Mixer  regarded  her  son-in-law  with  some  annoy 
ance,  I  thought. 

"Run  off  to  bed,  Jackson!"  she  directed.  "We're  busy. 
I'm  putting  a  nick  in  Sour-dough's  bank  roll." 

Our  host  turned  away  with  a  contemptuous  shrug  that 
I  dare  say  might  have  offended  her  had  she  observed  it, 
but  she  was  now  speaking  to  Cousin  Egbert,  who  had 
stared  at  us  brazenly. 


108  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

"Ring  that  bell  for  the  coon,  Sour-dough.  I'll  split  a 
bottle  of  Scotch  with  you." 

It  queerly  occurred  to  me  that  she  made  this  monstrous 
suggestion  in  a  spirit  of  bravado  to  annoy  Mr.  Belknap- 
Jackson. 


CHAPTER   SIX 

THERE  are  times  when  all  Nature  seems  to  smile, 
yet  when  to  the  sensitive  mind  it  will  be  faintly 
brought  that  the  possibilities  are  quite  tremen 
dously  otherwise  if  one  will  consider  them  pro  and  con.  I 
mean  to  say,  one  often  suspects  things  may  happen  when 
it  doesn't  look  so. 

The  succeeding  three  days  passed  with  so  ordered  a  calm 
that  little  would  any  but  a  profound  thinker  have  fancied 
tragedy  to  lurk  so  near  their  placid  surface.  Mrs.  Effie 
and  Mrs.  Belknap- Jackson  continued  to  plan  the  approach 
ing  social  campaign  at  Red  Gap.  Cousin  Egbert  and  the 
Mixer  continued  their  card  game  for  the  trifling  stake  of  a 
shillkig  a  game,  or  "two  bits,"  as  it  is  known  in  the  Ameri 
can  monetary  system.  And  our  host  continued  his  recrea 
tion. 

Each  morning  I  turned  him  out  in  the  smartest  of  fishing 
costumes  and  each  evening  I  assisted  him  to  change.  It  is 
true  I  was  now  compelled  to  observe  at  these  times  a  cer 
tain  lofty  irritability  in  his  character,  yet  I  more  than  half 
fancied  this  to  be  queerly  assumed  in  order  to  inform  me 
that  he  was  not  unaccustomed  to  services  such  as  I  ren 
dered  him.  There  was  that  about  him.  I  mean  to  say, 
when  he  sharply  rebuked  me  for  clumsiness  or  cried  out 
"Stupid!"  it  had  a  perfunctory  languor,  as  if  meant  to 
show  me  he  could  address  a  servant  in  what  he  believed  to 

109 


110  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

be  the  grand  manner.  In  this,  to  be  sure,  he  was  so  oddly 
wrong  that  the  pathos  of  it  quite  drowned  what  I  might 
otherwise  have  felt  of  resentment. 

But  I  next  observed  that  he  was  sharp  in  the  same  man 
ner  with  the  hairy  backwoods  person  who  took  him  to  fish 
each  day,  using  words  to  him  which  I,  for  one,  would  have 
employed,  had  I  thought  them  merited,  only  after  the 
gravest  hesitation.  I  have  before  remarked  that  I  did  not 
like  the  gleam  in  this  person's  eyes:  he  was  very  appar 
ently  a  not  quite  nice  person.  Also  I  more  than  once 
observed  him  to  wink  at  Cousin  Egbert  in  an  evil  man 
ner. 

As  I  have  so  truly  said,  how  close  may  tragedy  be  to  us 
when  life  seems  most  correct!  It  was  Belknap- Jackson's 
custom  to  raise  a  view  halloo  each  evening  when  he  re 
turned  down  the  lake,  so  that  we  might  gather  at  the  dock 
to  oversee  his  landing.  I  must  admit  that  he  disembarked 
with  somewhat  the  manner  of  a  visiting  royalty,  demand 
ing  much  attention  and  assistance  with  his  impedimenta. 
Undoubtedly  he  liked  to  be  looked  at.  This  was  what  one 
rather  felt.  And  I  can  fancy  that  this  very  human  trait 
of  his  had  in  a  manner  worn  upon  the  probably  undis 
ciplined  nerves  of  the  backwoods  josser — had,  in  fact, 
deprived  him  of  his  "goat,"  as  the  native  people  have  it. 

Be  this  as  it  may,  we  gathered  at  the  dock  on  the  after 
noon  of  the  third  day  of  our  stay  to  assist  at  the  return. 
As  the  native  log  craft  neared  the  dock  our  host  daringly 
arose  to  a  graceful  kneeling  posture  in  the  bow  and  saluted 
us  charmingly,  the  woods  person  in  the  stern  wielding  his 
single  oar  in  gloomy  silence.  At  the  moment  a  most 
poetic  image  occurred  to  me — that  he  was  like  a  dull  grim 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  111 

figure  of  Fate  that  fetches  us  low  at  the  moment  of  our 
highest  seeming.  I  mean  to  say,  it  was  a  silly  thought, 
perhaps,  yet  I  afterward  recalled  it  most  vividly. 

Holding  his  creel  aloft  our  host  hailed  us  : 

"Full  to-day,  thanks  to  going  where  I  wished  and  pay 
ing  no  attention  to  silly  guides'  talk."  He  beamed  upon 
us  in  an  unquestionably  superior  manner,  and  again  from 
the  moody  figure  at  the  stern  I  intercepted  the  flash  of  a 
wink  to  Cousin  Egbert.  Then  as  the  frail  craft  had  all  but 
touched  the  dock  and  our  host  had  half  risen,  there  was  a 
sharp  dipping  of  the  thing  and  he  was  ejected  into  the 
chilling  waters,  where  he  almost  instantly  sank.  There 
were  loud  cries  of  alarm  from  all,  including  the  woodsman 
himself,  who  had  kept  the  craft  upright,  and  in  these 
Mr.  Belknap-Jackson  heartily  joined  the  moment  his  head 
appeared  above  the  surface,  calling  "Help!"  in  the  quite 
loudest  of  tones,  which  was  thoughtless  enough,  as  we 
were  close  at  hand  and  could  easily  have  heard  his  ordi 
nary  speaking  voice. 

The  woods  person  now  stepped  to  the  dock,  and  firmly 
grasping  the  collar  of  the  drowning  man  hauled  him  out 
#ith  but  little  effort,  at  the  same  time  becoming  voluble 
with  apologies  and  sympathy.  The  rescued  man,  how 
ever,  was  quite  off  his  head  with  rage  and  bluntly  berated 
the  fellow  for  having  tried  to  assassinate  him.  Indeed  he 
put  forth  rather  a  torrent  of  execration,  but  to  all  of  this 
the  fellow  merely  repeated  his  crude  protestations  of  re 
gret  and  astonishment,  seeming  to  be  sincerely  grieved  that 
his  intentions  should  have  been  doubted. 

From  his  friends  about  him  the  unfortunate  man  was 
receiving  the  most  urgent  advice  to  seek  dry  garments 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

lest  he  perish  of  chill,  whereupon  he  turned  abruptly  to  me 
and  cried:  "Well,  Stupid,  don't  you  see  the  state  that  fel 
low  has  put  me  in?  What  are  you  doing?  Have  you 
lost  your  wits?" 

Now  I  had  suffered  a  very  proper  alarm  and  solicitude 
for  him,  but  the  injustice  of  this  got  a  bit  on  me.  I  mean 
to  say,  I  suddenly  felt  a  bit  of  temper  myself,  though  to  be 
sure  retaining  my  control. 

"Yes,  sir;  quite  so,  sir,"  I  replied  smoothly.  "I'll  have 
you  right  as  rain  in  no  time  at  all,  sir,"  and  started  to  con 
duct  him  off  the  dock.  But  now,  having  gone  a  little  dis 
tance,  he  began  to  utter  the  most  violent  threats  against  the 
woods  person,  declaring,  in  fact,  he  would  pull  the  fellow's 
nose.  However,  I  restrained  him  from  rushing  back,  as  I 
subtly  felt  I  was  wished  to  do,  and  he  at  length  consented 
again  to  be  led  toward  his  hut. 

But  now  the  woods  person  called  out:  "You're  forget 
ting  all  your  pretties!"  By  which  I  saw  him  to  mean  the 
fishing  impedimenta  he  had  placed  on  the  dock.  And 
most  unreasonably  at  this  Mr.  Belknap-Jackson  again 
turned  upon  me,  wishing  anew  to  be  told  if  I  had  lost  my 
wits  and  directing  me  to  fetch  the  stuff.  Again  I  was  con 
scious  of  that  within  me  which  no  gentleman's  man  should 
confess  to.  I  mean  to  say,  I  felt  like  shaking  him.  But  I 
hastened  back  to  fetch  the  rod,  the  creel,  the  luncheon 
hamper,  the  midge  ointment,  the  camera,  and  other  ar 
ticles  which  the  woods  fellow  handed  me. 

With  these  somewhat  awkwardly  carried,  I  returned  to 
our  still  turbulent  host.  More  like  a  volcano  he  was  than 
a  man  who  has  had  a  narrow  squeak  from  drowning,  and 
before  we  had  gone  a  dozen  feet  more  he  again  turned  and 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  113 

declared  he  would  "go  back  and  thrash  the  unspeakable 
cad  within  an  inch  of  his  life."  Their  relative  sizes  ren 
dering  an  attempt  of  this  sort  quite  too  unwise,  I  was  con 
scious  of  renewed  irritation  toward  him;  indeed,  the  vulgar 
words,  "Oh,  stow  that  piffle ! "  swiftly  formed  in  the  back  of 
my  mind,  but  again  I  controlled  myself,  as  the  chap  was 
now  sneezing  violently. 

"Best  hurry  on,  sir,"  I  said  with  exemplary  tact.  "One 
might  contract  a  severe  head-cold  from  such  a  wetting," 
and  further  endeavoured  to  sooth  him  while  I  started 
ahead  to  lead  him  away  from  the  fellow.  Then  there  hap 
pened  that  which  fulfilled  my  direst  premonitions.  Look 
ing  back  from  a  moment  of  calm,  the  psychology  of  the 
crisis  is  of  a  rudimentary  simplicity. 

Enraged  beyond  measure  at  the  woods  person,  Mr. 
Belknap-Jackson  yet  retained  a  fine  native  caution  which 
counselled  him  to  attempt  no  violence  upon  that  offender; 
but  his  mental  tension  was  such  that  it  could  be  relieved 
only  by  his  attacking  some  one ;  preferably  some  one  for 
bidden  to  retaliate.  I  walked  there  temptingly  but  a  pace 
ahead  of  him,  after  my  well-meant  word  of  advice. 

I  make  no  defence  of  my  own  course.  I  am  aware  there 
can  be  none.  I  can  only  plead  that  I  had  already  been 
vexed  not  a  little  by  his  unjust  accusations  of  stupidity, 
and  dismiss  with  as  few  words  as  possible  an  incident  that 
will  ever  seem  to  me  quite  too  indecently  criminal.  Briefly, 
then,  with  my  well-intended  "Best  not  lower  yourself, 
sir,"  Mr.  Belknap-Jackson  forgot  himself  and  I  forgot  my 
self.  It  will  be  recalled  that  I  was  in  front  of  him,  but  I 
turned  rather  quickly.  (His  belongings  I  had  carried  were 
widely  disseminated ) 


114  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

Instantly  there  were  wild  outcries  from  the  others,  who 
had  started  toward  the  main,  or  living  house. 

"He's  killed  Charles!"  I  heard  Mrs.  Belknap- Jackson 
scream;  then  came  the  deep-chested  rumble  of  the  Mixer, 
"Jackson  kicked  him  first!"  They  ran  for  us.  They  had 
reached  us  while  our  host  was  down,  even  while  my  fist 
was  still  clenched.  Now  again  the  unfortunate  man  cried 
"Help!"  as  his  wife  assisted  him  to  his  feet. 

"Send  for  an  officer!"  cried  she. 

"The  man's  an  anarchist!"  shouted  her  husband. 

"Nonsense!"  boomed  the  Mixer.  "Jackson  got  what 
he  was  looking  for.  Do  it  myself  if  he  kicked  me!" 

"Oh,  Maw!     Oh,  Mater!"  cried  her  daughter  tearfully. 

"Gee!  He  done  it  in  one  punch!"  I  heard  Cousin 
Egbert  say  with  what  I  was  aghast  to  suspect  was  ad 
miration. 

Mrs.  Effie,  trembling,  could  but  glare  at  me  and  gasp. 
Mercifully  she  was  beyond  speech  for  the  moment. 

Mr.  Belknap-Jackson  was  now  painfully  rubbing  his 
right  eye,  which  was  not  what  he  should  have  done,  and  I 
said  as  much. 

"Beg  pardon,  sir,  but  one  does  better  with  a  bit  of 
raw  beef." 

"How  dare  you,  you  great  hulking  brute!"  cried  his 
wife,  and  made  as  if  to  shield  her  husband  from  another 
attack  from  me,  which  I  submit  was  unjust. 

"Bill's  right,"  said  Cousin  Egbert  casually.  "Put  a 
piece  of  raw  steak  on  it.  Gee!  with  one  wallop!"  And 
then,  quite  strangely,  for  a  moment  we  all  amiably  dis 
cussed  whether  cold  compresses  might  not  be  better. 
Presently  our  host  was  led  off  by  his  wife.  Mrs.  Effie 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  115 

followed  them,  moaning:  "Oh,  oh,  oh!"  in  the  keenest 
distress. 

At  this  I  took  to  my  own  room  in  dire  confusion,  making 
no  doubt  I  would  presently  be  given  in  charge  and  left  to 
languish  in  gaol,  perhaps  given  six  months'  hard. 

Cousin  Egbert  came  to  me  in  a  little  while  and  laughed 
heartily  at  my  fear  that  anything  legal  would  be  done.  He 
also  made  some  ill-timed  compliments  on  the  neatness  of 
the  blow  I  had  dealt  Mr.  Belknap-Jackson,  but  these  I 
found  in  wretched  taste  and  was  begging  him  to  desist, 
when  the  Mixer  entered  and  began  to  speak  much  in  the 
same  strain. 

"Don't  you  ever  dare  do  a  thing  like  that  again,"  she 
warned  me,  "unless  I  got  a  ringside  seat,"  to  which  I 
remained  severely  silent,  for  I  felt  my  offence  should  not 
be  made  light  of. 

"Three  rousing  cheers!"  exclaimed  Cousin  Egbert, 
whereat  the  two  most  unfeelingly  went  through  a  vivid 
pantomime  of  cheering. 

Our  host,  I  understood,  had  his  dinner  in  bed  that  night, 
and  throughout  the  evening,  as  I  sat  solitary  in  remorse, 
came  the  mocking  strains  of  another  of  their  American 
folksongs  with  the  refrain: 

"You  made  me  what  I  am  to-day, 
I  hope  you're  satisfied!" 

I  conceived  it  to  be  the  Mixer  and  Cousin  Egbert  who 
did  this  and,  considering  the  plight  of  our  host,  I  thought 
it  in  the  worst  possible  taste.  I  had  raised  my  hand 
against  the  one  American  I  had  met  who  was  at  all  times 


116  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

vogue.  And  not  only  this:  For  I  now  recalled  a  certain 
phrase  I  had  flung  out  as  I  stood  over  him,  ranting  indeed 
no  better  than  an  anarchist,  a  phrase  which  showed  my 
poor  culture  to  be  the  flimsiest  veneer. 

Late  in  the  night,  as  I  lay  looking  back  on  the  frightful 
scene,  I  recalled  with  wonder  a  swift  picture  of  Cousin 
Egbert  caught  as  I  once  looked  back  to  the  dock.  He  had 
most  amazingly  shaken  the  woods  person  by  the  hand, 
quickly  but  with  marked  cordiality.  And  yet  I  am  quite 
certain  he  had  never  been  presented  to  the  fellow. 

Promptly  the  next  morning  came  the  dreaded  summons 
to  meet  Mrs.  Effie.  I  was  of  course  prepared  to  accept 
instant  dismissal  without  a  character,  if  indeed  I  were  not 
to  be  given  in  charge.  I  found  her  wearing  an  expression 
of  the  utmost  sternness,  erect  and  formidable  by  the  now 
silent  phonograph.  Cousin  Egbert,  who  was  present,  also 
wore  an  expression  of  sternness,  though  I  perceived  him  to 
wink  at  me. 

"I  really  don't  know  what  we're  to  do  with  you,  Rug- 
gles,"  began  the  stricken  woman,  and  so  done  out  she 
plainly  was  that  I  at  once  felt  the  warmest  sympathy  for 
her  as  she  continued:  "First  you  lead  poor  Cousin  Egbert 
into  a  drunken  debauch " 

Cousin  Egbert  here  coughed  nervously  and  eyed  me  with 
strong  condemnation. 

" — then  you  behave  like  a  murderer.  What  have  you 
to  say  for  yourself?" 

At  this  I  saw  there  was  little  I  could  say,  except  that  I 
had  coarsely  given  way  to  the  brute  in  me,  and  yet  I  knew 
I  should  try  to  explain. 

"I  dare  say,  Madam,  it  may  have  been  because  Mr. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  117 

Belknap-Jackson  was  quite  sober  at  the  unfortunate  mo 
ment." 

"  Of  course  Charles  was  sober.  The  idea !  What  of  it?  " 
"I  was  remembering  an  occasion  at  Chaynes-Wotten 
when  Lord  Ivor  Cradleigh  behaved  toward  me  somewhat 
as  Mr.  Belknap-Jackson  did  last  night  and  when  my  own 
deportment  was  quite  all  that  could  be  wished.  It  occurs 
to  me  now  that  it  was  because  his  lordship  was,  how  shall  I 
say? — quite  far  gone  in  liquor  at  the  time,  so  that  I  could 
without  loss  of  dignity  pass  it  off  as  a  mere  prank.  Indeed, 
he  regarded  it  as  such  himself,  performing  the  act  with  a 
good  nature  that  I  found  quite  irresistible,  and  I  am  cer 
tain  that  neither  his  lordship  nor  I  have  ever  thought  the 
less  of  each  other  because  of  it.  I  revert  to  this  merely 
to  show  that  I  have  not  always  acted  in  a  ruffianly  manner 
under  these  circumstances.  It  seems  rather  to  depend 
upon  how  the  thing  is  done — the  mood  of  the  performer — 
his  mental  state.  Had  Mr.  Belknap-Jackson  been — pardon 
me — quite  drunk,  I  feel  that  the  outcome  would  have  been 
happier  for  us  all.  So  far  as  I  have  thought  along  these 
lines,  it  seems  to  me  that  if  one  is  to  be  kicked  at  all,  one 
must  be  kicked  good-naturedly.  I  mean  to  say,  with  a  cer 
tain  camaraderie,  a  lightness,  a  gayety,  a  genuine  good- will 
that  for  the  moment  expresses  itself  uncouthly — an  ele 
ment,  I  regret  to  say,  that  was  conspicuously  lacking  from 
the  brief  activities  of  Mr.  Belknap-Jackson." 

"I  never  heard  such  crazy  talk,"  responded  Mrs.  Effie, 
"and  really  I  never  saw  such  a  man  as  you  are  for  wanting 
people  to  become  disgustingly  drunk.  You  made  poor 
Cousin  Egbert  and  Jeff  Tuttle  act  like  beasts,  and  now 
nothing  will  satisfy  you  but  that  Charles  should  roll  in  the 


118  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

gutter.  Such  dissipated  talk  I  never  did  hear,  and  poor 
Charles  rarely  taking  anything  but  a  single  glass  of  wine, 
it  upsets  him  so;  even  our  reception  punch  he  finds  too 
stimulating!" 

I  mean  to  say,  the  woman  had  cleanly  missed  my 
point,  for  never  have  I  advocated  the  use  of  fermented 
liquors  to  excess;  but  I  saw  it  was  no  good  trying  to  tell  her 
this. 

"And  the  worst  of  it,"  she  went  rapidly  on,  "Cousin 
Egbert  here  is  acting  stranger  than  I  ever  knew  him  to  act. 
He  swears  if  he  can't  keep  you  he'll  never  have  another 
man,  and  you  know  yourself  what  that  means  in  his  case 
— and  Mrs.  Pettingill  saying  she  means  to  employ  you 
herself  if  we  let  you  go.  Heaven  knows  what  the  poor 
woman  can  be  thinking  of!  Oh,  it's  awful — and  every 
thing  was  going  so  beautifully.  Of  course  Charles  would 
simply  never  be  brought  to  accept  an  apology — 

"I  am  only  too  anxious  to  make  one,"  I  submitted. 

"Here's  the  poor  fellow  now,"  said  Cousin  Egbert  al 
most  gleefully,  and  our  host  entered.  He  carried  a  patch 
over  his  right  eye  and  was  not  attired  for  sport  on  the  lake, 
but  in  a  dark  morning  suit  of  quietly  beautiful  lines  that  I 
thought  showed  a  fine  sense  of  the  situation.  He  shot  me 
one  superior  glance  from  his  left  eye  and  turned  to  Mrs.  Effie. 

"I  see  you  still  harbour  the  ruffian?" 

"I've  just  given  him  a  call-down,"  said  Mrs.  Effie, 
plainly  ill  at  ease,  "and  he  says  it  was  all  because  you  were 
sober;  that  if  you'd  been  in  the  state  Lord  Ivor  Cradleigh 
was  the  time  it  happened  at  Chaynes-Wotten  he  wouldn't 
have  done  anything  to  you,  probably." 

"What's   this,   what's   this?     Lord   Ivor   Cradleigh— 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  119 

Chaynes-Wotten?"  The  man  seemed  to  be  curiously 
interested  by  the  mere  names,  in  spite  of  himself.  "His 
lordship  was  at  Chaynes-Wotten  for  the  shooting,  I  sup 
pose?"  This,  most  amazingly,  to  me. 

"A  house  party  at  Whitsuntide,  sir,"  I  explained. 

"Ah!     And  you  say  his  lordship  was " 

"Oh,  quite,  quite  in  his  cups,  sir.  If  I  might  explain,  it 
was  that,  sir — its  being  done  under  circumstances  and  in 
a  certain  entirely  genial  spirit  of  irritation  to  which  I  could 
take  no  offence,  sir.  His  lordship  is  a  very  decent  sort, 
sir.  I've  known  him  intimately  for  years." 

"Dear,  dear!"  he  replied.  "Too  bad,  too  bad!  And 
I  dare  say  you  thought  me  out  of  temper  last  night?  Noth 
ing  of  the  sort.  You  should  have  taken  it  in  quite  the 
same  spirit  as  you  did  from  Lord  Ivor  Cradleigh." 

"It  seemed  different,  sir,"  I  said  firmly.  "If  I  may 
take  the  liberty  of  putting  it  so,  I  felt  quite  offended  by 
your  manner.  I  missed  from  it  at  the  most  critical  mo 
ment,  as  one  might  say,  a  certain  urbanity  that  I  found 
in  his  lordship,  sir." 

"Well,  well,  well!  It's  too  bad,  really.  I'm  quite 
aware  that  I  show  a  sort  of  brusqueness  at  times,  but  mind 
you,  it's  all  on  the  surface.  Had  you  known  me  as  long 
as  you've  known  his  lordship,  I  dare  say  you'd  have  no 
ticed  the  same  rough  urbanity  in  me  as  well.  I  rather 
fancy  some  of  us  over  here  don't  do  those  things  so  very 
differently.  A  few  of  us,  at  least." 

"I'm  glad,  indeed,  to  hear  it,  sir.  It's  only  necessary 
to  understand  that  there  is  a  certain  mood  in  which  one 
really  cannot  permit  one's  self  to  be — you  perceive,  I 
trust." 


120  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

"Perfectly,  perfectly,"  said  he,  "and  I  can  only  express 
my  regret  that  you  should  have  mistaken  my  own  mood, 
which,  I  am  confident,  was  exactly  the  thing  his  lordship 
might  have  felt." 

"I  gladly  accept  your  apology,  sir,"  I  returned  quickly, 
"as  I  should  have  accepted  his  lordship's  had  his  manner 
permitted  any  misapprehension  on  my  park  And  in  re 
turn  I  wish  to  apologize  most  contritely  for  the  phrase  I 
applied  to  you  just  after  it  happened,  sir.  I  rarely  use 
strong  language,  but " 

"I  remember  hearing  none,"  said  he. 

"I  regret  to  say,  sir,  that  I  called  you  a  blighted  little 

99  * 

mug 

"You  needn't  have  mentioned  it,"  he  replied  with  just 
a  trace  of  sharpness,  "and  I  trust  that  in  future — 

"I  am  sure,  sir,  that  in  future  you  will  give  me  no  occa 
sion  to  misunderstand  your  intentions — no  more  than 
would  his  lordship,"  I  added  as  he  raised  his  brows. 

Thus  in  a  manner  wholly  unexpected  was  a  frightful  sit 
uation  eased  off. 

"I'm  so  glad  it's  settled!"  cried  Mrs.  Effie,  who  had 
listened  almost  breathlessly  to  our  exchange. 

"I  fancy  I  settled  it  as  Cradleigh  would  have — eh,  Rug- 
gles?"  And  the  man  actually  smiled  at  me. 

"Entirely  so,  sir,"  said  I. 

"If  only  it  doesn't  get  out,"  said  Mrs.  Effie  now.  "We 
shouldn't  want  it  known  in  Red  Gap.  Think  of  the 
talk!" 

"Certainly,"  rejoined  Mr.  Belknap-Jackson  jauntily, 
"we  are  all  here  above  gossip  about  an  affair  of  that  sort. 
I.  am  sure "  He  broke  off  and  looked  uneasily  at 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

Cousin  Egbert,  who  coughed  into  his  hand  and  looked 
out  over  the  lake  before  he  spoke. 

"What  would  I  want  to  tell  a  thing  like  that  for?"  he 
demanded  indignantly,  as  if  an  accusation  had  been  made 
against  him.  But  I  saw  his  eyes  glitter  with  an  evil  light 

An  hour  later  I  chanced  to  be  with  him  in  our  detached 
hut,  when  the  Mixer  entered. 

"What  happened?"  she  demanded. 

"What  do  you  reckon  happened?"  returned  Cousin 
Egbert.  "They  get  to  talking  about  Lord  Ivy  Craddles, 
or  some  guy,  and  before  we  know  it  Mr.  Belknap  Hyphen 
Jackson  is  apologizing  to  Bill  here." 

"No?"  bellowed  the  Mixer. 

"Sure  did  he!"  affirmed  Cousin  Egbert. 

Here  they  grasped  each  other's  arms  and  did  a  rude 
native  dance  about  the  room,  nor  did  they  desist  when  I 
sought  to  explain  that  the  name  was  not  at  all  Ivy  Crad<iles0 


CHAPTER   SEVEN 

NOW  once  more  it  seemed  that  for  a  time  I  might 
lead  a  sanely  ordered  existence.  Not  for  long  did 
I  hope  it»  I  think  I  had  become  resigned  to  the 
unending  series  of  shocks  that  seemed  to  compose  the 
daily  life  in  North  America.  Few  had  been  my  peaceful 
hours  since  that  fatal  evening  in  Paris.  And  the  shocks 
had  become  increasingly  violent.  When  I  tried  to  picture 
what  the  next  might  be  I  found  myself  shuddering.  For 
the  present,  like  a  stag  that  has  eluded  the  hounds  but 
hears  their  distant  baying,  I  lay  panting  in  momentary 
security,  gathering  breath  for  some  new  course.  I  mean 
to  say,  one  couldn't  tell  what  might  happen  next.  Again 
and  again  I  found  myself  coming  all  over  frightened. 

Wholly  restored  I  was  now  in  the  esteem  of  Mr.  Belknap- 
Jackson,  who  never  tired  of  discussing  with  me  our  own 
life  and  people.  Indeed  he  was  quite  the  most  intelligent 
foreigner  I  had  encountered.  I  may  seem  to  exaggerate 
in  the  American  fashion,  but  I  doubt  if  a  single  one  of  the 
others  could  have  named  the  counties  of  England  or  the 
present  Lord  Mayor  of  London.  Our  host  was  not  like 
that.  Also  he  early  gave  me  to  know  that  he  felt  quite  as 
we  do  concerning  the  rebellion  of  our  American  colonies, 
holding  it  a  matter  for  the  deepest  regret;  and  justly  proud 
he  was  of  the  circumstance  that  at  the  time  of  that  re 
bellion  his  own  family  had  put  all  possible  obstacles  in  the 

122 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  123 

way  of  the  traitorous  Washington.  To  be  sure,  I  dare  say 
he  may  have  boasted  a  bit  in  this. 

It  was  during  the  long  journey  across  America  which  we 
now  set  out  upon  that  I  came  to  this  sympathetic  under 
standing  of  his  character  and  of  the  chagrin  he  constantly 
felt  at  being  compelled  to  live  among  people  with  whom  he 
could  have  as  little  sympathy  as  I  myself  had. 

This  journey  began  pleasantly  enough,  and  through  the 
farming  counties  of  Philadelphia,  Ohio,  and  Chicago  was 
not  without  interest.  Beyond  came  an  incredibly  large 
region,  much  like  the  steppes  of  Siberia,  I  fancy:  vast  un 
inhabited  stretches  of  heath  and  down,  with  but  here  and 
there  some  rude  settlement  about  which  the  poor  peasants 
would  eagerly  assemble  as  our  train  passed  through.  I 
could  not  wonder  that  our  own  travellers  have  always 
spoken  so  disparagingly  of  the  American  civilization.  It 
is  a  country  that  would  never  do  with  us. 

Although  we  lived  in  this  train  a  matter  of  nearly  four 
days,  I  fancy  not  a  single  person  dressed  for  dinner  as  one 
would  on  shipboard.  Even  Belknap-Jackson  dined  in  a 
lounge-suit,  though  he  wore  gloves  constantly  by  day, 
which  was  more  than  I  could  get  Cousin  Egbert  to  do. 

As  we  went  ever  farther  over  these  leagues  of  fen  and 
fell  and  rolling  veldt,  I  could  but  speculate  unquietly  as  to 
what  sort  of  place  the  Red  Gap  must  be.  A  residential 
town  for  gentlemen  and  families,  I  had  understood,  with  a 
little  colony  of  people  that  really  mattered,  as  I  had  gath 
ered  from  Mrs.  Effie.  And  yet  I  was  unable  to  divine 
their  object  in  going  so  far  away  to  live.  One  goes  to 
distant  places  for  the  winter  sports  or  for  big  game  shoot 
ing,  but  this  seemed  rather  grotesquely  perverse. 


124  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

Little  did  I  then  dream  of  the  spiritual  agencies  that 
were  to  insure  my  gradual  understanding  of  the  town  and 
its  people.  Unsuspectingly  I  fronted  a  future  so  wildly 
improbable  that  no  power  could  have  made  me  credit  it 
had  it  then  been  foretold  by  the  most  rarely  endowed 
gypsy.  It  is  always  now  with  a  sort  of  terror  that  I  look 
back  to  those  last  moments  before  my  destiny  had  un 
folded  far  enough  to  be  actually  alarming.  I  was  as  one 
floating  in  fancied  security  down  the  calm  river  above  their 
famous  Niagara  Falls — to  be  presently  dashed  without 
warning  over  the  horrible  verge.  I  mean  to  say,  I  never 
suspected. 

Our  last  day  of  travel  arrived.  We  were  now  in  a 
roughened  and  most  untidy  welter  of  mountain  and  jungle 
and  glen,  with  violent  tarns  and  bleak  bits  of  moorland 
that  had  all  too  evidently  never  known  the  calming  touch 
of  the  landscape  gardener;  a  region,  moreover,  peopled  by 
a  much  more  lawless  appearing  peasantry  than  I  had 
observed  back  in  the  Chicago  counties,  people  for  the  most 
part  quite  wretchedly  gotten  up  and  distinctly  of  the 
lower  or  working  classes. 

Late  in  the  afternoon  our  train  wound  out  of  a  narrow 
cutting  and  into  a  valley  that  broadened  away  on  every 
hand  to  distant  mountains.  Beyond  doubt  this  prospect 
could,  in  a  loose  way  of  speaking,  be  called  scenery,  but  of 
too  violent  a  character  it  was  for  cultivated  tastes.  Then, 
as  my  eye  caught  the  vague  outlines  of  a  settlement  or 
village  in  the  midst  of  this  valley,  Cousin  Egbert,  who  also 
looked  from  the  coach  window,  amazed  me  by  crying  out: 

"There  she  is— little  old  Red  Gap!  The  fastest  grow 
ing  town  in  the  State,  if  any  one  should  ask  you." 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

"Yes,  sir;  I'll  try  to  remember,  sir,"  I  said,  wondering 
why  I  should  be  asked  this. 

"Garden  spot  of  the  world,"  he  added  in  a  kind  of 
ecstasy,  to  which  I  made  no  response,  for  this  was  too  pre 
posterous.  Nearing  the  place  our  train  passed  an  im 
mense  hoarding  erected  by  the  roadway;  a  score  of  feet 
high,  I  should  say,  and  at  least  a  dozen  times  as  long,  upon 
which  was  emblazoned  in  mammoth  red  letters  on  a  black 
ground,  "Keep  Your  Eye  on  Red  Gap!"  At  either  end 
of  this  lettering  was  painted  a  gigantic  staring  human  eye. 
Regarding  this  monstrosity  with  startled  interest,  I  heard 
myself  addressed  by  Belknap- Jackson : 

"The  sort  of  vulgarity  I'm  obliged  to  contend  with," 
said  he,  with  a  contemptuous  gesture  toward  the  hoarding. 
Indeed  the  thing  lacked  refinement  in  its  diction,  while  the 
painted  eyes  were  not  Art  in  any  true  sense  of  the  word. 
"The  work  of  our  precious  Chamber  of  Commerce,"  he 
added,  "though  I  pleaded  with  them  for  days  and  days." 

"It's  a  sort  of  thing  would  never  do  with  us,  sir,"  I  said. 

"It's  what  one  has  to  expect  from  a  commercialized 
bourgeoise,"  he  returned  bitterly.  "And  even  our  asso 
ciation,  'The  City  Beautiful,'  of  which  I  was  president, 
helped  to  erect  the  thing.  Of  course  I  resigned  at  once." 

"Naturally,  sir;  the  colours  are  atrocious." 

"And  the  words  a  mere  blatant  boast!"  He  groaned 
and  left  me,  for  we  were  now  well  into  a  suburb  of  de 
tached  villas,  many  of  them  of  a  squalid  character,  and 
presently  we  had  halted  at  the  station.  About  this  bleak 
affair  was  the  usual  gathering  of  peasantry  and  the  com 
mon  people,  villagers,  agricultural  labourers,  and  the  like, 
and  these  at  once  showed  a  tremendous  interest  in  our 


126  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

party,  many  of  them  hailing  various  members  of  us  with 
a  quite  offensive  familiarity. 

Belknap-Jackson,  of  course,  bore  himself  through  this 
with  a  proper  aloofness,  as  did  his  wife  and  Mrs.  Effie,  but 
I  heard  the  Mixer  booming  salutations  right  and  left.  It 
was  Cousin  Egbert,  however,  who  most  embarrassed  me 
by  the  freedom  of  his  manner  with  these  persons.  He 
shook  hands  warmly  with  at  least  a  dozen  of  them  and 
these  hailed  him  with  rude  shouts,  dealt  him  smart  blows 
on  the  back  and,  forming  a  circle  about  him,  escorted  him 
to  a  carriage  where  Mrs.  Erne  and  I  awaited  him.  Here 
the  driver,  a  loutish  and  familiar  youth,  also  seized  his 
hand  and,  with  some  crude  effect  of  oratory,  shouted  to 
the  crowd, 

"What's  the  matter  with  Sour-dough?"  To  this,  with 
a  flourish  of  their  impossible  hats,  they  quickly  responded 
in  unison, 

"He's  all  right!"  accenting  the  first  word  terrifically. 

Then,  to  the  immense  relief  of  Mrs.  Effie  and  myself,  he 
was  released  and  we  were  driven  quickly  off  from  the 
raffish  set.  Through  their  Regent  and  Bond  streets  we 
went,  though  I  mean  to  say  they  were  on  an  unbelievably 
small  or  village  scale,  to  an  outlying  region  of  detached 
villas  that  doubtless  would  be  their  St.  John's  Wood,  but 
my  efforts  to  observe  closely  were  distracted  by  the  ex 
traordinary  freedom  with  which  our  driver  essayed  to  chat 
with  us,  saying  he  "guessed"  we  were  glad  to  get  back  to 
God's  country,  and  things  of  a  similar  intimate  nature. 
This  was  even  more  embarrassing  to  Mrs.  Erne  than  it  was 
to  me,  since  she  more  than  once  felt  obliged  to  answer  the 
fellow  with  a  feigned  cordiality. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  127 

Relieved  I  was  when  we  drew  up  before  the  town  house 
of  the  Flouds.  Set  well  back  from  the  driveway  in  a 
faded  stretch  of  common,  it  was  of  rather  a  garbled  archi 
tecture,  with  the  Tudor,  late  Gothic,  and  French  Renais 
sance  so  intermixed  that  one  was  puzzled  to  separate  the 
periods.  Nor  was  the  result  so  vast  as  this  might  sound. 
Hardly  would  the  thing  have  made  a  wing  of  the  manor 
house  at  Chaynes-Wotten.  The  common  or  small  park 
before  it  was  shielded  from  the  main  thoroughfare  by  a 
fence  of  iron  palings,  and  back  of  this  on  either  side  of  a 
gravelled  walk  that  led  to  the  main  entrance  were  two 
life-sized  stags  not  badly  sculptured  from  metal. 

Once  inside  I  began  to  suspect  that  my  position  was 
going  to  be  more  than  a  bit  dicky.  I  mean  to  say,  it  was 
not  an  establishment  in  our  sense  of  the  word,  being  staffed, 
apparently,  by  two  China  persons  who  performed  the 
functions  of  cook,  housemaids,  footmen,  butler,  and  house 
keeper.  There  was  not  even  a  billard  room. 

During  the  ensuing  hour,  marked  by  the  arrival  of  our 
luggage  and  the  unpacking  of  boxes,  I  meditated  pro 
foundly  over  the  difficulties  of  my  situation.  In  a  wilder 
ness,  beyond  the  confines  of  civilization,  I  would  undoubt 
edly  be  compelled  to  endure  the  hardships  of  the  pioneer; 
yet  for  the  present  I  resolved  to  let  no  inkling  of  my  dismay 
escape. 

The  evening  meal  over — dinner  in  but  the  barest  tech 
nical  sense — I  sat  alone  in  my  own  room,  meditating  thus 
darkly.  Nor  was  I  at  all  cheered  by  the  voice  of  Cousin 
Egbert,  who  sang  in  his  own  room  adjoining.  I  had  found 
this  to  be  a  habit  of  his,  and  his  songs  are  always  dolorous 
to  the  last  degree.  Now.  for  example,  while  life  seemed 


128  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

all  too  black  to  me,  he  sang  a  favourite  of  his,  the  pathetic 
ballad  of  two  small  children  evidently  begging  in  a  business 
thoroughfare : 

"Lone  and  weary  through  the  streets  we  wander, 

For  we  have  no  place  to  lay  our  head; 

Not  a  friend  is  left  on  earth  to  shelter  us, 

For  both  our  parents  now  are  dead." 

It  was  a  fair  crumpler  in  my  then  mood.  It  made  me 
wish  to  be  out  of  North  America — made  me  long  for  Lon 
don;  London  with  a  yellow  fog  and  its  greasy  pavements, 
where  one  knew  what  to  apprehend.  I  wanted  him  to  stop, 
but  still  he  atrociously  sang  in  his  high,  cracked  voice: 

"Dear  mother  died  when  we  were  both  young, 

And  father  built  for  us  a  home, 
But  now  he's  killed  by  falling  timbers, 
And  we  are  left  here  all  alone." 

I  dare  say  I  should  have  rushed  madly  into  the  night 
had  there  been  another  verse,  but  now  he  was  still.  A  mo 
ment  later,  however,  he  entered  my  room  with  the  sug 
gestion  that  I  stroll  about  the  village  streets  with  him,  he 
having  a  mission  to  perform  for  Mrs.  Effie.  I  had  already 
heard  her  confide  this  to  him.  He  was  to  proceed  to  the 
office  of  their  newspaper  and  there  leave  with  the  press 
chap  a  notice  of.  our  arrival  which  from  day  to  day  she  had 
been  composing  on  the  train. 

"I  just  got  to  leave  this  here  piece  for  the  Recorder"  he 
said;  "then  we  can  sasshay  up  and  down  for  a  while  and 
meet  some  of  the  boys." 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  129 

How  profoundly  may  our  whole  destiny  be  affected  by 
the  mood  of  an  idle  moment;  by  some  superficial  indeci 
sion,  mere  fruit  of  a  transient  unrest.  We  lightly  debate, 
we  hesitate,  we  yawn,  unconscious  of  the  brink.  We  half 
heartedly  decline  a  suggested  course,  then  lightly  accept 
from  sheer  ennui,  and  "life,"  as  I  have  read  in  a  quite 
meritorious  poem,  "is  never  the  same  again."  It  was  thus 
I  now  toyed  there  with  my  fate  in  my  hands,  as  might  a 
child  have  toyed  with  a  bauble.  I  mean  to  say,  I  was 
looking  for  nothing  thick. 

"She's  wrote  a  very  fancy  piece  for  that  newspaper," 
Cousin  Egbert  went  on,  handing  me  the  sheets  of  manu 
script.  Idly  I  glanced  down  the  pages. 

"Yesterday  saw  the  return  to  Red  Gap  of  Mrs.  Senator 
James  Knox  Floud  and  Egbert  G.  Floud  from  their  ex 
tensive  European  tour,"  it  began.  Farther  I  caught 
vagrant  lines,  salient  phrases:  "  —the  well-known  social 
leader  of  our  North  Side  set  ...  planning  a  series  of 
entertainments  for  the  approaching  social  season  that 
promise  to  eclipse  all  previous  gay e ties  of  Red  Gap's  smarf, 
set  ...  holding  the  reins  of  social  leadership  with  a 
firm  grasp  .  .  .  distinguished  for  her  social  graces 
and  tact  as  a  hostess  .  .  .  their  palatial  home  on 
Ophir  Avenue,  the  scene  of  so  much  of  the  smart  social 
life  that  has  distinguished  our  beautiful  city." 

It  left  me  rather  unmoved  from  my  depression,  even  the 
concluding  note:  "The  Flouds  are  accompanied  by  their 
English  manservant,  secured  through  the  kind  offices  of 
the  brother  of  his  lordship  Earl  of  Brinstead,  the  well- 
known  English  peer,  who  will  no  doubt  do  much  to  impart 
to  the  coming  functions  that  air  of  smartness  which  dis- 


130  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

tinguishes  the  highest  social  circles  of  London,  Paris,  and 
other  capitals  of  the  great  world  of  fashion." 

"Some  mess  of  words,  that,"  observed  Cousin  Egbert, 
and  it  did  indeed  seem  to  be  rather  intimately  phrased. 

"Better  come  along  with  me,"  he  again  urged.  There 
was  a  moment's  fateful  silence,  then,  quite  mechanically, 
I  arose  and  prepared  to  accompany  him.  In  the  hall  be 
low  I  handed  him  his  evening  stick  and  gloves,  which  he 
absently  took  from  me,  and  we  presently  traversed  that 
street  of  houses  much  in  the  fashion  of  the  Floud  house 
and  nearly  all  boasting  some  sculptured  bit  of  wild  life 
on  their  terraces. 

It  was  a  calm  night  of  late  summer;  all  Nature  seemed 
at  peace.  I  looked  aloft  and  reflected  that  the  same  stars 
were  shining  upon  the  civilization  I  had  left  so  far  behind. 
As  we  walked  I  lost  myself  in  musing  pensively  upon  this 
curious  astronomical  fact  and  upon  the  further  vicissitudes 
to  which  I  would  surely  be  exposed.  I  compared  myself 
whimsically  to  an  explorer  chap  who  has  ventured  among 
a  tribe  of  natives  and  who  must  seem  to  adopt  their  weird 
manners  and  customs  to  save  himself  from  their  fanatic 
violence. 

From  this  I  was  aroused  by  Cousin  Egbert,  who,  with 
sudden  dismay  regarding  his  stick  and  gloves,  uttered  a  low 
cry  of  anguish  and  thrust  them  into  my  hands  before  I 
had  divined  his  purpose. 

"You'll  have  to  tote  them  there  things,"  he  swiftly 
explained.  "I  forgot  where  I  was."  I  demurred  sharply, 
but  he  would  not  listen. 

"I  didn't  mind  it  so  much  in  Paris  and  Europe,  where  I 
ain't  so  very  well  known,  but  my  good  gosh!  man,  this  is 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  131 

my  home  town.  You'll  have  to  take  them.  People  won't 
notice  it  in  you  so  much,  you  being  a  foreigner,  anyway." 

Without  further  objection  I  wearily  took  them,  finding 
a  desperate  drollery  in  being  regarded  as  a  foreigner, 
whereas  I  was  simply  alone  among  foreigners;  but  I  knew 
that  Cousin  Egbert  lacked  the  subtlety  to  grasp  this  point 
of  view  and  made  no  effort  to  lay  it  before  him.  It  was 
clear  to  me  then,  I  think,  that  he  would  forever  remain 
socially  impossible,  though  perhaps  no  bad  sort  from  a 
mere  human  point  of  view. 

We  continued  our  stroll,  turning  presently  from  this 
residential  avenue  to  a  street  of  small  unlighted  shops,  and 
from  this  into  a  wider  and  brilliantly  lighted  thoroughfare 
of  larger  shops,  where  my  companion  presently  began  to 
greet  native  acquaintances.  And  now  once  more  he 
affected  that  fashion  of  presenting  me  to  his  friends  that 
I  had  so  deplored  in  Paris.  His  own  greeting  made,  he 
would  call  out  heartily:  "Shake  hands  with  my  friend 
Colonel  Ruggles!"  Nor  would  he  heed  my  protests  at 
this,  so  that  in  sheer  desperation  I  presently  ceased  making 
them,  reflecting  that  after  all  we  were  encountering  the 
street  classes  of  the  town. 

At  a  score  of  such  casual  meetings  I  was  thus  presented, 
for  he  seemed  to  know  quite  almost  every  one  and  at  times 
there  would  be  a  group  of  natives  about  us  on  the  pave 
ment.  Twice  we  went  into  "saloons,"  as  they  rather  pre 
tentiously  style  their  public  houses,  where  Cousin  Egbert 
would  stand  the  drinks  for  all  present,  not  omitting  each 
time  to  present  me  formally  to  the  bar-man.  In  all  these 
instances  I  was  at  once  asked  what  I  thought  of  their 
town,  which  was  at  first  rather  embarrassing,  as  I  was  con- 


132  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

fident  that  any  frank  disclosure  of  my  opinion,  being 
necessarily  hurried,  might  easily  be  misunderstood.  I  at 
length  devised  a  conventional  formula  of  praise  which, 
although  feeling  a  frightful  fool,  I  delivered  each  time 
thereafter. 

Thus  we  progressed  the  length  of  their  commercial 
centre,  the  incidents  varying  but  little. 

"Hello,  Sour-dough,  you  old  shellback!  When  did  you 
come  off  the  trail?" 

"Just  got  in.  My  lands!  but  it's  good  to  be  back. 
Billy,  shake  hands  with  my  friend  Colonel  Ruggles." 

I  mean  to  say,  the  persons  were  not  all  named  "Billy," 
that  being  used  only  by  way  of  illustration.  Sometimes 
they  would  be  called  "Doc"  or  "Hank"  or  "Al"  or 
"Chris."  Nor  was  my  companion  invariably  called 
"shellback."  "Horned-toad"  and  "Stinging-lizard"  were 
also  epithets  much  in  favour  with  his  friends. 

At  the  end  of  this  street  we  at  length  paused  before 
the  office,  as  I  saw,  of  "The  Red  Gap  Recorder;  Daily  and 
Weekly."  Cousin  Egbert  entered  here,  but  came  out  al 
most  at  once. 

"Henshaw  ain't  there,  and  she  said  I  got  to  be  sure  and 
give  him  this  here  piece  personally;  so  come  on.  He's  up 
to  a  lawn-feet." 

"A  social  function,  sir?"  I  asked. 

"No;  just  a  lawn-feet  up  in  Judge  Ballard's  front  yard 
to  raise  money  for  new  uniforms  for  the  band — that's  what 
the  boy  said  in  there." 

"But  would  it  not  be  highly  improper  for  me  to  appear 
there,  sir? "  I  at  once  objected.  "I  fear  it's  not  done,  sir." 

"Shucks!"  he  insisted,  "don't  talk  foolish  that  way. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  133 

You're  a  peach  of  a  little  mixer  all  right.  Come  on! 
Everybody  goes.  They'll  even  let  me  in.  I  can  give  this 
here  piece  to  Henshaw  and  then  we'll  spend  a  little  money 
to  help  the  band-boys  along." 

My  misgivings  were  by  no  means  dispelled,  yet  as  the 
affair  seemed  to  be  public  rather  than  smart,  I  allowed  my 
self  to  be  led  on. 

Into  another  street  of  residences  we  turned,  and  after 
a  brisk  walk  I  was  able  to  identify  the  "front  yard"  of 
which  my  companion  had  spoken.  The  strains  of  an  or 
chestra  came  to  us  and  from  the  trees  and  shrubbery 
gleamed  the  lights  of  paper  lanterns.  I  could  discern 
tents  and  marquees,  a  throng  of  people  moving  among 
them.  Nearer,  I  observed  a  refreshment  pavilion  and  a 
dancing  platform. 

Reaching  the  gate,  Cousin  Egbert  paid  for  us  an  en 
trance  fee  of  two  shillings  to  a  young  lady  in  gypsy  cos 
tume  whom  he  greeted  cordially  as  Beryl  Mae,  not  omit 
ting  to  present  me  to  her  as  Colonel  Ruggles. 

We  moved  into  the  thick  of  the  crowd.  There  was  much 
laughter  and  hearty  speech,  and  it  at  once  occurred  to  me 
that  Cousin  Egbert  had  been  right:  it  would  not  be  an 
assemblage  of  people  that  mattered,  but  rather  of  small 
tradesmen,  artisans,  tenant-farmers  and  the  like  with  whom 
I  could  properly  mingle. 

My  companion  was  greeted  by  several  of  the  throng,  to 
whom  he  in  turn  presented  me,  among  them  after  a  bit  to  a 
slight,  reddish-bearded  person  wearing  thick  nose-glasses 
whom  I  understood  to  be  the  pressman  we  were  in  search 
of.  Nervous  of  manner  he  was  and  preoccupied  with  a 
notebook  in  which  he  frantically  scribbled  items  from 


134  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

time  to  time.  Yet  no  sooner  was  I  presented  to  him  than 
he  began  a  quizzing  sort  of  conversation-  with  me  that 
lasted  near  a  half -hour,  I  should  say.  Very  interested  he 
seemed  to  hear  of  my  previous  life,  having  in  full  measure 
that  naive  curiosity  about  one  which  Americans  take  so 
little  pains  to  hide.  Like  the  other  natives  I  had  met  that 
evening,  he  was  especially  concerned  to  know  what  I 
thought  of  Red  Gap.  The  chat  was  not  at  all  unpleasant, 
as  he  seemed  to  be  a  well-informed  person,  and  it  was  not 
without  regret  that  I  noted  the  approach  of  Cousin  Eg 
bert  in  company  with  a  pleasant-faced,  middle-aged  lady 
in  Oriental  garb,  carrying  a  tambourine. 

"Mrs.  Ballard,  allow  me  to  make  you  acquainted  with 
my  friend  Colonel  Ruggles!"  Thus  Cousin  Egbert  per 
formed  his  ceremony.  The  lady  grasped  my  hand  with 
great  cordiality. 

"You  men  have  monopolized  the  Colonel  long  enough," 
she  began  with  a  large  coquetry  that  I  found  not  un- 
pleasing,  and  firmly  grasping  my  arm  she  led  me  off  in  the 
direction  of  the  refreshment  pavilion,  where  I  was  play 
fully  let  to  know  that  I  should  purchase  her  bits  of  refresh 
ment,  coffee,  plum-cake,  an  ice,  things  of  that  sort. 
Through  it  all  she  kept  up  a  running  fire  of  banter,  from 
time  to  time  presenting  me  to  other  women  young  and  old 
who  happened  about  us,  all  of  whom  betrayed  an  interest 
in  my  personality  that  was  not  unflattering,  even  from  this 
commoner  sort  of  the  town's  people. 

Nor  would  my  new  friend  release  me  when  she  had  re 
freshed  herself,  but  had  it  that  I  must  dance  with  her.  I 
had  now  to  confess  that  I  was  unskilled  in  the  native 
American  folkdances  which  I  had  observed  being  performed, 


MRS.  BALLARD,  ALLOW  ME  TO  MAKE  YOU  ACQUAINTED   WITH  MY  FRIEND  COLONEL 
RUGGLES!"      THUS  COUSIN  EGBERT  PERFORMED  HIS  CEREMONY 


\ 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  135 

whereupon  she  briskly  chided  me  for  my  backwardness, 
but  commanded  a  valse  from  the  musicians,  and  this  we 
danced  together. 

I  may  here  say  that  I  am  not  without  a  certain  finesse 
on  the  dancing-floor  and  I  rather  enjoyed  the  momentary 
abandon  with  this  village  worthy.  Indeed  I  had  rather 
enjoyed  the  whole  affair,  though  I  felt  that  my  manner 
was  gradually  marking  me  as  one  apart  from  the  natives; 
made  conscious  I  was  of  a  more  finished,  a  suaver  formality 
in  myself — the  Mrs.  Ballard  I  had  met  came  at  length  to 
be  by  way  of  tapping  me  coquettishly  with  her  tambourine 
in  our  lighter  moments.  Also  my  presence  increasingly 
drew  attention,  more  and  more  of  the  village  belles  and 
matrons  demanding  in  their  hearty  way  to  be  presented 
to  me.  Indeed  the  society  was  vastly  more  enlivening,  I 
reflected,  than  I  had  found  it  in  a  similar  walk  of  life  at 
home. 

Rather  regretfully  I  left  with  Cousin  Egbert,  who  found 
me  at  last  in  one  of  the  tents  having  my  palm  read  by  the 
gypsy  young  person  who  had  taken  our  fees  at  the  gate. 
Of  course  I  am  aware  that  she  was  probably  without  any 
real  gifts  for  this  science,  as  so  few  are  who  undertake  it 
at  charity  bazaars,  yet  she  told  me  not  a  few  things  that 
were  significant:  that  my  somewhat  cold  exterior  and  air 
of  sternness  were  but  a  mask  to  shield  a  too-impulsive 
nature;  that  I  possessed  great  firmness  of  character  and 
was  fond  of  Nature.  She  added  peculiarly  at  the  last: 
"I  see  trouble  ahead,  but  you  are  not  to  be  downcast — 
the  skies  will  brighten." 

It  was  at  this  point  that  Cousin  Egbert  found  me,  and 
after  he  had  warned  the  young  woman  that  I  was  "some 


136  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

mixer  "  we  departed.  Not  until  we  had  reached  the  Floud 
home  did  he  discover  that  he  had  quite  forgotten  to  hand 
the  press-chap  Mrs.  Effie's  manuscript. 

"Dog  on  the  luck!"  said  he  in  his  quaint  tone  of  exas 
peration,  "here  I've  went  and  forgot  to  give  Mrs.  Effie's 
piece  to  the  editor."  He  sighed  ruefully.  "Well,  to 
morrow's  another  day." 

And  so  the  die  was  cast.  To-morrow  was  indeed  an 
other  day ! 

Yet  I  fell  asleep  on  a  memory  of  the  evening  that  brought 
me  a  sort  of  shamed  pleasure — that  I  had  falsely  borne  the 
stick  and  gloves  of  Cousin  Egbert.  I  knew  they  had  given 
me  rather  an  air. 


CHAPTER   EIGHT 

I  HAVE  never  been  able  to  recall  the  precise  moment  the 
next  morning  when  I  began  to  feel  a  strange  disquie 
tude,  but  the  opening  hours  of  the  day  were  marked 
by  a  series  of  occurrences  slight  in  themselves  yet  so  cumu 
latively  ominous  that  they  seemed  to  lower  above  me  like 
a  cloud  of  menace. 

Looking  from  my  window,  shortly  after  the  rising  hour, 
I  observed  a  paper  boy  pass  through  the  street,  whistling 
a  popular  melody  as  he  ran  up  to  toss  folded  journals  into 
doorways.  Something  I  cannot  explain  went  through  me 
even  then;  some  premonition  of  disaster  slinking  furtively 
under  my  casual  reflection  that  even  in  this  remote  wild 
the  public  press  was  not  unknown. 

Half  an  hour  later  the  telephone  rang  in  a  lower  room 
and  I  heard  Mrs.  Effie  speak  in  answer.  An  unusual  note 
in  her  voice  caused  me  to  listen  more  attentively.  I 
stepped  outside  my  door.  To  some  one  she  was  express 
ing  amazement,  doubt,  and  quick  impatience,  which 
seemed  to  culminate,  after  she  had  again  listened,  in  a 
piercing  cry  of  consternation.  The  term  is  not  too  strong. 
Evidently  by  the  unknown  speaker  she  had  been  first 
puzzled,  then  startled,  then  horrified;  and  now,  as  her 
anguished  cry  still  rang  in  my  ears,  that  snaky  premoni 
tion  of  evil  again  writhed  across  my  consciousness. 

Presently  I  heard  the  front  door  open  and  close.  Peer- 

137 


138  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

ing  into  the  hallway  below  I  saw  that  she  had  secured  the 
newspaper  I  had  seen  dropped.  Her  own  door  now  closed 
upon  her.  I  waited,  listening  intently.  Something  told 
me  that  the  incident  was  not  closed.  A  brief  interval 
elapsed  and  she  was  again  at  the  telephone,  excitedly  de 
manding  to  be  put  through  to  a  number. 

"Come  at  once!"  I  heard  her  cry.  "It's  unspeakable! 
There  isn't  a  moment  to  lose!  Come  as  you  are! "  Here 
upon,  banging  the  receiver  into  its  place  with  frenzied 
roughness,  she  ran  halfway  up  the  stairs  to  shout: 

"  Egbert  Floud !  Egbert  Floud !  You  march  right  down 
here  this  minute,  sir!" 

From  his  room  I  heard  an  alarmed  response,  and  a  mo 
ment  later  knew  that  he  had  joined  her.  The  door  closed 
upon  them,  but  high  words  reached  me.  Mostly  the  words 
of  Mrs.  Effie  they  were,  though  I  could  detect  muffled  re 
torts  from  the  other.  Wondering  what  this  could  por 
tend,  I  noted  from  my  window  some  ten  minutes  later  the 
hurried  arrival  of  the  C.  Belknap-Jacksons.  The  husband 
clenched  a  crumpled  newspaper  in  one  hand  and  both  he 
and  his  wife  betrayed  signs  to  the  trained  eye  of  having 
performed  hasty  toilets  for  this  early  call. 

As  the  door  of  the  drawing-room  closed  upon  them  there 
ensued  a  terrific  outburst  carrying  a  rich  general  effect 
of  astounded  rage.  Some  moments  the  sinister  chorus 
continued,  then  a  door  sharply  opened  and  I  heard  my 
own  name  cried  out  by  Mrs.  Effie  in  a  tone  that  caused  me 
to  shudder.  Rapidly  descending  the  stairs,  I  entered  the 
room  to  face  the  excited  group.  Cousin  Egbert  crouched 
on  a  sofa  in  a  far  corner  like  a  hunted  beast,  but  the  others 
were  standing,  and  all  glared  at  me  furiously. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  139 

The  ladies  addressed  me  simultaneously,  one  of  them,  I 
believe,  asking  me  what  I  meant  by  it  and  the  other  de 
manding  how  dared  I,  which  had  the  sole  effect  of  adding 
to  my  bewilderment,  nor  did  the  words  of  Cousin  Egbert 
diminish  this. 

"Hello,  Bill!"  he  called,  adding  with  a  sort  of  timid 
bravado:  "Don't  you  let  'em  bluff  you,  not  for  a  minute!" 

"Yes,  and  it  was  probably  all  that  wretched  Cousin  Eg 
bert's  fault  in  the  first  place,"  snapped  Mrs.  Belknap- 
Jackson  almost  tearfully. 

"  Say,  listen  here,  now;  I  don't  see  as  how  I've  done  any 
thing  wrong,"  he  feebly  protested.  "Bill's  human,  ain't 
he  ?  Answer  me  that ! ' ' 

"  One  sees  it  all ! "  This  from  Belknap- Jackson  in  bitter 
and  judicial  tones.  He  flung  out  his  hands  at  Cousin 
Egbert  in  a  gesture  of  pitiless  scorn.  "I  dare  say,"  he 
continued,  "that  poor  Ruggles  was  merely  a  tool  in  his 
hands — weak,  possibly,  but  not  vicious." 

"May  I  inquire —  I  made  bold  to  begin,  but  Mrs. 

Effie  shut  me  off,  brandishing  the  newspaper  before  me. 

"Read  it!"  she  commanded  in  hoarse,  tragic  tones. 
"There!"  she  added,  pointing  at  monstrous  black  head 
lines  on  the  page  as  I  weakly  took  it  from  her.  And  then  I 
saw.  There  before  them,  divining  now  the  enormity  of 
what  had  come  to  pass,  I  controlled  myself  to  master  the 
following  screed: 

RED  GAP'S  DISTINGUISHED  VISITOR 

Colonel  Marmaduke  Ruggles  of  London  and  Paris,  late  of  the 
British  army,  bon-vivant  and  man  of  the  world,  is  in  our  midst 
for  an  indefinite  stay,  being  at  present  the  honoured  house  guest 


140  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

of  Senator  and  Mrs.  James  Knox  Floud,  who  returned  from  for 
eign  parts  on  the  5:16  flyer  yesterday  afternoon.  Colonel  Ruggles 
has  long  been  intimately  associated  with  the  family  of  his  lord 
ship  the  Earl  of  Brinstead,  and  especially  with  his  lordship's 
brother,  the  Honourable  George  Augustus  Vane-Basingwell,  with 
whom  he  has  recently  been  sojourning  in  la  belle  France.  In  a 
brief  interview  which  the  Colonel  genially  accorded  ye  scribe, 
he  expressed  himself  as  delighted  with  our  thriving  little  city. 

"It's  somewhat  a  town — if  I've  caught  your.  American  slang," 
he  said  with  a  merry  twinkle  in  his  eyes.  "You  have  the  garden 
spot  of  the  West,  if  not  of  the  civilized  world,  and  your  people 
display  a  charm  that  must  be,  I  dare  say,  typically  American. 
Altogether,  I  am  enchanted  with  the  wonders  I  have  beheld  since 
landing  at  your  New  York,  particularly  with  the  habit  your  best 
people  have  of  roughing  it  in  camps  like  th.at  of  Mr.  C.  Belknap- 
Jackson  among  the  mountains  of  New  York,  where  I  was  most 
pleasantly  entertained  by  himself  and  his  delightful  wife.  The 
length  of  my  stay  among  you  is  uncertain,  though  I  have  been 
pressed  by  the  Flouds,  with  whom  I  am  stopping,  and  by  the  C. 
Belknap-Jacksons  to  prolong  it  indefinitely,  and  in  fact  to  iden 
tify  myself  to  an  extent  with  your  social  life." 

The  Colonel  is  a  man  of  distinguished  appearance,  with  the 
seasoned  bearing  of  an  old  campaigner,  and  though  at  moments 
he  displays  that  cool  reserve  so  typical  of  the  English  gentleman, 
evidence  was  not  lacking  last  evening  that  he  can  unbend  on 
occasion.  At  the  lawn  fete  held  in  the  spacious  grounds  of 
Judge  Ballard,  where  a  myriad  Japanese  lanterns  made  the  scene 
a  veritable  fairyland,  he  was  quite  the  most  sought-after  notable 
present,  and  gayly  tripped  the  light  fantastic  toe  with  the  elite 
of  Red  Gap's  smart  set  there  assembled. 

From  his  cordial  manner  of  entering  into  the  spirit  of  the  affair 
we  predict  that  Colonel  Ruggles  will  be  a  decided  acquisition  to 
our  social  life,  and  we  understand  that  a  series  of  recherche  enter 
tainments  in  his  honour  has  already  been  planned  by  Mrs. 
County  Judge  Ballard,  who  took  the  distinguished  guest  under 
ker  wing  the  moment  he  appeared  last  evening.  Welcome  to  our 


RTJGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  141 

city,  Colonel!  And  may  the  warm  hearts  of  Red  Gap  cause  you 
to  forget  that  European  world  of  fashion  of  which  you  have  long 
been  so  distinguished  an  ornament! 


In  a  sickening  silence  I  finished  the  thing.  As  the  ab 
surd  sheet  fell  from  my  nerveless  fingers  Mrs.  Effie  cried 
in  a  voice  hoarse  with  emotion: 

"Do  you  realize  the  dreadful  thing  you've  done  to 
us?" 

Speechless  I  was  with  humiliation,  unequal  even  to  pro 
testing  that  I  had  said  nothing  of  the  sort  to  the  press- 
chap.  I  mean  to  say,  he  had  wretchedly  twisted  my 
harmless  words. 

"Have  you  nothing  to  say  for  yourself?"  demanded 
Mrs.  Belknap-Jackson,  also  in  a  voice  hoarse  with  emo 
tion.  I  glanced  at  her  husband.  He,  too,  was  pale  with 
anger  and  trembling,  so  that  I  fancied  he  dared  not  trust 
himself  to  speak. 

"The  wretched  man,"  declared  Mrs.  Effie,  addressing 
them  all,  "simply  can't  realize — how  disgraceful  it  is. 
Oh,  we  shall  never  be  able  to  live  it  down!" 

"  Imagine  those  flippant  Spokane  sheets  dressing  up  the 
thing,"  hissed  Belknap-Jackson,  speaking  for  the  first 
time.  "Imagine  their  blackguardly  humour!" 

"And  that  awful  Cousin  Egbert,"  broke  in  Mrs.  Effie, 
pointing  a  desperate  finger  toward  him.  "Think  of  the 
laughing-stock  he'll  become !  Why,  he'll  simply  never  be 
able  to  hold  up  his  head  again." 

"Say,  you  listen  here,"  exclaimed  Cousin  Egbert  with 
sudden  heat;  "never  you  mind  about  my  head.  I  always 
been  able  to  hold  up  my  head  any  time  I  felt  like  it."  And 


142  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

again  to  me  he  threw  out,  "Don't  you  let  'em  bluff  you, 
Bill!" 

"I  gave  him  a  notice  for  the  paper,"  explained  Mrs. 
Effie  plaintively;  "I'd  written  it  all  nicely  out  to  save  them 
time  in  the  office,  and  that  would  have  prevented  this  dis 
grace,  but  he  never  gave  it  in." 

"I  clean  forgot  it,"  declared  the  offender.  "What 
with  one  thing  and  another,  and  gassing  back  and  forth 
with  some  o'  the  boys,  it  kind  of  went  out  o'  my  head." 

"Meeting  our  best  people — actually  dancing  with  them!" 
murmured  Mrs.  Belknap- Jackson  in  a  voice  vibrant  with 
horror.  "  My  dear,  I  truly  am  so  sorry  for  you." 

"You  people  entertained  him  delightfully  at  your 
camp,"  murmured  Mrs.  Effie  quickly  in  her  turn,  with  a 
gesture  toward  the  journal. 

"Oh,  we're  both  in  it,  I  know.  I  know.  It's  ap 
palling!" 

"We'll  never  be  able  to  live  it  down!"  said  Mrs.  Effie. 
"We  shall  have  to  go  away  somewhere." 

"Can't  you  imagine  what  Jen'  Ballard  will  say  when 
she  learns  the  truth?"  asked  the  other  bitterly.  "Say  we 
did  it  on  purpose  to  humiliate  her,  and  just  as  all  our  little 
scraps  were  being  smoothed  out,  so  we  could  get  together 
and  put  that  Bohemian  set  in  its  place.  Oh,  it's  so  dread 
ful!"  On  the  verge  of  tears  she  seemed. 

"And  scarcely  a  word  mentioned  of  our  own  return — 
when  I'd  taken  such  pains  with  the  notice!" 

"Listen  here!"  said  Cousin  Egbert  brightly.  "I'll 
take  the  piece  down  now  and  he  can  print  it  in  his  paper 
for  you  to-morrow." 

"You  can't  understand,"  she  replied  impatiently.     "I 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  143 

casually  mentioned  our  having  brought  an  English  man 
servant.  Print  that  now  and  insult  all  our  best  people 
who  received  him!" 

"Pathetic  how  little  the  poor  chap  understands,"  sighed 
Belknap-Jackson.  "No  sense  at  all  of  our  plight — nat 
urally,  naturally!" 

"'A  series  of  entertainments  being  planned  in  his  hon 
our!'"  quavered  Mrs.  Belknap-Jackson. 

"'The  most  sought-after  notable  present!'"  echoedMrs. 
Effie  viciously. 

Again  and  again  I  had  essayed  to  protest  my  innocence, 
only  to  provoke  renewed  outbursts.  I  could  but  stand 
there  with  what  dignity  I  retained  and  let  them  savage 
me.  Cousin  Egbert  now  spoke  again : 

"Shucks!  What's  all  the  fuss?  Just  because  I  took 
Bill  out  and  give  him  a  good  time !  Didn't  you  say  your 
self  in  that  there  very  piece  that  he'd  impart  to  coming 
functions  an  air  of  smartiness  like  they  have  all  over 
Europe?  Didn't  you  write  them  very  words?  And  ain't 
he  already  done  it  the  very  first  night  he  gets  here,  right 
at  that  there  lawn-feet  where  I  took  him?  What  for  do 
you  jump  on  me  then?  I  took  him  and  he  done  it;  he 
done  it  good.  Bill's  a  born  mixer.  Why,  he  had  all  them 
North  Side  society  dames  stung  the  minute  I  flashed  him; 
after  him  quicker  than  hell  could  scorch  a  feather;  run  out 
from  under  their  hats  to  get  introduced  to  him — and  now 
you  all  turn  on  me  like  a  passel  of  starved  wolves."  He 
finished  with  a  note  of  genuine  irritation  I  had  never  heard 
in  his  voice. 

"The  poor  creature's  demented,"  remarked  Mrs, 
Belknap-Jackson  pityingly. 


144  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

"Always  been  that  way,"  said  Mrs.  Effie  hopelessly. 

Belknap- Jackson  contented  himself  with  a  mere  clicking 
sound  of  commiseration. 

"All  right,  then,  if  you're  so  smart,"  continued  Cousin 
Egbert.  "Just  the  same  Bill,  here,  is  the  most  popular 
thing  in  the  whole  Kulanche  Valley  this  minute,  so  all  I 
got  to  say  is  if  you  want  to  play  this  here  society  game  you 
better  stick  close  by  him.  First  thing  you  know,  some  o' 
them  other  dames'll  have  him  won  from  you.  That  Mis' 
Ballard's  going  to  invite  him  to  supper  or  dinner  or  some 
other  doings  right  away.  I  heard  her  say  so." 

To  my  amazement  a  curious  and  prolonged  silence 
greeted  this  amazing  tirade.  The  three  at  length  were 
regarding  each  other  almost  furtively.  Belknap-Jackson 
began  to  pace  the  floor  in  deep  thought. 

"After  all,  no  one  knows  except  ourselves,"  he  said  in 
curiously  hushed  tones  at  last. 

"Of  course  it's  one  way  out  of  a  dreadful  mess,"  ob 
served  his  wife. 

"Colonel  Marmaduke  Ruggles  of  the  British  army," 
said  Mrs.  Effie  in  a  peculiar  tone,  as  if  she  were  trying 
over  a  song. 

"It  may  indeed  be  the  best  way  out  of  an  impossible 
situation,"  continued  Belknap-Jackson  musingly.  "Other 
wise  we  face  a  social  upheaval  that  might  leave  us  demor 
alized  for  years — say  nothing  of  making  us  a  laughing 
stock  with  the  rabble.  In  fact,  I  see  nothing  else  to  be 
done." 

"Cousin  Egbert  would  be  sure  to  spoil  it  all  again," 
objected  Mrs.  Effie,  glaring  at  him. 

"No  danger,"   returned  the  other  with  his  superior 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  145 

smile.  "  Being  quite  unable  to  realize  what  has  happened, 
he  will  be  equally  unable  to  realize  what  is  going  to  happen. 
We  may  speak  before  him  as  before  a  babe  in  arms;  the 
amenities  of  the  situation  are  forever  beyond  him." 

"I  guess  I  always  been  able  to  hold  up  my  head  when 
I  felt  like  it,"  put  in  Cousin  Egbert,  now  again  both  sullen 
and  puzzled.  Once  more  he  threw  out  his  encouragement 
to  me:  "Don't  let  'em  run  any  bluffs,  Bill!  They  can't 
touch  you,  and  they  know  it." 

"* Touch  him,'"  murmured  Mrs.  Belknap-Jackson  with 
an  able  sneer.  "  My  dear,  what  a  trial  he  must  have  been  to 
you.  I  never  knew.  He's  as  bad  as  the  mater,  actually." 

"And  such  hopes  I  had  of  him  in  Paris,"  replied  Mrs. 
Effie,  "when  he  was  taking  up  Art  and  dressing  for  dinner 
and  everything!" 

"I  can  be  pushed  just  so  far!"  muttered  the  offender 
darkly. 

There  was  now  a  ring  at  the  door  which  I  took  the  lib 
erty  of  answering,  and  received  two  notes  from  a  messen 
ger.  One  bore  the  address  of  Mrs.  Floud  and  the  other 
was  quite  astonishingly  to  myself,  the  name  preceded  by 
"Colonel." 

"That's  Jen'  Ballard's  stationery!"  cried  Mrs.  Belknap- 
Jackson.  "Trust  her  not  to  lose  one  second  in  getting 
busy!" 

"But  he  mustn't  answer  the  door  that  way,"  exclaimed 
her  husband  as  I  handed  Mrs.  Effie  her  note. 

They  were  indeed  both  from  my  acquaintance  of  the 
night  before.  Receiving  permission  to  read  my  own,  I 
found  it  to  be  a  dinner  invitation  for  the  following  Friday. 
Mrs.  Effie  looked  up  from  hers. 


146  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

"  It's  all  too  true,"  she  announced  grimly.  "  We're  asked 
to  dinner  and  she  earnestly  hopes  dear  Colonel  Ruggles 
will  have  made  no  other  engagement.  She  also  says  hasn't 
he  the  darlingest  English  accent.  Oh,  isn't  it  a  mess!" 

"You  see  how  right  I  am,"  said  Belknap-Jackson. 

"I  guess  we've  got  to  go  through  with  it,"  conceded 
Mrs.  Effie. 

"The  pushing  thing  that  Ballard  woman  is!"  observed 
her  friend. 

"Ruggles!"  exclaimed  Belknap-Jackson,  addressing  me 
with  sudden  decision. 

"Yes,  sir." 

"Listen  carefully — I'm  quite  serious.  In  future  you 
will  try  to  address  me  as  if  I  were  your  equal.  Ah !  rather 
you  will  try  to  address  me  as  if  you  were  my  equal.  I 
dare  say  it  will  come  to  you  easily  after  a  bit  of  practice. 
Your  employers  will  wish  you  to  address  them  in  the  same 
manner.  You  will  cultivate  toward  us  a  manner  of  easy 
friendliness — remember  I'm  entirely  serious — quite  as  if 
you  were  one  of  us.  You  musy  try  to  be,  in  short,  the 
Colonel  Marmaduke  Ruggles  that  wretched  penny-a-liner 
has  foisted  upon  these  innocent  people.  We  shall  thus 
avert  a  most  humiliating  contretemps." 

The  thing  fair  staggered  me.  I  fell  weakly  into  the 
chair  by  which  I  had  stood,  for  the  first  time  in  a  not  un 
eventful  career  feeling  that  my  savoirfaire  had  been  over 
taxed. 

"Quite  right,"  he  went  on.  "Be  seated  as  one  of  us," 
and  he  amazingly  proffered  me  his  cigarette  case.  "Do 
take  one,  old  chap,"  he  insisted  as  I  weakly  waved  it  away, 
and  against  my  will  I  die?  $0,  *'  Dare  say  you'll  fancy  them 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  147 

— a  non-throat  cigarette  especially  prescribed  for  me."  He 
now  held  a  match  so  that  I  was  obliged  to  smoke.  Never 
have  I  been  in  less  humour  for  it. 

"There,  not  so  hard,  is  it?  You  see,  we're  getting  on 
famously." 

"Ain't  I  always  said  Bill  was  a  good  mixer?"  called 
Cousin  Egbert,  but  his  gaucherie  was  pointedly  ignored. 

"Now,"  continued  Belknap-Jackson,  "suppose  you  tell 
us  in  a  chatty,  friendly  way  just  what  you  think  about 
this  regrettable  affair."  All  sat  forward  interestedly. 

"But  I  met  what  I  supposed  were  your  villagers,"  I 
said;  "your  small  tradesmen,  your  artisans,  clerks,  shop- 
assistants,  tenant-farmers,  and  the  like,  I'd  no  idea  in  the 
world  they  were  your  county  families.  Seemed  quite  a 
bit  too  jolly  for  that.  And  your  press-chap — preposter 
ous,  quite !  He  quizzed  me  rather,  I  admit,  but  he  made 
it  vastly  different.  Your  pressmen  are  remarkable.  That 
thing  is  a  fair  crumpler." 

"But  surely,"  put  in  Mrs.  Effie,  "you  could  see  that 
Mrs.  Judge  Ballard  must  be  one  of  our  best  people." 

"I  saw  she  was  a  goodish  sort,"  I  explained,  "but  it 
never  occurred  to  me  one  would  meet  her  in  your  best 
houses.  And  when  she  spoke  of  entertaining  me  I  fancied 
I  might  stroll  by  her  cottage  some  fair  day  and  be  asked  in 
to  a  slice  from  one  of  her  own  loaves  and  a  dish  of  tea. 
There  was  that  about  her." 

"Mercy!"  exclaimed  both  ladies,  Mrs. Belknap-Jackson 
adding  a  bit  maliciously  I  thought,  "  Oh,  don't  you  awfully 
wish  she  could  hear  him  say  it  just  that  way?  " 

"As  to  the  title,"  I  continued,  "Mr.  Egbert  has  from 
the  first  had  a  curious  American  tendency  to  present  me  to 


148  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

his  many  friends  as  *  Colonel/  I  am  sure  he  means  as 
little  by  it  as  when  he  calls  me  '  Bill, '  which  I  have  often 
reminded  him  is  not  a  name  of  mine." 

"Oh,  we  understand  the  poor  chap  is  a  social  incom 
petent,"  said  Belknap- Jackson  with  a  despairing  shrug. 

"Say,  look  here,"  suddenly  exclaimed  Cousin  Egbert,  a 
new  heat  in  his  tone,  "what  I  call  Bill  ain't  a  marker  to 
what  I  call  you  when  I  really  get  going.  You  ought  to  hear 
me  some  day  when  I'm  feeling  right!" 

"Really!"  exclaimed  the  other  with  elaborate  sarcasm. 

"  Yes,  sir.  Surest  thing  you  know.  I  could  call  you  a 
lot  of  good  things  right  now  if  so  many  ladies  wasn't 
around.  You  don't  think  I'd  be  afraid,  do  you?  Why, 
Bill  there  had  you  licked  with  one  wallop," 

"But  really,  really!"  protested  the  other  with  a  helpless 
shrug  to  the  ladies,  who  were  gasping  with  dismay. 

"You  ruffian!"  cried  his  wife. 

"Egbert  Floud,"  said  Mrs.  Effie  fiercely,  "you  will 
apologize  to  Charles  before  you  leave  this  room.  The  idea 
of  forgetting  yourself  that  way.  Apologize  at  once!" 

"Oh,  very  well,  "he  grumbled,"!  apologize  likel'm  made 
to."  But  he  added  quickly,  with  even  more  irritation, 
"only  don't  you  get  theidea  it's  because  I'm  afraid  of  you." 

"Tush,  tush!"  said  Belknap- Jackson. 

"No,  sir;  I  apologize,  but  it  ain't  for  one  minute  because 
I'm  afraid  of  you." 

"Your  bare  apology  is  ample;  I'm  bound  to  accept  it," 
replied  the  other,  a  bit  uneasily  I  thought. 

"Come  right  down  to  it,"  continued  Cousin  Egbert, 
"  I  ain't  afraid  of  hardly  any  person.  I  can  be  pushed  just 
so  far."  Here  he  looked  significantly  at  Mrs.  Effie. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  149 

"After  all  I've  tried  to  do  for  him!"  she  moaned.  "I 
thought  he  had  something  in  him.  " 

"Darn  it  all,  I  like  to  be  friendly  with  my  friends,"  he 
bluntly  persisted.  "I  call  a  man  anything  that  suits  me. 
And  I  ain't  ever  apologized  yet  because  I  was  afraid.  I 
want  all  parties  here  to  get  that." 

"Say  no  more,  please.  It's  quite  understood,"  said 
Belknap-Jackson  hastily.  The  other  subsided  into  low 
mutterings. 

"I  trust  you  fully  understand  the  situation,  Ruggles — 
Colonel  Ruggles,"  he  continued  to  me. 

"It's  preposterous,  but  plain  as  a  pillar-box,"  I  an 
swered.  "I  can  only  regret  it  as  keenly  as  any  right- 
minded  person  should.  It's  not  at  all  what  I've  been 
accustomed  to." 

"Very  well.  Then  I  suggest  that  you  accompany  me 
for  a  drive  this  afternoon.  I'll  call  for  you  with  the  trap, 
say  at  three." 

"Perhaps,"  suggested  his  wife,  "it  might  be  as  well  if 
Colonel  Ruggles  were  to  come  to  us  as  a  guest."  She  was 
regarding  me  with  a  gaze  that  was  frankly  speculative. 

"Oh,  not  at  all,  not  at  all!"  retorted  Mrs.  Effie  crisply. 
"  Having  been  announced  as  our  house  guest — never  do  in 
the  world  for  him  to  go  to  you  so  soon.  We  must  be  care 
ful  in  this.  Later,  perhaps,  my  dear." 

Briefly  the  ladies  measured  each  other  with  a  glance. 
Could  it  be,  I  asked  myself,  that  they  were  sparring  for 
the  possession  of  me? 

"Naturally  he  will  be  asked  about  everywhere,  and 
there'll  be  loads  of  entertaining  to  do  in  return." 

"Of  course,"  returned  Mrs.  Effie,  "and  I'd  never  think 


150  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

of  putting  it  off  on  to  you,  dear,  when  we're  wholly  to 
blame  for  the  awful  thing." 

"That's  so  thoughtful  of  you,  dear,"  replied  her  friend 
coldly. 

"At  three,  then,"  said  Belknap-Jackson  as  we  arose. 

"I  shall  be  delighted,"  I  murmured. 

;<I  bet  you  won't,"  said  Cousin  Egbert  sourly.  "He 
wants  to  show  you  off."  This,  I  could  see,  was  ignored  as 
a  sheer  indecency. 

"We  shall  have  to  get  a  reception  in  quick,"  said  Mrs. 
Effie,  her  eyes  narrowed  in  calculation. 

"I  don't  see  what  all  the  fuss  was  about,"  remarked 
Cousin  Egbert  again,  as  if  to  himself;  "tearing  me  to 
pieces  like  a  passel  of  wolves ! " 

The  Belknap-Jacksons  left  hastily,  not  deigning  him  a 
glance.  And  to  do  the  poor  soul  justice,  I  believe  he  did 
not  at  all  know  what  the  "fuss"  had  been  about.  The 
niceties  of  the  situation  were  beyond  him,  dear  old  sort 
though  he  had  shown  himself  to  be.  I  knew  then  I  was 
never  again  to  be  harsh  with  him,  let  him  dress  as  he  would. 

"Say,"  he  asked,  the  moment  we  were  alone,  "you  re 
member  that  thing  you  called  him  back  there  that  night — 
*  blighted  little  mug,'  was  it?" 

"It's  best  forgotten,  sir,"  I  said. 

"Well,  sir,  some  way  it  sounded  just  the  thing  to  call 
him.  It  sounded  bully.  What  does  it  mean?" 

So  far  was  his  darkened  mind  from  comprehending  that 
I,  in  a  foreign  land,  among  a  weird  people,  must  now  have 
a  go  at  being  a  gentleman;  and  that  it  I  fluffed  my  catch 
we  should  all  be  gossipped  to  rags ! 

Alone  in  my  room  I  made  a  hasty  inventory  of  my  ward- 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  151 

robe.  Thanks  to  the  circumstance  that  the  Honourable 
George,  despite  my  warning,  had  for  several  years  refused 
to  bant,  it  was  rather  well  stocked.  The  evening  clothes 
were  irreproachable ;  so  were  the  frock  coat  and  a  morning 
suit.  Of  waiscoats  there  were  a  number  showing  but 
slight  wear.  The  three  lounge-suits  of  tweed,  though 
slightly  demoded,  would  still  be  vogue  in  this  remote  spot. 
For  sticks,  gloves,  cravats,  and  body-linen  I  saw  that  I 
should  be  compelled  to  levy  on  the  store  I  had  laid  in  for 
Cousin  Egbert,  and  I  happily  discovered  that  his  top- 
hat  set  me  quite  effectively. 

Also  in  a  casket  of  trifles  that  had  knocked  about  in  my 
box  I  had  the  good  fortune  to  find  the  monocle  that  the 
Honourable  George  had  discarded  some  years  before  on  the 
ground  that  it  was  "bally  nonsense."  I  screwed  the  glass 
into  my  eye.  The  effect  was  tremendous. 

Rather  a  lark  I  might  have  thought  it  but  for  the  false 
military  title.  That  was  rank  deception,  and  I  have  al 
ways  regarded  any  sort  of  wrongdoing  as  detestable.  Per 
haps  if  he  had  introduced  me  as  a  mere  subaltern  in  a  line 
regiment — but  I  was  powerless. 

For  the  afternoon's  drive  I  chose  the  smartest  of  the 
lounge-suits,  a  Carlsbad  hat  which  Cousin  Egbert  had 
bitterly  resented  for  himself,  and  for  top-coat  a  light 
weight,  straight-hanging  Chesterfield  with  velvet  collar 
which,  although  the  cut  studiously  avoids  a  fitted  effect, 
is  yet  a  garment  that  intrigues  the  eye  when  carried  with 
any  distinction.  So  many  top-coats  are  but  mere  wrap 
pings  !  I  had,  too,  gloves  of  a  delicately  contrasting  tint. 

Altogether  I  felt  I  had  turned  myself  out  well,  and 
this  I  found  to  be  the  verdict  of  Mrs.  Effie,  who  engaged 


152  RTJGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

me  in  the  hall  to  say  that  I  was  to  have  anything  in  the 
way  of  equipment  I  liked  to  ask  for.  Belknap-Jackson 
also,  arriving  now  in  a  smart  trap  to  which  he  drove  two 
cobs  tandem,  was  at  once  impressed  and  made  me  compli 
ments  upon  my  tenue.  I  was  aware  that  I  appeared  not 
badly  beside  him.  I  mean  to  say,  I  felt  that  I  was  vogue 
in  the  finest  sense  of  the  word. 

Mrs.  Effie  waved  us  a  farewell  from  the  doorway,  and  I 
was  conscious  that  from  several  houses  on  either  side  of  the 
avenue  we  attracted  more  than  a  bit  of  attention.  There 
were  doors  opened,  blinds  pushed  aside,  faces — that  sort 
of  thing. 

At  a  leisurely  pace  we  progressed  through  the  main 
thoroughfares.  That  we  created  a  sensation,  especially 
along  the  commercial  streets,  where  my  host  halted  at 
shops  to  order  goods,  cannot  be  denied.  Furore  is  per 
haps  the  word.  I  mean  to  say,  almost  quite  every  one 
stared.  Rather  more  like  a  parade  it  was  than  I  could  have 
wished,  but  I  was  again  resolved  to  be  a  dead  sportsman. 

Among  those  who  saluted  us  from  time  to  time  were 
several  of  the  lesser  townsmen  to  whom  Cousin  Egbert 
had  presented  me  the  evening  before,  and  I  now  per 
ceived  that  most  of  these  were  truly  persons  I  must  not 
know  in  my  present  station — hodmen,  road-menders, 
grooms,  delivery-chaps,  that  sort.  In  responding  to  the 
often  florid  salutations  of  such,  I  instilled  into  my  barely 
perceptible  nod  a  certain  frigidity  that  I  trusted  might  be 
informing.  I  mean  to  say,  having  now  a  position  to  keep 
up,  it  would  never  do  at  all  to  chatter  and  pal  about  loosely 
as  Cousin  Egbert  did. 

When  we  had  done  a  fairish  number  of  streets,  both  of 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  153 

shops  and  villas,  we  drove  out  a  winding  roadway  along 
a  tarn  to  the  country  club.  The  house  was  an  unpreten 
tious  structure  of  native  wood,  fronting  a  couple  of  tennis 
courts  and  a  golf  links,  but  although  it  was  tea-time,  not  a 
soul  was  present.  Having  unlocked  the  door,  my  host 
suggested  refreshment  and  I  consented  to  partake  of  a 
glass  of  sherry  and  a  biscuit.  But  these,  it  seemed,  were 
not  to  be  had ;  so  over  pegs  of  ginger  ale,  found  in  an  ice- 
chest,  we  sat  for  a  time  and  chatted. 

"You  will  find  us  crude,  Ruggles,  as  I  warned  you,"  my 
host  observed.  "Take  this  deserted  clubhouse  at  this 
hour.  It  tells  the  story.  Take  again  the  matter  of  sherry 
and  a  biscuit — so  simple !  Yet  no  one  ever  thinks  of  them, 
and  what  you  mean  by  a  biscuit  is  in  this  wretched  hole 
spoken  of  as  a  cracker." 

I  thanked  him  for  the  item,  resolving  to  add  it  to  my 
list  of  curious  Americanisms.  Already  I  had  begun  a 
narrative  of  my  adventures  in  this  wild  land,  a  thing  I  had 
tentatively  entitled,  "Alone  in  North  America." 

"Though  we  have  people  in  abundance  of  ample  means," 
he  went  on,  "you  will  regret  to  know  that  we  have  not 
achieved  a  leisured  class.  Barely  once  in  a  fortnight  will 
you  see  this  club  patronized,  after  all  the  pains  I  took  in 
its  organization.  They  simply  haven't  evolved  to  the  idea 
yet;  sometimes  I  have  moments  in  which  I  despair  of 
their  ever  doing  so." 

As  usual  he  grew  depressed  when  speaking  of  social 
Red  Gap,  so  that  we  did  not  tarry  long  in  the  silent  place 
that  should  have  been  quite  alive  with  people  smartly 
having  their  tea.  As  we  drove  back  he  touched  briefly 
and  with  all  delicacy  on  our  changed  relations. 


154  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

"What  made  me  only  too  glad  to  consent  to  it,"  he 
said,  "is  the  sodden  depravity  of  that  Floud  chap.  Really 
he's  a  menace  to  the  community.  I  saw  from  the  degen 
erate  leer  on  his  face  this  morning  that  he  will  not  be  able 
to  keep  silent  about  that  little  affair  of  ours  back  there. 
Mark  my  words,  he'll  talk.  And  fancy  how  embarrassing 
had  you  continued  in  the  office  for  which  you  were  en 
gaged.  Fancy  it  being  known  I  had  been  assaulted  by  a — 
you  see  what  I  mean.  But  now,  let  him  talk  his  vilest. 
What  is  it  ?  A  mere  disagreement  between  two  gentlemen, 
generous,  hot-tempered  chaps,  followed  by  mutual  apolo 
gies.  A  mere  nothing!" 

I  was  conscious  of  more  than  a  little  irritation  at  his 
manner  of  speaking  of  Cousin  Egbert,  but  this  in  my  new 
character  I  could  hardly  betray. 

When  he  set  me  down  at  the  Floud  house,  "Thanks  for 
the  breeze-out,"  I  said;  then,  with  an  easy  wave  of  the 
hand  and  in  firm  tones,  "Good  day,  Jackson!  See  you 
again,  old  chap!" 

I  had  nerved  myself  to  it  as  to  an  icy  tub  and  was  re 
warded  by  a  glow  such  as  had  suffused  me  that  morning 
in  Paris  after  the  shameful  proceedings  with  Cousin  Eg 
bert  and  the  Indian  Tuttle.  I  mean  to  say,  I  felt  again 
that  wonderful  thrill  of  equality — quite  as  if  my  superiors 
were  not  all  about  me. 

Inside  the  house  Mrs.  Effie  addressed  the  last  of  a  heap 
of  invitations  for  an  early  reception — "To  meet  Colonel 
Marmaduke  Ruggles,"  they  read. 


CHAPTER  NINE 

OF  THE  following  fortnight  I  find  it  difficult  to 
write  coherently.      I  found  myself  in  a  steady 
whirl  of  receptions,  luncheons,  dinners,  teas,  and 
assemblies  of  rather  a  pretentious  character,  at  the  greater 
number  of  which  I  was  obliged  to  appear  as  the  guest  of 
honour.     It  began  with  the  reception  of  Mrs.  Floud,  at 
which  I  may  be  said  to  have  made  my  first  formal  bow  to 
the  smarter  element  of  Red  Gap,  followed  by  the  dinner  of 
the  Mrs.  Ballard,  with  whom  I  had  formed  acquaintance 
on  that  first  memorable  evening. 

I  was  during  this  time  like  a  babe  at  blind  play  with  a 
set  of  chess  men,  not  knowing  king  from  pawn  nor  one 
rule  of  the  game.  Senator  Floud — who  was  but  a  mem 
ber  of  their  provincial  assembly,  I  discovered — sought  an 
early  opportunity  to  felicitate  me  on  my  changed  estate, 
though  he  seemed  not  a  little  amused  by  it. 

"Good  work!"  he  said.  ''You  know  I  was  afraid  our 
having  an  English  valet  would  put  me  in  bad  with  the 
voters  this  fall.  They're  already  saying  I  wear  silk  stock 
ings  since  I've  been  abroad.  My  wife  did  buy  me  six 
pair,  but  I've  never  worn  any.  Shows  how  people  talk, 
though.  And  even  now  they'll  probably  say  I'm  making 
up  to  the  British  army.  But  it's  better  than  having  a 
valet  in  the  house.  The  plain  people  would  never  stand 
my  having  a  valet  and  I  know  it." 

155 


156  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

I  thought  this  most  remarkable,  that  his  constituency 
should  resent  his  having  proper  house  service.  American 
politics  were,  then,  more  debased  than  even  we  of  England 
had  dreamed. 

"  Good  work ! "  he  said  again.  "  And  say,  take  out  your 
papers — become  one  of  us.  Be  a  citizen.  Nothing  better 
than  an  American  citizen  on  God's  green  earth.  Read  the 
Declaration  of  Independence.  Here "  From  a  book 
case  at  his  hand  he  reached  me  a  volume.  "Read  and 
reflect,  my  man!  Become  a  citizen  of  a  country  where 
true  worth  has  always  its  chance  and  one  may  hope  to 
climb  to  any  heights  whatsoever."  Quite  like  an  adver 
tisement  he  talked,  but  I  read  their  so-called  Declara 
tion,  finding  it  snarky  in  the  extreme  and  with  no  end 
of  silly  rot  about  equality.  In  no  way  at  all  did  it 
solve  the  problems  by  which  I  had  been  so  suddenly  con 
fronted. 

Social  lines  in  the  town  seemed  to  have  been  drawn  by 
no  rule  whatever.  There  were  actually  tradesmen  who 
seemed  to  matter  enormously;  on  the  other  hand,  there 
were  those  of  undoubted  qualifications,  like  Mrs.  Petten- 
gill,  for  example,  and  Cousin  Egbert,  who  deliberately 
chose  not  to  matter,  and  mingled  as  freely  with  the  Bo 
hemian  set  as  they  did  with  the  county  families.  Thus 
one  could  never  be  quite  certain  whom  one  was  meeting. 
There  was  the  Tuttle  person.  I  had  learned  from  Mrs. 
Effie  in  Paris  that  he  was  an  Indian  (accounting  for  much 
that  was  startling  in  his  behaviour  there)  yet  despite  his 
being  an  aborigine  I  now  learned  that  his  was  one  of  the 
county  families  and  he  and  his  white  American  wife  were 
guests  at  that  first  dinner.  Throughout  the  meal  both 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  157 

Cousin  Egbert  and  he  winked  atrociously  at  me  whenever 
they  could  catch  my  eye. 

There  was,  again,  an  English  person  calling  himself 
Hobbs,  a  baker,  to  whom  Cousin  Egbert  presented  me,  full 
of  delight  at  the  idea  that  as  compatriots  we  were  bound 
to  be  congenial.  Yet  it  needed  only  a  glance  and  a  mo 
ment's  listening  to  the  fellow's  execrable  cockney  dialect 
to  perceive  that  he  was  distinctly  low-class,  and  I  was 
immensely  relieved,  upon  inquiry,  to  learn  that  he  affiliated 
only  with  the  Bohemian  set.  I  felt  a  marked  antagonism 
between  us  at  that  first  meeting;  the  fellow  eyed  me  with 
frank  suspicion  and  displayed  a  taste  for  low  chaffing 
which  I  felt  bound  to  rebuke.  He  it  was,  I  may  now  dis 
close,  who  later  began  a  fashion  of  referring  to  me  as 
"Lord  Algy,"  which  I  found  in  the  worst  possible  taste. 
"Sets  himself  up  for  a  gentleman,  does  he?  He  ain't  no 
more  a  gentleman  than  wot  I  be!"  This  speech  of  his 
reported  to  me  will  show  how  impossible  the  creature  was. 
He  was  simply  a  person  one  does  not  know,  and  I  was  not 
long  in  letting  him  see  it. 

And  there  was  the  woman  who  was  to  play  so  active  a 
part  in  my  later  history,  of  whom  it  will  be  well  to  speak 
at  once.  I  had  remarked  her  on  the  main  street  before  I 
knew  her  identity.  I  am  bound  to  say  she  stood  out  from 
the  other  women  of  Red  Gap  by  reason  of  a  certain  dash, 
not  to  say  beauty.  Rather  above  medium  height  and  of 
pleasingly  full  figure,  her  face  was  piquantly  alert,  with 
long-lashed  eyes  of  a  peculiar  green,  a  small  nose,  the  least 
bit  raised,  a  lifted  chin,  and  an  abundance  of  yellowish  hair. 
But  it  was  the  expertness  of  her  gowning  that  really  held 
my  attention  at  that  first  view,  and  the  fact  that  she  knew 


158  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

what  to  put  on  her  head.  For  the  most  part,  the  ladies  1 
had  met  were  well  enough  gotten  up  yet  looked  curiously 
all  wrong,  lacking  a  genius  for  harmony  of  detail. 

This  person,  I  repeat,  displayed  a  taste  that  was  fault 
less,  a  knowledge  of  the  peculiar  needs  of  her  face  and 
figure  that  was  unimpeachable.  Rather  with  regret  it 
was  I  found  her  to  be  a  Mrs.  Kenner,  the  leader  of  the 
Bohemian  set.  And  then  came  the  further  items  that 
marked  her  as  one  that  could  not  be  taken  up.  Perhaps 
a  summary  of  these  may  be  conveyed  when  I  say  that  she 
had  long  been  known  as  Klondike  Kate.  She  had  some 
years  before,  it  seemed,  been  a  dancing  person  in  the  far 
Alaska  north  and  had  there  married  the  proprietor  of  one 
of  the  resorts  in  which  she  disported  herself — a  man  who 
had  accumulated  a  very  sizable  fortune  in  his  public  house 
and  who  was  shot  to  death  by  one  of  his  patrons  who  had 
alleged  unfairness  in  a  game  of  chance.  The  widow  had 
then  purchased  a  townhouse  in  Red  Gap  and  had  quickly 
gathered  about  her  what  was  known  as  the  Bohemian  set, 
the  county  families,  of  course,  refusing  to  know  her. 

After  that  first  brief  study  of  her  I  could  more  easily 
account  for  the  undercurrents  of  bitterness  I  had  felt  in 
Red  Gap  society.  She  would  be,  I  saw,  a  dangerous 
woman  in  any  situation  where  she  was  opposed;  there  was 
that  about  her — a  sort  of  daring  disregard  of  the  estab 
lished  social  order.  I  was  not  surprised  to  learn  that  the 
men  of  the  community  strongly  favoured  her,  especially 
the  younger  dancing  set  who  were  not  restrained  by  do 
mestic  considerations .  Small  wonder  then  that  the  women 
of  the  "  old  noblesse, "  as  I  may  call  them,  were  outspokenly 
bitter  in  their  comments  upon  her.  This  I  discovered 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  159 

when  I  attended  an  afternoon  meeting  of  the  ladies'  "On 
wards  and  Upwards  Club,"  which,  I  had  been  told,  would 
be  devoted  to  a  study  of  the  English  Lake  poets,  and  where, 
it  having  been  discovered  that  I  read  rather  well,  I  had 
consented  to  favour  the  assembly  with  some  of  the  more 
significant  bits  from  these  bards.  The  meeting,  I  regret 
to  say,  after  a  formal  enough  opening  was  diverted  from 
its  original  purpose,  the  time  being  occupied  in  a  quite 
heated  discussion  of  a  so-called  "Dutch  Supper"  the  Klon 
dike  person  had  given  the  evening  before,  the  same  having 
been  attended,  it  seemed,  by  the  husbands  of  at  least  three 
of  those  present,  who  had  gone  incognito,  as  it  were.  At 
no  time  during  the  ensuing  two  hours  was  there  a  moment 
that  seemed  opportune  for  the  introduction  of  some  of  our 
noblest  verse. 

And  so,  by  often  painful  stages,  did  my  education  pro 
gress.  At  the  country  club  I  played  golf  with  Mr.  Jack 
son.  At  social  affairs  I  appeared  with  the  Flouds.  I 
played  bridge.  I  danced  the  more  dignified  dances.  And, 
though  there  was  no  proper  church  in  the  town — only 
dissenting  chapels,  Methodist,  Presbyterian,  and  such 
outlandish  persuasions — I  attended  services  each  Sabbath, 
and  more  than  once  had  tea  with  what  at  home  would  have 
been  the  vicar  of  the  parish. 

It  was  now,  when  I  had  begun  to  feel  a  bit  at  ease  in 
my  queer  foreign  environment,  that  Mr.  Belknap-Jackson 
broached  his  ill-starred  plan  for  amateur  theatricals.  At 
the  first  suggestion  of  this  I  was  immensely  taken  with  the 
idea,  suspecting  that  he  would  perhaps  present  "Hamlet," 
a  part  to  which  I  have  devoted  long  and  intelligent  study 
and  to  which  I  feel  that  I  could  bring  something  which  has 


160  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

not  yet  been  imparted  to  it  by  even  the  most  skilled  of  our 
professional  actors.  But  at  my  suggestion  of  this  Mr. 
Belknap-Jackson  informed  me  that  he  had  already  played 
Hamlet  himself  the  year  before,  leaving  nothing  further  to 
be  done  in  that  direction,  and  he  wished  now  to  attempt 
something  more  difficult;  something,  moreover,  that  would 
appeal  to  the  little  group  of  thinking  people  about  us — he 
would  have  "a  little  theatre  of  ideas,"  as  he  phrased  it — 
and  he  had  chpsen  for  his  first  offering  a  play  entitled 
"Ghosts"  by  the  foreign  dramatist  Ibsen. 

I  'suspected  at  first  that  this  might  be  a  farce  where  a 
supposititious  ghost  brings  about  absurd  predicaments  in  a 
country  house,  having  seen  something  along  these  lines,  but 
a  reading  of  the  thing  enlightened  me  as  to  its  character, 
which,  to  put  it  bluntly,  is  rather  thick.  There  is  a  strain 
of  immorality  running  through  it  which  I  believe  cannot  be 
too  strongly  condemned  if  the  world  is  to  be  made  better, 
and  this  is  rendered  the  more  repugnant  to  right-thinking 
people  by  the  fact  that  the  participants  are  middle-class 
persons  who  converse  in  quite  commonplace  language  such 
as  one  may  hear  any  day  in  the  home. 

Wrongdoing  is  surely  never  so  objectionable  as  when  it 
is  indulged  in  by  common  people  and  talked  about  in  or 
dinary  language,  and  the  language  of  this  play  is  not  stage 
language  at  all.  Immorality  such  as  one  gets  in  Shake 
speare  is  of  so  elevated  a  character  that  one  accepts  it,  the 
language  having  a  grandeur  incomparably  above  what  any 
person  was  ever  capable  of  in  private  life,  being  always  ele 
gant  and  unnatural. 

Though  I  felt  this  strongly,  I  was  in  no  position  to  urge 
my  objections,  and  at  length  consented  to  take  a  part  in 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  161 

the  production,  reflecting  that  the  people  depicted  were 
really  foreigners  and  the  part  I  would  play  was  that  of  a 
clergy  man  whose  behaviour  throughout  is  above  reproach. 
For  himself  Mr.  Jackson  had  chosen  the  part  of  Oswald,  a 
youth  who  goes  quite  dotty  at  the  last  for  reasons  which 
are  better  not  talked  about.  His  wife  was  to  play  the  part 
of  a  serving-maid,  who  was  rather  a  baggage,  while  Mrs. 
Judge  Ballard  was  to  enact  his  mother.  (I  may  say  in 
passing  I  have  learned  that  the  plays  of  this  foreigner  are 
largely  concerned  with  people  who  have  been  queer  at  one 
time  or  another,  so  that  one's  parentage  is  often  uncertain, 
though  they  always  pay  for  it  by  going  off  in  the  head  be 
fore  the  final  curtain.  I  mean  to  say,  there  is  too  much 
neighbourhood  scandal  in  them.) 

There  remained  but  one  part  to  fill,  that  of  the  father  of 
the  serving-maid,  an  uncouth  sort  of  drinking-man,  quite 
low-class,  who,  in  my  opinion,  should  never  have  been 
allowed  on  the  stage  at  all,  since  no  moral  lesson  is  taught 
by  him.  It  was  in  the  casting  of  this  part  that  Mr.  Jack 
son  showed  himself  of  a  forgiving  nature.  He  offered  it 
to  Cousin  Egbert,  saying  he  was  the  true  "type" — "with 
his  weak,  dissolute  face" — and  that  "types"  were  all  the 
rage  in  theatricals. 

At  first  the  latter  heatedly  declined  the  honour,  but 
after  being  urged  and  browbeaten  for  three  days  by  Mrs. 
Effie  he  somewhat  sullenly  consented,  being  shown  that 
there  were  not  many  lines  for  him  to  learn.  From  the 
first,  I  think,  he  was  rendered  quite  miserable  by  the  ordeal 
before  him,  yet  he  submitted  to  the  rehearsals  with  a 
rather  pathetic  desire  to  please,  and  for  a  time  all  seemed 
well.  Many  an  hour  found  him  mugging  away  at  the 


162  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

book,  earnestly  striving  to  memorize  the  part,  or,  as  he 
quaintly  expressed  it,  "that  there  piece  they  want  me  to 
speak."  But  as  the  day  of  our  performance  drew  near  it 
became  evident  to  me,  at  least,  that  he  was  in  a  desper 
ately  black  state  of  mind.  As  best  I  could  I  cheered  him 
with  words  of  praise,  but  his  eye  met  mine  blankly  at  such 
times  and  I  could  see  him  shudder  poignantly  while  wait 
ing  the  moment  of  his  entrance. 

And  still  all  might  have  been  well,  I  fancy,  but  for  the 
extremely  conscientious  views  of  Mr.  Jackson  in  the  matter 
of  our  costuming  and  make-up.  With  his  lines  fairly 
learned,  Cousin  Egbert  on  thje  night  of  our  dress  rehearsal 
was  called  upon  first  to  don  the  garb  of  the  foreign  car 
penter  he  was  to  enact,  the  same  involving  shorts  and 
gray  woollen  hose  to  his  knees,  at  which  he  protested  vio 
lently.  So  far  as  I  could  gather,  his  modesty  was  af 
fronted  by  this  revelation  of  his  lower  legs.  Being  at 
length  persuaded  to  this  sacrifice,  he  next  submitted  his 
face  to  Mr.  Jackson,  who  adjusted  it  to  a  labouring  per 
son's  beard  and  eyebrows,  crimsoning  the  cheeks  and  nose 
heavily  with  grease-paint  and  crowning  all  with  an  un 
kempt  wig. 

The  result,  I  am  bound  to  say,  was  artistic  in  the  ex 
treme.  No  one  would  have  suspected  the  identity  of 
Cousin  Egbert,  and  I  had  hopes  that  he  would  feel  a  new 
courage  for  his  part  when  he  beheld  himself.  Instead, 
however,  after  one  quick  glance  into  the  glass  he  emitted  a 
gasp  of  horror  that  was  most  eloquent,  and  thereafter 
refused  to  be  comforted,  holding  himself  aloof  and  glaring 
hideously  at  all  who  approached  him.  Rather  like  a  mad 
dog  he  was, 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  163 

Half  an  hour  later,  when  all  was  ready  for  our  first  act, 
Cousin  Egbert  was  not  to  be  found.  I  need  not  dwell 
upon  the  annoyance  this  occasioned,  nor  upon  how  a  sub 
stitute  in  the  person  of  our  hall's  custodian,  or  janitor,  was 
impressed  to  read  the  part.  Suffice  it  to  tell  briefly  that 
Cousin  Egbert,  costumed  and  bedizened  as  he  was,  had 
fled  not  only  the  theatre  but  the  town  as  well.  Search 
for  him  on  the  morrow  was  unavailing.  Not  until  the 
second  day  did  it  become  known  that  he  had  been  seen  at 
daybreak  forty  miles  from  Red  Gap,  goading  a  spent  horse 
into  the  wilds  of  the  adjacent  mountains.  Our  informant 
disclosed  that  one  side  of  his  face  was  still  bearded  and 
that  he  had  kept  glancing  back  over  his  shoulder  at  fre 
quent  intervals,  as  if  fearful  of  pursuit.  Something  of  his 
frantic  state  may  also  be  gleaned  from  the  circumstance  that 
the  horse  he  rode  was  one  he  had  found  hitched  in  a  side 
street  near  the  hall,  its  ownership  being  unknown  to  him. 

For  the  rest  it  may  be  said  that  our  performance  was 
given  as  scheduled,  announcement  being  made  of  the  sud 
den  illness  of  Mr.  Egbert  Floud,  and  his  part  being  read 
from  the  book  in  a  rich  and  cultivated  voice  by  the  super 
intendent  of  the  high  school.  Our  efforts  were  received 
with  respectful  attention  by  a  large  audience,  among 
whom  I  noted  many  of  the  Bohemian  set,  and  this  I  took 
as  an  especial  tribute  to  our  merits.  Mr.  Belknap- 
Jackson,  however,  to  whom  I  mentioned  the  circumstance, 
was  pessimistic. 

"I  fear,"  said  he,  "we  have  not  heard  the  last  of  it.  I 
am  sure  they  came  for  no  good  purpose." 

"They  were  quite  orderly  in  their  behaviour,"  I  sug 
gested 


164  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

"Which  is  why  I  suspect  them.  That  Kenner  woman, 
Hobbs,  the  baker,  the  others  of  their  set — they're  not 
thinking  people;  I  dare  say  they  never  consider  social 
problems  seriously.  And  you  may  have  noticed  that  they 
announce  an  amateur  minstrel  performance  for  a  week 
hence.  I'm  quite  convinced  that  they  mean  to  be  vulgar 
to  the  last  extreme — there  has  been  so  much  talk  of  the  be- 
haviour  of  the  wretched  Floud,  a  fellow  who  really  has  no 
place  in  our  modern  civilization.  He  should  be  compelled 
to  remain  on  his  ranche." 

And  indeed  these  suspicions  proved  to  be  only  too  well 
founded.  That  which  followed  was  so  atrociously  per 
sonal  that  in  any  country  but  America  we  could  have  had 
an  action  against  them.  As  Mr.  Belknap-Jackson  so  bit 
terly  said  when  all  was  over,  "Our  boasted  liberty  has 
degenerated  into  license." 

It  is  best  told  in  a  few  words,  this  affair  of  the  minstrel 
performance,  which  I  understood  was  to  be  an  entertain 
ment  wherein  the  participants  darkened  themselves  to 
resemble  blackamoors.  Naturally,  I  did  not  attend,  it 
being  agreed  that  the  best  people  should  signify  their  dis 
approval  by  staying  away,  but  the  disgraceful  affair  was 
recounted  to  me  in  all  its  details  by  more  than  one  of  the 
large  audience  that  assembled.  In  the  so-called  "grand 
first  part"  there  seemed  to  have  been  little  that  was  fla 
grantly  insulting  to  us,  although  in  their  exchange  of 
conundrums,  which  is  a  peculiar  feature  of  this  form  of 
entertainment,  certain  names  were  bandied  about  with  a 
freedom  that  boded  no  good. 

It  was  in  the  after-piece  that  the  poltroons  gave  free 
olay  to  their  vilest  fancies.  Our  piece  having  been  an- 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  165 

nounced  as  "Ghosts;  a  Drama  for  Thinking  People,"  this 
part  was  entitled  on  their  programme,  "Gloats;  a  Dram 
for  Drinking  People,"  a  transposition  that  should  perhaps 
suffice  to  show  the  dreadful  lengths  to  which  they  went; 
yet  I  feel  that  the  thing  should  be  set  down  in  full. 

The  stage  was  set  as  our  own  had  been,  but  it  would 
scarce  be  credited  that  the  Kenner  woman  in  male  attire 
had  made  herself  up  in  a  curiously  accurate  resemblance 
to  Belknap-Jackson  as  he  had  rendered  the  part  of  Oswald, 
copying  not  alone  his  wig,  moustache,  and  fashion  of 
speech,  but  appearing  in  a  golfing  suit  which  was  recog 
nized  by  those  present  as  actually  belonging  to  him. 

Nor  was  this  the  worst,  for  the  fellow  Hobbs  had  copied 
my  own  dress  and  make-up  and  persisted  in  speaking  in  an 
exaggerated  manner  alleged  to  resemble  mine.  This,  of 
course,  was  the  most  shocking  bad  taste,  and  while  it  was 
quite  to  have  been  expected  of  Hobbs,  I  was  indeed  rather 
surprised  that  the  entire  assembly  did  not  leave  the  audi 
torium  in  disgust  the  moment  they  perceived  his  base  in 
tention.  But  it  was  Cousin  Egbert  whom  they  had  chosen 
to  rag  most  unmercifully,  and  they  were  not  long  in  dis 
playing  their  clumsy  attempts  at  humour. 

As  the  curtain  went  up  they  were  searching  for  him, 
affecting  to  be  unconscious  of  the  presence  of  their  audi 
ence,  and  declaring  that  the  play  couldn't  go  on  without 
him.  "Have  you  tried  all  the  saloons?"  asked  one,  to 
which  another  responded,  "Yes,  and  he's  been  in  all  of 
them,  but  now  he  has  fled.  The  sheriff  has  put  blood 
hounds  on  his  trail  and  promises  to  have  him  here,  dead 
or  alive." 

"Then  while  we  are  waiting,"  declared  the  character 


166  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

supposed  to  represent  myself,  "I  will  tell  you  a  wheeze," 
whereupon  both  the  female  characters  fell  to  their  knees 
shrieking,  "Not  that!  My  God,  not  that!"  while  Oswald 
sneered  viciously  and  muttered,  "Serves  me  right  for 
leaving  Boston." 

To  show  the  infamy  of  the  thing,  I  must  here  explain 
that  at  several  social  gatherings,  in  an  effort  which  I  still 
believe  was  praiseworthy,  I  had  told  an  excellent  wheeze 
which  runs :  "  Have  you  heard  the  story  of  the  three  holes 
in  the  ground?"  I  mean  to  say,  I  would  ask  this  in  an 
interested  manner,  as  if  I  were  about  to  relate  the  anec 
dote,  and  upon  being  answered  "No!"  I  would  exclaim 
with  mock  seriousness,  "Well!  Well!  Well!"  This  had 
gone  rippingly  almost  quite  every  time  I  had  favoured  a 
company  with  it,  hardly  any  one  of  my  hearers  failing  to 
get  the  joke  at  a  second  telling.  I  mean  to  say,  the  three 
holes  in  the  ground  being  three  "Wells!"  uttered  in  rapid 
succession. 

Of  course  if  one  doesn't  see  it  at  once,  or  finds  it  a  bit 
subtle,  it's  quite  silly  to  attempt  to  explain  it,  because 
logically  there  is  no  adequate  explanation.  It  is  merely  a 
bit  of  nonsense,  and  that's  quite  all  to  it.  But  these  boors 
now  fell  upon  it  with  their  coarse  humour,  the  fellow 
Hobbs  pretending  to  get  it  all  wrong  by  asking  if  they  had 
heard  the  story  about  the  three  wells  and  the  others  reply 
ing:  "No,  tell  us  the  hole  thing,"  which  made  utter  non 
sense  of  it,  whereupon  they  all  began  to  cry,  "Well!  well! 
well!"  at  each  other  until  interrupted  by  a  terrific  noise 
in  the  wings,  which  was  followed  by  the  entrance  of 
the  supposed  Cousin  Egbert,  a  part  enacted  by  the  cab- 
driver  who  had  conveyed  us  from  the  station  the  day  of  our 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  167 

arrival.  Dragged  on  he  was  by  the  sheriff  and  two  of 
the  town  constables,  the  latter  being  armed  with  fowling- 
pieces  and  the  sheriff  holding  two  large  dogs  in  leash.  The 
character  himself  was  heavily  manacled  and  madly  rattled 
his  chains,  his  face  being  disguised  to  resemble  Cousin 
Egbert's  after  the  beard  had  been  adjusted. 

"Here  he  is!"  exclaimed  the  supposed  sheriff;  "the 
dogs  ran  him  into  the  third  hole  left  by  the  well-diggers, 
and  we  lured  him  out  by  making  a  noise  like  sour  dough." 
During  this  speech,  I  am  told,  the  character  snarled  con 
tinuously  and  tried  to  bite  his  captors.  At  this  the  woman 
who  had  so  deplorably  unsexed  herself  for  the  character 
of  Mr.  Belknap-Jackson  as  he  had  played  Oswald,  ap 
proached  the  prisoner  and  smartly  drew  forth  a  handful 
of  his  beard  which  she  stuffed  into  a  pipe  and  proceeded 
to  smoke,  after  which  they  pretended  that  the  play  went 
on.  But  no  more  than  a  few  speeches  had  been  uttered 
when  the  supposed  Cousin  Egbert  eluded  his  captors  and, 
emitting  a  loud  shriek  of  horror,  leaped  headlong  through 
the  window  at  the  back  of  the  stage,  his  disappearance 
being  followed  by  the  sounds  of  breaking  glass  as  he  was 
supposed  to  fall  to  the  street  below. 

"How  lovely!"  exclaimed  the  mimic  Oswald.  "Per 
haps  he  has  broken  both  his  legs  so  he  can't  run  off  any 
more,"  at  which  the  fellow  Hobbs  remarked  in  his  affected 
tones:  "That  sort  of  thing  would  never  do  with  us." 

This  I  learned  aroused  much  laughter,  the  idea  being 
that  the  remark  had  been  one  which  I  am  supposed  to  make 
in  private  life,  though  I  dare  say  I  have  never  uttered 
anything  remotely  like  it. 

"The  fellow  is  quite  impossible,"  continued  the  spurious 


168  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

Oswald,  with  a  doubtless  rather  clever  imitation  of  Mr. 
Belknap- Jackson's  manner.  "If  he  is  killed,  feed  him  to 
the  goldfish  and  let  one  of  the  dogs  read  his  part.  We 
must  get  along  with  this  play.  Now,  then.  'Ah!  why 
did  I  ever  leave  Boston  where  every  one  is  nice  and 
proper?"'  To  which  his  supposed  mother  replied  with 
feigned  emotion:  "It  was  because  of  your  father,  my  poor 
boy.  Ah,  what  I  had  to  endure  through  those  years  when 
he  cursed  and  spoke  disrespectfully  of  our  city.  'Scissors 
and  white  aprons,'  he  would  cry  out,  'Why  is  Boston?' 
But  I  bore  it  all  for  your  sake,  and  now  you,  too,  are  smok 
ing — you  will  go  the  same  way." 

"But  promise  me,  mother,"  returns  Oswald,  "promise 
me  if  I  ever  get  dusty  in  the  garret,  that  Lord  Algy  here 
will  tell  me  one  of  his  funny  wheezes  and  put  me  out  of 
pain.  You  could  not  bear  to  hear  me  knocking  Boston 
as  poor  father  did.  And  I  feel  it  coming — already  my 
mother-in-law  has  bluffed  me  into  admitting  that  Red 
Gap  has  a  right  to  be  on  the  same  map  with  Boston  if  it's 
a  big  map." 

And  this  was  the  coarsely  wretched  buffoonery  that 
refined  people  were  expected  to  sit  through!  Yet  worse 
followed,  for  at  their  climax,  the  mimic  Oswald  having 
gone  quite  off  his  head,  the  Hobbs  person,  still  with  the 
preposterous  affectation  of  taking  me  off  in  speech  and 
manner,  was  persuaded  by  the  stricken  mother  to  sing. 
"Sing  that  dear  old  plantation  melody  from  London,"  she 
cried,  "so  that  my  poor  boy  may  know  there  are  worse 
things  than  death."  And  all  this  witless  piffle  because  of  a 
quite  natural  misunderstanding  of  mine. 

I  have  before  referred  to  what  I  supposed  was  an  Amen- 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  169 

can  plantation  melody  which  I  had  heard  a  black  sing  at 
Brighton,  meaning  one  of  the  English  blacks  who  colour 
themselves  for  the  purpose,  but  on  reciting  the  lines  at  an 
evening  affair,  when  the  American  folksongs  were  under 
discussion,  I  was  told  that  it  could  hardly  have  been  writ 
ten  by  an  American  at  all,  but  doubtless  by  one  of  our 
own  composers  who  had  taken  too  little  trouble  with  his 
facts.  I  mean  to  say,  the  song  as  I  had  it,  betrayed  mis 
apprehensions  both  of  a  geographical  and  faunal  nature, 
but  I  am  certain  that  no  one  thought  the  worse  of  me  for 
having  been  deceived,  and  I  had  supposed  the  thing  for 
gotten.  Yet  now  what  did  I  hear  but  that  a  garbled  ver 
sion  of  this  song  had  been  supposedly  sung  by  myself,  the 
Hobbs  person  meantime  mincing  across  the  stage  and 
gesturing  with  a  monocle  which  he  had  somehow  procured, 
the  words  being  quite  simply: 

"Away  down  south  in  Michigan, 

Where  I  was  a  slave,  so  happy  and  so  gay, 
'Twas  there  I  mowed  the  cotton  and  the  cane. 
I  used  to  hunt  the  elephants,  the  tigers,  and  giraffes, 

And  the  alligators  at  the  break  of  day. 
But  the  blooming  Injuns  prowled  about  my  cabin  every  night, 

So  I'd  take  me  down  my  banjo  and  I'd  play, 
And  I'd  sing  a  little  song  and  I'd  make  them  dance  with  glee, 

On  the  banks  of  the  Ohio  far  away." 

I  mean  to  say,  there  was  nothing  to  make  a  dust  about 
even  if  the  song  were  not  of  a  true  American  origin,  yet  I 
was  told  that  the  creature  who  sang  it  received  hearty 
applause  and  even  responded  to  an  encore. 


CHAPTER  TEN 

I  NEED  hardly  say  that  this  public  ridicule  left  me 
dazed.  Desperately  I  recalled  our  calm  and  orderly 
England  where  such  things  would  not  be  permitted. 
There  we  are  born  to  our  stations  and  are  not  allowed  to 
forget  them.  We  matter  from  birth,  or  we  do  not  matter, 
and  that's  all  to  it.  Here  there  seemed  to  be  no  stations 
to  which  one  was  born;  the  effect  was  sheer  anarchy,  and 
one  might  ridicule  any  one  whomsoever.  As  was  actually 
said  in  that  snarky  manifesto  drawn  up  by  the  rebel  lead 
ers  at  the  time  our  colonies  revolted,  "All  men  are  cre 
ated  free  and  equal" — than  which  absurdity  could  go  no 
farther — yet  the  lower  middle  classes  seemed  to  behave 
quite  as  if  it  were  true. 

And  now  through  no  fault  of  my  own  another  awkward 
circumstance  was  threatening  to  call  further  attention  to 
me,  which  was  highly  undesirable  at  this  moment  when  the 
cheap  one-and-six  Hobbs  fellow  had  so  pointedly  singled 
me  out  for  his  loathsome  buffoonery. 

Some  ten  days  before,  walking  alone  at  the  edge  of  town 
one  calm  afternoon,  where  I  might  commune  with  Nature, 
of  which  I  have  always  been  fond,  I  noted  an  humble  vine- 
clad  cot,  in  the  kitchen  gardeij  of  which  there  toiled  a 
youngish,  neat-figured  woman  whom  I  at  once  recognized 
as  a  person  who  did  occasional  charring  for  the  Flouds 
on  the  occasion  of  their  dinners  or  receptions.  As  she 

170 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  171 

had  appeared  to  be  cheerful  and  competent,  of  respectful 
manners  and  a  quite  marked  intelligence,  I  made  nothing 
of  stopping  at  her  gate  for  a  moment's  chat,  feeling  a  quite 
decided  relief  in  the  thought  that  here  was  one  with  whom 
I  need  make  no  pretence,  her  social  position  being  sharply 
defined. 

We  spoke  of  the  day's  heat,  which  was  bland,  of  the 
vegetables  which  she  watered  with  a  lawn  hose,  par 
ticularly  of  the  tomatoes  of  which  she  was  pardonably 
proud,  and  of  the  flowering  vine  which  shielded  her  piazza, 
from  the  sun.  And  when  she  presently  and  with  due 
courtesy  invited  me  to  enter,  I  very  affably  did  so,  finding 
the  atmosphere  of  the  place  reposeful  and  her  conversa 
tion  of  a  character  that  I  could  approve.  She  was  dressed 
in  a  blue  print  gown  that  suited  her  no  end,  the  sleeves 
turned  back  over  her  capable  arms;  her  brown  hair  was 
arranged  with  scrupulous  neatness,  her  face  was  pleasantly 
flushed  from  her  agricultural  labours,  and  her  blue  eyes 
flashed  a  friendly  welcome  and  a  pleased  acknowledgment 
of  the  compliments  I  made  her  on  the  garden.  Alto 
gether,  she  was  a  person  with  whom  I  at  once  felt  myself  at 
ease,  and  a  relief,  I  confess  it  was,  after  the  strain  of  my 
high  social  endeavours. 

After  a  tour  of  the  garden  I  found  myself  in  the  cool 
twilight  of  her  little  parlour,  where  she  begged  me  to  be 
seated  while  she  prepared  me  a  dish  of  tea,  which  she 
did  in  the  adjoining  kitchen,  to  a  cheerful  accompani 
ment  of  song,  quite  with  an  honest,  unpretentious  good- 
heartedness.  Glad  I  was  for  the  moment  to  forget  the 
social  rancors  of  the  town,  the  affronted  dignities  of  the 
North  Side  set,  and  the  pernicious  activities  of  the  Bohe- 


172  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

mians,for  here  all  was  of  a  simple  humanity  such  as  I  would 
have  found  in  a  farmer's  cottage  at  home. 

As  I  rested  in  the  parlour  I  could  not  but  approve  its 
general  air  of  comfort  and  good  taste — its  clean  flowered 
wall-paper,  the  pair  of  stuffed  birds  on  the  mantel,  the 
comfortable  chairs,  the  neat  carpet,  the  pictures,  and,  on  a 
slender-legged  stand,  the  globe  of  goldfish.  These  I  noted 
with  an  especial  pleasure,  for  I  have  always  found  an  in 
tense  satisfaction  in  their  silent  companionship.  Of  the 
pictures  I  noted  particularly  a  life-sized  drawing  in  black- 
and-white  in  a  large  gold  frame,  of  a  man  whom  I  divined 
was  the  deceased  husband  of  my  hostess.  There  was  also 
a  spirited  reproduction  of  "The  Stag  at  Bay"  and  some 
charming  coloured  prints  of  villagers,  children,  and  do 
mestic  animals  in  their  lighter  moments. 

Tea  being  presently  ready,  I  genially  insisted  that  it 
should  be  served  in  the  kitchen  where  it  had  been  pre 
pared,  though  to  this  my  hostess  at  first  stoutly  objected, 
declaring  that  the  room  was  in  no  suitable  state.  But 
this  was  a  mere  womanish  hypocrisy,  as  the  place  was  spot 
less,  orderly,  and  in  fact  quite  meticulous  in  its  neatness. 
The  tea  was  astonishingly  excellent,  so  few  Americans  I 
had  observed  having  the  faintest  notion  of  the  real  mean 
ing  of  tea,  and  I  was  offered  with  it  bread  and  butter  and  a 
genuinely  satisfying  compote  of  plums  of  which  my  hostess 
confessed  herself  the  fabricator,  having,  as  she  quaintly 
phrased  the  thing,  "put  it  up." 

And  so,  over  this  collation,  we  chatted  for  quite  all  of 
an  hour.  The  lady  did,  as  I  have  intimated,  a  bit  of  char 
ring,  a  bit  of  plain  sewing,  and  also  derived  no  small  reve 
nue  from  her  vegetables  and  fruit,  thus  managing,  as  she 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  173 

owned  the  free-hold  of  the  premises,  to  make  a  decent  liv 
ing  for  herself  and  child.  I  have  said  that  she  was  cheer 
ful  and  competent,  and  these  epithets  kept  returning  to 
me  as  we  talked.  Her  husband — she  spoke  of  him  as 
"poor  Judson" — had  been  a  carter  and  odd- job  fellow, 
decent  enough,  I  dare  say,  but  hardly  the  man  for  her, 
I  thought,  after  studying  his  portrait.  There  was  a  sort 
of  foppish  weakness  in  his  face.  And  indeed  his  going 
seemed  to  have  worked  her  no  hardship,  nor  to  have  left 
any  incurable  sting  of  loss. 

Three  cups  of  the  almost  perfect  tea  I  drank,  as  we 
talked  of  her  own  simple  affairs  and  of  the  town  at  large, 
and  at  length  of  her  child  who  awakened  noisily  from 
slumber  in  an  adjacent  room  and  came  voraciously  to  par 
take  of  food.  It  was  a  male  child  of  some  two  and  a  half 
years,  rather  suggesting  the  generous  good-nature  of  the 
mother,  but  in  the  most  shocking  condition,  a  thing  I 
should  have  spoken  strongly  to  her  about  at  once  had  I 
known  her  better.  Queer  it  seemed  to  me  that  a  woman  of 
her  apparently  sound  judgment  should  let  her  offspring 
reach  this  terrible  state  without  some  effort  to  alleviate 
it.  The  poor  thing,  to  be  blunt,  was  grossly  corpulent, 
legs,  arms,  body,  and  face  being  wretchedly  fat,  and  yet 
she  now  fed  it  a  large  slice  of  bread  thickly  spread  with 
butter  and  loaded  to  overflowing  with  the  fattening  sweet. 
Banting  of  the  strictest  sort  was  of  course  what  it  needed. 
I  have  had  but  the  slightest  experience  with  children,  but 
there  could  be  no  doubt  of  this  if  its  figure  was  to  be  main 
tained.  Its  waistline  was  quite  impossible,  and  its  eyes, 
as  it  owlishly  scrutinized  me  over  its  superfluous  food, 
showed  from  a  face  already  quite  as  puffy  as  the  Hon- 


174  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

curable  George's.  I  did,  indeed,  venture  so  far  as  suggest 
ing  that  food  at  untimely  hours  made  for  a  too-rounded 
outline,  but  to  my  surprise  the  mother  took  this  as  a 
tribute  to  the  creature's  grace,  crying,  "Yes,  he  wuzzum 
wuzzums  a- fatty  ole  sing,"  with  an  air  of  most  fatuous 
pride,  and  followed  this  by  announcing  my  name  to  it 
with  concerned  precision. 

"Ruggums,"  it  exclaimed  promptly,  getting  the  name 
all  wrong  and  staring  at  me  with  cold  detachment;  then 
"Ruggums-Ruggums-Ruggums!"  as  if  it  were  a  game, 
but  still  stuffing  itself  meanwhile.  There  was  a  sort  of 
horrid  fascination  in  the  sight,  but  I  strove  as  well  as  I 
could  to  keep  my  gaze  from  it,  and  the  mother  and  I  again 
talked  of  matters  at  large. « 

I  come  now  to  speak  of  an  incident  which  made  this 
quite  harmless  visit  memorable  and  entailed  unforeseen 
consequences  of  an  almost  quite  serious  character. 

As  we  sat  at  tea  there  stalked  into  the  kitchen  a  non 
descript  sort  of  dog,  a  creature  of  fairish  size,  of  a  rambling 
structure,  so  to  speak,  coloured  a  puzzling  grayish  brown 
with  underlying  hints  of  yellow,  with  vast  drooping  ears, 
and  a  long  and  most  saturnine  countenance. 

Quite  a  shock  it  gave  me  when  I  looked  up  to  find  the 
beast  staring  at  me  with  what  I  took  to  be  the  most  hearty 
disapproval.  My  hostess  paused  in  silence  as  she  noted 
my  glance.  The  beast  then  approached  me,  sniffed  at  my 
boots  inquiringly,  then  at  my  hands  with  increasing  anima 
tion,  and  at  last  leaped  into  my  lap  and  had  licked  my  face 
before  I  could  prevent  it. 

I  need  hardly  say  that  this  attention  was  embarrassing 
and  most  distasteful,  since  I  have  never  held  with  dogs. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  175 

They  are  doubtless  well  enough  in  their  place,  but  there  is 
a  vast  deal  of  sentiment  about  them  that  is  silly,  and  out 
side  the  hunting  field  the  most  finely  bred  of  them  are  too 
apt  to  be  noisy  nuisances.  When  I  say  that  the  beast  in 
question  was  quite  an  American  dog,  obviously  of  no  breed 
ing  whatever,  my  dismay  will  be  readily  imagined.  Rather 
impulsively,  I  confess,  I  threw  him  to  the  floor  with  a  stern, 
"Begone,  sir!"  whereat  he  merely  crawled  to  my  feet  and 
whimpered,  looking  up  into  my  eyes  with  a  most  horrid 
and  sickening  air  of  devotion.  Hereupon,  to  my  surprise, 
my  hostess  gayly  called  out: 

"Why,  look  at  Mr.  Barker — he's  actually  taken  up  with 
you  right  away,  and  him  usually  so  suspicious  of  strangers. 
Only  yesterday  he  bit  an  agent  that  was  calling  with 
silver  polish  to  sell — bit  him  in  the  leg  so  I  had  to  buy 
some  from  the  poor  fellow — and  now  see!  He's  as  friendly 
with  you  as  you  could  wish.  They  do  say  that  dogs  know 
when  people  are  all  right.  Look  at  him  trying  to  get  into 
your  lap  again."  And  indeed  the  beast  was  again  fawning 
upon  me  in  the  most  abject  manner,  licking  my  hands  and 
seeming  to  express  for  me  some  hideous  admiration.  Seeing 
that  I  repulsed  his  advances  none  too  gently,  his  owner 
called  to  him : 

"Down,  Mr.  Barker,  down,  sir  I  Get  out!"  she  con 
tinued,  seeing  that  he  paid  her  no  attention,  and  then  she 
thoughtfully  seized  him  by  the  collar  and  dragged  him  to  a 
safe  distance  where  she  held  him,  he  nevertheless  continu 
ing  to  regard  me  with  the  most  servile  affection. 

"Ruggums,  Ruggums,  Ruggums!"  exploded  the  child  at 
this,  excitedly  waving  the  crust  of  its  bread. 

"Behave,  Mr.  Barker!"  called  his  owner  again.     "The 


176  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

gentleman  probably  doesn't  want  you  climbing  all  over 
him." 

The  remainder  of  my  visit  was  somewhat  marred  by  the 
determination  of  Mr.  Barker,  as  he  was  indeed  quite 
seriously  called,  to  force  his  monstrous  affections  upon  me, 
and  by  the  well-meant  but  often  careless  efforts  of  his 
mistress  to  restrain  him.  She,  indeed,  appeared  to  believe 
that  I  would  feel  immensely  pleased  at  these  tokens  of  his 
liking. 

As  I  took  my  leave  after  sincere  expressions  of  my  pleas 
ure  in  the  call,  the  child  with  its  face  one  fearful  smear 
of  jam  again  waved  its  crust  and  shouted,  "Ruggums!" 
while  the  dog  was  plainly  bent  on  departing  with  me.  Not 
until  he  had  been  secured  by  a  rope  to  one  of  the  porch 
stanchions  could  I  safely  leave,  and  as  I  went  he  howled 
dismally  after  violent  efforts  to  chew  the  detaining  rope 
apart. 

I  finished  my  stroll  with  the  greatest  satisfaction,  for 
during  the  entire  hour  I  had  been  enabled  to  forget  the 
manifold  cares  of  my  position.  Again  it  seemed  to  me  that 
the  portrait  in  the  little  parlour  was  not  that  of  a  man 
who  had  been  entirely  suited  to  this  worthy  and  energetic 
young  woman.  Highly  deserving  she  seemed,  and  when  I 
knew  her  better,  as  I  made  no  doubt  I  should,  I  resolved  to 
instruct  her  in  the  matter  of  a  more  suitable  diet  for  her 
offspring,  the  present  one,  as  I  have  said,  carrying  quite  too 
large  a  preponderance  of  animal  fats.  Also,  I  mused  upon 
the  extraordinary  tolerance  she  accorded  to  the  sad-faced 
but  too  demonstrative  Mr.  Barker.  He  had  been  named,  I 
fancied,  by  some  one  with  a  primitive  sense  of  humour. 
I  mean  to  say,  he  might  have  been  facetiously  called 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  177 

"Barker"  because  he  actually  barked  a  bit,  though  adding 
the  "Mister"  to  it  seemed  to  be  rather  forcing  the  poor 
drollery.  At  any  rate,  I  was  glad  to  believe  I  should  see 
little  of  him  in  his  free  state. 

And  yet  it  was  precisely  the  curious  fondness  of  this 
brute  for  myself  that  now  added  to  my  embarrassments. 
On  two  succeeding  days  I  paused  briefly  at  Mrs.  Judson's 
in  my  afternoon  strolls,  finding  the  lady  as  wholesomely 
reposeful  as  ever  in  her  effect  upon  my  nature,  but  finding 
the  unspeakable  dog  each  time  more  lavish  of  his  disgust 
ing  affection  for  me. 

Then,  one  day,  when  I  had  made  back  to  the  town  and 
was  in  fact  traversing  the  main  commercial  thoroughfare 
in  a  dignified  manner,  I  was  made  aware  that  the  brute  had 
broken  away  to  follow  me.  Close  at  my  heels  he  skulked. 
Strong  words  hissed  under  my  breath  would  not  repulse 
him,  and  to  blows  I  durst  not  proceed,  for  I  suddenly  divined 
that  his  juxtaposition  to  me  was  exciting  amused  comment 
among  certain  of  the  natives  who  observed  us.  The  fellow 
Hobbs,  in  the  doorway  of  his  bake-shop,  was  especially 
offensive,  bursting  into  a  shout  of  boorish  laughter  and 
directing  to  me  the  attention  of  a  nearby  group  of  loungers, 
who  likewise  professed  to  become  entertained.  So  situated, 
I  was  of  course  obliged  to  affect  unconsciousness  of  the 
awful  beast,  and  he  was  presently  running  joyously  at 
my  side  as  if  secure  in  my  approval,  or  perhaps  his  brute  in 
telligence  divined  that  for  the  moment  I  durst  not  turn 
upon  him  with  blows. 

Nor  did  the  true  perversity  of  the  situation  at  once 
occur  to  me.  Not  until  we  had  gained  one  of  the  residence 
avenues  did  I  realize  the  significance  of  the  ill-concealed 


178  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

merriment  we  had  aroused.  It  was  not  that  I  had  been 
followed  by  a  random  cur,  but  by  one  known  to  be  the  dog 
of  the  lady  I  had  called  upon.  I  mean  to  say,  the  creature 
had  advertised  my  acquaintance  with  his  owner  in  a  way 
that  would  lead  base  minds  to  misconstrue  its  extent. 

Thoroughly  maddened  by  this  thought,  and  being  now 
safely  beyond  close  observers,  I  turned  upon  the  animal  to 
give  it  a  hearty  drubbing  with  my  stick,  but  it  drew  quickly 
off,  as  if  divining  my  intention,  and  when  I  hurled  the  stick 
at  it,  retrieved  it,  and  brought  it  to  me  quite  as  if  it  forgave 
my  hostility.  Discovering  at  length  that  this  method  not 
only  availed  nothing  but  was  bringing  faces  to  neighbouring 
windows,  and  that  it  did  riot  the  slightest  good  to  speak 
strongly  to  the  beast,  I  had  perforce  to  accompany  it  to  its 
home,  where  I  had  the  satisfaction  of  seeing  its  owner 
once  more  secure  it  firmly  with  the  rope. 

Thus  far  a  trivial  annoyance  one  might  say,  but  when 
the  next  day  the  creature  bounded  up  to  me  as  I  escorted 
homeward  two  ladies  from  the  Onwards  and  Upwards 
Club,  leaping  upon  me  with  extravagant  manifestations  of 
delight  and  trailing  a  length  of  gnawed  rope,  it  will  be  seen 
that  the  thing  was  little  short  of  serious. 

"  It's  Mr.  Barker,"  exclaimed  one  of  the  ladies,  regarding 
me  brightly. 

At  a  cutlery  shop  I  then  bought  a  stout  chain,  escorted 
the  brute  to  his  home,  and  saw  him  tethered.  The  thing 
was  rather  getting  on  me.  The  following  morning  he 
waited  for  me  at  the  Floud  door  and  was  beside  himself 
with  rapture  when  I  appeared.  He  had  slipped  his  collar. 
And  once  more  I  saw  him  moored.  Each  time  I  had 
apologized  to  Mrs.  Judson  for  seeming  to  attract  her  pet 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  179 

from  home,  for  I  could  not  bring  myself  to  say  that  the 
beast  was  highly  repugnant  to  me,  and  least  of  all  could 
I  intimate  that  his  public  devotion  to  me  would  be 
seized  upon  by  the  coarser  village  wits  to  her  disadvan 
tage. 

"I  never  saw  him  so  fascinated  with  any  one  before," 
explained  the  lady  as  she  once  more  adjusted  his  leash. 
But  that  afternoon,  as  I  waited  in  the  trap  for  Mr.  Jack 
son  before  the  post-office,  the  beast  seemed  to  appear 
from  out  the  earth  to  leap  into  the  trap  beside  me. 
After  a  rather  undignified  struggle  I  ejected  him,  where 
upon  he  followed  the  trap  madly  to  the  country  club 
and  made  a  farce  of  my  golf  game  by  retrieving  the  ball 
after  every  drive.  This  time,  I  learned,  the  child  had 
released  him. 

It  is  enough  to  add  that  for  those  remaining  days  until 
the  present  the  unspeakable  creature's  mad  infatuation  for 
me  had  made  my  life  well-nigh  a  torment,  to  say  nothing 
of  its  being  a  matter  of  low  public  jesting.  Hardly  did  I 
dare  show  myself  in  the  business  centres,  for  as  surely  as  I 
did  the  animal  found  me  and  crawled  to  fawn  upon  me, 
affecting  his  release  each  day  in  some  novel  manner.  Each 
morning  I  looked  abroad  from  my  window  on  arising,  more 
than  likely  detecting  his  outstretched  form  on  the  walk 
below,  patiently  awaiting  my  appearance,  and  each  night 
I  was  liable  to  dreams  of  his  coming  upon  me,  a  monstrous 
creature,  sad-faced  but  eager,  tireless,  resolute,  determined 
to  have  me  for  his  own. 

Musing  desperately  over  this  impossible  state  of  affairs, 
I  was  now  surprised  to  receive  a  letter  from  the  wretched 
Cousin  Egbert,  sent  by  the  hand  of  the  Tuttle  person.  It 


180  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

was  written  in  pencil  on  ruled  sheets  apparently  torn  from 
a  cheap  notebook,  quite  as  if  proper  pens  and  decent 
stationery  were  not  to  be  had,  and  ran  as  follows : 

DEAR  FRIEND  BILL: 

Well,  Bill,  I  know  God  hates  a  quitter,  but  I  guess  I  got  a 
streak  of  yellow  in  me  wider  than  the  Comstock  lode.  I  was 
kicking  at  my  stirrups  even  before  I  seen  that  bunch  of  whiskers, 
and  when  I  took  a  flash  of  them  and  seen  he  was  intending  I 
should  go  out  before  folks  without  any  regular  pants  on,  I  says 
I  can  be  pushed  just  so  far.  Well,  Bill,  I  beat  it  like  a  bat  out 
of  hell,  as  I  guess  you  know  by  this  time,  and  I  would  like  to  seen 
them  catch  me  as  I  had  a  good  bronc.  If  you  know  whose  bronc 
it  was  tell  him  I  will  make  it  all  O.  K.  The  bronc  will  be  all 
right  when  he  rests  up  some.  Well,  Bill,  I  am  here  on  the 
ranche,  where  everything  is  nice,  and  I  would  never  come  back 
unless  certain  parties  agree  to  do  what  is  right.  I  would  not 
speak  pieces  that  way  for  the  President  of  the  U.  S.  if  he  ask  me 
to  on  his  bended  knees.  Well,  Bill,  I  wish  you  would  come  out 
here  yourself,  where  everything  is  nice.  You  can't  tell  what 
that  bunch  of  crazies  would  be  wanting  you  to  do  next  thing 
with  false  whiskers  and  no  right  pants.  I  would  tell  them 
"I  can  be  pushed  just  so  far,  and  now  I  will  go  out  to  the  ranche 
with  Sour-dough  for  some  time,  where  things  are  nice."  Well, 
Bill,  if  you  will  come  out  Jeff  Tuttle  will  bring  you  Wenesday 
when  he  comes  with  more  grub,  and  you  will  find  everything 
nice.  I  have  told  Jeff  to  bring  you,  so  no  more  at  present,  with 
kind  regards  and  hoping  to  see  you  here  soon. 

Your  true  friend, 

E.  G.  FLOUD. 

P.  S.  Mrs.  Effie  said  she  would  broaden  me  out.  Maybe  she 
did,  because  I  felt  pretty  flat.  Ha !  ha ! 

Truth  to  tell,  this  wild  suggestion  at  once  appealed  to 
me.  I  had  an  impulse  to  withdraw  for  a  season  from  the 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  181 

social  whirl,  to  seek  repose  among  the  glens  and  gorges  of 
this  cattle  plantation,  and  there  try  to  adjust  myself  more 
intelligently  to  my  strange  new  environment.  In  the 
meantime,  I  hoped,  something  might  happen  to  the  dog  of 
Mrs.  Judson;  or  he  might,  perhaps,  in  my  absence  outlive 
his  curious  mania  for  me. 

Mrs.  Effie,  whom  I  now  consulted,  after  reading  the 
letter  of  Cousin  Egbert,  proved  to  be  in  favour  of  my  going 
to  him  to  make  one  last  appeal  to  his  higher  nature. 

"If  only  he'd  stick  out  there  in  the  brush  where  he  be 
longs,  I'd  let  him  stay,"  she  explained.  "But  he  won't 
stick;  he  gets  tired  after  awhile  and  drops  in  perhaps  on 
the  very  night  when  we're  entertaining  some  of  the  best 
people  at  dinner — and  of  course  we're  obliged  to  have  him, 
though  he's  dropped  whatever  manners  I've  taught  him  and 
picked  up  his  old  rough  talk,  and  he  eats  until  you  wonder 
how  he  can.  It's  awful !  Sometimes  I've  wondered  if  it 
couldn't  be  adenoids — there's  a  lot  of  talk  about  those  just 
now — some  very  select  people  have  them,  and  perhaps 
they're  what  kept  him  back  and  made  him  so  hopelessly 
low  in  his  tastes,  but  I  just  know  he'd  never  go  to  a 
doctor  about  them.  For  heaven's  sake,  use  what  influence 
you  have  to  get  him  back  here  and  to  take  his  rightful 
place  in  society." 

I  had  a  profound  conviction  that  he  would  never  take  his 
rightful  place  in  society,  be  it  the  fault  of  adenoids  or  what 
ever;  that  low  passion  of  his  for  being  pally  with  all  sorts 
made  it  seem  that  his  sense  of  values  must  have  been  at 
fault  from  birth,  and  yet  I  could  not  bring  myself  to 
abandon  him  utterly,  for,  as  I  have  intimated,  something 
in  the  fellow's  nature  appealed  to  me.  I  accordingly 


182  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

murmured  my  sympathy  discreetly  and  set  about  prepara 
tions  for  my  journey. 

Feeling  instinctively  that  Cousin  Egbert  would  not  now 
be  dressing  for  dinner,  I  omitted  evening  clothes  from 
my  box,  including  only  a  morning-suit  and  one  of  form- 
fitting  tweeds  which  I  fancied  would  do  me  well  enough. 
But  no  sooner  was  my  box  packed  than  the  Tuttle  person 
informed  me  that  I  could  take  no  box  whatever.  It 
appeared  that  all  luggage  would  be  strapped  to  the  backs 
of  animals  and  thus  transported.  Even  so,  when  I  had 
reduced  myself  to  one  park  riding-suit  and  a  small  bundle 
of  necessary  adjuncts,  I  was  told  that  the  golf-sticks  must 
be  left  behind.  It  appeared  there  would  be  no  golf. 

And  so  quite  early  one  morning  I  started  on  this  curious 
pilgrimage  from  what  was  called  a  "feed  corral"  in  a  low 
part  of  the  town.  Here  the  Tuttle  person  had  assembled 
a  goods-train  of  a  half-dozen  animals,  the  luggage  being 
adjusted  to  their  backs  by  himself  and  two  assistants,  all 
using  language  of  the  most  disgraceful  character  through 
out  the  process.  The  Tuttle  person  I  had  half  expected  to 
appear  garbed  in  his  native  dress — Mrs.  Effie  had  once 
more  referred  to  "that  Indian  Jeff  Tuttle" — but  he  wore 
instead,  as  did  his  two  assistants,  the  outing  or  lounge  suit 
of  the  Western  desperado,  nor,  though  I  listened  closely, 
could  I  hear  him  exclaim,  "Ugh!  Ugh!"  in  moments  of 
emotional  stress  as  my  reading  had  informed  me  that  the 
Indian  frequently  does. 

The  two  assistants,  solemn-faced,  ill-groomed  fellows, 
bore  the  curious  American  names  of  Hank  and  Buck,  and 
furiously  chewed  the  tobacco  plant  at  all  times.  After 
betraying  a  momentary  interest  in  my  smart  riding-suit, 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  183 

they  paid  me  little  attention,  at  which  I  was  well  pleased, 
for  then-  manners  were  often  repellent  and  their  abrupt, 
direct  fashion  of  speech  quite  disconcerting. 

The  Tuttle  person  welcomed  me  heartily  and  himself 
adjusted  the  saddle  to  my  mount,  expressing  the  hope  that 
I  would  "get  my  fill  of  scenery,"  and  volunteering  the  in 
formation  that  my  destination  was  "one  sleep"  away. 


CHAPTER    ELEVEN 

A~~  THOUGH  fond  of  rural  surroundings  and  always 
interested  in  nature,  the  adventure  in  which  I  had 
become  involved  is  not  one  I  can  recommend  to  a 
person  of  refined  tastes.  I  found  it  little  enough  to  my 
own  taste  even  during  the  first  two  hours  of  travel  when  we 
kept  to  the  beaten  thoroughfare,  for  the  sun  was  hot,  the 
dust  stifling,  and  the  language  with  which  the  goods-animals 
were  berated  coarse  in  the  extreme. 

Yet  from  this  plain  roadway  and  a  country  of  rolling 
down  and  heather  which  was  at  least  not  terrifying,  our 
leader,  the  Tuttle  person,  swerved  all  at  once  into  an  un 
tried  jungle,  in  what  at  the  moment  I  supposed  to  be  a  fit 
of  absent-mindedness,  following  a  narrow  path  that  led  up 
a  fearsomely  slanted  incline  among  trees  and  boulders  of 
granite  thrown  about  in  the  greatest  disorder.  He  was 
followed,  however,  by  the  goods-animals  and  by  the  two 
cow-persons,  so  that  I  soon  saw  the  new  course  must  be 
intended. 

The  mountains  were  now  literally  quite  everywhere, 
some  higher  than  others,  but  all  of  a  rough  appearance, 
'and  uninviting  in  the  extreme.  The  narrow  path,  more 
over,  became  more  and  more  difficult,  and  seemed  alto 
gether  quite  insane  with  its  twistings  and  fearsome  de 
clivities.  One's  first  thought  was  that  at  least  a  bit  of 
road-metal  might  have  been  put  upon  it.  But  there  was 

184 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  185 

no  sign  of  this  throughout  our  toilsome  day,  nor  did  I  once 
observe  a  rustic  seat  along  the  way,  although  I  saw  an 
abundance  of  suitable  nooks  for  these.  Needless  to  say, 
in  all  England  there  is  not  an  estate  so  poorly  kept  up. 

There  being  no  halt  made  for  luncheon,  I  began  to  look 
forward  to  tea-time,  but  what  was  my  dismay  to  observe 
that  this  hour  also  passed  unnoteo!.  Not  until  night  was 
drawing  upon  us  did  our  caravan  halt  beside  a  tarn,  and 
here  I  learned  that  we  would  sup  and  sleep,  although  it 
was  distressing  to  observe  how  remote  we  were  from  proper 
surroundings.  There  was  no  shelter  and  no  modern  con 
veniences  ;  not  even  a  wash-hand-stand  or  water-jug.  There 
was,  of  course,  no  central  heating,  and  so  electricity  for 
one's  smoothing-iron,  so  that  one's  clothing  must  become 
quite  disreputable  for  want  of  pressing.  Also  the  informal 
manner  of  cooking  and  eating  was  not  what  I  had  been 
accustomed  to,  and  the  idea  of  sleeping  publicly  on  the 
bare  ground  was  repugnant  in  the  extreme.  I  mean  to  say, 
there  was  no  vie  intime.  Truly  it  was  a  coarser  type  of 
wilderness  than  that  which  I  had  encountered  near  New 
York  City. 

The  animals,  being  unladen,  were  fitted  with  a  species  of 
leather  bracelet  about  their  forefeet  and  allowed  to  stray  at 
their  will.  A  fire  was  built  and  coarse  food  made  ready. 
It  is  hardly  a  thing  to  speak  of,  but  their  manner  of  prepar 
ing  tea  was  utterly  depraved,  the  leaves  being  flung  into  a 
tin  of  boiling  water  and  allowed  to  stew.  The  result  was 
something  that  I  imagine  etchers  might  use  in  making  lines 
upon  their  metal  plates.  But  for  my  day's  fast  I  should 
have  been  unequal  to  this,  or  to  the  crude  output  of  their 
?ry  ing-pans. 


186  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

Yet  I  was  indeed  glad  that  no  sign  of  my  dismay  had 
escaped  me,  for  the  cow-persons,  Hank  and  Buck,  as  I  dis 
covered,  had  given  unusual  care  to  the  repast  on  my  account, 
and  I  should  not  have  liked  to  seem  unappreciative.  Quite 
by  accident  I  overheard  the  honest  fellows  quarrelling 
about  an  oversight:  they  had,  it  seemed,  left  the  finger- 
bowls  behind;  each  was  bitterly  blaming  the  other  for  this, 
seeming  to  feel  that  the  meal  could  not  go  forward.  I  had 
not  to  be  told  that  they  would  not  ordinarily  carry  finger- 
bowls  for  their  own  use,  and  that  the  forgotten  utensils 
must  have  been  meant  solely  for  my  comfort.  Accordingly, 
when  the  quarrel  was  at  its  highest  I  broke  in  upon  it,  pro 
testing  that  the  oversight  was  of  no  consequence,  and  that 
I  was  quite  prepared  to  roughen  it  with  them  in  the  best 
of  good  fellowship.  They  were  unable  to  conceal  their 
chagrin  at  my  having  overheard  them,  and  slunk  off 
abashed  to  the  cooking-fire.  It  was  plain  that  under  their 
repellent  exteriors  they  concealed  veins  of  the  finest  chivalry, 
and  I  took  pains  during  the  remainder  of  the  evening  to 
put  them  at  their  ease,  asking  them  many  questions  about 
their  wild  life. 

Of  the  dangers  of  the  jungle  by  which  we  were  surrounded 
the  most  formidable,  it  seemed,  was  not  the  grizzly  bear, 
of  which  I  had  read,  but  an  animal  quaintly  called  the 
"high-behind,"  which  lurks  about  camping-places  such  as 
ours  and  is  often  known  to  attack  man  in  its  search  for 
tinned  milk  of  which  it  is  inordinately  fond.  The  spoor  of 
one  of  these  beasts  had  been  detected  near  our  campfire 
by  the  cow-person  called  Buck,  and  he  now  told  us  of  it, 
though  having  at  first  resolved  to  be  silent  rather  than 
alarm  us 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  187 

As  we  carried  a  supply  of  the  animal's  favourite  food,  I 
was  given  two  of  the  tins  with  instructions  to  hurl  them 
quickly  at  any  high-behind  that  might  approach  during 
the  night,  my  companions  arming  themselves  in  a  similar 
manner.  It  appears  that  the  beast  has  tushes  similar  in 
shape  to  tin  openers  with  which  it  deftly  bites  into  any 
tins  of  milk  that  may  be  thrown  at  it.  The  person  called 
Hank  had  once  escaped  with  his  life  only  by  means  of  a 
tin  of  milk  which  had  caught  on  the  sabrelike  tushes  of  the 
animal  pursuing  him,  thus  rendering  him  harmless  and  easy 
of  capture. 

Needless  to  say,  I  was  greatly  interested  in  this  animal  of 
the  quaint  name,  and  resolved  to  remain  on  watch  during 
the  night  in  the  hope  of  seeing  one,  but  at  this  juncture  we 
were  rejoined  by  the  Tuttle  person,  who  proceeded  to  re 
count  to  Hank  and  Buck  a  highly  coloured  version  of  my 
regrettable  encounter  with  Mr.  C.  Belknap- Jackson  back 
in  the  New  York  wilderness,  whereat  they  both  lost  interest 
in  the  high-behind  and  greatly  embarrassed  me  with  their 
congratulations  upon  this  lesser  matter.  Cousin  Egbert, 
it  seemed,  had  most  indiscreetly  talked  of  the  thing,  which 
was  now  a  matter  of  common  gossip  in  Red  Gap.  There 
after  I  could  get  from  them  no  further  information  about 
the  habits  of  the  high-behind,  nor  did  I  remain  awake  to 
watch  for  one  as  I  had  resolved  to,  the  fatigues  of  the  day 
proving  too  much  for  me.  But  doubtless  none  approached 
during  the  night,  as  the  two  tins  of  milk  with  which  I  was 
armed  were  untouched  when  I  awoke  at  dawn. 

Again  we  set  off  after  a  barbarous  breakfast,  driving  our 
laden  animals  ever  deeper  into  the  mountain  fastness,  until 
it  seemed  that  none  of  us  could  ever  emerge,  for  I  had  as- 


188  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

certained  that  there  was  not  a  compass  in  the  party.  There 
was  now  a  certain  new  friendliness  in  the  manner  of  the 
two  cow-persons  toward  me,  born,  it  would  seem,  of  their 
knowledge  of  my  assault  upon  Belknap-Jackson,  and  I  was 
somewhat  at  a  loss  to  know  how  to  receive  this,  well  in- 
tentioned  though  it  was.  I  mean  to  say,  they  were  un 
doubtedly  of  the  servant-class,  and  of  course  one  must  re 
member  one's  own  position,  but  I  at  length  decided  to  be 
quite  friendly  and  American  with  them. 

The  truth  must  be  told  that  I  was  now  feeling  in  quite  a 
bit  of  a  funk  and  should  have  welcomed  any  friendship 
offered  me;  I  even  found  myself  remembering  with  rather  a 
pensive  tolerance  the  attentions  of  Mr.  Barker,  though 
doubtless  back  in  Red  Gap  I  should  have  found  them  as 
loathsome  as  ever.  My  hump  was  due,  I  made  no  doubt, 
first,  to  my  precarious  position  in  the  wilderness,  but  more 
than  that  to  my  anomalous  social  position,  for  it  seemed  to 
me  now  that  I  was  neither  fish  nor  fowl.  I  was  no  longer  a 
gentleman's  man — the  familiar  boundaries  of  that  office 
had  been  swept  away;  on  the  other  hand,  I  was  most  em 
phatically  not  the  gentleman  I  had  set  myself  up  to  be,  and 
I  was  weary  of  the  pretence.  The  friendliness  of  these  un 
couth  companions,  then,  proved  doubly  welcome,  for  with 
them  I  could  conduct  myself  in  a  natural  manner,  happily 
forgetting  my  former  limitations  and  my  present  quite 
fictitious  dignities. 

I  even  found  myself  talking  to  them  of  cricket  as  we 
rode,  telling  them  I  had  once  hit  an  eight — fully  run  out  it 
was  and  not  an  overthrow — though  I  dare  say  it  meant 
little  to  them.  I  also  took  pains  to  describe  to  them  the 
correct  method  of  brewing  tea,  which  they  promised  there- 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  189 

after  to  observe,  though  this  I  fear  they  did  from  mere 
politeness. 

Our  way  continued  adventurously  upward  until  mid- 
afternoon,  when  we  began  an  equally  adventurous  descent 
through  a  jungle  of  pine  trees,  not  a  few  of  which  would 
have  done  credit  to  one  of  our  own  parks,  though  there 
were,  of  course,  too  many  of  them  here  to  be  at  all  effective. 
Indeed,  it  may  be  said  that  from  a  scenic  standpoint  every 
thing  through  which  we  had  passed  was  overdone :  moun 
tains,  rocks,  streams,  trees,  all  sounding  a  characteristic 
American  note  of  exaggeration. 

Then  at  last  we  came  to  the  wilderness  abode  of  Cousin 
Egbert.  A  rude  hut  of  native  logs  it  was,  set  in  this  high 
land  glen  beside  a  tarn.  From  afar  we  descried  its  smoke, 
and  presently  in  the  doorway  observed  Cousin  Egbert 
himself ,  who  waved  cheerfully  at  us .  His  appearance  gave 
me  a  shock.  Quite  aware  of  his  inclination  to  laxness,  I 
was  yet  unprepared  for  his  present  state.  Never,  indeed, 
have  I  seen  a  man  so  badly  turned  out.  Too  evidently 
unshaven  since  his  disappearance,  he  was  gotten  up  in  a 
faded  flannel  shirt,  open  at  the  neck  and  without  the  sign 
of  cravat,  a  pair  of  overalls,  also  faded  and  quite  wretchedly 
spotty,  and  boots  of  the  most  shocking  description.  Yet 
in  spite  of  this  dreadful  tenue  he  greeted  me  without  em 
barrassment  and  indeed  with  a  kind  of  artless  pleasure. 
Truly  the  man  was  impossible,  and  when  I  observed  the 
placard  he  had  allowed  to  remain  on  the  waistband  of  his 
overalls,  boastfully  alleging  their  indestructibility,  my 
sympathies  flew  back  to  Mrs.  Effie.  There  was  a  cartoon 
emblazoned  on  this  placard,  depicting  the  futile  efforts  of 
two  teams  of  stout  horses,  each  attached  to  a  leg  of  the 


190  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

garment,  to  wrench  it  in  twain.  I  mean  to  say,  one  might 
be  reduced  to  overalls,  but  this  blatant  emblem  was  not  a 
thing  any  gentleman  need  have  retained.  And  again, 
observing  his  footgear,  I  was  glad  to  recall  that  I  had  in 
cluded  a  plentiful  supply  of  boot-cream  in  my  scanty  lug- 
gage. 

Three  of  the  goods-animals  were  now  unladen,  then 
burden  of  provisions  being  piled  beside  the  door  while 
Cousin  Egbert  chatted  gay ly  with  the  cow-persons  and  the 
Indian  Tuttle,  after  which  these  three  took  their  leave, 
being  madly  bent,  it  appeared,  upon  penetrating  still 
farther  into  the  wilderness  to  another  cattle  farm.  Then, 
left  alone  with  Cousin  Egbert,  I  was  not  long  in  discovering 
that,  strictly  speaking,  he  had  no  establishment.  Not 
only  were  there  no  servants,  but  there  were  no  drains,  no 
water-taps,  no  ice-machine,  no  scullery,  no  central  heating, 
no  electric  wiring.  His  hut  consisted  of  but  a  single  room, 
and  this  without  a  floor  other  than  the  packed  earth,  while 
the  appointments  were  such  as  in  any  civilized  country 
would  have  indicated  the  direst  poverty.  Two  beds  of  the 
rudest  description  stood  in  opposite  corners,  and  one  end 
of  the  room  was  almost  wholly  occupied  by  a  stone  fire 
place  of  primitive  construction,  over  which  the  owner  now 
hovered  in  certain  feats  of  cookery. 

Thanks  to  my  famished  state  I  was  in  no  mood  to 
criticise  his  efforts,  which  he  presently  set  forth  upon  the 
rough  deal  table  in  a  hearty  but  quite  inelegant  manner. 
The  meal,  I  am  bound  to  say,  was  more  than  welcome  to 
my  now  indiscriminating  palate,  though  at  a  less  urgent 
moment  I  should  doubtless  have  found  the  bread  soggy 
and  the  beans  a  pernicious  mass.  There  was  a  stew  of 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  191 

venison,  however,  which  only  the  most  skilful  hands  could 
have  bettered,  though  how  the  man  had  obtained  a  deer 
was  beyond  me,  since  it  was  evident  he  possessed  no  shoot 
ing  or  deer-stalking  costume.  As  to  the  tea,  I  made  bold 
to  speak  my  mind  and  succeeded  in  brewing  some  for  my 
self. 

Throughout  the  repast  Cousin  Egbert  was  constantly 
attentive  to  my  needs  and  was  more  cheerful  of  demeanour 
than  I  had  ever  seen  him.  The  hunted  look  about  his  eyes, 
which  had  heretofore  always  distinguished  him,  was  now 
gone,  and  he  bore  himself  like  a  free  man. 

"Yes,  sir,"  he  said,  as  we  smoked  over  the  remains  of  the 
meal,  "you  stay  with  me  and  I'll  give  you  one  swell  little 
time.  I'll  do  the  cooking,  and  between  whiles  we  can  sit 
right  here  and  play  cribbage  day  in  and  day  out.  You  can 
get  a  taste  of  real  life  without  moving." 

I  saw  then,  if  never  before,  that  his  deeper  nature  would 
not  be  aroused.  Doubtless  my  passing  success  with  him  in 
Paris  had  marked  the  very  highest  stage  of  his  spiritual 
development.  I  did  not  need  to  be  told  now  that  he  had 
left  off  sock-suspenders  forever,  nor  did  I  waste  words  in 
trying  to  recall  him  to  his  better  self.  Indeed  for  the  mo 
ment  I  was  too  overwhelmed  by  fatigue  even  to  remon 
strate  about  his  wretched  lounge-suit,  and  I  early  fell  asleep 
on  one  of  the  beds  while  he  was  still  engaged  in  washing  the 
metal  dishes  upon  which  we  had  eaten,  singing  the  while 
the  doleful  ballad  of  "Rosalie,  the  Prairie  Flower." 

It  seemed  but  a  moment  later  that  I  awoke,  for  Cousin 
Egbert  was  again  busy  among  the  dishes,  but  I  saw  that  an 
other  day  had  come  and  his  song  had  changed  to  one  equally 
aad  but  quite  different.  "In  the  hazel  dell  my  Nellie's 


192  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

sleeping,"  he  sang,  though  in  a  low  voice  and  quite  cheer 
fully.  Indeed  his  entire  repertoire  of  ballads  was  confined 
to  the  saddest  themes,  chiefly  of  desirable  maidens  taken 
off  untimely  either  by  disease  or  accident.  Besides 
"Rosalie,  the  Prairie  Flower,"  there  was  "Lovely  Annie 
Lisle,"  over  whom  the  willows  waved  and  earthly  music 
could  not  waken;  another  named  "Sweet  Alice  Ben  Bolt" 
lying  in  the  churchyard,  and  still  another,  "Lily  Dale,"  who 
was  pictured  "  'neath  the  trees  in  the  flowery  vale,"  with 
the  wild  rose  blossoming  o'er  the  little  green  grave. 

His  face  was  indeed  sad  as  he  rendered  these  woful 
ballads  and  yet  his  voice  and  manner  were  of  the  cheeriest, 
and  I  dare  say  he  sang  without  reference  to  their  real  tragedy. 
It  was  a  school  of  American  balladry  quite  at  variance 
with  the  cheerful  optimism  of  those  I  had  heard  from  the 
Belknap-Jackson  phonograph,  where  the  persons  are  not 
dead  at  all  but  are  gayly  calling  upon  one  another  to  come 
on  and  do  a  folkdance,  or  hear  a  band  or  crawl  under — 
things  of  that  sort.  As  Cousin  Egbert  bent  over  a  frying- 
pan  in  which  ham  was  cooking  he  crooned  softly: 

"In  the  hazel  dell  my  Nellie's  sleeping, 

Nellie  loved  so  long, 

While  my  lonely,  lonely  watch  I'm  keeping, 
Nellie  lost  and  gone." 

I  could  attribute  his  choice  only  to  that  natural  per 
versity  which  prompted  him  always  to  do  the  wrong  thing, 
for  surely  this  affecting  verse  was  not  meant  to  be  sung  at 
such  a  moment. 

Attempting  to  arise,  I  became  aware  that  the  two  days' 
journey  had  left  me  sadly  lame  and  wayworn,  also  that  my 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  193 

face  was  burned  from  the  sun  and  that  I  had  been  awakened 
too  soon.  Fortunately  I  had  with  me  a  shilling  jar  of 
Ridley's  Society  Complexion  Food,  "the  all-weather 
wonder,"  which  I  applied  to  my  face  with  cooling  results, 
and  I  then  felt  able  to  partake  of  a  bit  of  the  breakfast  which 
Cousin  Egbert  now  brought  to  my  bedside.  The  ham  was 
of  course  not  cooked  correctly  and  the  tea  was  again  a  mere 
corrosive,  but  so  anxious  was  my  host  to  please  me  that  I 
refrained  from  any  criticism,  though  at  another  time  I  should 
have  told  him  straight  what  I  thought  of  such  cookery. 

When  we  had  both  eaten  I  slept  again  to  the  accompa 
niment  of  another  sad  song  and  the  muted  rattle  of  the 
pans  as  Cousin  Egbert  did  the  scullery  work,  and  it  was 
long  past  the  luncheon  hour  when  I  awoke,  still  lame  from 
the  saddle,  but  greatly  refreshed. 

It  was  now  that  another  blow  befell  me,  for  upon  arising 
and  searching  through  my  kit  I  discovered  that  my  razors 
had  been  left  behind.  By  any  thinking  man  the  effect  of 
this  oversight  will  be  instantly  perceived.  Already  low  in 
spirits,  the  prospect  of  going  unshaven  could  but  aggravate 
my  funk.  I  surrendered  to  the  wave  of  homesickness  that 
swept  over  me.  I  wanted  London  again,  London  with  its 
yellow  fog  and  greasy  pavements,  I  wished  to  buy  cockles 
off  a  barrow,  I  longed  for  toasted  crumpets,  and  most  of  all 
I  longed  for  my  old  rightful  station;  longed  to  turn  out  a 
gentleman,  longed  for  the  Honourable  George  and  our 
peaceful  if  sometimes  precarious  existence  among  people 
of  the  right  sort.  The  continued  shocks  since  that  fateful 
night  of  the  cards  had  told  upon  me.  I  knew  now  that  I 
had  not  been  meant  for  adventure.  Yet  here  I  had  turned 
up  in  the  most  savage  of  lands  after  leading  a  life  of  dis- 


194  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

honest  pretence  in  a  station  to  which  I  had  not  been  born — 
and,  for  I  knew  not  how  many  days,  I  should  not  be  able  to 
shave  my  face. 

But  here  again  a  ferment  stirred  in  my  blood,  some  electric 
thrill  of  anarchy  which  had  come  from  association  with 
these  Americans,  a  strange,  lawless  impulse  toward  their 
quite  absurd  ideals  of  equality,  a  monstrous  ambition  to  be 
in  myself  some  one  that  mattered,  instead  of  that  pretended 
Colonel  Ruggles  who,  I  now  recalled,  was  to-day  promised 
to  bridge  at  the  home  of  Mrs.  Judge  Ballard,  where  he 
would  talk  of  hunting  in  the  shires,  of  the  royal  enclosure 
at  Ascot,  of  Hurlingham  and  Ranleigh,  of  Cowes  in  June, 
of  the  excellence  of  the  converts  at  Chaynes-Wotten.  No 
doubt  it  was  a  sort  of  madness  now  seized  me,  consequent 
upon  the  lack  of  shaving  utensils. 

I  wondered  desperately  if  there  was  a  true  place  for  me 
in  this  life.  I  had  tasted  their  equality  that  day  of 
debauch  in  Paris,  but  obviously  the  sensation  could  not 
permanently  be  maintained  upon  spirits.  Perhaps  I  might 
obtain  a  post  in  a  bank;  I  might  become  a  shop-assistant, 
bag-man,  even  a  pressman.  These  moody  and  unwhole 
some  thoughts  were  clouding  my  mind  as  I  surveyed  my 
self  in  the  wrinkled  mirror  which  had  seemed  to  suffice  the 
uncritical  Cousin  Egbert  for  his  toilet.  It  hung  between 
the  portrait  of  a  champion  middle-weight  crouching  in 
position  and  the  calendar  advertisement  of  a  brewery 
which,  as  I  could  not  fancy  Cousin  Egbert  being  in  the 
least  concerned  about  the  day  of  the  month,  had  too 
evidently  been  hung  on  his  wall  because  of  the  coloured 
lithograph  of  a  blond  creature  in  theatrical  undress  who 
smirked  most  immorally. 


KUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  195 

» 

Studying  the  curiously  wavy  effect  this  glass  produced 

upon  my  face,  I  chanced  to  observe  in  a  corner  of  the  frame 
a  printed  card  with  the  heading  "  Take  Courage ! "  To  my 
surprise  the  thing,  when  I  had  read  it,  capped  my  black 
musings  upon  my  position  in  a  rather  uncanny  way. 
Briefly  it  recited  the  humble  beginnings  of  a  score  or  more 
of  the  world's  notable  figures. 

"Demosthenes  was  the  son  of  a  cutler,"  it  began. 
"  Horace  was  the  son  of  a  shopkeeper.  Virgil's  father  was 
a  porter.  Cardinal  Wolsey  was  the  son  of  a  butcher. 
Shakespeare  the  son  of  a  wool-stapler."  Followed  the 
obscure  parentage  of  such  well-known  persons  as  Milton, 
Napoleon,  Columbus,  Cromwell.  Even  Mohammed  was 
noted  as  a  shepherd  and  camel-driver,  though  it  seemed 
rather  questionable  taste  to  include  in  the  list  one  whose 
religion,  as  to  family  life,  was  rather  scandalous.  More  to 
the  point  was  the  citation  of  various  Americans  who  had 
sprung  from  humble  beginnings :  Lincoln,  Johnson,  Grant, 
Garfield,  Edison.  It  is  true  that  there  was  not,  apparently, 
a  gentleman's  servant  among  them;  they  were  rail-splitters, 
boatmen,  tailors,  artisans  of  sorts,  but  the  combined  effect 
was  rather  overwhelming. 

From  the  first  moment  of  my  encountering  the  American 
social  system,  it  seemed,  I  had  been  by  way  of  becoming  a 
rabid  anarchist — that  is,  one  feeling  that  he  might  become 
a  gentleman  regardless  of  his  birth — and  here  were  the  dis 
concerting  facts  concerning  a  score  of  notables  to  confirm 
me  in  my  heresy.  It  was  not  a  thing  to  be  spoken  lightly  of 
in  loose  discussion,  but  there  can  be  no  doubt  that  at  this 
moment  I  coldly  questioned  the  soundness  of  our  British 
system,  the  vital  marrow  of  which  is  to  teach  that  there  is  a 


196  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

difference  between  men  and  men.  To  be  sure,  it  will  have 
been  seen  that  I  was  not  myself,  having  for  a  quarter  year 
been  subjected  to  a  series  of  nervous  shocks,  and  having 
had  my  mind  contaminated,  moreover,  by  being  brought 
into  daily  contact  with  this  unthinking  American  equality 
in  the  person  of  Cousin  Egbert,  who,  I  make  bold  to  assert, 
had  never  for  one  instant  since  his  doubtless  obscure  birth 
considered  himself  the  superior  of  any  human  being  what 
soever. 

This  much  I  advance  for  myself  in  extenuation  of  my 
lawless  imaginings,  but  of  them  I  can  abate  no  jot;  it  was 
all  at  once  clear  to  me,  monstrous  as  it  may  seem,  that 
Nature  and  the  British  Empire  were  at  variance  in  their 
decrees,  and  that  somehow  a  system  was  base  which  taught 
that  one  man  is  necessarily  inferior  to  another.  I  dare  say 
it  was  a  sort  of  poisonous  intoxication — that  I  should  all  at 
once  declare : 

"His  lordship  tenth  Earl  of  Brinstead  and  Marmaduke 
Ruggles  are  two  men;  one  has  made  an  acceptable  peer 
and  one  an  acceptable  valet,  yet  the  twain  are  equal,  and 
the  system  which  has  made  one  inferior  socially  to  the 
other  is  false  and  bad  and  cannot  endure."  For  a  moment, 
I  repeat,  I  saw  myself  a  gentleman  in  the  making — a  clear 
fairway  without  bunkers  from  tee  to  green — meeting  my 
equals  with  a  friendly  eye;  and  then  the  illumining  shock, 
for  I  unconsciously  added  to  myself,  "Regarding  my 
inferiors  with  a  kindly  tolerance."  It  was  there  I  caught 
myself.  So  much  a  part  of  the  system  was  I  that,  al 
though  I  could  readily  conceive  a  society  in  which  I  had  no 
superiors,  I  could  not  picture  one  in  which  I  had  not  in 
feriors.  The  same  poison  that  ran  in  the  veins  of  their 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  197 

lordships  ran  also  in  the  veins  of  their  servants.  I  was 
indeed,  it  appeared,  hopelessly  inoculated.  Again  I  read 
the  card.  Horace  was  the  son  of  a  shopkeeper,  but  I  made 
no  doubt  that,  after  he  became  a  popular  and  successful 
writer  of  Latin  verse,  he  looked  down  upon  his  own  father. 
Only  could  it  have  been  otherwise,  I  thought,  had  he  been 
born  in  this  fermenting  America  to  no  station  whatever  and 
left  to  achieve  his  rightful  one. 

So  I  mused  thus  licentiously  until  one  clear  conviction 
possessed  me :  that  I  would  no  longer  pretend  to  the  social 
superiority  of  one  Colonel  Marmaduke  Ruggles.  I  would 
concede  no  inferiority  in  myself,  but  I  would  not  again 
before  Red  Gap's  county  families  vaunt  myself  as  other 
than  I  was.  That  this  was  more  than  a  vagrant  fancy  on 
my  part  will  be  seen  when  I  aver  that  suddenly,  strangely, 
alarmingly,  I  no  longer  cared  that  I  was  unshaven  and 
must  remain  so  for  an  untold  number  of  days.  I  welcomed 
the  unhandsome  stubble  that  now  projected  itself  upon  my 
face;  I  curiously  wished  all  at  once  to  be  as  badly  gotten  up 
as  Cousin  Egbert,  with  as  little  thought  for  my  station  in 
life.  I  would  no  longer  refrain  from  doing  things  because 
they  were  "not  done."  My  own  taste  would  be  the 
law. 

It  was  at  this  moment  that  Cousin  Egbert  appeared  in 
the  doorway  with  four  trout  from  the  stream  nearby, 
though  how  he  had  managed  to  snare  them  I  could  not 
think,  since  he  possessed  no  correct  equipment  for  angling. 
I  fancy  I  rather  overwhelmed  him  by  exclaiming,  "Hello, 
Sour-dough!"  since  never  before  had  I  addressed  him  in 
any  save  a  formal  fashion,  and  it  is  certain  I  embarrassed 
him  by  my  next  proceeding,  which  was  to  grasp  his 


198  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

and  shake  it  heartily,  an  action  that  I  could  explain  no 
more  than  he,  except  that  the  violence  of  my  self-com 
munion  was  still  upon  me  and  required  an  outlet.  He 
grinned  amiably,  then  regarded  me  with  a  shrewd  eye  and 
demanded  if  I  had  been  drinking. 

"This,"  I  said;  "I  am  drunk  with  this,"  and  held  the 
card  up  to  him.  But  when  he  took  it  interestedly  he 
merely  read  the  obverse  side  which  I  had  not  observed 
until  now.  "  Go  to  Epstein's  for  Everything  You  Wear," 
it  read  in  large  type,  and  added,  "The  Square  Deal 
Mammoth  Store." 

"They  carry  a  nice  stock,"  he  said,  still  a  bit  puzzled  by 
my  tone,  "though  I  generally  trade  at  the  Red  Front." 
I  turned  the  card  over  for  him  and  he  studied  the  list 
of  humble-born  notables,  though  from  a  point  of  view 
peculiarly  his  own.  "I  don't  see,"  he  began,  "what  right 
they  got  to  rake  up  all  that  stuff  about  people  that's  dead 
and  gone.  Who  cares  what  their  folks  was!"  And  he 
added,  '"Horace  was  the  son  of  a  shopkeeper' — Horace 
who?"  Plainly  the  matter  did  not  excite  him,  and  I  saw 
it  would  be  useless  to  try  to  convey  to  him  what  the  items 
had  meant  to  me. 

"I  mean  to  say,  I'm  glad  to  be  here  with  you,"  I  said. 

"I  knew  you'd  like  it,"  he  answered.  "Everything  is 
nice  here." 

"America  is  some  country,"  I  said. 

"She  is,  she  is,"  he  answered.  "And  now  you  can  bile 
up  a  pot  of  tea  in  your  own  way  while  I  clean  these  here 
fish  for  supper." 

I  made  the  tea.  I  regret  to  say  there  was  not  a  tea  cozy 
in  the  place;  indeed  the  linen,  silver,  and  general  table 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  199 

equipment  were  sadly  deficient,  but  in  my  reckless  mood  I 
made  no  comment. 

"Your  tea  smells  good,  but  it  ain't  got  no  kick  to  it," 
he  observed  over  his  first  cup.  "When  I  drench  my  insides 
with  tea  I  sort  of  want  it  to  take  a  hold."  And  still  I  made 
no  effort  to  set  him  right.  I  now  saw  that  in  all  true 
essentials  he  did  not  need  me  to  set  him  right.  For  so  un 
couth  a  person  he  was  strangely  commendable  and  worthy. 

As  we  sipped  our  tea  in  companionable  silence,  I  busy 
with  my  new  and  disturbing  thoughts,  a  long  shout  came  to 
us  from  the  outer  distance.  Cousin  Egbert  brightened.  5, 

"I'm  darned  if  that  ain't  Ma  Pettingill!"  he  exclaimed. 
"She's  rid  over  from  the  Arrowhead." 

We  rushed  to  the  door,  and  in  the  distance,  riding  down 
upon  us  at  terrific  speed,  I  indeed  beheld  the  Mixer.  A 
moment  later  she  reigned  in  her  horse  before  us  and  hoarsely 
rumbled  her  greetings.  I  had  last  seen  her  at  a  formal 
dinner  where  she  was  rather  formidably  done  out  hi  black 
velvet  and  diamonds.  Now  she  appeared  in  a  startling 
tenue  of  khaki  riding-breeches  and  flannel  shirt,  with  one 
of  the  wide-brimmed  cow-person  hats.  Even  at  the  mo 
ment  of  greeting  her  I  could  not  but  reflect  how  shocked  our 
dear  Queen  would  be  at  the  sight  of  this  riding  habit. 

She  dismounted  with  hearty  explanations  of  how  she  had 
left  her  "round-up"  and  ridden  over  to  visit,  having  heard 
from  the  Tuttle  person  that  we  were  here.  Cousin  Egbert 
took  her  horse  and  she  entered  the  hut,  where  to  my  utter 
amazement  she  at  once  did  a  feminine  thing.  Though  from 
her  garb  one  at  a  little  distance  might  have  thought  her  a 
man,  a  portly,  florid,  carelessly  attired  man,  she  made  at 
once  for  the  wrinkled  mirror  where,  after  anxiously  scanning 


200  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

her  burned  face  for  an  instant,  she  produced  powder  and 
puff  from  a  pocket  of  her  shirt  and  daintily  powdered 
her  generous  blob  of  a  nose.  Having  achieved  this  to  her 
apparent  satisfaction,  she  unrolled  a  bundle  she  had  carried 
at  her  saddle  and  donned  a  riding  skirt,  buttoning  it  about 
the  waist  and  smoothing  down  its  folds — before  I  could 
retire. 

"There,  now,"  she  boomed,  as  if  some  satisfying  finality 
had  been  brought  about.  Such  was  the  Mixer.  Thai 
sort  of  thing  would  never  do  with  us,  and  yet  I  suddenly 
saw  that  she,  like  Cousin  Egbert,  was  strangely  commend^ 
able  and  worthy.  I  mean  to  say,  I  no  longer  felt  it  was  my 
part  to  set  her  right  in  any  of  the  social  niceties.  Some 
curious  change  had  come  upon  me.  I  knew  then  that  I 
should  no  longer  resist  America. 


CHAPTER  TWELVE 

WITH  a  curious  friendly  glow  upon  me  I  set  about 
helping  Cousin  Egbert  in  the  preparation  of  oui 
evening  meal,  a  work  from  which,  owing  to  the 
number  and  apparent  difficulty  of  my  suggestions,  he 
presently  withdrew,  leaving  me  in  entire  charge.  It  is  quite 
true  that  I  have  pronounced  views  as  to  the  preparation 
and  serving  of  food,  and  I  dare  say  I  embarrassed  the 
worthy  fellow  without  at  all  meaning  to  do  so,  for  too  many 
of  his  culinary  efforts  betray  the  fumbling  touch  of  the 
amateur.  And  as  I  worked  over  the  open  fire,  doing  the 
trout  to  a  turn,  stirring  the  beans,  and  perfecting  the  stew 
with  deft  touches  of  seasoning,  I  worded  to  myself  for  the 
first  time  a  most  severe  indictment  against  the  North 
American  cookery,  based  upon  my  observations  across  the 
continent  and  my  experience  as  a  diner-out  in  Red  Gap. 
I  saw  that  it  would  never  do  with  us,  and  that  it  ought, 
as  a  matter  of  fact,  to  be  uplifted.  Even  then,  while  our 
guest  chattered  gossip  of  the  town  over  her  brown  paper 
cigarettes,  I  felt  the  stirring  of  an  impulse  to  teach  Americans 
how  to  do  themselves  better  at  table.  For  the  moment,  of 
course,  I  was  hampered  by  lack  of  equipment  (there  was 
not  even  a  fish  slice  in  the  establishment),  but  even  so  I 
brewed  proper  tea  and  was  able  to  impart  to  the  simple 
viands  a  touch  of  distinction  which  they  had  lacked  under 
Cousin  Egbert's  all-too-careless  manipulation. 

201 


202  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

As  I  served  the  repast  Cousin  Egbert  produced  a  bottle 
of  the  brown  American  whiskey  at  which  we  pegged  a  bit 
before  sitting  to  table. 

"Three  rousing  cheers!"  said  he,  and  the  Mixer  responded 
with  "Happy  days!" 

As  on  that  former  occasion,  the  draught  of  spirits  flooded 
my  being  with  a  vast  consciousness  of  personal  worth  and  of 
good  feeling  toward  my  companions.  With  a  true  insight 
I  suddenly  perceived  that  one  might  belong  to  the  great 
lower  middle-class  in  America  and  still  matter  in  the  truest, 
correctest  sense  of  the  term. 

As  we  fell  hungrily  to  the  food,  the  Mixer  did  not  fail  to 
praise  my  cooking  of  the  trout,  and  she  and  Cousin  Egbert 
were  presently  lamenting  the  difficulty  of  obtaining  a  well- 
cooked  meal  in  Red  Gap.  At  this  I  boldly  spoke  up, 
declaring  that  American  cookery  lacked  constructive  im 
agination,  making  only  the  barest  use  of  its  magnificent  op 
portunities,  following  certain  beaten  and  all-too-familiar 
roads  with  a  slavish  stupidity. 

"We  nearly  had  a  good  restaurant,"  said  the  Mixer.  "A 
Frenchman  came  and  showed  us  a  little  flash  of  form,  but 
he  only  lasted  a  month  because  he  got  homesick.  He  had 
half  the  people  in  town  going  there  for  dinner,  too,  to  get 
away  from  their  Chinamen — and  after  I  spent  a  lot  of 
money  fixing  the  place  up  for  him,  too." 

I  recalled  the  establishment,  on  the  main  street,  though 
I  had  not  known  that  our  guest  was  its  owner.  Vacant 
it  was  now,  and  looking  quite  as  if  the  bailiffs  had  been 
in. 

"He  couldn't  cook  ham  and  eggs  proper,"  suggested 
Cousin  Egbert.  "  I  tried  him  three  times,  and  every  time 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  203 

he  done  something  French  to  'em  that  nobody  had  ought 
to  do  to  ham  and  eggs." 

Hereupon  I  ventured  to  assert  that  a  too-intense  nation 
alism  would  prove  the  ruin  of  any  chef  outside  his  own 
country;  there  must  be  a  certain  breadth  of  treatment,  a 
blending  of  the  best  features  of  different  schools.  One 
must  know  English  and  French  methods  and  yet  be  a  slave 
to  neither;  one  must  even  know  American  cookery  and  be 
prepared  to  adapt  its  half-dozen  or  so  undoubted  excel 
lencies.  From  this  I  ventured  further  into  a  general  criti 
cism  of  the  dinners  I  had  eaten  at  Red  Gap's  smartest 
houses.  Too  profuse  they  were,  I  said,  and  too  little 
satisfying  in  any  one  feature;  too  many  courses,  con 
structed,  as  I  had  observed,  after  photographs  printed  in 
the  back  pages  of  women's  magazines;  doubtless  they 
possessed  a  certain  artistic  value  as  sights  for  the  eye,  but 
considered  as  food  they  were  devoid  of  any  inner  meaning. 

"Bill's  right,"  said  Cousin  Egbert  warmly.  "Mrs. 
Effie,  she  gets  up  about  nine  of  them  pictures,  with  nuts 
and  grated  eggs  and  scrambled  tomatoes  all  over  'em,  and 
nobody  knowing  what's  what,  and  even  when  you  strike 
one  that  tastes  good  they 's  only  a  dab  of  it  and  you  mustn't 
ask  for  any  more.  When  I  go  out  to  dinner,  what  I  want  is 
to  have  'em  say,  *  Pass  up  your  plate,  Mr.  Floud,  for  an 
other  piece  of  the  steak  and  some  potatoes,  and  have  some 
more  squash  and  help  yourself  to  the  quince  jelly.'  That's 
how  it  had  ought  to  be,  but  I  keep  eatin'  these  here  little 
plates  of  cut-up  things  and  waiting  for  the  real  stuff,  and 
first  thing  I  know  I  get  a  spoonful  of  coffee  in  something 
like  you  put  eye  medicine  into,  and  I  know  it's  all  over. 
Last  time  I  was  out  I  hid  up  a  dish  of  these  here  salted 


204  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

almuns  under  a  fern  and  et  the  whole  lot  from  time  to  time, 
kind  of  absent  like.  It  helped  some,  but  it  wasn't  dinner. " 

"Same  here,"  put  in  the  Mixer,  saturating  half  a  slice  of 
bread  in  the  sauce  of  the  stew.  "I  can't  afford  to  act 
otherwise  than  like  I  am  a  lady  at  one  of  them  dinners,  but 
the  minute  I'm  home  I  beat  it  for  the  icebox.  I  suppose  it's 
all  right  to  be  socially  elegant,  but  we  hadn't  ought  to  let 
it  contaminate  our  food  none.  And  even  at  that  New 
York  hotel  this  summer  you  had  to  make  trouble  to  get 
fed  proper.  I  wanted  strawberry  shortcake,  and  what  do 
you  reckon  they  dealt  me?  A  thing  looking  like  a  marble 
palace — sponge  cake  and  whipped  cream  with  a  few  red 
spots  in  between.  Well,  long  as  we're  friends  here  to 
gether,  I  may  say  that  I  raised  hell  until  I  had  the  chef 
himself  up  and  told  him  exactly  what  to  do ;  biscuit  dough 
baked  and  prized  apart  and  buttered,  strawberries  with 
sugar  on  'em  in  between  and  on  top,  and  plenty  of  regular 
cream.  Well,  after  three  days'  trying  he  finally  managed 
to  get  simple — he  just  couldn't  believe  I  meant  it  at  first, 
and  kept  building  on  the  whipped  cream — and  the  thing 
cost  eight  dollars,  but  you  can  bet  he  had  me,  even  then; 
the  bonehead  smarty  had  sweetened  the  cream  and  grated 
nutmeg  into  it.  I  give  up. 

"And  if  you  can't  get  right  food  in  New  York,  how  can 
you  expect  to  here?  And  Jackson,  the  idiot,  has  just 
fired  the  only  real  cook  in  Red  Gap.  Yes,  sir;  he's  let  the 
coons  go.  It  come  out  that  Waterman  had  sneaked  out 
that  suit  of  his  golf  clothes  that  Kate  Kenner  wore  in  the 
minstrel  show,  so  he  fired  them  both,  and  now  I  got  to 
support  'em,  because,  as  long  as  we're  friends  here,  I  don't 
mind  telling  you  I  egged  the  coon  on  to  do  it." 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  205 

I  saw  that  she  was  referring  to  the  black  and  his  wife 
whom  I  had  met  at  the  New  York  camp,  though  it  seemed 
quaint  to  me  that  they  should  be  called  "coons,"  which  is, 
I  take  it,  a  diminutive  for  "raccoon,"  a  species  of  ground 
game  to  be  found  in  America. 

Truth  to  tell,  I  enjoyed  myself  immensely  at  this  simple 
but  satisfying  meal,  feeling  myself  one  with  these  homely 
people,  and  I  was  sorry  when  we  had  finished. 

"That  was  some  little  dinner  itself,"  said  the  Mixer 
as  she  rolled  a  cigarette;  "and  now  you  boys  set  still 
while  I  do  up  the  dishes."  Nor  would  she  allow  either 
of  us  to  assist  her  in  this  work.  When  she  had  done, 
Cousin  Egbert  proceeded  to  mix  hot  toddies  from  the 
whiskey,  and  we  gathered  about  the  table  before  the  open 
fire. 

"Now  we'll  have  a  nice  home  evening,"  said  the  Mixer, 
and  to  my  great  embarrassment  she  began  at  once  to  speak 
to  myself. 

"A  strong  man  like  him  has  got  no  business  becoming  a 
social  butterfly,"  she  remarked  to  Cousin  Egbert. 

"Oh,  Bill's  all  right,"  insisted  the  latter,  as  he  had  done 
so  many  times  before. 

"He's  all  right  so  far,  but  let  him  go  on  for  a  year  or  so 
and  he  won't  be  a  darned  bit  better  than  what  Jackson  is, 
mark  my  words.  Just  a  social  butterfly,  wearing  funny 
clothes  and  attending  afternoon  affairs." 

"Well,  I  don't  say  you  ain't  right,"  said  Cousin  Egbert 
thoughtfully;  "that's  one  reason  I  got  him  out  here  where 
everything  is  nice.  What  with  speaking  pieces  like  an 
actor,  I  was  afraid  they'd  have  him  making  more  kinds  of  a 
fool  of  himself  than  what  Jackson  does,  him  being  a 


206  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

foreigner,  and  his  mind  kind  o'  running  on  what  clothes 
a  man  had  ought  to  wear." 

Hereupon,  so  flushed  was  I  with  the  good  feeling  of  the 
occasion,  I  told  them  straight  that  I  had  resolved  to  quit 
being  Colonel  Ruggles  of  the  British  army  and  associate  of 
the  nobility;  that  I  had  determined  to  forget  all  class 
distinctions  and  to  become  one  of  themselves,  plain,  simple, 
and  unpretentious.  It  is  true  that  I  had  consumed  two  of 
the  hot  grogs,  but  my  mind  was  clear  enough,  and  both  my 
companions  applauded  this  resolution. 

"  If  he  can  just  get  his  mind  off  clothes  for  a  bit  he  might 
amount  to  something,"  said  Cousin  Egbert,  and  it  will 
scarcely  be  credited,  but  at  the  moment  I  felt  actually 
grateful  to  him  for  this  admission. 

"We'll  think  about  his  case,"  said  the  Mixer,  taking  her 
own  second  toddy,  whereupon  the  two  fell  to  talking  of 
other  things,  chiefly  of  their  cattle  plantations  and  the 
price  of  beef -stock,  which  then  seemed  to  be  six  and  one 
half,  though  what  this  meant  I  had  no  notion.  Also  I 
gathered  that  the  Mixer  at  her  own  cattle-farm  had  been 
watching  her  calves  marked  with  her  monogram,  though  I 
would  never  have  credited  her  with  so  much  sentiment. 

When  the  retiring  hour  came,  Cousin  Egbert  and  I 
prepared  to  take  our  blankets  outside  to  sleep,  but  the 
Mixer  would  have  none  of  this. 

"The  last  time  I  slept  in  here,"  she  remarked,  "mice  was 
crawling  over  me  all  night,  so  you  keep  your  shack  and  I'll 
bed  down  outside.  I  ain't  afraid  of  mice,  understand,  but 
1  don't  like  to  feel  their  feet  on  my  face." 

And  to  my  great  dismay,  though  Cousin  Egbert  took  it 
calmly  enough,  she  took  a  roll  of  blankets  and  made  a  crude 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  207 

pallet  on  the  ground  outside,  under  a  spreading  pine  tree. 
I  take  it  she  was  that  sort.  The  least  I  could  do  was  to 
secure  two  tins  of  milk  from  our  larder  and  place  them  near 
her  cot,  in  case  of  some  lurking  high-behind,  though  I  said 
nothing  of  this,  not  wishing  to  alarm  her  needlessly. 

Inside  the  hut  Cousin  Egbert  and  I  partook  of  a  final 
toddy  before  retiring.  He  was  unusually  thoughtful  and 
I  had  difficulty  in  persuading  him  to  any  conversation. 
Thus  having  noted  a  bearskin  before  my  bed,  I  asked  him 
if  he  had  killed  the  animal. 

"No,"  said  he  shortly,  "I  wouldn't  lie  for  a  bear  as  small 
as  that."  As  he  was  again  silent,  I  made  no  further  ap 
proaches  to  him. 

From  my  first  sleep  I  was  awakened  by  a  long,  booming 
yell  from  our  guest  outside.  Cousin  Egbert  and  I  reached 
the  door  at  the  same  time. 

"I've  got  it ! "  bellowed  the  Mixer,  and  we  went  out  to  her 
in  the  chill  night.  She  sat  up  with  the  blankets  muffled 
about  her. 

"We  start  Bill  in  that  restaurant,"  she  began.  "It 
come  to  me  in  a  flash.  I  judge  he's  got  the  right  ideas, 
and  Waterman  and  his  wife  can  cook  for  him." 

"Bully!"  exclaimed  Cousin  Egbert.  "I  was  thinking 
he  ought  to  have  a  gents'  furnishing  store,  on  account  of 
his  mind  running  to  dress,  but  you  got  the  best  idea." 

"I'll  stake  him  to  the  rent,"  she  put  in. 

"And  I'll  stake  him  to  the  rest,"  exclaimed  Cousin 
Egbert  delightedly,  and,  strange  as  it  may  seem,  I  suddenly 
saw  myself  a  licensed  victualler. 

"I'll  call  it  the  *  United  States  Grill,"'  I  said  suddenly, 
as  if  by  inspiration. 


208  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

"Three  rousing  cheers  for  the  U.  S.  Grill!"  shouted 
Cousin  Egbert  to  the  surrounding  hills,  and  repairing  to 
the  hut  he  brought  out  hot  toddies  with  which  we  drank 
success  to  the  new  enterprise.  For  a  half -hour,  I  dare  say, 
we  discussed  details  there  in  the  cold  night,  not  seeing  that 
it  was  quite  preposterously  bizarre.  Returning  to  the  hut 
at  last,  Cousin  Egbert  declared  himself  so  chilled  that  he 
must  have  another  toddy  before  retiring,  and,  although  I 
was  already  feeling  myself  the  equal  of  any  American,  I 
consented  to  join  him. 

Just  before  retiring  again  my  attention  centred  a  second 
time  upon  the  bearskin  before  my  bed  and,  forgetting  that 
I  had  already  inquired  about  it,  I  demanded  of  him  if  he 
had  killed  the  animal.  "Sure,"  said  he;  "killed  it  with 
one  shot  just  as  it  was  going  to  claw  me.  It  was  an  awful 
big  one." 

Morning  found  the  three  of  us  engrossed  with  the  new 
plan,  and  by  the  time  our  guest  rode  away  after  luncheon 
the  thing  was  well  forward  and  I  had  the  Mixer's  order  upon 
her  estate  agent  at  Red  Gap  for  admission  to  the  vacant 
premises.  During  the  remainder  of  the  day,  between  games 
of  cribbage,  Cousin  Egbert  and  I  discussed  the  venture. 
And  it  was  now  that  I  began  to  foresee  a  certain  difficulty. 

How,  I  asked  myself,  would  the  going  into  trade  of 
Colonel  Marmaduke  Ruggles  be  regarded  by  those  who 
had  been  his  social  sponsors  in  Red  Gap?  I  mean  to  say, 
would  not  Mrs.  Effie  and  the  Belknap-Jacksons  feel  that  I 
had  played  them  false?  Had  I  not  given  them  the  right  to 
believe  that  I  should  continue,  during  my  stay  in  their 
town,  to  be  one  whom  their  county  families  would  consider 
rather  a  personage?  It  was  idle,  indeed,  for  me  to  deny 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  209 

that  my  personality  as  well  as  my  assumed  origin  and 
social  position  abroad  had  conferred  a  sort  of  prestige  upon 
my  sponsors;  that  on  my  account,  in  short,  the  North  Side 
se*  had  been  newly  armed  in  its  battle  with  the  Bohemian 
bet.  And  they  relied  upon  my  continued  influence.  How, 
then,  could  I  face  them  with  the  declaration  that  I  meant  to 
become  a  tradesman?  Should  I  be  doing  a  caddish  thing, 
I  wondered? 

Putting  the  difficulty  to  Cousin  Egbert,  he  dismissed  it 
impatiently  by  saying:  "Oh,  shucks!"  In  truth  I  do  not 
believe  he  comprehended  it  in  the  least.  But  then  it  was  that 
I  fell  upon  my  inspiration.  I  might  take  Colonel  Marma- 
duke  Ruggles  from  the  North  Side  set,  but  I  would  give 
them  another  and  bigger  notable  in  his  place.  This  should 
be  none  other  than  the  Honourable  George,  whom  I  would 
now  summon.  A  fortnight  before*!  had  received  a  rather 
snarky  letter  from  him  demanding  to  know  how  long  I 
meant  to  remain  in  North  America  and  disclosing  that  he 
was  in  a  wretched  state  for  want  of  some  one  to  look  after 
him.  And  he  had  even  hinted  that  in  the  event  of  my 
continued  absence  he  might  himself  come  out  to  America 
and  fetch  me  back.  His  quarter's  allowance,  would,  I  knew, 
be  due  in  a  fortnight,  and  my  letter  would  reach  him, 
therefore,  before  some  adventurer  had  sold  him  a  system 
for  beating  the  French  games  of  chance.  And  my  letter 
would  be  compelling.  I  would  make  it  a  summons  he 
could  not  resist.  Thus,  when  I  met  the  reproachful  gaze 
of  the  C.  Belknap-Jacksons  and  of  Mrs.  Effie,  I  should  be 
able  to  tell  them :  "I  go  from  you,  but  I  leave  you  a  better 
man  in  my  place."  With  the  Honourable  George  Augustus 
Vane-Basingwell,  next  Earl  of  Brinstead,  as  their  house 


210  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

guest,  I  made  no  doubt  that  the  North  Side  set  would  at 
once  prevail  as  it  never  had  before,  the  Bohemian  set  losing 
at  once  such  of  its  members  as  really  mattered,  who  would 
of  course  be  sensible  of  the  tremendous  social  importance 
of  the  Honourable  George. 

Yet  there  came  moments  in  which  I  would  again  find 
myself  in  no  end  of  a  funk,  foreseeing  difficulties  of  an  in 
surmountable  character.  At  such  times  Cousin  Egbert 
strove  to  cheer  me  with  all  sorts  of  assurances,  and  to  divert 
my  mind  he  took  me  upon  excursions  of  the  roughest  sort 
into  the  surrounding  jungle,  in  search  either  of  fish  or 
ground  game.  After  three  days  of  this  my  park-suit  be 
came  almost  a  total  ruin,  particularly  as  to  the  trousers, 
so  that  I  was  glad  to  borrow  a  pair  of  overalls  such  as 
Cousin  Egbert  wore.  They  were  a  tidy  fit,  but,  having 
resolved  not  to  resist  America  any  longer,  I  donned  them 
without  even  removing  the  advertising  placard. 

With  my  ever-lengthening  stubble  of  beard  it  will  be 
understood  that  I  now  appeared  as  one  of  their  hearty 
Western  Americans  of  the  roughest  type,  which  was  almost 
quite  a  little  odd,  considering  my  former  principles.  Cousin 
Egbert,  I  need  hardly  say,  was  immensely  pleased  with 
my  changed  appearance,  and  remarked  that  I  was  "sure 
a  live  wire."  He  also  heartened  me  in  the  matter  of  the 
possible  disapproval  of  C.  Belknap- Jackson,  which  he  had 
divined  was  the  essential  rabbit  in  my  moodiness. 

"I  admit  the  guy  uses  beautiful  language,"  he  conceded, 
"and  probably  he's  top-notched  in  education,  but  jest  the 
same  he  ain't  the  whole  seven  pillars  of  the  house  of  wisdom, 
not  by  a  long  shot.  If  he  gets  fancy  with  you,  soak  him 
again.  You  done  it  once."  So  far  was  the  worthy  felloe 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

from  divining  the  intimate  niceties  involved  in  my  giving 
up  a  social  career  for  trade.  Nor  could  he  properly  esti 
mate  the  importance  of  my  plan  to  summon  the  Honour 
able  George  to  Red  Gap,  merely  remarking  that  the 
"Judge"  was  all  right  and  a  good  mixer  and  that  the  boys 
would  give  him  a  swell  time. 

Our  return  journey  to  Red  Gap  was  made  in  company 
with  the  Indian  Tuttle,  and  the  two  cow-persons,  Hank 
and  Buck,  all  of  whom  professed  themselves  glad  to  meet 
me  again,  and  they,  too,  were  wildly  enthusiastic  at  hearing 
from  Cousin  Egbert  of  my  proposed  business  venture. 
Needless  to  say  they  were  of  a  class  that  would  bother 
itself  little  with  any  question  of  social  propriety  involved 
in  my  entering  trade,  and  they  were  loud  in  their  promises 
of  future  patronage.  At  this  I  again  felt  some  misgiving, 
for  I  meant  the  United  States  Grill  to  possess  an  atmosphere 
of  quiet  refinement  calculated  to  appeal  to  particular 
people  that  really  mattered;  and  yet  it  was  plain  that, 
keeping  a  public  house,  I  must  be  prepared  to  entertain 
agricultural  labourers  and  members  of  the  lower  or  working 
classes.  For  a  time  I  debated  having  an  ordinary  for  such 
as  these,  where  they  could  be  shut  away  from  my  selecter 
patrons,  but  eventually  decided  upon  a  tariff  that  would  be 
prohibitive  to  all  but  desirable  people.  The  rougher  or  Bo 
hemian  element,  being  required  to  spring  an  extra  shill 
ing,  would  doubtless  seek  other  places. 

For  two  days  we  again  filed  through  mountain  gorges  of  a 
most  awkward  character,  reaching  Red  Gap  at  dusk.  For 
this  I  was  rather  grateful,  not  only  because  of  my  beard 
and  the  overalls,  but  on  account  of  a  hat  of  the  most  shock 
ing  description  which  Cousin  Egbert  had  pressed  upon  ire 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

when  my  own  deer-stalker  was  lost  in  a  glen.  I  was  willing 
to  roughen  it  in  all  good-fellowship  with  these  worthy 
Americans,  but  I  knew  that  to  those  who  had  remarked  my 
careful  taste  in  dress  my  present  appearance  would  seem 
almost  a  little  singular.  I  would  rather  I  did  not  shock 
them  to  this  extent. 

Yet  when  our  animals  had  been  left  in  their  corral,  or 
rude  enclosure,  I  found  it  would  be  ungracious  to  decline 
the  hospitality  of  my  new  friends  who  wished  to  drink  to 
the  success  of  the  U.  S.  Grill,  and  so  I  accompanied  them 
to  several  public  houses,  though  with  the  shocking  hat 
pulled  well  down  over  my  face.  Also,  as  the  dinner  hour 
passed,  I  consented  to  dine  with  them  at  the  establishment 
of  a  Chinese,  where  we  sat  on  high  stools  at  a  counter  and 
were  served  ham  and  eggs  and  some  of  the  simpler  Ameri 
can  foods. 

The  meal  being  over,  I  knew  that  we  ought  to  cut  off 
home  directly,  but  Cousin  Egbert  again  insisted  upon 
visiting  drinking-places,  and  I  had  no  mind  to  leave  him, 
particularly  as  he  was  growing  more  and  more  bitter  in  my 
behalf  against  Mr.  Belknap- Jackson.  I  had  a  doubtless 
absurd  fear  that  he  would  seek  the  gentleman  out  and  do 
him  a  mischief,  though  for  the  moment  he  was  merely  urg 
ing  me  to  do  this.  It  would,  he  asserted,  vastly  entertain 
the  Indian  Tuttle  and  the  cow-persons  if  I  were  to  come 
upon  Mr.  Belknap-Jackson  and  savage  him  without  warn 
ing,  or  at  least  with  only  a  paltry  excuse,  which  he  seemed 
proud  of  having  devised. 

"You  go  up  to  the  guy/'  he  insisted,  "very  polite,  you 
understand,  and  ask  him  what  day  this  is.  If  he  says  it's 
Tuesday,  soak  him." 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  213 

"But  it  is  Tuesday,"  I  said. 

"Sure,"  he  replied,  "that's  where  the  joke  comes 
in." 

Of  course  this  was  the  crudest  sort  of  American  humour 
and  not  to  be  given  a  moment's  serious  thought,  so  I  re 
doubled  my  efforts  to  detach  him  from  our  honest  but 
noisy  friends,  and  presently  had  the  satisfaction  of  doing  so 
by  pleading  that  I  must  be  up  early  on  the  morrow  and 
would  also  require  his  assistance.  At  parting,  to  my 
embarrassment,  he  insisted  on  leading  the  group  in  a  cheer. 
"  What's  the  matter  with  Ruggles?  "  they  loudly  demanded 
in  unison,  following  the  query  swiftly  with:  "He's  all 
right ! "  the  "  he  "  being  eloquently  emphasized. 

But  at  last  we  were  away  from  them  and  off  into  the 
darker  avenue,  to  my  great  relief,  remembering  my  garb.  I 
might  be  a  living  wire,  as  Cousin  Egbert  had  said,  but  I  was 
keenly  aware  that  his  overalls  and  hat  would  rather  convey 
the  impression  that  I  was  what  they  call  in  the  States  a  bad 
person  from  a  bitter  creek. 

To  my  further  relief,  the  Floud  house  was  quite  dark  as 
we  approached  and  let  ourselves  in.  Cousin  Egbert,  how 
ever,  would  enter  the  drawing-room,  flood  it  with  light,  and 
seat  himself  in  an  easy -chair  with  his  feet  lifted  to  a  sofa. 
He  then  raised  his  voice  in  a  ballad  of  an  infant  that  had 
perished,  rendering  it  most  tearfully,  the  refrain  being, 
"Empty  is  the  cradle,  baby's  gone!"  Apprehensive  at 
this,  I  stole  softly  up  the  stairs  and  had  but  reached 
the  door  of  my  own  room  when  I  heard  Mrs.  Effie  be 
low.  I  could  fancy  the  chilling  gaze  which  she  fastened 
upon  the  singer,  and  I  heard  her  coldly  demand,  "Where 
are  your  feet?"  Whereupon  the  plaintive  voice  of 


214  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

Cousin  Egbert  arose  to  me,  "Just  below  my  legs."  I 
mean  to  say,  he  had  taken  the  thing  as  a  quiz  in  anatomy 
rather  than  as  the  rebuke  it  was  meant  to  be.  As  I  closed 
my  door,  I  heard  him  add  that  he  could  be  pushed  just 
so  far. 


CHAPTER  THIRTEEN 

HAVING  written  and  posted  my  letter  to  the 
Honourable  George  the  following  morning,  I 
summoned  Mr.  Belknap-Jackson,  conceiving  it 
my  first  duty  to  notify  him  and  Mrs.  Effie  of  my  trade 
intentions.  I  also  requested  Cousin  Egbert  to  be  present, 
since  he  was  my  business  sponsor. 

All  being  gathered  at  the  Floud  house,  including  Mrs. 
Belknap-Jackson,  I  told  them  straight  that  I  had  resolved 
to  abandon  my  social  career,  brilliant  though  it  had  been, 
and  to  enter  trade  quite  as  one  of  their  middle-class  Ameri 
cans.  They  all  gasped  a  bit  at  my  first  words,  as  I  had 
quite  expected  them  to  do,  but  what  was  my  surprise, 
when  I  went  on  to  announce  the  nature  of  my  enter 
prise,  to  find  them  not  a  little  intrigued  by  it,  and  to 
discover  that  in  their  view  I  should  not  in  the  least  be 
lowering  myself. 

"  Capital,  capital ! "  exclaimed  Belknap-Jackson,  and  the 
ladies  emitted  little  exclamations  of  similar  import. 

"At  last/'  said  Mrs.  Belknap-Jackson,  "we  shall  have 
a  place  with  tone  to  it.  The  hall  above  will  be  splendid 
for  our  dinner  dances,  and  now  we  can  have  smart  lunch 
eons  and  afternoon  teas." 

"And  a  red-coated  orchestia  and  after-theatre  suppers," 
said  Mrs.  Effie. 

"Only,"  put  in  Belknap-Jackson  thoughtfully,  "he  wiU 

215 


216  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

of  course  be  compelled  to  use  discretion  about  his  patrons. 

The  rabble,  of  course '  He  broke  off  with  a  wave  of  his 

hand  which,  although  not  pointedly,  seemed  to  indicate 
Cousin  Egbert,  who  once  more  wore  the  hunted  look  about 
his  eyes  and  who  sat  by  uneasily.  I  saw  him  wince. 

"Some  people's  money  is  just  as  good  as  other  people's 
if  you  come  right  down  to  it,"  he  muttered,  "and  Bill  is  out 
for  the  coin.  Besides,  we  all  got  to  eat,  ain't  we?  " 

Belknap- Jackson  smiled  deprecatingly  and  again  waved 
his  hand  as  if  there  were  no  need  for  words. 

"That  rowdy  Bohemian  set "  began  Mrs.  Effie,  but 

I  made  bold  to  interrupt.  There  might,  I  said,  be  awkward 
moments,  but  I  had  no  doubt  that  I  should  be  able  to  meet 
them  with  a  flawless  tact.  Meantime,  for  the  ultimate 
confusion  of  the  Bohemian  set  of  Red  Gap,  I  had  to 
announce  that  the  Honourable  George  Augustus  Vane- 
Basingwell  would  presently  be  with  us.  With  him  as  a 
member  of  the  North  Side  set,  I  pointed  out,  it  was  not 
possible  to  believe  that  any  desirable  members  of  the 
Bohemian  set  would  longer  refuse  to  affiliate  with  the 
smartest  people. 

My  announcement  made  quite  all  the  sensation  I  had 
anticipated.  Belknap-Jackson,  indeed,  arose  quickly  and 
grasped  me  by  the  hand,  echoing,  "The  Honourable 
George  Augustus  Vane-Basingwell,  brother  of  the  Earl  of 
Brinstead,"  with  little  shivers  of  ecstasy  in  his  voice,  while 
the  ladies  pealed  their  excitement  incoherently,  with 
"Really!  really!"  and  "Actually  coming  to  Red  Gap — the 
brother  of  a  lord ! " 

Then  almost  at  once  I  detected  curiously  cold  glances 
being  darted  at  each  other  by  the  ladies. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  217 

"Of  course  we  will  be  only  too  glad  to  put  him  up,"  said 
Mrs.  Belknap-Jackson  quickly. 

"But,  my  dear,  he  will  of  course  come  to  us  first,"  put  in 
Mrs.  Effie.  "Afterward,  to  be  sure " 

"It's  so  important  that  he  should  receive  a  favourable 
impression,"  responded  Mrs.  Belknap-Jackson. 

"That's  exactly  why Mrs.  Effie  came  back  with 

not  a  little  obvious  warmth.  Belknap-Jackson  here  caught 
my  eye. 

"I  dare  say  Ruggles  and  I  can  be  depended  upon  to 
decide  a  minor  matter  like  that,"  he  said. 

The  ladies  both  broke  in  at  this,  rather  sputteringly,  but 
Cousin  Egbert  silenced  them. 

"Shake  dice  for  him,"  he  said — "poker  dice,  three 
throws,  aces  low." 

"How  shockingly  vulgar!"  hissed  Mrs.  Belknap-Jack 
son. 

"Even  if  there  were  no  other  reason  for  his  coming  to  us," 
remarked  her  husband  coldly,  "there  are  certain  unfor 
tunate  associations  which  ought  to  make  his  entertainment 
here  quite  impossible." 

"  If  you're  calling  me  'unfortunate  associations,' "  remarked 
Cousin  Egbert,  "you  want  to  get  it  out  of  your  head  right 
off.  I  don't  mind  telling  you,  the  Judge  and  I  get  along 
fine  together.  I  told  him  when  I  was  in  Paris  and  Europe 
to  look  me  up  the  first  thing  if  ever  he  come  here,  and  he 
said  he  sure  would.  The  Judge  is  some  mixer,  believe  me! " 

"The  'Judge'!"  echoed  the  Belknap-Jacksons  in  deep 
disgust. 

"You  come  right  down  to  it — I  bet  a  cookie  he  stays 
just  where  I  tell  him  to  stay,"  insisted  Cousin  Egbert, 


218  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

The  evident  conviction  of  his  tone  alarmed  his  hearers, 
who  regarded  each  other  with  pained  speculation. 

"Right  where  I  tell  him  to  stay  and  no  place  else,"  in 
sisted  Cousin  Egbert,  sensing  the  impression  he  had  made. 

"But  this  is  too  monstrous!"  said  Mr.  Jackson,  regard 
ing  me  imploringly. 

"The  Honourable  George,"  I  admitted,  "has  been 
known  to  do  unexpected  things,  and  there  have  been  times 
when  he  was  not  as  sensitive  as  I  could  wish  to  the  demands 
of  his  caste " 

"Bill  is  stalling — he  knows  darned  well  the  Judge  is  a 
mixer,"  broke  in  Cousin  Egbert,  somewhat  to  my  embarrass 
ment,  nor  did  any  reply  occur  to  me.  There  was  a  mo 
ment's  awkward  silence  during  which  I  became  sensitive 
to  a  radical  change  in  the  attitude  which  these  people  bore 
to  Cousin  Egbert.  They  shot  him  looks  of  furtive  but 
unmistakable  respect,  and  Mrs.  Erne  remarked  almost 
with  tenderness :  "We  must  admit  that  Cousin  Egbert  has  a 
certain  way  with  him." 

"I  dare  say  Floud  and  I  can  adjust  the  matter  satis 
factorily  to  all,"  remarked  Belknap-Jackson,  and  with  a 
jaunty  affection  of  good-fellowship,  he  opened  his  cigarette 
case  to  Cousin  Egbert. 

"I  ain't  made  up  my  mind  yet  where  I'll  have  him  stay," 
announced  the  latter,  too  evidently  feeling  his  newly 
acquired  importance.  "I  may  have  him  stay  one  placek 
then  again  I  may  have  him  stay  another.  I  can't  decide 
things  like  that  off-hand." 

And  here  the  matter  was  preposterously  left,  the  as 
pirants  for  this  social  honour  patiently  bending  their 
knees  to  the  erstwhile  despised  Cousin  Egbert,  and  the 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  219 

latter  being  visibly  puffed  up.  By  rather  awkward  stages 
they  came  again  to  a  discussion  of  the  United  States  Grill. 

"The  name,  of  course,  might  be  thought  flamboyant," 
suggested  Belknap-Jackson  delicately. 

"But  I  have  determined,"  I  said,  "no  longer  to  resist 
America,  and  so  I  can  think  of  no  name  more  fitting." 

"Your  determination,"  he  answered,  "bears  rather 
sinister  implications.  One  may  be  vanquished  by  America 
as  I  have  been.  One  may  even  submit;  but  surely  one  may 
always  resist  a  little,  may  not  one?  One  need  not  abjectly 
surrender  one's  finest  convictions,  need  one?" 

"Oh,  shucks,"  put  in  Cousin  Egbert  petulantly,  "what's 
che  use  of  all  that  'one'  stuff?  Bill  wants  a  good  American 
name  for  his  place.  Me?  I  first  thought  the  '  Bon  Ton 
Eating  House'  would  be  kind  of  a  nice  name  for  it,  but  as 
soon  as  he  said  the  *  United  States  Grill'  I  knew  it  was  a 
better  one.  It  sounds  kind  of  grand  and  important." 

Belknap-Jackson  here  made  deprecating  clucks,  but  not 
too  directly  toward  Cousin  Egbert,  and  my  choice  of  a 
name  was  not  further  criticised.  I  went  on  to  assure  them 
that  I  should  have  an  establishment  quietly  smart  rather 
than  noisily  elegant,  and  that  I  made  no  doubt  the  place 
would  give  a  new  tone  to  Red  Gap,  whereat  they  all  ex 
pressed  themselves  as  immensely  pleased,  and  our  little 
conference  came  to  an  end. 

In  company  with  Cousin  Egbert  I  now  went  to  examine 
the  premises  I  was  to  take  over.  There  was  a  spacious 
corner  room,  lighted  from  the  front  and  side,  which  would 
adapt  itself  well  to  the  decorative  scheme  I  had  in  mind. 
The  kitchen  with  its  ranges  I  found  would  be  almost  quite 
suitable  for  my  purpose,  requiring  but  little  alteration,  but 


220  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

the  large  room  was  of  course  atrociously  impossible  in  the 
American  fashion,  with  unsightly  walls,  the  floors  covered 
with  American  cloth  of  a  garish  pattern,  and  the  small, 
oblong  tables  and  flimsy  chairs  vastly  uninviting. 

As  to  the  gross  ideals  of  the  former  tenant,  I  need  only 
say  that  he  had  made,  as  I  now  learned,  a  window  display 
of  foods,  quite  after  the  manner  of  a  draper's  window: 
moulds  of  custard  set  in  a  row,  flanked  on  either  side  by 
"pies,"  as  the  natives  call  their  tarts,  with  perhaps  a  roast 
fowl  or  ham  in  the  centre.  Artistic  vulgarity  could  of 
course  go  little  beyond  this,  but  almost  as  offensive  were 
the  abundant  wall-placards  pathetically  remaining  in  place. 

"Coffee  like  mother  used  to  make,"  read  one.  Im 
pertinently  intimate  this,  professing  a  familiarity  with 
one's  people  that  would  never  do  with  us.  "  Try  our  Boston 
Baked  Beans,"  pleaded  another,  quite  abjectly.  And 
several  others  quite  indelicately  stated  the  prices  at  which 
different  dishes  might  be  had:  "Irish  Stew,  25  cents"; 
"Philadelphia  Capon,  35  cents";  "Fried  Chicken,  Mary 
land,  50  cents";  "New  York  Fancy  Broil,  40  cents." 
Indeed  the  poor  chap  seemed  to  have  been  possessed  by  a 
geographical  mania,  finding  it  difficult  to  submit  the 
simplest  viands  without  crediting  them  to  distant  towns  or 
provinces. 

Upon  Cousin  Egbert's  remarking  that  these  bedizened 
placards  would  "come  in  handy,"  I  took  pains  to  explain 
to  him  just  how  different  the  United  States  Grill  would  be. 
The  walls  would  be  done  in  deep  red;  the  floor  would  be 
covered  with  a  heavy  Turkey  carpet  of  the  same  tone; 
the  present  crude  electric  lighting  fixtures  must  be  re 
placed  with  Indirect  lighting  from  the  ceiling  and  electric 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

candlesticks  for  the  tables.  The  latter  would  be  massive 
and  of  stained  oak,  my  general  colour-scheme  being  red  and 
brown.  The  chairs  would  be  of  the  same  style,  comfort 
able  chairs  in  which  patrons  would  be  tempted  to  linger. 
The  windows  would  be  heavily  draped.  In  a  word,  the 
place  would  have  atmosphere;  not  the  loud  and  blaring 
elegance  which  I  had  observed  in  the  smartest  of  New  York 
establishments,  with  shrieking  decorations  and  tables 
jammed  together,  but  an  atmosphere  of  distinction  which, 
though  subtle,  would  yet  impress  shop-assistants,  plate 
layers  and  road-menders,  hodmen,  carters,  cattle-persons 
— in  short  the  middle-class  native. 

Cousin  Egbert,  I  fear,  was  not  properly  impressed  with 
my  plan,  for  he  looked  longingly  at  the  wall-placards,  yet 
he  made  the  most  loyal  pretence  to  this  effect,  even  when  I 
explained  further  that  I  should  probably  have  no  printed 
menu,  which  I  have  always  regarded  as  the  ultimate 
vulgarity  in  a  place  where  there  are  any  proper  relations 
between  patrons  and  steward.  He  made  one  wistful, 
timid  reference  to  the  "Try  Our  Merchant's  Lunch  for 
35  cents,"  after  which  he  gave  in  entirely,  particularly 
when  I  explained  that  ham  and  eggs  in  the  best  manner 
would  be  forthcoming  at  his  order,  even  though  no  placard 
vaunted  them  or  named  their  price.  Advertising  one's 
ability  to  serve  ham  and  eggs,  I  pointed  out  to  him,  would 
be  quite  like  advertising  that  one  was  a  member  of  the 
Church  of  England. 

After  this  he  meekly  enough  accompanied  me  to  his 
bank,  where  he  placed  a  thousand  pounds  to  my  credit, 
adding  that  I  could  go  as  much  farther  as  I  liked,  where 
upon  I  set  in  motion  the  machinery  for  decorating  and 


RUGGLES  OP  RED  GAP 

furnishing  the  place,  with  particular  attention  to  silver, 
linen,  china,  and  glassware,  all  of  which,  I  was  resolved, 
should  have  an  air  of  its  own. 

Nor  did  I  neglect  to  seek  out  the  pair  of  blacks  and  enter 
into  an  agreement  with  them  to  assist  in  staffing  my  place. 
I  had  feared  that  the  male  black  might  have  resolved  to 
return  to  his  adventurous  life  of  outlawry  after  leaving  the 
employment  of  Belknap-Jackson,  but  I  found  him  peace 
fully  inclined  and  entirely  willing  to  accept  service  with  me, 
while  his  wife,  upon  whom  I  would  depend  for  much  of  the 
actual  cooking,  was  wholly  enthusiastic,  admiring  espe 
cially  my  colour-scheme  of  reds.  I  observed  at  once  that 
her  almost  exclusive  notion  of  preparing  food  was  to  fry 
it,  but  I  made  no  doubt  that  I  would  be  able  to  broaden 
her  scope,  since  there  are  of  course  things  that  one  simply 
does  not  fry. 

The  male  black,  or  raccoon,  at  first  alarmed  me  not  a  little 
by  reason  of  threats  he  made  against  Belknap-Jackson  on 
account  of  having  been  shopped.  He  nursed  an  intention, 
so  he  informed  me,  of  putting  snake-dust  in  the  boots  of 
his  late  employer  and  so  bringing  evil  upon  him,  either  by 
disease  or  violence,  but  in  this  I  discouraged  him  smartly, 
apprising  him  that  the  Belknap-Jacksons  would  doubtless 
be  among  our  most  desirable  patrons,  whereupon  his  wife 
promised  for  him  that  he  would  do  nothing  of  the  sort. 
She  was  a  native  of  formidable  bulk,  and  her  menacing 
glare  at  her  consort  as  she  made  this  promise  gave  me 
instant  confidence  in  her  power  to  control  him,  desperate 
fellow  though  he  was. 

Later  in  the  day,  at  the  door  of  the  silversmith's,  Cousin 
Egbert  hailed  the  pressman  I  had  met  on  the  evening  of 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  223 

my  arrival,  and  insisted  that  I  impart  to  him  the  details  of 
my  venture.  The  chap  seemed  vastly  interested,  and  his 
sheet  the  following  morning  published  the  following : 


THE  DELMONICO  OF  THE  WEST 

Colonel  Marmaduke  Ruggles  of  London  and  Paris,  for  the 
past  two  months  a  social  favourite  in  Red  Gap's  select  North 
Side  set,  has  decided  to  cast  his  lot  among  us  and  will  henceforth 
be  reckoned  as  one  of  our  leading  business  men.  The  plan  of  the 
Colonel  is  nothing  less  than  to  give  Red  Gap  a  truly  elite  and 
recherche  restaurant  after  the  best  models  of  London  and  Paris, 
to  which  purpose  he  will  devote  a  considerable  portion  of  his 
ample  means.  The  establishment  will  occupy  the  roomy  corner 
store  of  the  Pettingill  block,  and  orders  have  already  been  placed 
for  its  decoration  and  furnishing,  which  will  be  sumptuous  beyond 
anything  yet  seen  in  our  thriving  metropolis. 

In  speaking  of  his  enterprise  yesterday,  the  Colonel  remarked , 
with  a  sly  twinkle  in  his  eye,  "Demosthenes  was  the  son  of  a 
cutler,  Cromwell's  father  was  a  brewer,  your  General  Grant  was 
a  tanner,  and  a  Mr.  Garfield,  who  held,  I  gather,  an  important 
post  in  your  government,  was  once  employed  on  a  canal-ship,  so 
I  trust  that  in  this  land  of  equality  it  will  not  be  presumptuous 
on  my  part  to  seek  to  become  the  managing  owner  of  a  restaurant 
that  will  be  a  credit  to  the  fastest  growing  town  in  the  state. 

"You  Americans  have,"  continued  the  Colonel  in  his  dry,  in 
imitable  manner,  "a  bewildering  variety  of  foodstuffs,  but  I 
trust  I  may  be  forgiven  for  saying  that  you  have  used  too  little 
constructive  imagination  in  the  cooking  of  it.  In  the  one  matter 
of  tea,  for  example,  I  have  been  obliged  to  figure  in  some  episodes 
that  were  profoundly  regrettable.  Again,  amid  the  profusion 
of  fresh  vegetables  and  meats,  you  are  becoming  a  nation  of 
tinned  food  eaters,  or  canned  food  as  you  prefer  to  call  it.  This, 
1  need  hardly  say,  adds  to  your  cost  of  living  and  also  makes  you 
liable  to  one  of  the  most  dreaded  of  modern  diseases,  a  disease 
whose  rise  can  be  traced  to  the  rise  of  the  tinned-food  industry. 


224  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

Your  tin  openers  rasp  into  the  tin  with  the  result  that  a  fine  saw 
dust  of  metal  must  drop  into  the  contents  and  so  enter  the  human 
system.  The  result  is  perhaps  negligible  in  a  large  majority  of 
cases,  but  that  it  is  not  universally  so  is  proved  by  the  prevalence 
of  appendicitis.  Not  orange  or  grape  pips,  as  was  so  long  believed, 
but  the  deadly  fine  rain  of  metal  shavings  must  be  held  respon 
sible  for  this  scourge.  I  need  hardly  say  that  at  the  United 
States  Grill  no  tinned  food  will  be  used." 

This  latest  discovery  of  the  Colonel's  is  important  if  true.  Be 
that  as  it  may,  his  restaurant  will  fill  a  long-felt  want,  and  will 
doubtless  prove  to  be  an  important  factor  in  the  social  gayeties 
of  our  smart  set.  Due  notice  of  its  opening  will  be  given  in  the 
news  and  doubtless  in  the  advertising  columns  of  this  journal. 

Again  I  was  brought  to  marvel  at  a  peculiarity  of  the 
American  press,  a  certain  childish  eagerness  for  marvels 
and  grotesque  wonders.  I  had  given  but  passing  thought 
to  my  remarks  about  appendicitis  and  its  relation  to  the 
American  tinned-food  habit,  nor,  on  reading  the  chap's 
screed,  did  they  impress  meas  being  fraught  with  vital  interest 
to  thinking  people;  in  truth,  I  was  more  concerned  with  the 
comparison  of  myself  to  a  restaurateur  of  the  crude  new  city 
of  New  York,  which  might  belittle  rather  than  distinguish 
me,  I  suspected.  But  what  was  my  astonishment  to  per- 
ceive  in  the  course  of  a  few  days  that  I  had  created  rather 
a  sensation,  with  attending  newspaper  publicity  which, 
although  bizarre  enough,  I  am  bound  to  say  contributed 
not  a  little  to  the  consideration  in  which  I  afterward  came 
to  be  held  by  the  more  serious-minded  persons  of  Red  Gap. 

Busied  with  the  multitude  of  details  attending  my 
installation,  I  was  called  upon  by  another  press  chap, 
representing  a  Spokane  sheet,  who  wished  me  to  elaborate 
my  views  concerning  the  most  probable  cause  of  append!- 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  225 

citis,  which  I  found  myself  able  to  do  with  some  eloquence, 
reciting  among  other  details  that  even  though  the  metal 
dust  might  be  of  an  almost  microscopic  fineness,  it  could 
still  do  a  mischief  to  one's  appendix.  The  press  chap 
appeared  wholly  receptive  to  my  views,  and,  after  securing 
details  of  my  plan  to  smarten  Red  Gap  with  a  restaurant 
of  real  distinction,  he  asked  so  civilly  for  a  photographic 
portrait  of  myself  that  I  was  unable  to  refuse  him.  The 
thing  was  a  snap  taken  of  me  one  morning  at  Chaynes- 
Wotten  by  Higgins,  the  butler,  as  I  stood  by  his  lordship's 
saddle  mare.  It  was  not  by  any  means  the  best  likeness  I 
have  had,  but  there  was  a  rather  effective  bit  of  background 
disclosing  the  driveway  and  the  fagade  of  the  East  Wing. 

This  episode  I  had  well-nigh  forgotten  when  on  the 
following  Sunday  I  found  the  thing  emblazoned  across  a 
page  of  the  Spokane  sheet  under  a  shrieking  headline :  "  Can 
Opener  Blamed  for  Appendicitis."  A  secondary  heading 
ran,  "  Famous  British  Sportsman  and  Bon  Vivant  Advances 
Novel  Theory."  Accompanying  this  was  a  print  of  the  pho 
tograph  entitled,  "Colonel  Marmaduke  Ruggles  with  His 
Favourite  Hunter,  at  His  English  Country  Seat." 

Although  the  article  made  suitable  reference  to  myself 
and  my  enterprise,  it  was  devoted  chiefly  to  a  discussion  of 
my  tin-opening  theory  and  was  supplemented  by  a  rather 
snarky  statement  signed  by  a  physician  declaring  it  to  be 
nonsense.  I  thought  the  fellow  might  have  chosen  his 
words  with  more  care,  but  again  dismissed  the  matter  from 
my  mind.  Yet  this  was  not  to  be  the  last  of  it.  In  due 
time  came  a  New  York  sheet  with  a  most  extraordinary 
page.  "Titled  Englishman  Learns  Cause  of  Appendi 
citis,"  read  the  heading  in  large,  muddy  type.  Below  wa>» 


226  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

the  photograph  of  myself,  now  entitled,  "Sir  Marmaduke 
Ruggles  and  His  Favourite  Hunter."  But  this  was  only 
one  of  the  illustrations.  From  the  upper  right-hand  cor 
ner  a  gigantic  hand  wielding  a  tin-opener  rained  a  vol 
uminous  spray  of  metal,  presumably,  upon  a  cowering 
wretch  in  the  lower  left-hand  corner,  who  was  quite  plainly 
all  in.  There  were  tables  of  statistics  showing  the  increase, 
side  by  side  of  appendicitis  and  the  tinned-food  industry, 
a  matter  to  which  I  had  devoted,  said  the  print,  years  of  re 
search  before  announcing  my  discovery.  Followed  state 
ments  from  half  a  dozen  distinguished  surgeons,  each 
signed  autographically,  all  but  one  rather  bluntly  dis 
agreeing  with  me,  insisting  that  the  tin-opener  cuts  cleanly 
and,  if  not  man's  best  friend,  should  at  least  be  considered 
one  of  the  triumphs  of  civilization.  The  only  exception 
announced  that  he  was  at  present  conducting  laboratory 
experiments  with  a  view  to  testing  my  theory  and  would 
disclose  his  results  in  due  time.  Meantime,  he  counselled 
the  public  to  be  not  unduly  alarmed. 

Of  the  further  flood  of  these  screeds,  which  continued  for 
the  better  part  of  a  year,  I  need  not  speak.  They  ran  the 
gamut  from  serious  leaders  in  medical  journals  to  paid 
ridicule  of  my  theory  in  advertisements  printed  by  the 
food-tinning  persons,  and  I  have  to  admit  that  in  the  end 
the  public  returned  to  a  full  confidence  in  its  tinned  foods. 
But  that  is  beside  the  point,  which  was  that  Red  Gap  had 
become  intensely  interested  in  the  United  States  Grill,  and 
to  this  I  was  not  averse,  though  I  would  rather  I  had  been 
regarded  as  one  of  their  plain,  common  sort,  instead  of  the 
fictitious  Colonel  which  Cousin  Egbert's  well-meaning 
stupidity  had  foisted  upon  the  town.  The  "Sir  Mar- 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

maduke  Ruggles  and  His  Favourite  Hunter"  had  been 
especially  repugnant  to  my  finer  taste,  particularly  as  it 
was  seized  upon  by  the  cheap  one-and-six  fellow  Hobbs  for 
some  of  his  coarsest  humour,  he  more  than  once  referring 
to  that  detestable  cur  of  Mrs.  Judson's,  who  had  quickly 
resumed  his  allegiance  to  me,  as  my  "hunting  pack." 

The  other  tradesmen  of  the  town,  I  am  bound  to  say, 
exhibited  a  friendly  interest  in  my  venture  which  was 
always  welcome  and  often  helpful.  Even  one  of  my  com 
petitors  showed  himself  to  be  a  dead  sport  by  coming  to  me 
from  time  to  time  with  hints  and  advice .  He  was  an  entirely 
worthy  person  who  advertised  his  restaurant  as  "Bert's 
Place."  "  Go  to  Bert's  Place  for  a  Square  Meal,"  was  his 
favoured  line  in  the  public  prints.  He,  also,  I  regret  to 
say,  made  a  practice  of  displaying  cooked  foods  in  his- show- 
window,  the  window  carrying  the  line  in  enamelled  letters, 
"Tables  Reserved  for  Ladies." 

Of  course  between  such  an  establishment  and  my  own 
there  could  be  little  in  common,  and  I  was  obliged  to  re 
ject  a  placard  which  he  offered  me,  reading,  "No  Checks 
Cashed.  This  Means  You ! "  although  he  and  Cousin  Egbert 
warmly  advised  that  I  display  it  in  a  conspicuous  place. 
"Some  of  them  dead  beats  in  the  North  Side  set  will  put 
you  sideways  if  you  don't,"  warned  the  latter,  but  I  held 
firmly  to  the  line  of  quiet  refinement  which  I  had  laid  down, 
and  explained  that  I  could  allow  no  such  inconsiderate 
mention  of  money  to  be  obtruded  upon  the  notice  of  my 
guests.  I  would  devise  some  subtler  protection  against 
the  dead  beet-roots. 

In  the  matter  of  music,  however,  I  was  pleased  to  accept 
the  advice  of  Cousin  Egbert.  "Get  one  of  them  musical 


228  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

pianos  that  you  put  a  nickel  in,"  he  counselled  me,  and  this 
I  did,  together  with  an  assorted  repertoire  of  selections  both 
classical  and  popular,  the  latter  consisting  chiefly  of  the 
ragging  time  songs  to  which  the  native  Americans  perform 
their  f  olkdances. 

And  now,  as  the  date  of  my  opening  drew  near,  I  began  to 
suspect  that  its  social  values  might  become  a  bit  compli 
cated.  Mrs.  Belknap-Jackson,  for  example,  approached 
me  in  confidence  to  know  if  she  might  reserve  all  the  tables 
in  my  establishment  for  the  opening  evening,  remarking 
that  it  would  be  as  well  to  put  the  correct  social  cachet 
upon  the  place  at  once,  which  would  be  achieved  by  her 
inviting  only  the  desirable  people.  Though  she  was  all  for 
settling  the  matter  at  once,  something  prompted  me  to 
take  it  under  consideration. 

The  same  evening  Mrs  Effie  approached  me  with  a 
similar  suggestion,  remarking  that  she  would  gladly  take  it 
upon  herself  to  see  that  the  occasion  was  unmarred  by  the 
presence  of  those  one  would  not  care  to  meet  in  one's 
own  home.  Again  I  was  non-committal,  somewhat  to  her 
annoyance. 

The  following  morning  I  was  sought  by  Mrs.  Judge 
Ballard  with  the  information  that  much  would  depend 
apon  my  opening,  and  if  the  matter  were  left  entirely  in  her 
hands  she  would  be  more  than  glad  to  insure  its  success. 
Of  her,  also,  I  begged  a  day's  consideration,  suspecting 
then  that  I  might  be  compelled  to  ask  these  three  social 
leaders  to  unite  amicably  as  patronesses  of  an  affair  that 
was  bound  to  have  a  supreme  social  significance.  But  as  I 
still  meditated  profoundly  over  the  complication  late  that 
afternoon,  overlooking  in  the  meanwhile  an  electrician  who 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  229 

was  busy  with  my  shaded  candlesticks,  I  was  surprised  by 
the  self-possessed  entrance  of  the  leader  of  the  Bohemian 
set,  the  Klondike  person  of  whom  I  have  spoken.  Again  I 
was  compelled  to  observe  that  she  was  quite  the  most 
smartly  gowned  woman  in  Red  Gap,  and  that  she  marvel 
lously  knew  what  to  put  on  her  head. 

She  coolly  surveyed  my  decorations  and  such  of  the 
furnishings  as  were  in  place  before  addressing  me. 

"I  wish  to  engage  one  of  your  best  tables,"  she  began, 
"for  your  opening  night — the  tenth,  isn't  it? — this  large 
one  in  the  corner  will  do  nicely.  There  will  be  eight  of  us. 
Your  place  really  won't  be  half  bad,  if  your  food  is  at  all 
possible." 

The  creature  spoke  with  a  sublime  effrontery,  quite  as  if 
she  had  not  helped  a  few  weeks  before  to  ridicule  all  that 
was  best  in  Red  Gap  society,  yet  there  was  that  about  her 
which  prevented  me  from  rebuking  her  even  by  the  faintest 
shade  in  my  manner.  More  than  this,  I  suddenly  saw  that 
the  Bohemian  set  would  be  a  factor  in  my  trade  which  I 
could  not  afford  to  ignore.  While  I  affected  to  consider  her 
request  she  tapped  the  toe  of  a  small  boot  with  a  correctly 
rolled  umbrella,  lifting  her  chin  rather  attractively  mean 
while  to  survey  my  freshly  done  ceiling.  I  may  say  here 
that  the  effect  of  her  was  most  compelling,  and  I  could  well 
understand  the  bitterness  with  which  the  ladies  of  the 
Onwards  and  Upwards  Society  had  gossiped  her  to  rags. 
Incidently,  this  was  the  first  correctly  rolled  umbrella, 
saving  my  own,  that  I  had  seen  in  North  America. 

"  I  shall  be  pleased,"  I  said,  "  to  reserve  this  table  for  you 
• — eight  places,  I  believe  you  said?  " 

She  left  me  as  a  duchess  might  have.     She  was  that  sort. 


230  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

I  felt  almost  quite  unequal  to  her.  And  the  die  was  cast. 
I  faced  each  of  the  three  ladies  who  had  previously  ap 
proached  me  with  the  declaration  that  I  was  a  licensed 
victualler,  bound  to  serve  all  who  might  apply.  That  while 
I  was  keenly  sensitive  to  the  social  aspects  of  my  business, 
it  was  yet  a  business,  and  I  must,  therefore,  be  in  supreme 
control.  In  justice  to  myself  I  could  not  exclusively 
entertain  any  faction  of  the  North  Side  set,  nor  even  the 
set  in  its  entirety.  In  each  instance,  I  added  that  I  could 
not  debar  from  my  tables  even  such  members  of  the  Bo 
hemian  set  as  conducted  themselves  in  a  seemly  manner. 
It  was  a  difficult  situation,  calling  out  all  my  tact,  yet  I 
faced  it  with  a  firmness  which  was  later  to  react  to  my 
advantage  in  ways  I  did  not  yet  dream  of. 

So  engrossed  for  a  month  had  I  been  with  furnishers, 
decorators,  char  persons,  and  others  that  the  time  of  the 
Honourable  George's  arrival  drew  on  quite  before  I  realized 
it.  A  brief  and  still  snarky  note  had  apprised  me  of  his 
intention  to  come  out  to  North  America,  whereupon  I  had 
all  but  forgotten  him,  until  a  telegram  from  Chicago  or  one 
of  those  places  had  warned  me  of  his  imminence.  This  I  dis 
played  to  Cousin  Egbert,  who,  much  pleased  with  himself, 
declared  that  the  Honourable  George  should  be  taken  to 
the  Floud  home  directly  upon  his  arrival. 

"I  meant  to  rope  him  in  there  on  the  start,"  he  confided 
to  me,  "but  I  let  on  I  wasn't  decided  yet,  just  to  keep  'em 
stirred  up.  Mrs.  Effie  she  butters  me  up  with  soft  words 
every  day  of  my  life,  and  that  Jackson  lad  has  offered  me 
about  ten  thousand  of  them  vegetable  cigarettes,  but  I'll 
have  to  throw  him  down.  He's  the  human  flivver.  Put 
him  in  a  car  of  dressed  beef  and  he'd  freeze  it  between  here 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  231 

and  Spokane.  Yes,  sir;  you  could  cut  his  ear  off  and  it 
wouldn't  bleed.  I  ain't  going  to  run  the  Judge  against  no 
such  proposition  like  that."  Of  course  the  poor  chap  was 
speaking  his  own  backwoods  metaphor,  as  I  am  quite  sure 
he  would  have  been  incapable  of  mutilating  Belknap- 
Jackson,  or  even  of  imprisoning  him  in  a  goods  van  of  beef. 
I  mean  to  say,  it  was  merely  his  way  of  speaking  and  was 
not  to  be  taken  at  all  literally. 

As  a  result  of  his  ensuing  call  upon  the  pressman,  the 
sheet  of  the  following  morning  contained  word  of  the 
Honourable  George's  coming,  the  facts  being  not  garbled 
more  than  was  usual  with  this  chap. 

RED  GAP'S  NOTABLE  GUEST 

En  route  for  our  thriving  metropolis  is  a  personage  no  less  dis 
tinguished  than  the  Honourable  George  Augustus  Vane-Basing- 
well,  only  brother  and  next  in  line  of  succession  to  his  lordship 
the  Earl  of  Brinstead,  the  well-known  British  peer  of  London, 
England.  Our  noble  visitor  will  be  the  house  guest  of  Senator 
and  Mrs.  J.  K.  Floud,  at  their  palatial  residence  on  Ophir  Ave 
nue,  where  he  will  be  extensively  entertained,  particularly  by 
our  esteemed  fellow-townsman,  Egbert  G.  Floud,  with  whom  he 
recently  hobnobbed  during  the  latter's  stay  in  Paris,  France. 
His  advent  will  doubtless  prelude  a  season  of  unparalleled  gayety, 
particularly  as  Mr.  Egbert  Floud  assures  us  that  the  "Judge,"  as 
he  affectionately  calls  him,  is  "sure  some  mixer."  If  this  be 
true,  the  gentleman  has  selected  a  community  where  his  talent 
will  find  ample  scope,  and  we  bespeak  for  his  lordship  a  hearty 
welcome. 


CHAPTER  FOURTEEN 

I  MUST  do  Cousin  Egbert  the  justice  to  say  that  he 
showed  a  due  sense  of  his  responsibility  in  meeting 
the  Honourable  George.  By  general  consent  the  hon 
our  had  seemed  to  fall  to  him,  both  the  Belknap-Jack- 
sons  and  Mrs.  Effie  rather  timidly  conceding  his  claim  that 
the  distinguished  guest  would  prefer  it  so.  Indeed,  Cousin 
Egbert  had  been  loudly  arrogant  in  the  matter,  speaking 
largely  of  his  European  intimacy  with  the  "Judge"  until,  as 
he  confided  to  me,  he  "had  them  all  bisoned,"  or,  I  believe, 
"buffaloed'*  is  the  term  he  used,  referring  to  the  big-game 
animal  that  has  been  swept  from  the  American  savannahs. 

At  all  events  no  one  further  questioned  his  right  to  be  at 
the  station  when  the  Honourable  George  arrived,  and  for 
the  first  time  almost  since  his  own  homecoming  he  got  him 
self  up  with  some  attention  to  detail.  If  left  to  himself  I 
dare  say  he  would  have  donned  frock-coat  and  top-hat,  but 
at  my  suggestion  he  chose  his  smartest  lounge-suit,  and  I 
took  pains  to  see  that  the  minor  details  of  hat,  boots,  hose, 
gloves,  etc.,  were  studiously  correct  without  being  at  all 
assertive. 

For  my  own  part,  I  was  also  at  some  pains  with  my  attire, 
going  consciously  a  bit  further  with  details  than  Cousin 
Egbert,  thinking  it  best  the  Honourable  George  should  at 
once  observe  a  change  in  my  bearing  and  social  consequence 
so  that  nothing  in  his  manner  toward  me  might  embarrass- 

232 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  233 

ingly  publish  our  former  relations.  The  stick,  gloves,  and 
monocle  would  achieve  this  for  the  moment,  and  once  alone 
I  meant  to  tell  him  straight  that  all  was  over  between  us  as 
master  and  man,  we  having  passed  out  of  each  other's  lives 
in  that  respect.  If  necessary,  I  meant  to  read  to  him  certain 
passages  from  the  so-called  "Declaration  of  Independence," 
and  to  show  him  the  fateful  little  card  I  had  found,  which 
would  acquaint  him,  I  made  no  doubt,  with  the  great  change 
that  had  come  upon  me,  after  which  our  intimacy  would 
rest  solely  upon  the  mutual  esteem  which  I  knew  to  exist 
between  us.  I  mean  to  say,  it  would  never  have  done  for  one 
moment  at  home,  but  finding  ourselves  together  in  this  wild 
and  lawless  country  we  would  neither  of  us  try  to  resist 
America,  but  face  each  other  as  one  equal  native  to  another. 

Waiting  on  the  station  platform  with  Cousin  Egbert,  he 
confided  to  the  loungers  there  that  he  was  come  to  meet  his 
friend  Judge  Basingwell,  whereat  all  betrayed  a  friendly 
interest,  though  they  were  not  at  all  persons  that  mattered, 
being  of  the  semi-leisured  class  who  each  day  went  down,  as 
they  put  it,  "to  see  Number  Six  go  through."  There  was 
thus  a  rather  tense  air  of  expectancy  when  the  train  pulled 
in.  From  one  of  the  Pullman  night  coaches  emerged  the 
Honourable  George,  preceded  by  a  blackamoor  or  raccoon 
bearing  bags  and  bundles,  and  followed  by  another  uni 
formed  raccoon  and  a  white  guard,  also  bearing  bags  and 
bundles,  and  all  betraying  a  marked  anxiety. 

One  glance  at  the  Honourable  George  served  to  confirm 
certain  fears  I  had  suffered  regarding  his  appearance. 
Topped  by  a  deer-stalking  fore-and-aft  cap  in  an  inferior 
state  of  preservation,  he  wore  the  jacket  of  a  lounge-suit, 
once  possible,  doubtless,  but  now  demoded,  and  a  blazered 


234  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

golfing  waistcoat,  striking  for  its  poisonous  greens,  trousers 
from  an  outing  suit  that  I  myself  had  discarded  after  it 
came  to  me,  and  boots  of  an  entirely  shocking  character. 
Of  his  cravat  I  have  not  the  heart  to  speak,  but  I  may 
mention  that  all  his  garments  were  quite  horrid  with  wrin 
kles  and  seemed  to  have  been  slept  in  repeatedly. 

Cousin  Egbert  at  once  rushed  forward  to  greet  his  guest, 
while  I  busied  myself  in  receiving  the  hand-luggage,  wish 
ing  to  have  our  guest  effaced  from  the  scene  and  secluded, 
with  all  possible  speed.  There  were  three  battered  hand 
bags,  two  rolls  of  travelling  rugs,  a  stick-case,  a  dispatch- 
case,  a  pair  of  binoculars,  a  hat-box,  a  top-coat,  a  storm- 
coat,  a  portfolio  of  correspondence  materials,  a  camera,  a 
medicine-case,  some  of  these  lacking  either  strap  or  handle. 
The  attendants  all  emitted  hearty  sighs  of  relief  when 
these  articles  had  been  deposited  upon  the  platform.  With 
out  being  told,  I  divined  that  the  Honourable  George  had 
greatly  worried  them  during  the  long  journey  with  his  fret 
ful  demands  for  service,  and  I  tipped  them  handsomely 
while  he  was  still  engaged  with  Cousin  Egbert  and  the 
latter's  station-lounging  friends  to  whom  he  was  being 
presented.  At  last,  observing  me,  he  came  forward,  but 
halted  on  surveying  the  luggage,  and  screamed  hoarsely 
to  the  last  attendant  who  was  now  boarding  the  train.  The 
latter  vanished,  but  reappeared,  as  the  train  moved  off,  with 
two  more  articles,  a  vacuum  night-flask  and  a  tin  of  char 
coal  biscuits,  the  absence  of  which  had  been  swiftly  de 
tected  by  their  owner. 

It  was  at  that  moment  that  one  of  the  loungers  nearby 
made  a  peculiar  observation.  "Gee!"  said  he  to  a  native 
beside  him,  "it  must  take  an  awful  lot  of  trouble  to  be  an 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  235 

Englishman.'*  At  the  moment  this  seemed  to  me  to  be 
pregnant  with  meaning,  though  doubtless  it  was  because  I 
had  so  long  been  a  resident  of  the  North  American  wilds. 

Again  the  Honourable  George  approached  me  and 
grasped  my  hand  before  certain  details  of  my  attire  and,  I 
fancy,  a  certain  change  in  my  bearing,  attracted  his  notice. 
Perhaps  it  was  the  single  glass.  His  grasp  of  my  hand  re 
laxed  and  he  rubbed  his  eyes  as  if  dazed  from  a  blow,  but  I 
was  able  to  carry  the  situation  off  quite  nicely  under  cover  of 
the  confusion  attending  his  many  bags  and  bundles,  being 
helped  also  at  the  moment  by  the  deeply  humiliating  dis 
covery  of  a  certain  omission  from  his  attire.  I  could  not  at 
first  believe  my  eyes  and  was  obliged  to  look  again  and 
again,  but  there  could  be  no  doubt  about  it:  the  Honour 
able  George  was  wearing  a  single  spat ! 

I  cried  out  at  this,  pointing,  I  fancy,  in  a  most  undigni 
fied  manner,  so  terrific  had  been  the  shock  of  it,  and  what 
was  my  amazement  to  hear  him  say:  "But  I  had  only  one, 
you  silly !  How  could  I  wear  'em  both  when  the  other  was 
lost  in  that  bally  rabbit-hutch  they  put  me  in  on  shipboard? 
No  bigger  than  a  parcels-lift!"  And  he  had  too  plainly 
crossed  North  America  in  this  shocking  state !  Glad  I  was 
then  that  Belknap- Jackson  was  not  present.  The  others, 
I  dare  say,  considered  it  a  mere  freak  of  fashion.  As 
quickly  as  I  could,  I  hustled  him  into  the  waiting  carriage, 
piling  his  luggage  about  him  to  the  best  advantage  and 
hurrying  Cousin  Egbert  after  him  as  rapidly  as  I  could, 
though  the  latter,  as  on  the  occasion  of  my  own  arrival, 
halted  our  departure  long  enough  to  present  the  Honourable 
George  to  the  driver. 

"Judge,  shake  hands  with  my  friend  Eddie  Pierce/' 


236  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

adding  as  the  ceremony  was  performed,  "Eddie  keeps  a 
good  team,  any  time  you  want  a  hack-ride." 

"Sure,  Judge,"  remarked  the  driver  cordially.  "Just 
call  up  Main  224,  any  time.  Any  friend  of  Sour-dough's 
can  have  anything  they  want  night  or  day."  Whereupon 
he  climbed  to  his  box  and  we  at  last  drove  away. 

The  Honourable  George  had  continued  from  the  moment 
of  our  meeting  to  glance  at  me  in  a  peculiar,  side-long 
fashion.  He  seemed  fascinated  and  yet  unequal  to  a 
straight  look  at  me.  He  was  undoubtedly  dazed,  as  I 
could  discern  from  his  absent  manner  of  opening  the  tin  of 
charcoal  biscuits  and  munching  one.  I  mean  to  say,  it 
was  too  obviously  a  mere  mechanical  impulse. 

"  I  say,"  he  remarked  to  Cousin  Egbert,  who  was 
beaming  fondly  at  him,  "how  strange  it  all  is!  It's  quite 
foreign." 

"The  fastest-growing  little  town  in  the  State,"  said 
Cousin  Egbert. 

"But  what  makes  it  grow  so  silly  fast?"  demanded  the 
other. 

"Enterprise  and  industries,"  answered  Cousin  Egbert 
loftily. 

"Nothing  to  make  a  dust  about,"  remarked  the  Honour 
able  George,  staring  glassily  at  the  main  business  thorough 
fare.  "  I've  seen  larger  towns — scores  of  them." 

"You  ain't  begun  to  see  this  town  yet,"  responded 
Cousin  Egbert  loyally,  and  he  called  to  the  driver,  "Has 
he,  Eddie?" 

"  Sure,  he  ain't ! "  said  the  driver  person  genially.  "  Wait 
till  he  sees  the  new  waterworks  and  the  sash-and-blind 
factory!" 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  237 

"Is  he  one  of  your  gentleman  drivers?"  demanded  the 
Honourable  George.  "  And  why  a  blind  factory  ?  " 

"Oh,  Eddie's  good  people  all  right,"  answered  the  other, 
"and  the  factory  turns  out  blinds  and  things." 

"Why  turn  them  out?"  he  left  this  and  continued: 
"He's  like  that  American  Johnny  in  London  that  drives 
his  own  coach  to  Brighton,  yes?  Ripping  idea!  Gentle 
man  driver.  But  I  say,  you  know,  I'll  sit  on  the  box  with 
him.  Pull  up  a  bit,  old  son ! " 

To  my  consternation  the  driver  chap  halted,  and  before 
I  could  remonstrate  the  Honourable  George  had  mounted 
to  the  box  beside  him.  Thankful  I  was  we  had  left  the 
main  street,  though  in  the  residence  avenue  where  the 
change  was  made  we  attracted  far  more  attention  than 
was  desirable.  "Didn't  I  tell  you  he  was  some  mixer?" 
demanded  Cousin  Egbert  of  me,  but  I  was  too  sickened  to 
make  any  suitable  response.  The  Honourable  George's 
possession  of  a  single  spat  was  now  flaunted,  as  it  were,  in 
the  face  of  Red  Gap's  best  families. 

"How  foreign  it  all  is ! "  he  repeated,  turning  back  to  us, 
yet  with  only  his  side-glance  for  me.  "But  the  American 
Johnny  in  London  had  a  much  smarter  coach  than  this, 
and  better  animals,  too.  You're  not  up  to  his  class  yet, 
old  thing!" 

"That  dish-faced  pinto  on  the  off  side,"  remarked  the 
driver,  "can  outrun  anything  in  this  town  for  fun,  money, 
or  marbles." 

"Marbles!"  called  the  Honourable  George  to  us;  "why 
marbles  ?  Silly  things !  It's  all  bally  strange !  And  why 
do  your  villagers  stare  so?  " 

"  Some  little  mixer,  all  right,  all  right,"  murmured  Cousiy 


238  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

Egbert  in  a  sort  of  ecstasy,  as  we  drew  up  at  the  Floud 
home.  "And  yet  one  of  them  guys  back  there  called  him 
a  typical  Britisher.  You  bet  I  shut  him  up  quick — say 
ing  a  thing  like  that  about  a  plumb  stranger.  I'd  'a'  mixed 
it  with  him  right  there  except  I  thought  it  was  better  to 
have  things  nice  and  not  start  something  the  minute  the 
Judge  got  here." 

With  all  possible  speed  I  hurried  the  party  indoors,  for 
already  faces  were  appearing  at  the  windows  of  neighbour 
ing  houses.  Mrs.  Effie,  who  met  us,  allowed  her  glare  at 
Cousin  Egbert,  I  fancy,  to  affect  the  cordiality  of  her  greet 
ing  to  the  Honourable  George;  at  least  she  seemed  to  be 
quite  as  dazed  as  he,  and  there  was  a  moment  of  constraint 
before  he  went  on  up  to  the  room  that  had  been  prepared 
for  him.  Once  safely  within  the  room  I  contrived  a  mo 
ment  alone  with  him  and  removed  his  single  spat,  not  too 
gently,  I  fear,  for  the  nervous  strain  since  his  arrival  had 
told  upon  me. 

"You  have  reason  to  be  thankful,"  I  said,  "that  Bel- 
knap-Jackson  was  not  present  to  witness  this." 

"They  cost  seven  and  six,"  he  muttered,  regarding  the 
one  spat  wistfully.  "  But  why  Belknap- Jackson ?  " 

"Mr.  C.  Belknap-Jackson  of  Boston  and  Red  Gap,"  I 
returned  sternly.  "He  does  himself  perfectly.  To  think 
he  might  have  seen  you  in  this  rowdy ish  state!"  And  I 
hastened  to  seek  a  presentable  lounge-suit  from  his  bags. 

"Everything  is  so  strange,"  he  muttered  again,  quite 
helplessly.  "  And  why  the  mural  decoration  at  the  edge  of 
the  settlement?  Why  keep  one's  eye  upon  it?  Why 
should  they  do  such  things?  I  say,  it's  all  quite  monstrous, 
you  know." 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  239 

I  saw  that  indeed  he  was  quite  done  for  with  amazement, 
so  I  ran  him  a  bath  and  procured  him  a  dish  of  tea.  He 
rambled  oddly  at  moments  of  things  the  guard  on  the  night- 
coach  had  told  him  of  North  America,  of  Niagara  Falls,  and 
Missouri  and  other  objects  of  interest.  He  was  still  almost 
quite  a  bit  dotty  when  I  was  obliged  to  leave  him  for  an 
appointment  with  the  raccoon  and  his  wife  to  discuss  the 
menu  of  my  opening  dinner,  but  Cousin  Egbert,  who  had 
rejoined  us,  was  listening  sympathetically.  As  I  left,  the 
two  were  pegging  it  from  a  bottle  of  hunting  sherry  which 
the  Honourable  George  had  carried  in  his  dispatch-case.  I 
was  about  to  warn  him  that  he  would  come  out  spotted, 
but  instantly  I  saw  that  there  must  be  an  end  to  such  sur 
veillance.  I  could  not  manage  an  enterprise  of  the  magni 
tude  of  the  United  States  Grill  and  yet  have  an  eye  to  his 
meat  and  drink.  I  resolved  to  let  spots  come  as  they 
would. 

On  all  hands  I  was  now  congratulated  by  members  of  the 
North  Side  set  upon  the  master-stroke  I  had  played  in 
adding  the  Honourable  George  to  their  number.  Not 
only  did  it  promise  to  reunite  certain  warring  factions  in 
the  North  Side  set  itself,  but  it  truly  bade  fair  to  dis 
integrate  the  Bohemian  set.  Belknap-Jackson  wrung  my 
hand  that  afternoon,  begging  me  to  inform  the  Honourable 
George  that  he  would  call  on  the  morrow  to  pay  his  respects. 
Mrs.  Judge  Ballard  besought  me  to  engage  him  for  an 
early  dinner,  and  Mrs.  Effie,  it  is  needless  to  say,  after 
recovering  from  the  shock  of  his  arrival,  which  she  at 
tributed  to  Cousin  Egbert's  want  of  taste,  thanked  me  with 
a  wealth  of  genuine  emotion. 

Only  by  slight  degrees,  then,  did  it  fall  to  be  noticed  that 


240  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

the  Honourable  George  did  not  hold  himself  to  be  to* 
strictly  bound  by  our  social  conventions  as  to  whom  one 
should  be  pally  with.  Thus,  on  the  morrow,  at  the  hour 
when  the  Belknap-Jacksons  called,  he  was  regrettably 
absent  on  what  Cousin  Egbert  called  "a  hack-ride"  with 
the  driver  person  he  had  met  the  day  before,  nor  did  they 
return  until  after  the  callers  had  waited  the  better  part  of 
two  hours.  Cousin  Egbert,  as  usual,  received  the  blame 
for  this,  yet  neither  of  the  Belknap-Jacksons  nor  Mrs. 
Erne  dared  to  upbraid  him. 

Being  presented  to  the  callers,  I  am  bound  to  say  that 
the  Honourable  George  showed  himself  to  be  immensely 
impressed  by  Belknap-Jackson,  whom  I  had  never  beheld 
more  perfectly  vogue  in  all  his  appointments.  He  be 
came,  in  fact,  rather  moody  in  the  presence  of  this  subtle 
niceness  of  detail,  being  made  conscious,  I  dare  say,  of  his 
own  sloppy  lounge-suit,  rumpled  cravat,  and  shocking 
boots,  and  despite  Belknap- Jackson's  amiable  efforts  to 
draw  him  into  talk  about  hunting  in  the  shires  and  our 
county  society  at  home,  I  began  to  fear  that  they  would 
not  hit  it  off  together.  The  Honourable  George  did,  how 
ever,  consent  to  drive  with  his  caller  the  following  day, 
and  I  relied  upon  the  tandem  to  recall  him  to  his  better  self. 
But  when  the  callers  had  departed  he  became  quite  almost 
plaintive  to  me. 

"I  say,  you  know,  I  shan't  be  wanted  to  pal  up  much 
with  that  chap,  shall  I?  I  mean  to  say.  he  wears  so  many 
clothes.  They  make  me  writhe  as  if  I  wore  them  myself. 
It  won't  do,  you  know." 

I  told  him  very  firmly  that  this  was  piffle  of  the  most 
wretched  sort.  That  his  caller  wore  but  the  prescribed 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  241 

number  of  garments,  each  vogue  to  the  last  note,  and  that 
he  was  a  person  whom  one  must  know.  He  responded 
pettishly  that  he  vastly  preferred  the  gentleman  driver 
with  whom  he  had  spent  the  afternoon,  and  "Sour-dough," 
as  he  was  now  calling  Cousin  Egbert. 

"Jolly  chaps,  with  no  swank,"  he  insisted.  "We  drove 
quite  almost  everywhere — waterworks,  cemetery,  sash- 
and-blind  factory.  You  know  I  thought  *  blind  factory'  was 
some  of  their  bally  American  slang  for  the  shop  of  a  chap 
who  made  eyeglasses  and  that  sort  of  thing,  but  nothing  of 
the  kind.  They  saw  up  timbers  there  quite  all  over  the 
place  and  nail  them  up  again  into  articles.  It's  all  quite 
foreign." 

Nor  was  his  account  of  his  drive  with  Belknap-Jackson 
the  following  day  a  bit  more  reassuring. 

"He  wouldn't  stop  again  at  the  sash-and-blind  factory, 
where  I  wished  to  see  the  timbers  being  sawed  and  nailed, 
but  drove  me  to  a  country  club  which  was  not  in  the  country 
and  wasn't  a  club;  not  a  human  there,  not  even  a  barman. 
Fancy  a  club  of  that  sort !  B  ut  he  took  me  to  his  own  house 
for  a  glass  of  sherry  and  a  biscuit,  and  there  it  wasn't  so 
rotten.  Rather  a  mother-in-law  I  think,  she  is — bally  old 
booming  grenadier — topping  sort — no  end  of  fun.  We 
palled  up  immensely  and  I  quite  forgot  the  Jackson  chap 
till  it  was  time  for  him  to  drive  me  back  to  these  diggings. 
Rather  sulky  he  was,  I  fancy;  uppish  sort.  Told  him  the 
old  one  was  quite  like  old  Caroline,  dowager  duchess  of 
Clewe,  but  couldn't  tell  if  it  pleased  him.  Seemed  to  like 
it  and  seemed  not  to:  rather  uncertain. 

"Asked  him  why  the  people  of  the  settlement  pro 
nounced  his  name  'Belknap  Hyphen  Jackson,'  and  that 


242  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

seemed  to  make  him  snarky  again.  I  mean  to  say  names 
with  hyphen  marks  in  'em — I'd  never  heard  the  hyphen 
pronounced  before,  but  everything  is  so  strange.  He  said 
only  the  lowest  classes  did  it  as  a  form  of  coarse  wit,  and 
that  he  was  wasting  himself  here.  Wouldn't  stay  another 
day  if  it  were  not  for  family  reasons.  Queer  sort  of  wheeze 
to  say  *  hyphen'  in  a  chap's  name  as  if  it  were  a  word, 
when  it  wasn't  at  all.  The  old  girl,  though — bellower  she 
is — perfectly  top-hole;  familiar  with  cattle — all  that  sort 
of  thing.  Sent  away  the  chap's  sherry  and  had  'em  bring 
whiskey  and  soda.  The  hyphen  chap  fidgeted  a  good  bit — 
nervous  sort,  I  take  it.  Looked  through  a  score  of  maga 
zines,  I  dare  say,  when  he  found  we  didn't  notice  him 
much;  turned  the  leaves  too  fast  to  see  anything,  though; 
made  noises  and  coughed — that  sort  of  thing.  Fine  old  girl. 
Daughter,  hyphen  chap's  wife,  tried  to  talk,  too,  some  rot 
about  the  season  being  well  on  here,  and  was  there  a  good 
deal  of  society  in  London,  and  would  I  be  free  for  dinner  on 
the  ninth? 

"Silly  chatter!  old  girl  talked  sense:  cattle,  mines, 
timber,  blind  factory,  two-year  olds,  that  kind  of  thing. 
Shall  see  her  often.  Not  the  hyphen  chap,  though;  too 
much  like  one  of  those  Bond  Street  milliner-chap  mana 
gers." 

Vague  misgivings  here  beset  me  as  to  the  value  of  the 
Honourable  George  to  the  North  Side  set.  Nor  could  I 
feel  at  all  reassured  on  the  following  day  when  Mrs.  Effie 
held  an  afternoon  reception  in  his  honour.  That  he  should 
be  unaware  of  the  event's  importance  was  to  be  expected, 
for  as  yet  I  had  been  unable  to  get  him  to  take  the  Red 
Gap  social  crisis  seriously.  At  the  hour  when  he  should 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  243 

have  been  dressed  and  ready  I  found  him  playing  at 
cribbage  with  Cousin  Egbert  in  the  latter's  apartment, 
and  to  my  dismay  he  insisted  upon  finishing  the  rubber, 
although  guests  were  already  arriving. 

Even  when  the  game  was  done  he  flatly  refused  to  dress 
suitably,  declaring  that  his  lounge-suit  should  be  entirely 
acceptable  to  these  rough  frontier  people,  and  he  consented 
to  go  down  at  all  only  on  condition  that  Cousin  Egbert 
would  accompany  him.  Thereafter  for  an  hour  the  two  of 
them  drank  tea  uncomfortably  as  often  as  it  was  given 
them,  and  while  the  Honourable  George  undoubtedly  made 
his  impression,  I  could  not  but  regret  that  he  had  so  few 
conversational  graces. 

How  different,  I  reflected,  had  been  my  own  entree  into 
this  county  society!  As  well  as  I  might  I  again  carried 
off  the  day  for  the  Honourable  George,  endeavouring  from 
time  to  time  to  put  him  at  his  ease,  yet  he  breathed  an  un 
feigned  sigh  of  relief  when  the  last  guest  had  left  and  he 
could  resume  his  cribbage  with  Cousin  Egbert.  But  he  had 
received  one  impression  of  which  I  was  glad :  an  impression 
of  my  own  altered  social  quality,  for  I  had  graced  the 
occasion  with  an  urbanity  which  was  as  far  beyond  him  as 
it  must  have  been  astonishing.  It  was  now  that  he  began 
to  take  seriously  what  I  had  told  him  of  my  business  enter 
prise,  so  many  of  the  guests  having  mentioned  it  to  him  in 
terms  of  the  utmost  enthusiasm.  After  my  first  accounts 
to  him  he  had  persisted  in  referring  to  it  as  a  tuck-shop,  a 
sort  of  place  where  schoolboys  would  exchange  their  half 
pence  for  toffy,  sweet-cakes,  and  marbles. 

Now  he  demanded  to  be  shown  the  premises  and  was  at 
<mce  duly  impressed  both  with  their  quiet  elegance  and  my 


244  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

own  business  acumen.  How  it  had  all  come  about,  and 
why  I  should  be  addressed  as  "Colonel  Ruggles"  and 
treated  as  a  person  of  some  importance  in  the  community, 
I  dare  say  he  has  never  comprehended  to  this  day.  As  I 
had  planned  to  do,  I  later  endeavoured  to  explain  to  him 
that  in  North  America  persons  were  almost  quite  equal  to 
one  another — being  born  so — but  at  this  he  told  me  not  to 
be  silly  and  continued  to  regard  my  rise  as  an  insoluble  part 
of  the  strangeness  he  everywhere  encountered,  even  after 
I  added  that  Demosthenes  was  the  son  of  a  cutler,  that 
Cardinal  Wolsey's  father  had  been  a  pork  butcher,  and 
that  Garfield  had  worked  on  a  canal-boat.  I  found  him 
quite  hopeless.  "  Chaps  go  dotty  talkin'  that  piffle,"  was 
his  comment. 

At  another  time,  I  dare  say,  I  should  have  been  rather 
distressed  over  this  inability  of  the  Honourable  George 
to  comprehend  and  adapt  himself  to  the  peculiarities  of 
American  life  as  readily  as  I  had  done,  but  just  now  I  was 
quite  too  taken  up  with  the  details  of  my  opening  to  give  it 
the  deeper  consideration  it  deserved.  In  fact,  there  were 
moments  when  I  confessed  to  myself  that  I  did  not  care 
tuppence  about  it,  such  was  the  strain  upon  my  executive 
faculties.  When  decorators  and  furnishers  had  done  their 
work,  when  the  choice  carpet  was  laid,  when  the  kitchen 
and  table  equipments  were  completed  to  the  last  detail, 
and  when  the  lighting  was  artistically  correct,  there  was 
still  the  matter  of  service. 

As  to  this,  I  conceived  and  carried  out  what  I  fancy  was 
rather  a  brilliant  stroke,  which  was  nothing  less  than  to 
eliminate  the  fellow  Hobbs  as  a  social  factor  of  even  the 
Bohemian  set.  In  contracting  with  him  for  my  bread  antf 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  245 

rolls,  I  took  an  early  opportunity  of  setting  the  chap  in  his 
place,  as  indeed  it  was  not  difficult  to  do  when  he  had 
observed  the  splendid  scale  on  which  I  was  operating.  At 
our  second  interview  he  was  removing  his  hat  and  address 
ing  me  as  "sir." 

While  I  have  found  that  I  can  quite  gracefully  place  my 
self  on  a  level  with  the  middle-class  American,  there  is  a 
serving  type  of  our  own  people  to  which  I  shall  eternally 
feel  superior;  the  Hobbs  fellow  was  of  this  sort,  having  un 
deniably  the  soul  of  a  lackey.  In  addition  to  jobbing  his 
bread  and  rolls,  I  engaged  him  as  pantry  man,  and  took  on 
such  members  of  his  numerous  family  as  were  competent. 
His  wife  was  to  assist  my  raccoon  cook  in  the  kitchen,  three 
of  his  sons  were  to  serve  as  waiters,  and  his  youngest,  a  lad 
in  his  teens,  I  installed  as  vestiare,  garbing  him  in  a  smart 
uniform  and  posting  him  to  relieve  my  gentleman  patrons 
of  their  hats  and  top-coats.  A  daughter  was  similarly 
installed  as  maid,  and  the  two  achieved  an  effect  of  smart 
ness  unprecedented  in  Red  Gap,  an  effect  to  which  I  am 
glad  to  say  that  the  community  responded  instantly. 

In  other  establishments  it  was  the  custom  for  patrons 
to  hang  their  garments  on  hat-pegs,  often  under  a  printed 
warning  that  the  proprietor  would  disclaim  responsibility 
in  case  of  loss.  In  the  one  known  as  "  Bert's  Place"  indeed 
the  warning  was  positively  vulgar:  "Watch  Your  Over 
coat."  Of  course  that  sort  of  coarseness  would  have  been 
impossible  in  my  own  place. 

As  another  important  detail  I  had  taken  over  from  Mrs. 
Judson  her  stock  of  jellies  and  compotes  which  I  had  found 
to  be  of  a  most  excellent  character,  and  had  ordered  as 
much  more  as  she  could  manage  to  produce,  together  with 


246  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

cut  flowers  from  her  garden  for  my  tables.  She,  herself, 
being  a  young  woman  of  the  most  pleasing  capabilities, 
had  done  a  bit  of  charring  for  me  and  was  now  to  be  in 
charge  of  the  glassware,  linen,  and  silver.  I  had  found  her, 
indeed,  highly  sympathetic  with  my  highest  aims,  and  not 
a  few  of  her  suggestions  as  to  management  proved  to  be 
entirely  sound.  Her  unspeakable  dog  continued  his  quite 
objectionable  advances  to  me  at  every  opportunity,  in 
spite  of  my  hitting  him  about,  rather,  when  I  could  do  so 
unobserved,  but  the  sinister  interpretation  that  might  be 
placed  upon  this  by  the  baser-minded  was  now  happily 
answered  by  the  circumstance  of  her  being  in  my  employ 
ment.  Her  child,  I  regret  to  say,  was  still  grossly  overfed, 
seldom  having  its  face  free  from  jam  or  other  smears.  It 
persisted,  moreover,  in  twisting  my  name  into  "Ruggums," 
which  I  found  not  a  little  embarrassing. 

The  night  of  my  opening  found  me  calmly  awaiting  the 
triumph  that  was  due  me.  As  some  one  has  said  of  Na- 
polean,  I  had  won  my  battle  in  my  tent  before  the  firing  of  a 
single  shot.  I  mean  to  say,  I  had  looked  so  conscientiously 
after  details,  even  to  assuring  myself  that  Cousin  Egbert 
and  the  Honourable  George  would  appear  in  evening  dress, 
my  last  act  having  been  to  coerce  each  of  them  into 
purchasing  varnished  boots,  the  former  submitting  meekly 
enough,  though  the  Honourable  George  insisted  it  was  a 
silly  fuss. 

At  seven  o'clock,  having  devoted  a  final  inspection  to  the 
kitchen  where  the  female  raccoon  was  well  on  with  the 
dinner,  and  having  noted  that  the  members  of  my  staff 
were  in  their  places,  I  gave  a  last  pleased  survey  of  my 
dining-room,  with  its  smartly  equipped  tables,  flower-be- 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  247 

decked,  gleaming  in  the  softened  light  from  my  shaded 
candlesticks.  Truly  it  was  a  scene  of  refined  elegance 
such  as  Red  Gap  had  never  before  witnessed  within  its 
own  confines,  and  I  had  seen  to  it  that  the  dinner  as  well 
would  mark  an  epoch  in  the  lives  of  these  simple  but 
worthy  people. 

Not  a  heavy  nor  a  cloying  repast  would  they  find.  In 
deed,  the  bare  simplicity  of  my  menu,  had  it  been  previously 
disclosed,  would  doubtless  have  disappointed  more  than 
one  of  my  dinner-giving  patronesses;  but  each  item  had 
been  perfected  to  an  extent  never  achieved  by  them. 
Their  weakness  had  ever  been  to  serve  a  profusion  of 
neutral  dishes,  pleasing  enough  to  the  eye,  but  unedifying 
except  as  a  spectacle.  I  mean  to  say,  as  food  it  was  non 
committal;  it  failed  to  intrigue. 

I  should  serve  only  a  thin  soup,  a  fish,  small  birds,  two 
vegetables,  a  salad,  a  sweet  and  a  savoury,  but  each  item 
would  prove  worthy  of  the  profoundest  consideration.  In 
the  matter  of  thin  soup,  for  example,  the  local  practice  was 
to  serve  a  fluid  of  which,  beyond  the  circumstance  that  it 
was  warmish  and  slightly  tinted,  nothing  of  interest  could 
ever  be  ascertained.  My  own  thin  soup  would  be  a  revela 
tion  to  them.  Again,  in  the  matter  of  fish.  This  course 
with  the  hostesses  of  Red  Gap  had  seemed  to  be  merely  an 
excuse  for  a  pause.  I  had  truly  sympathized  with  Cousin 
Egbert's  bitter  complaint:  "They  hand  you  a  dab  of  some 
thing  about  the  size  of  a  watch-charm  with  two  strings  of 
potato." 

For  the  first  time,  then,  the  fish  course  in  Red  Gap  was 
to  be  an  event,  an  abundant  portion  of  native  fish  with  a 
lobster  sauce  which  I  had  carried  out  to  its  highest  power. 


248  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

My  birds,  hot  from  the  oven,  would  be  food  in  the  strictest- 
sense  of  the  word,  my  vegetables  cooked  with  a  zealous 
attention,  and  my  sweet  immensely  appealing  without 
being  pretentiously  spectacular.  And  for  what  I  believed 
to  be  quite  the  first  time  in  the  town,  good  coffee  would  be 
served.  Disheartening,  indeed,  had  been  the  various  atten 
uations  of  coffee  which  had  been  imposed  upon  me  in  my 
brief  career  as  a  diner-out  among  these  people.  Not  one 
among  them  had  possessed  the  genius  to  master  an  accept 
able  decoction  of  the  berry,  the  bald  simplicity  of  the  cor 
rect  formula  being  doubtless  incredible  to  them. 

The  blare  of  a  motor  horn  aroused  me  from  this  musing, 
and  from  that  moment  I  had  little  time  for  meditation  un 
til  the  evening,  as  the  Journal  recorded  the  next  morning, 
"had  gone  down  into  history."  My  patrons  arrived  in 
groups,  couples,  or  singly,  almost  faster  than  I  could  seat 
them.  The  Hobbs  lad,  as  vestiare,  would  halt  them  for 
hats  and  wraps,  during  which  pause  they  would  emit 
subdued  cries  of  surprise  and  delight  at  my  beautifully 
toned  ensemble,  after  which,  as  they  walked  to  their  tables, 
it  was  not  difficult  to  see  that  they  were  properly  impressed. 

Mrs.  Effie,  escorted  by  the  Honourable  George  and 
cousin  Egbert,  was  among  the  early  arrivals;  the  Senator 
being  absent  from  town  at  a  sitting  of  the  House.  These 
were  quickly  followed  by  the  Belknap-Jacksons  and  the 
Mixer,  resplendent  in  purple  satin  and  diamonds,  all  being 
at  one  of  my  large  tables,  so  that  the  Honourable  George 
sat  between  Mrs.  Belknap- Jackson  and  Mrs.  Effie,  though 
he  at  first  made  a  somewhat  undignified  essay  to  seat  him 
self  next  the  Mixer.  Needless  to  say,  all  were  in  evening 
dress,  though  the  Honourable  George  had  fumbled  grosslj 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  249 

with  his  cravat  and  rumpled  his  shirt,  nor  had  he  submitted 
to  having  his  beard  trimmed,  as  I  had  warned  him  to  do. 
As  for  Belknap-Jackson,  I  had  never  beheld  him  more 
truly  vogue  in  every  detail,  and  his  slightly  austere  manner 
in  any  Red  Gap  gathering  had  never  set  him  better.  Both 
Mrs.  Belknap-Jackson  and  Mrs.  Effie  wielded  their  lor- 
gnons  upon  the  later  comers,  thus  giving  their  table  quite 
an  air. 

Mrs.  Judge  Ballard,  who  had  come  to  be  one  of  my 
staunchest  adherents,  occupied  an  adjacent  table  with  her 
family  party  and  two  or  three  of  the  younger  dancing  set. 
The  Indian  Tuttle  with  his  wife  and  two  daughters  were 
also  among  the  early  comers,  and  I  could  not  but  marvel 
anew  at  the  red  man's  histrionic  powers.  In  almost  quite 
correct  evening  attire,  and  entirely  decorous  in  speech  and 
gesture,  he  might  readily  have  been  thought  some  one  that 
mattered,  had  he  not  at  an  early  opportunity  caught  my 
eye  and  winked  with  a  sly  significance. 

Quite  almost  every  one  of  the  North  Side  set  was  present, 
imparting  to  my  room  a  general  air  of  distinguished  smart 
ness,  and  in  addition  there  were  not  a  few  of  what  Belknap- 
Jackson  had  called  the  "rabble,  "persons  of  no  social  value, 
to  be  sure,  but  honest,  well-mannered  folk,  small  trades 
men,  shop-assistants,  and  the  like.  These  plain  people,  I 
may  say,  I  took  especial  pains  to  welcome  and  put  at  their 
ease,  for  I  had  resolved,  in  effect,  to  be  one  of  them,  after 
the  manner  prescribed  by  their  Declaration  thing. 

With  quite  all  of  them  I  chatted  easily  a  moment  or  two, 
expressing  the  hope  that  they  would  be  well  pleased  with 
Mieir  entertainment.  I  noted  while  thus  engaged  that 
Belknap-Jackson  eyed  me  with  frank  and  superior  cynicism. 


250  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

but  this  affected  me  quite  not  at  all  and  I  took  pains  to 
point  my  indifference,  chatting  with  increased  urbanity 
with  the  two  cow-persons,  Hank  and  Buck,  who  had  en 
tered  rather  uncertainly,  not  in  evening  dress,  to  be  sure, 
but  in  decent  black  as  befitted  their  stations.  When  I  had 
prevailed  upon  them  to  surrender  their  hats  to  the  vestiare 
and  had  seated  them  at  a  table  for  two,  they  informed  me 
in  hoarse  undertones  that  they  were  prepared  to  "put  a 
bet  down  on  every  card  from  soda  to  hock,"  so  that  I  at 
first  suspected  they  had  thought  me  conducting  a  gaming 
establishment,  but  ultimately  gathered  that  they  were 
merely  expressing  a  cordial  determination  to  enter  into  the 
spirit  of  the  occasion. 

There  then  entered,  somewhat  to  my  uneasiness,  the 
Klondike  woman  and  her  party.  Being  almost  the  last,  it 
will  be  understood  that  they  created  no  little  sensation  as 
she  led  them  down  the  thronged  room  to  her  table.  She 
was  wearing  an  evening  gown  of  lustrous  black  with  the 
apparently  simple  lines  that  are  so  baffling  to  any  but  the 
expert  maker,  with  a  black  picture  hat  that  suited  her  no 
end.  I  saw  more  than  one  matron  of  the  North  Side  set 
stiffen  in  her  seat,  while  Mrs.  Belknap- Jackson  and  Mrs. 
Effie  turned  upon  her  the  chilling  broadside  of  their  lor- 
gnons.  Belknap- Jackson  merely  drew  himself  up  austerely. 
The  three  other  women  of  her  party,  flutterers  rather,  did 
little  but  set  off  their  hostess.  The  four  men  were  of  a 
youngish  sort,  chaps  in  banks,  chemists'  assistants,  that 
sort  of  thing,  who  were  constantly  to  be  seen  in  her  train. 
They  were  especially  reprobated  by  the  matrons  of  the 
correct  set  by  reason  of  their  deliberately  choosing  to  ally 
themselves  with  the  Bohemian  set. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  251 

Acutely  feeling  the  antagonism  aroused  by  this  group,  I 
was  momentarily  discouraged  in  a  design  I  had  half  formed 
of  using  my  undoubted  influence  to  unite  the  warring 
social  factions  of  Red  Gap,  even  as  Bismarck  had  once 
brought  the  warring  Prussian  states  together  in  a  federated 
Germany.  I  began  to  see  that  the  Klondike  woman  would 
forever  prove  unacceptable  to  the  North  Side  set.  The 
cliques  would  unite  against  her,  even  if  one  should  find  in 
her  a  spirit  of  reconciliation,  which  I  supremely  doubted. 

The  bustle  having  in  a  measure  subsided,  I  gave  orders 
for  the  soup  to  be  served,  at  the  same  time  turning  the 
current  into  the  electric  pianoforte.  I  had  wished  for 
this  opening  number  something  attractive  yet  dignified, 
which  would  in  a  manner  of  speaking  symbolize  an  occasion 
to  me  at  least  highly  momentous.  To  this  end  I  had  chosen 
Handel's  celebrated  Largo,  and  at  the  first  strains  of  this 
highly  meritorious  composition  I  knew  that  I  had  chosen 
surely.  I  am  sure  the  piece  was  indelibly  engraved  upon 
the  minds  of  those  many  dinner-givers  who  were  for  the 
first  time  in  their  lives  realizing  that  a  thin  soup  may  be 
made  a  thing  to  take  seriously. 

Nominally,  I  occupied  a  seat  at  the  table  with  the 
Belknap-Jacksons  and  Mrs.  Effie,  though  I  apprehended 
having  to  be  more  or  less  up  and  down  in  the  direction  of 
my  staff.  Having  now  seated  myself  to  soup,  I  was  for  the 
first  time  made  aware  of  the  curious  behaviour  of  the 
Honourable  George.  Disregarding  his  own  soup,  which 
was  of  itself  unusual  with  him,  he  was  staring  straight 
ahead  with  a  curious  intensity.  A  half  turn  of  my  head 
was  enough.  He  sat  facing  the  Klondike  woman.  As  I 
again  turned  a  bit  I  saw  that  under  cover  of  her  animated 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

converse  with  her  table  companions  she  was  at  intervals 
allowing  her  very  effective  eyes  to  rest,  as  if  absently,  upon 
him.  I  may  say  now  that  a  curious  chill  seized  me,  bring 
ing  with  it  a  sudden  psychic  warning  that  all  was  not  going 
to  be  as  it  should  be.  Some  calamity  impended.  The 
man  was  quite  apparently  fascinated,  staring  with  a  fixed, 
hypnotic  intensity  that  had  already  been  noted  by  his  com 
panions  on  either  side. 

With  a  word  about  the  soup,  shot  quickly  and  directly  at 
him,  I  managed  to  divert  his  gaze,  but  his  eyes  had  returned 
even  before  the  spoon  had  gone  once  to  his  lips.  The  second 
time  there  was  a  soup  stain  upon  his  already  rumpled  shirt 
front.  Presently  it  became  only  too  horribly  certain  that 
the  man  was  out  of  himself,  for  when  the  fish  course  was 
served  he  remained  serenely  unconscious  that  none  of  the 
lobster  sauce  accompanied  his  own  portion.  It  was  a  rich 
sauce,  and  the  almost  immediate  effect  of  shell-fish  upon  his 
complexion  being  only  too  well  known  to  me,  I  had  directed 
that  his  fish  should  be  served  without  it,  though  I  had  fully 
expected  him  to  row  me  for  it  and  perhaps  create  a  scene. 
The  circumstance  of  his  blindly  attacking  the  unsauced 
fish  was  eloquent  indeed. 

The  Belknap-Jacksons  and  Mrs.  Effie  were  now  plainly 
alarmed,  and  somewhat  feverishly  sought  to  engage  his 
attention,  with  the  result  only  that  he  snapped  mono 
syllables  at  them  without  removing  his  gaze  from  its  mark. 
And  the  woman  was  now  too  obviously  pluming  herself 
upon  the  effect  she  had  achieved;  upon  us  all  she  flashed  an 
amused  consciousness  of  her  power,  yet  with  a  fine  af 
fectation  of  quite  ignoring  us.  I  was  here  obliged  to  leave 
the  table  to  oversee  the  serving  of  the  wine,  returning  after 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  253 

an  interval  to  find  the  situation  unchanged,  save  that  the 
woman  no  longer  glanced  at  the  Honourable  George.  Such 
were  her  tactics.  Having  enmeshed  him,  she  confidently 
left  him  to  complete  his  own  undoing.  I  had  returned  with 
the  serving  of  the  small  birds.  Observing  his  own  before 
him,  the  Honourable  George  wished  to  be  told  why  he  had 
not  been  served  with  fish,  and  only  with  difficulty  could  be 
convinced  that  he  had  partaken  of  this. 

"  Of  course  in  public  places  one  must  expect  to  come  into 
contact  with  persons  of  that  sort,"  remarked  Mrs.  Effie. 

"Something  should  be  done  about  it,"  observed  Mrs. 
Belknap-Jackson,  and  they  both  murmured  "Creature!" 
though  it  was  plain  that  the  Honourable  George  had 
little  notion  to  whom  they  referred.  Observing,  however, 
that  the  woman  no  longer  glanced  at  him,  he  fell  to  his 
bird  somewhat  whole-heartedly,  as  indeed  did  all  my 
guests. 

From  every  side  I  could  hear  eager  approval  of  the  repast 
which  was  now  being  supplemented  at  most  of  the  tables  by 
a  sound  wine  of  the  Burgundy  type  which  I  had  recom 
mended  or  by  a  dry  champagne.  Meantime,  the  electric 
pianoforte  played  steadily  through  a  repertoire  that  had 
progressed  from  the  Largo  to  more  vivacious  pieces  of  the 
American  folkdance  school.  As  was  said  in  the  press  the 
following  day,  "  Gayety  and  good-feeling  reigned  supreme, 
and  one  and  all  felt  that  it  was  indeed  good  to  be  there." 

Through  the  sweet  and  the  savoury  the  dinner  progressed, 
the  latter  proving  to  be  a  novelty  that  the  hostesses  of  Re  d 
Gap  thereafter  slavishly  copied,  and  with  the  advent  of  the 
coffee  ensued  a  noticeable  relaxation.  People  began  to 
visit  one  another's  tables  and  there  was  a  blithe  under- 


254  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

current  of  praise  for  my  efforts  to  smarten  the  town's  pub 
lic  dining. 

The  Klondike  woman,  I  fancy,  was  the  first  to  light  a 
cigarette,  though  quickly  followed  by  the  ladies  of  her 
party.  Mrs.  Belknap- Jackson  and  Mrs.  Effie,  after  a 
period  of  futile  glaring  at  her  through  the  lorgnons,  seemed 
to  make  their  resolves  simultaneously,  and  forthwith  them 
selves  lighted  cigarettes. 

"Of  course  it's  done  in  the  smart  English  restaurants," 
murmured  Belknap-Jackson  as  he  assisted  the  ladies  to 
their  lights.  Thereupon  Mrs.  Judge  Ballard,  farther  down 
the  room,  began  to  smoke  what  I  believe  was  her  first 
cigarette,  which  proved  to  be  a  signal  for  other  ladies  of  the 
Onwards  and  Upwards  Society  to  do  the  same,  Mrs. 
Ballard  being  their  president.  It  occurred  to  me  that  these 
ladies  were  grimly  bent  on  showing  the  Klondike  woman 
that  they  could  trifle  quite  as  gracefully  as  she  with  the 
lesser  vices  of  Bohemia;  or  perhaps  they  wished  to  demon 
strate  to  the  younger  dancing  men  in  her  train  that  the 
North  Side  set  was  not  desolately  austere  in  its  recreation. 
The  Honourable  George,  I  regret  to  say,  produced  a  smelly 
pipe  which  he  would  have  lighted;  but  at  a  shocked  and 
cold  glance  from  me  he  put  it  by  and  allowed  the  Mixer  to 
roll  him  one  of  the  yellow  paper  cigarettes  from  a  sack  of 
tobacco  which  she  had  produced  from  some  secret  recess  of 
her  costume. 

Cousin  Egbert  had  been  excitedly  happy  throughout  the 
meal  and  now  paid  me  a  quaint  compliment  upon  the  food. 
"Some  eats,  Bill!"  he  called  to  me.  "I  got  to  hand  it  to 
you,"  though  what  precisely  it  was  he  wished  to  hand  me  I 
never  ascertained,  for  the  Mixer  at  that  moment  claimed 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  255 

my  attention  with  a  compliment  of  her  own.  "That," 
said  she,  "is  the  only  dinner  I've  eaten  for  a  long  time  that 
was  composed  entirely  of  food." 

This  hour  succeeding  the  repast  I  found  quite  entirely 
agreeable,  more  than  one  person  that  mattered  assuring 
me  that  I  had  assisted  Red  Gap  to  a  notable  advance  in 
the  finest  and  correctest  sense  of  the  word,  and  it  was  with 
a  very  definite  regret  that  I  beheld  my  guests  departing. 
Returning  to  our  table  from  a  group  of  these  who  had  called 
me  to  make  their  adieus,  I  saw  that  a  most  regrettable 
incident  had  occurred — nothing  less  than  the  formal  presen 
tation  of  the  Honourable  George  to  the  Klondike  woman. 
And  the  Mixer  had  appallingly  done  it ! 

"Everything  is  so  strange  here,"  I  heard  him  saying  as  I 
passed  their  table,  and  the  woman  echoed,  "Everything!" 
while  her  glance  enveloped  him  with  a  curious  effect  of 
appraisal.  The  others  of  her  party  were  making  much  of 
him,  I  could  see,  quite  as  if  they  had  preposterous  designs  of 
wresting  him  from  the  North  Side  set  to  be  one  of  them 
selves.  Mrs.  Belknap- Jackson  and  Mrs.  EfEe  affected  to 
ignore  the  meeting.  Belknap-Jackson  stared  into  vacancy 
with  a  quite  shocked  expression  as  if  vandals  had  dese 
crated  an  altar  in  his  presence.  Cousin  Egbert  having 
drawn  off  one  of  his  newly  purchased  boots  during  the 
dinner  was  now  replacing  it  with  audible  groans,  but  I 
caught  his  joyous  comment  a  moment  later:  "Didn't  I  tell 
you  the  Judge  was  some  mixer?  " 

"Mixing,  indeed,"  snapped  the  ladies. 

A  half -hour  later  the  historic  evening  had  come  to  an 
end.  The  last  guest  had  departed,  and  all  of  my  staff,  save 
Mrs.  Judson  and  her  male  child.  These  I  begged  to  escort 


256  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

to  their  home,  since  the  way  was  rather  far  and  dark.  The 
child,  incautiously  left  in  the  kitchen  at  the  mercy  of  the 
female  black,  had  with  criminal  stupidity  been  stuffed  with 
food,  traces  of  almost  every  course  of  the  dinner  being 
apparent  upon  its  puffy  countenance.  Being  now  in  a 
stupor  from  overfeeding,  I  was  obliged  to  lug  the  thing  over 
my  shoulder.  I  resolved  to  warn  the  mother  at  an  early 
opportunity  of  the  perils  of  an  unrestricted  diet,  although 
the  deluded  creature  seemed  actually  to  glory  in  its  cor 
pulence.  I  discovered  when  halfway  to  her  residence  that 
the  thing  was  still  tightly  clutching  the  gnawed  thigh-bone 
of  a  fowl  which  was  spotting  the  shoulder  of  my  smartest 
top-coat.  The  mother,  however,  was  so  ingenuously  de 
lighted  with  my  success  and  so  full  of  prattle  concerning 
my  future  triumphs  that  I  forbore  to  instruct  her  at  this 
time.  I  may  say  that  of  all  my  staff  she  had  betrayed  the 
most  intelligent  understanding  of  my  ideals,  and  I  bade  her 
good-night  with  a  strong  conviction  that  she  would  greatly 
assist  me  in  the  future.  She  also  promised  that  Mr. 
Barker  should  thereafter  be  locked  in  a  cellar  at  such  times 
as  she  was  serving  me. 

Returning  through  the  town,  I  heard  strains  of  music 
from  the  establishment  known  as  "Bert's  Place,"  and  was 
shocked  on  staring  through  his  show  window  to  observe  the 
Honourable  George  and  Cousin  Egbert  waltzing  madly 
with  the  cow-persons,  Hank  and  Buck,  to  the  strains  of  a 
mechanical  piano .  The  Honourable  George  had  exchanged 
his  top-hat  for  his  partner's  cow-person  hat,  which  came 
down  over  his  ears  in  a  most  regrettable  manner. 

I  thought  it  best  not  to  intrude  upon  their  coarse  amuse 
ment  and  went  on  to  the  grill  to  see  that  all  was  safe  for  the 


-  8 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  257 

night.  Returning  from  my  inspection  some  half-hour 
later,  I  came  upon  the  two,  Cousin  Egbert  in  the  lead,  the 
Honourable  George  behind  him.  They  greeted  me  some 
what  boisterously,  but  I  saw  that  they  were  now  content  to 
return  home  and  to  bed.  As  they  walked  somewhat 
mincingly,  I  noticed  that  they  were  in  their  hose,  carrying 
their  varnished  boots  in  either  hand. 

Of  the  Honourable  George,  who  still  wore  the  cow- 
person's  hat,  I  began  now  to  have  the  gravest  doubts. 
There  had  been  an  evil  light  in  the  eyes  of  the  Klondike 
woman  and  her  Bohemian  cohorts  as  they  surveyed  him. 
As  he  preceded  me  I  heard  him  murmur  ecstatically :  "  Sush 
is  life." 


CHAPTER  FIFTEEN 

LAUNCHED  now  upon  a  business  venture  that 
would  require  my  unremitting  attention  if  it  were 
to  prosper,  it  may  be  imagined  that  I  had  little 
leisure  for  the  social  vagaries  of  the  Honourable  George, 
shocking  as  these  might  be  to  one's  finer  tastes.  And  yet 
on  the  following  morning  I  found  time  to  tell  him  what. 
To  put  it  quite  bluntly,  I  gave  him  beans  for  his  loose 
behaviour  the  previous  evening,  in  publicly  ogling  and 
meeting  as  an  equal  one  whom  one  didn't  know. 

To  my  amazement,  instead  of  being  heartily  ashamed  of 
his  licentiousness,  I  found  him  recalcitrant.  Stubborn  as  a 
mule  he  was  and  with  a  low  animal  cunning  that  I  had 
never  given  him  credit  for.  "  Demosthenes  was  the  son  of 
a  cutler,"  said  he,  "and  Napoleon  worked  on  a  canal-boat, 
what?  Didn't  you  say  so  yourself,  you  juggins,  what? 
Fancy  there  being  upper  and  lower  classes  among  natives ! 
What  rot!  And  I  like  North  America.  I  don't  mind 
telling  you  straight  I'm  going  to  take  it  up. " 

Horrified  by  these  reckless  words,  I  could  only  say 
"Noblesse  oblige,"  meaning  to  convey  that  whatever  the 
North  Americans  did,  the  next  Earl  of  Brinstead  must  not 
meet  persons  one  doesn't  know,  whereat  he  rejoined  tartly 
that  I  was  "  to  stow  that  piffle ! " 

Being  now  quite  alarmed,  I  took  the  further  time  to  call 

358 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  259 

upon  Belknap-JacksoR,  believing  that  he,  if  any  one,  could 
recall  the  Honourable  George  to  his  better  nature.  He,  too, 
was  shocked,  as  I  had  been,  and  at  first  would  have  put  the 
blame  entirely  upon  the  shoulders  of  Cousin  Egbert,  but  at 
this  I  was  obliged  to  admit  that  the  Honourable  George  had 
too  often  shown  a  regrettable  fondness  for  the  society  of 
persons  that  did  not  matter,  especially  females,  and  I  cited 
the  case  of  the  typing-girl  and  the  Brixton  millinery  person, 
with  either  of  whom  he  would  have  allied  himself  in  marriage 
had  not  his  lordship  intervened.  Belknap- Jackson  was 
quite  properly  horrified  at  these  revelations. 

"Has  he  no  sense  of '  Noblesse  oblige ' ?  " he  demanded,  at 
which  I  quoted  the  result  of  my  own  use  of  this  phrase  to 
the  unfortunate  man.  Quite  too  plain  it  was  that  "  No 
blesse  oblige!"  would  never  stop  him  from  yielding  to  his 
baser  impulses. 

"We  must  be  tactful,  then,"  remarked  Belknap-Jackson. 
"  Without  appearing  to  oppose  him  we  must  yet  show  him 
who  is  really  who  in  Red  Gap.  We  shall  let  him  see  that 
we  have  standards  which  must  be  as  rigidly  adhered  to  as 
those  of  an  older  civilization.  I  fancy  it  can  be  done.* 

Privately  I  fancied  not,  yet  I  forbore  to  say  this  or  to 
prolong  the  painful  interview,  particularly  as  I  was  due  at 
the  United  States  Grill. 

The  Recorder  of  that  morning  had  done  me  handsomely, 
declaring  my  opening  to  have  been  a  social  event  long  to  be 
remembered,  and  describing  the  costumes  of  a  dozen  or 
more  of  the  smartly  gowned  matrons,  quite  as  if  it  had 
been  an  assembly  ball.  My  task  now  was  to  see  that  the 
Grill  was  kept  to  the  high  level  of  its  opening,  both  as  a 
social  ganglion,  if  one  may  use  the  term,  and  as  a  place  to 


260  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

which  the  public  would  ever  turn  for  food  that  mattered. 
For  my  first  luncheon  the  raccoons  had  prepared,  under  my 
direction,  a  steak-and-kidney  pie,  in  addition  to  which  I 
offered  a  thick  soup  and  a  pudding  of  high  nutritive  value. 

To  my  pleased  astonishment  the  crowd  at  midday  was 
quite  all  that  my  staff  could  serve,  several  of  the  Hobbs 
brood  being  at  school,  and  the  luncheon  was  received  with 
every  sign  of  approval  by  the  business  persons  who  sat  to 
it.  Not  only  were  there  drapers,  chemists,  and  shop- 
assistants,  but  solicitors  and  barristers,  bankers  and  estate 
agents,  and  all  quite  eager  with  their  praise  of  my  fare. 
To  each  of  these  I  explained  that  I  should  give  them  but 
few  things,  but  that  these  would  be  food  in  the  finest  sense 
of  the  word,  adding  that  the  fault  of  the  American  school 
lay  in  attempting  a  too-great  profusion  of  dishes,  none  of 
which  in  consequence  could  be  raised  to  its  highest  power. 

So  sound  was  my  theory  and  so  nicely  did  my  simple- 
dished  luncheon  demonstrate  it  that  I  was  engaged  on  the 
spot  to  provide  the  bi-monthly  banquet  of  the  Chamber  of 
Commerce,  the  president  of  which  rather  seriously  proposed 
that  it  now  be  made  a  monthly  affair,  since  they  would  no 
longer  be  at  the  mercy  of  a  hotel  caterer  whose  ambition 
ran  inversely  to  his  skill.  Indeed,  after  the  pudding,  I  was 
this  day  asked  to  become  a  member  of  the  body,  and  I  now 
felt  that  I  was  indubitably  one  of  them — America  and  I 
had  taken  each  other  as  seriously  as  could  be  desired. 

More  than  once  during  the  afternoon  I  wondered  rather 
painfully  what  the  Honourable  George  might  be  doing.  I 
knew  that  he  had  been  promised  to  a  meeting  of  the  On 
wards  and  Upwards  Club  through  the  influence  of  Mrs. 
Effie,  where  it  had  been  hoped  that  he  would  give  a  talk  on 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  261 

Country  Life  in  England.  At  least  she  had  hinted  to  them 
that  he  might  do  this,  though  I  had  known  from  the  be 
ginning  that  he  would  do  nothing  of  the  sort,  and  had 
merely  hoped  that  he  would  appear  for  a  dish  of  tea  and 
stay  quiet,  which  was  as  much  as  the  North  Side  set  could 
expect  of  him.  Induced  to  speak,  I  was  quite  certain  he 
would  tell  them  straight  that  Country  Life  in  England  was 
silly  rot,  and  that  was  all  to  it.  Now,  not  having  seen  him 
during  the  day,  I  could  but  hope  that  he  had  attended  the 
gathering  in  suitable  afternoon  attire,  and  that  he  would 
have  divined  that  the  cattle-person's  hat  did  not  co 
ordinate  with  this. 

At  four-thirty,  while  I  was  still  concerned  over  the 
possible  misadventures  of  the  Honourable  George,  my  first 
patrons  for  tea  began  to  arrive,  for  I  had  let  it  be  known 
that  I  should  specialize  in  this.  Toasted  crumpets  there 
were,  and  muffins,  and  a  tea  cake  rich  with  plums,  and  tea, 
I  need  not  say,  which  was  all  that  tea  could  be.  Several 
tables  were  filled  with  prominent  ladies  of  the  North  Side 
set,  who  were  loud  in  their  exclamations  of  delight,  es 
pecially  at  the  finished  smartness  of  my  service,  for  it  was 
perhaps  now  that  the  profoundly  serious  thought  I  had 
given  to  my  silver,  linen,  and  glassware  showed  to  best 
advantage.  I  suspect  that  this  was  the  first  time  many  of 
my  guests  had  encountered  a  tea  cozy,  since  from  that  day 
they  began  to  be  prevalent  in  Red  Gap  homes.  Also  my 
wagon  containing  the  crumpets,  muffins,  tea  cake,  jam  and 
bread-and-butter,  which  I  now  used  for  the  first  time, 
created  a  veritable  sensation. 

There  was  an  agreeable  hum  of  chatter  from  these  early 
comers  when  I  found  myself  welcoming  Mrs.  Judge  Ballard 


262  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

and  half  a  dozen  members  of  the  Onwards  and  Upwards 
Club,  all  of  them  wearing  what  I  made  out  to  be  a  baffled 
look.  From  these  I  presently  managed  to  gather  that  their 
guest  of  honour  for  the  afternoon  had  simply  not  appeared, 
and  that  the  meeting,  after  awaiting  him  for  two  hours,  had 
dissolved  in  some  resentment,  the  time  having  been  spent 
chiefly  in  an  unflattering  dissection  of  the  Klondike 
woman's  behaviour  the  evening  before. 

"He  is  a  naughty  man  to  disappoint  us  so  cruelly!" 
declared  Mrs.  Judge  Ballard  of  the  Honourable  George,  but 
the  coquetry  of  it  was  feigned  to  cover  a  very  real  irritation. 
I  made  haste  with  possible  excuses.  I  said  that  he  might 
belli,  or  that  important  letters  in  that  day's  post  might  have 
detained  him.  I  knew  he  had  been  astonishingly  well  that 
morning,  also  that  he  loathed  letters  and  almost  practically 
never  received  any;  but  something  had  to  be  said. 

"A  naughty,  naughty  fellow!"  repeated  Mrs.  Ballard, 
and  the  members  of  her  party  echoed  it.  They  had  looked 
forward  rather  pathetically,  I  saw,  to  hearing  about 
Country  Life  in  England  from  one  who  had  lived  it. 

I  was  now  drawn  to  greet  the  Belknap-Jacksons,  who 
entered,  and  to  the  pleasure  of  winning  their  hearty 
approval  for  the  perfection  of  my  arrangements.  As  the 
wife  presently  joined  Mrs.  Ballard's  group,  the  husband 
called  me  to  his  table  and  disclosed  that  almost  the  worst 
might  be  feared  of  the  Honourable  George.  He  was  at 
that  moment,  it  appeared,  with  a  rabble  of  cow-persons 
and  members  of  the  lower  class  gathered  at  a  stockade  at 
the  edge  of  town,  where  various  native  horses  fresh  from 
the  wilderness  were  being  taught  to  be  ridden. 

"The  wretched  Floud  is  with  him,"  continued  my  in- 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  263 

formant,  "also  the  Tuttle  chap,  who  continues  to  be  re 
ceived  by  our  best  people  in  spite  of  my  remonstrances,  and 
he  yells  quite  like  a  demon  when  one  of  the  riders  is  thrown. 
I  passed  as  quickly  as  I  could.  The  spectacle  was — of 
course  I  make  allowances  for  Vane-Basingwell's  ignorance 
of  our  standards — it  was  nothing  short  of  disgusting;  a 
man  of  his  position  consorting  with  the  herd!" 

"He  told  me  no  longer  ago  than  this  morning,'*  I  said, 
"that  he  was  going  to  take  up  America." 

"He  has!"  said  Belknap- Jackson  with  bitter  emphasis. 
"You  should  see  what  he  has  on — a  cowboy  hat  and 
chapps!  And  the  very  lowest  of  them  are  calling  him 
*  Judge'!" 

"He  flunked  a  meeting  of  the  Onwards  and  Upwards 
Society,"  I  added. 

"  I  know !  I  know !  And  who  could  have  expected  it  in 
one  of  his  lineage?  At  this  very  moment  he  should  be  con 
ducting  himself  as  one  of  his  class.  Can  you  wonder  at  my 
impatience  with  the  West?  Here  at  an  hour  when  our 
social  life  should  be  in  evidence,  when  all  trade  should  be 
forgotten,  I  am  the  only  man  in  the  town  who  shows  him 
self  in  a  tea-room;  and  Vane-Basingwell  over  there  de 
basing  himself  with  our  commonest  sort ! " 

All  at  once  I  saw  that  I  myself  must  bear  the  brunt  of 
this  scandal.  I  had  brought  hither  the  Honourable  George, 
promising  a  personage  who  would  for  once  and  all  unify  the 
North  Side  set  and  perhaps  disintegrate  its  rival.  I  had 
been  felicitated  upon  my  master-stroke.  And  now  it 
seemed  I  had  come  a  cropper.  But  I  resolved  not  to  give 
up,  and  said  as  much  now  to  Belknap-Jackson. 

"  I  may  be  blamed  for  bringing  him  among  you,  but  trust 


264  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

me  if  things  are  really  as  bad  as  they  seem.  I'll  get  him  off 
again.  I'll  not  let  myself  be  bowled  by  such  a  silly  lob  as 
that.  Trust  me  to  devote  profound  thought  to  this  prob 
lem." 

"We  all  have  every  confidence  in  you,"  he  assured  me, 
"but  don't  be  too  severe  all  at  once  with  the  chap.  He 
might  recover  a  sane  balance  even  yet." 

" I  shall  use  discretion,"  I  assured  him,  "but  if  it  proves 
that  I  have  fluffed,  my  catch,  rely  upon  me  to  use  extreme 
measures." 

"Red  Gap  needs  your  best  effort,"  he  replied  in  a  voice 
that  brimmed  with  feeling. 

At  five-thirty,  my  rush  being  over,  I  repaired  to  the 
neighbourhood  where  the  Honourable  George  had  been 
reported.  The  stockade  noAV  contained  only  a  half -score  of 
the  untaught  horses,  but  across  the  road  from  it  was  a 
public  house,  or  saloon,  from  which  came  unmistakable 
sounds  of  carousing.  It  was  an  unsavoury  place,  fre 
quented  only  by  cattle  and  horse  persons?  the  proprietor 
being  an  abandoned  character  named  Spilmer,  who  had 
once  done  a  patron  to  death  in  a  drunken  quarrel.  Only 
slight  legal  difficulties  had  been  made  for  him,  however,  it 
having  been  pleaded  that  he  acted  in  self-defence,  and  the 
creature  had  at  once  resumed  his  trade  as  publican.  There 
was  even  public  sympathy  for  him  at  the  time  on  the  ground 
that  he  possessed  a  blind  mother,  though  I  have  never  been 
able  to  see  that  this  should  have  been  a  factor  in  adjudging 
him. 

I  paused  now  before  the  low  place,  imagining  I  could 
detect  the  tones  of  the  Honourable  George  high  above  the 
chorus  l)iat  came  out  to  me.  Deciding  that  in  any  event 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  265 

it  would  not  become  me  to  enter  a  resort  of  this  stamp,  I 
walked  slowly  back  toward  the  more  reputable  part  of  town, 
and  was  presently  rewarded  by  seeing  the  crowd  emerge. 
It  was  led,  I  saw,  by  the  Honourable  George.  The  cattle- 
hat  was  still  down  upon  his  ears,  and  to  my  horror  he  had 
come  upon  the  public  thoroughfare  with  his  legs  encased  in 
the  chapps — a  species  of  leathern  pantalettes  covered  with 
goat's  wool — a  garment  which  I  need  not  say  no  gentleman 
should  be  seen  abroad  in.  As  worn  by  the  cow-persons  in 
their  daily  toil  they  are  only  just  possible,  being  as  far 
from  true  vogue  as  anything  well  could  be. 

Accompanying  him  were  Cousin  Egbert,  the  Indian 
Tuttle,  the  cow-persons,  Hank  and  Buck,  and  three  or  four 
others  of  the  same  rough  stamp.  Unobtrusively  I  followed 
them  to  our  main  thoroughfare,  deeply  humiliated  by  the 
atrocious  spectacle  the  Honourable  George  was  making  of 
himself,  only  to  observe  them  turn  into  another  public 
house  entitled  "The  Family  Liquor  Store,"  where  it 
seemed  only  too  certain,  since  the  bearing  of  all  was  highly 
animated,  that  they  would  again  carouse. 

At  once  seeing  my  duty,  I  boldly  entered,  finding  them 
aligned  against  the  American  bar  and  clamouring  for 
drink.  My  welcome  was  heartfelt,  even  enthusiastic, 
almost  every  one  of  them  beginning  to  regale  me  with 
incidents  of  the  afternoon's  horse-breaking.  The  Honour 
able  George,  it  seemed,  had  himself  briefly  mounted  one 
of  the  animals,  having  fallen  into  the  belief  that  the  cow- 
persons  did  not  try  earnestly  enough  to  stay  on  their 
mounts.  I  gathered  that  one  experience  had  dissuaded 
him  from  this  opinion. 

""That  there  little  paint  horse,"  observed  Cousin  Egbert 


266  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

genially,  "stepped  out  from  under  the  Judge  the  prettiest 
you  ever  saw." 

"He  sure  did,"  remarked  the  Honourable  George,  with  a 
palpable  effort  to  speak  the  American  brogue.  "A  most 
flighty  beast  he  was — nerves  all  gone — I  dare  say  a  hope 
less  neurasthenic." 

And  then  when  I  would  have  rebuked  him  for  so  shame 
fully  disappointing  the  ladies  of  the  Onwards  and  Upwards 
Society,  he  began  to  tell  me  of  the  public  house  he  had  just 
left. 

"I  say,  you  know  that  Spilmer  chap,  he's  a  genuine 
murderer — he  let  me  hold  the  weapon  with  which  he  did 
it — and  he  has  blind  relatives  dependent  upon  him,  or 
something  of  that  sort,  otherwise  I  fancy  they'd  have  sent 
him  to  the  gallows.  And,  by  Gad!  he's  a  witty  scoundrel, 
what!  Looking  at  his  sign — leaving  the  settlement  it 
reads,  'Last  Chance,'  but  entering  the  settlement  it  reads, 
'First  Chance.'  Last  chance  and  first  chance  for  a  peg,  do 
you  see  what  I  mean?  I  tried  it  out;  walked  both  ways 
under  the  sign  and  looked  up ;  it  worked  perfectly.  Enter 
the  settlement,  'First  Chance';  leave  the  settlement,  'Last 
Chance.'  Do  you  see  what  I  mean?  Suggestive,  what! 
Witty !  You'd  never  have  expected  that  murderer- Johnny 
to  be  so  subtle.  Our  own  murderers  aren't  that  way.  I 
say,  it's  a  tremendous  wheeze.  I  wonder  the  press-chaps 
don't  take  it  up.  It's  better  than  the  blind  factory,  though 
the  chap's  mother  or  something  is  blind.  What  ho !  But 
that's  silly!  To  be  sure  one  has  nothing  to  do  with  the 
other.  I  say,  have  another,  you  chaps !  I've  not  felt  so 
fit  in  ages.  I'm  going  to  take  up  America ! " 

Plainly  it  was  no  occasion  to  use  serious  words  to  the  man. 


/       RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  267 

He  slapped  his  companions  smartly  on  their  backs  and  was 
slapped  in  turn  by  all  of  them.  One  or  two  of  them  called 
him  an  old  horse !  Not  only  was  I  doing  no  good  for  the 
North  Side  set,  but  I  had  felt  obliged  to  consume  two 
glasses  of  spirits  that  I  did  not  wish.  So  I  discreetly  with 
drew.  As  I  went,  the  Honourable  George  was  again  telling 
them  that  he  was  "going  in"  for  North  America,  and 
Cousin  Egbert  was  calling  "  Three  rousing  cheers ! " 

Thus  luridly  began,  I  may  say,  a  scandal  that  was  to  be 
far-reaching  in  its  dreadful  effects.  Far  from  feeling  a 
proper  shame  on  the  following  day,  the  Honourable  George 
was  as  pleased  as  Punch  with  himself,  declaring  his  inten 
tion  of  again  consorting  with  the  cattle  and  horse  persons 
and  very  definitely  declining  an  invitation  to  play  at  golf 
with  Belknap-Jackson. 

"Golf!"  he  spluttered.  "You  do  it,  and  then  you've 
directly  to  do  it  all  over  again.  I  mean  to  say,  one  gets  no 
where.  A  silly  game — what ! " 

Wishing  to  be  in  no  manner  held  responsible  for  his 
vicious  pursuits,  I  that  day  removed  my  diggings  from  the 
Floud  home  to  chambers  in  the  Pettingill  block  above  the 
Grill,  where  I  did  myself  quite  nicely  with  decent  mantel 
ornaments,  some  vivacious  prints  of  old-world  cathedrals, 
and  a  few  good  books,  having  for  body-servant  one  of  the 
Hobbs  lads  who  seemed  rather  teachable.  I  must  admit, 
however,  that  I  was  frequently  obliged  to  address  him 
more  sharply  than  one  should  ever  address  one's  servant, 
my  theory  having  always  been  that  a  serving  person  should 
be  treated  quite  as  if  he  were  a  gentleman  temporarily 
performing  menial  duties,  but  there  was  that  strain  of  low- 
ness  in  all  the  Hobbses  which  often  forbade  this,  a  blending 


268  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

of  servility  with  more  or  less  skilfully  dissembled  im 
pertinence,  which  I  dare  say  is  the  distinguishing  mark  of 
our  lower-class  serving  people. 

Removed  now  from  the  immediate  and  more  intimate 
effects  of  the  Honourable  George's  digressions,  I  was 
privileged  for  days  at  a  time  to  devote  my  attention  ex 
clusively  to  my  enterprise.  It  had  thriven  from  the 
beginning,  and  after  a  month  I  had  so  perfected  the  minor 
details  of  management  that  everything  was  right  as  rain. 
In  my  catering  I  continued  to  steer  a  middle  course  between 
the  British  school  of  plain  roast  and  boiled  and  a  too  often 
piffling  French  complexity,  seeking  to  retain  the  desirable 
features  of  each.  My  luncheons  for  the  tradesmen  rather 
held  to  a  cut  from  the  joint  with  vegetables  and  a  suitable 
sweet,  while  in  my  dinners  I  relaxed  a  bit  into  somewhat 
imaginative  salads  and  entrees.  For  the  tea-hour  I  con 
stantly  strove  to  provide  some  appetizing  novelty,  often,  I 
confess,  sacrificing  nutrition  to  mere  sightliness  in  view  of 
my  almost  exclusive  feminine  patronage,  yet  never  carry 
ing  this  to  an  undignified  extreme. 

As  a  result  of  my  sound  judgment,  dinner-giving  in  Red 
Gap  began  that  winter  to  be  done  almost  entirely  in  my 
place.  There  might  be  small  informal  affairs  at  home,  but 
for  dinners  of  any  pretension  the  hostesses  of  the  North 
Side  set  came  to  me,  relying  almost  quite  entirely  upon  my 
taste  in  the  selection  of  the  menu.  Although  at  first  I  was 
required  to  employ  unlimited  tact  in  dissuading  them  from 
strange  and  laboured  concoctions,  whose  photographs  they 
fetched  me  from  their  women's  magazines,  I  at  length 
converted  them  from  this  unwholesome  striving  for  novelty 
and  laid  the  foundations  for  that  sound  scheme  of  gastron- 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  269 

omy  which  to-day  distinguishes  this  fastest-growing  town 
in  the  state,  if  not  in  the  West  of  America. 

It  was  during  these  early  months,  I  ought  perhaps  to 
say,  that  I  rather  distinguished  myself  in  the  matter  of  a 
relish  which  I  compounded  one  day  when  there  was  a  cold 
round  of  beef  for  luncheon.  Little  dreaming  of  the 
magnitude  of  the  moment,  I  brought  together  English 
mustard  and  the  American  tomato  catsup,  in  proportions 
which  for  reasons  that  will  be  made  obvious  I  do  not  here 
disclose,  together  with  three  other  and  lesser  condiments 
whose  identity  also  must  remain  a  secret.  Serving  this 
with  my  cold  joint,  I  was  rather  amazed  at  the  sensation  it 
created.  My  patrons  clamoured  for  it  repeatedly  and  a 
barrister  wished  me  to  prepare  a  flask  of  it  for  use  in  his 
home.  The  following  day  it  was  again  demanded  and  other 
requests  were  made  for  private  supplies,  while  by  the  end  of 
the  week  my  relish  had  become  rather  famous.  Followed  a 
suggestion  from  Mrs.  Judson  as  she  overlooked  my  prep 
aration  of  it  one  day  from  her  own  task  of  polishing  the 
glassware. 

"Put  it  on  the  market,"  said  she,  and  at  once  I  felt  the 
inspiration  of  her  idea.  To  her  I  entrusted  the  formula. 
I  procured  a  quantity  of  suitable  flasks,  while  in  her  own 
home  she  compounded  the  stuff  and  filled  them.  Having 
no  mind  to  claim  credit  not  my  own,  I  may  now  say  that 
this  rather  remarkable  woman  also  evolved  the  idea  of  the 
label,  including  the  name,  which  was  pasted  upon  the 
bottles  when  our  product  was  launched. 

"Ruggles'  International  Relish"  she  had  named  it  after 
a  moment's  thought.  Below  was  a  print  of  my  face  taken 
from  an  excellent  photographic  portrait,  followed  by  a 


270  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

brief  summary  of  the  article's  unsurpassed  excellence,  to 
gether  with  a  list  of  the  viands  for  which  it  was  commended. 
As  the  International  Relish  is  now  a  matter  of  history,  the 
demand  for  it  having  spread  as  far  east  as  Chicago  and  those 
places,  I  may  add  that  it  was  this  capable  woman  again 
who  devised  the  large  placard  for  hoardings  in  which  a 
middle-aged  but  glowing  bon-vivant  in  evening  dress  re 
bukes  the  blackamoor  who  has  served  his  dinner  for  not 
having  at  once  placed  Ruggles'  International  Relish  upon 
the  table.  The  genial  annoyance  of  the  diner  and  the 
apologetic  concern  of  the  black  are  excellently  depicted  by 
the  artist,  for  the  original  drawing  of  which  I  paid  a  stiffish 
price  to  the  leading  artist  fellow  of  Spokane.  This  now 
adorns  the  wall  of  my  sitting-room. 

It  must  not  be  supposed  that  I  had  been  free  during  these 
months  from  annoyance  and  chagrin  at  the  manner  in 
which  the  Honourable  George  was  conducting  himself.  In 
the  beginning  it  was  hoped  both  by  Belknap-Jackson  and 
myself  that  he  might  do  no  worse  than  merely  consort  with 
the  rougher  element  of  the  town.  I  mean  to  say,  we  sus 
pected  that  the  apparent  charm  of  the  raffish  cattle-persons 
might  suffice  to  keep  him  from  any  notorious  alliance  with 
the  dreaded  Bohemian  set.  So  long  as  he  abstained  from 
this  he  might  still  be  received  at  our  best  homes,  despite 
his  regrettable  fondness  for  low  company.  Even  when  he 
brought  the  murderer  Spilmer  to  dine  with  him  at  my  place, 
the  thing  was  condoned  as  a  freakish  grotesquerie  in  one 
who,  of  unassailable  social  position,  might  well  afford  to 
stoop  momentarily. 

I  must  say  that  the  murderer — a  heavy- jowled  brute  of 
husky  voice,  and  quite  lacking  a  forehead — conducted  him- 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  271 

self  on  this  occasion  with  an  entirely  decent  restraint  of 
manner,  quite  in  contrast  to  the  Honourable  George,  who 
betrayed  an  expansively  naive  pride  in  his  guest,  seeming  to 
wish  the  world  to  know  of  the  event.  Between  them  they 
consumed  a  fair  bottle  of  the  relish.  Indeed,  the  Honour 
able  George  was  inordinately  fond  of  this,  as  a  result  of 
which  he  would  often  come  out  quite  spotty  again.  Cousin 
Egbert  was  another  who  became  so  addicted  to  it  that  his 
fondness  might  well  have  been  called  a  vice.  Both  he  and 
the  Honourable  George  would  drench  quite  every  course 
with  the  sauce,  and  Cousin  Egbert,  with  that  explicit  di 
rectness  which  distinguished  his  character,  would  frankly 
sop  his  bread-crusts  in  it,  or  even  sip  it  with  a  coffee-spoon. 

As  I  have  intimated,  in  spite  of  the  Honourable  George's 
affiliations  with  the  slum-characters  of  what  I  may  call  Red 
Gap's  East  End,  he  had  not  yet  publicly  identified  himself 
with  the  Klondike  woman  and  her  Bohemian  set,  in  con 
sequence  of  which — let  him  dine  and  wine  a  Spilmer  as  he 
would — there  was  yet  hope  that  he  would  not  alienate  him 
self  from  the  North  Side  set. 

At  intervals  during  the  early  months  of  his  sojourn  among 
us  he  accepted  dinner  invitations  at  the  Grill  from  our  social 
leaders;  in  fact,  after  the  launching  of  the  International 
Relish,  I  know  of  none  that  he  declined,  but  it  was  evident 
to  me  that  he  moved  but  half-heartedly  in  this  higher 
circle.  On  one  occasion,  too,  he  appeared  in  the  trousers  of 
a  lounge-suit  of  tweeds  instead  of  his  dress  trousers,  and 
with  tan  boots.  The  trousers,  to  be  sure,  were  of  a  sombre 
hue,  but  the  brown  boots  were  quite  too  dreadfully  un 
mistakable.  After  this  I  may  say  that  I  looked  for  any 
thing,  and  my  worst  fears  were  soon  confirmed 


272  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

It  began  as  the  vaguest  sort  of  gossip.  The  Honourable 
George,  it  was  said,  had  been  a  guest  at  one  of  the  Klondike 
woman's  evening  affairs.  The  rumour  crystallized.  He 
had  been  asked  to  meet  the  Bohemian  set  at  a  Dutch  supper 
and  had  gone.  He  had  lingered  until  a  late  hour,  dancing 
the  American  folkdances  (for  which  he  had  shown  a  sur 
prising  adaptability)  and  conducting  himself  generally  as 
the  next  Earl  of  Brinstead  should  not  have  done.  He  had 
repeated  his  visit,  repairing  to  the  woman's  house  both 
afternoon  and  evening.  He  had  become  a  constant  visitor. 
He  had  spoken  regrettably  of  the  dulness  of  a  meeting  of  the 
Onwards  and  Upwards  Society  which  he  had  attended. 
He  was  in  the  woman's  toils. 

With  gossip  of  this  sort  there  was  naturally  much  in 
dignation,  and  yet  the  leaders  of  the  North  Side  set  were 
so  delicately  placed  that  there  was  every  reason  for  con 
cealing  it.  They  redoubled  their  attentions  to  the  un 
fortunate  man,  seeking  to  leave  him  not  an  unoccupied 
evening  or  afternoon.  Such  was  the  gravity  of  the  crisis. 
Belknap-Jackson  alone  remained  finely  judicial. 

"The  situation  is  of  the  gravest  character,"  he  confided 
to  me,  "but  we  must  be  wary.  The  day  isn't  lost  so  long  as 
he  doesn't  appear  publicly  in  the  creature's  train.  For  the 
present  we  have  only  unverified  rumour.  As  a  man  about 
town  Vane-Basingwell  may  feel  free  to  consort  with  vicious 
companions  and  still  maintain  his  proper  standing.  De 
plore  it  as  all  right-thinking  people  must,  under  present 
social  conditions  he  is  undoubtedly  free  to  lead  what  is 
called  a  double  life.  We  can  only  wait." 

Such  was  the  state  of  the  public  mind,  be  it  understood, 
up  to  the  time  of  the  notorious  and  scandalous  defection  of 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  273 

this  obsessed  creature,  an  occasion  which  I  cannot  recall 
without  shuddering,  and  which  inspired  me  to  a  course  that 
was  later  to  have  the  most  inexplicable  and  far-reaching 
consequences. 

Theatrical  plays  had  been  numerous  with  us  during  the 
season,  with  the  natural  result  of  many  after-theatre 
suppers  being  given  by  those  who  attended,  among  them 
the  North  Side  leaders,  and  frequently  the  Klondike  woman 
with  her  following.  On  several  of  these  occasions,  more 
over,  the  latter  brought  as  supper  guests  certain  repre 
sentatives  of  the  theatrical  profession,  both  male  and 
female,  she  apparently  having  a  wide  acquaintance  with 
such  persons.  That  this  sort  of  thing  increased  her  un 
popularity  with  the  North  Side  set  will  be  understood  when 
I  add  that  now  and  then  her  guests  would  be  of  undoubted 
respectability  in  their  private  lives,  as  theatrical  persons 
often  are,  and  such  as  our  smartest  hostesses  would  have 
been  only  too  glad  to  entertain. 

To  counteract  this  effect  Belknap- Jackson  now  broached 
to  me  a  plan  of  undoubted  merit,  which  was  nothing  less 
than  to  hold  an  afternoon  reception  at  his  home  in  honour 
of  the  world',-3  greatest  pianoforte  artist,  who  was  presently 
to  give  a  recital  in  Red  Gap. 

"I've  not  met  the  chap  myself,"  he  began,  "but  I  knew 
his  secretaiy  and  travelling  companion  quite  well  in  a 
happier  day  in  Boston.  The  recital  here  will  be  Saturday 
evening,  which  means  that  they  will  remain  here  on  Sunday 
until  the  evening  train  East.  I  shall  suggest  to  my  friend 
that  his  employer,  to  while  away  the  tedium  of  the  Sunday, 
might  care  to  look  in  upon  me  in  the  afternoon  and  meet  a 

few  of  our  best  people.     Nothing  boring,  of  course.     I've 

' 


274  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

no  doubt  he  will  arrange  it.  I've  written  him  to  Port 
land,  where  they  now  are." 

"  Rather  a  card  that  will  be,"  I  instantly  cried.  "  Rather 
better  class  than  entertaining  strolling  players."  Indeed 
the  merit  of  the  proposal  rather  overwhelmed  me.  It 
would  be  dignified  and  yet  spectacular.  It  would  show  the 
Klondike  woman  that  we  chose  to  have  contact  only  with 
artists  of  acknowledged  preeminence  and  that  such  were 
quite  willing  to  accept  our  courtesies.  I  had  hopes,  too, 
that  the  Honourable  George  might  be  aroused  to  advan 
tages  which  he  seemed  bent  upon  casting  to  the  American 
winds. 

A  week  later  Belknap- Jackson  joyously  informed  me  that 
the  great  artist  had  consented  to  accept  his  hospitality. 
There  would  be  light  refreshments,  with  which  I  was 
charged.  I  suggested  tea  in  the  Russian  manner,  which  he 
applauded. 

"And  everything  dainty  in  the  way  of  food,"  he  warned 
me.  "Nothing  common,  nothing  heavy.  Some  of  those 
tiny  lettuce  sandwiches,  a  bit  of  caviare,  macaroons — 
nothing  gross — a  decanter  of  dry  sherry,  perhaps,  a  few  of 
the  lightest  wafers;  things  that  cultivated  persons  may 
trifle  with — things  not  repugnant  to  the  artist  soul." 

I  promised  my  profoundest  consideration  to  these 
matters. 

"And  it  occurs  to  me,"  he  thoughtfully  added,  "that  this 
may  be  a  time  for  Vane-Basingwell  to  silence  the  slurs  upon 
himself  that  are  becoming  so  common.  I  shall  beg  him  to 
meet  our  guest  at  his  hotel  and  escort  him  to  my  place.  A 
note  to  my  friend,  'the  bearer,  the  Honourable  George 
Augustus  Vane-Basingwell,  brother  of  his  lordship  the  Earl 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  275 

of  Brinstead,  will  take  great  pleasure  in  escorting  to  my 
home '  You  get  the  idea?  Not  bad ! " 

Again  I  applauded,  resolving  that  for  once  the  Honour 
able  George  would  be  suitably  attired  even  if  I  had  to  bully 
him.  And  so  was  launched  what  promised  to  be  Red  Gap's 
most  notable  social  event  of  the  season.  The  Honourable 
George,  being  consulted,  promised  after  a  rather  sulky 
hesitation  to  act  as  the  great  artist's  escort,  though  he 
persisted  in  referring  to  him  as  "that  piano  Johnny,"  and 
betrayed  a  suspicion  that  Belknap-Jackson  was  merely 
bent  upon  getting  him  to  perform  without  price. 

"  But  no,"  cried  Belknap-Jackson,  "  I  should  never  think 
of  anything  so  indelicate  as  asking  him  to  play.  My  own 
piano  will  be  tightly  closed  and  I  dare  say  removed  to  an 
other  room." 

At  this  the  Honourable  George  professed  to  wonder  why 
the  chap  was  desired  if  he  wasn't  to  perform.  "All  hair 
and  bad  English — silly  brutes  when  they  don't  play,"  he 
declared.  In  the  end,  however,  as  I  have  said,  he  con 
sented  to  act  as  he  was  wished  to.  Cousin  Egbert,  who 
was  present  at  this  interview,  took  somewhat  the  same  view 
as  the  Honourable  George,  even  asserting  that  he  should 
not  attend  the  recital. 

"He  don't  sing,  he  don't  dance,  he  don't  recite;  just 
plays  the  piano.  That  ain't  any  kind  of  a  show  for  folks 
to  set  up  a  whole  evening  for,"  he  protested  bitterly,  and  he 
went  on  to  mention  various  theatrical  pieces  which  he  had 
considered  worthy,  among  them  I  recall  being  one  entitled 
"  The  Two  Johns,"  which  he  regretted  not  having  witnessed 
for  several  years,  and  another  called  "Ben  Hur,"  which 
was  better  than  all  the  piano  players  alive,  he  declared. 


276  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

But  with  the  Honourable  George  enlisted,  both  Belknap- 
Jackson  and  I  considered  the  opinions  of  Cousin  Egbert  to 
be  quite  wholly  negligible. 

Saturday's  Recorder,  in  its  advance  notice  of  the  recital, 
announced  that  the  Belknap-Jacksons  of  Boston  and  Red 
Gap  would  entertain  the  artist  on  the  following  afternoon 
at  their  palatial  home  in  the  Pettingill  addition,  where  a 
select  few  of  the  North  Side  set  had  been  invited  to  meet 
him.  Belknap-Jackson  himself  was  as  a  man  uplifted. 
He  constantly  revised  and  re-revised  his  invitation  list;  he 
sought  me  out  each  day  to  suggest  subtle  changes  in  the 
very  artistic  menu  I  had  prepared  for  the  affair.  His  last 
touch  was  to  supplement  the  decanter  of  sherry  with  a 
bottle  of  vodka.  About  the  caviare  he  worried  quite  fear 
fully  until  it  proved  upon  arrival  to  be  fresh  and  of  prime 
quality.  My  man,  the  Hobbs  boy,  had  under  my  instruc 
tions  pressed  and  smarted  the  Honourable  George's  suit 
for  afternoon  wear.  The  carriage  was  engaged.  Saturday 
night  it  was  tremendously  certain  that  no  hitch  could  occur 
to  mar  the  affair.  We  had  left  no  detail  to  chance. 

The  recital  itself  was  quite  all  that  could  have  been  ex 
pected,  but  underneath  the  enthusiastic  applause  there  ran 
even  a  more  intense  fervour  among  those  fortunate  ones 
who  were  to  meet  the  artist  on  the  morrow. 

Belknap-Jackson  knew  himself  to  be  a  hero.  He  was 
elaborately  cool.  He  smiled  tolerantly  at  intervals  and 
undoubtedly  applauded  with  the  least  hint  of  languid 
proprietorship  in  his  manner.  He  was  heard  to  speak  of 
the  artist  by  his  first  name.  The  Klondike  woman  and 
many  of  her  Bohemian  set  were  prominently  among  those 
present  and  sustained  glances  of  pitying  triumph  from 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  277 

those  members  of  the  North  Side  set  so  soon  to  be  dis 
tinguished  above  her. 

The  morrow  dawned  auspiciously,  very  cloudy  with 
smartish  drives  of  wind  and  rain.  Confined  to  the  dingy 
squalor  of  his  hotel,  how  gladly  would  the  artist,  it  was  felt, 
seek  the  refined  cheer  of  one  of  our  best  homes  where  he 
would  be  enlivened  by  an  hour  or  so  of  contact  with  our 
most  cultivated  people.  Belknap- Jackson  telephoned  me 
with  increasing  frequency  as  the  hour  drew  near,  nervously 
seeming  to  dread  that  I  would  have  overlooked  some 
detail  of  his  refined  refreshments,  or  that  I  would  not  have 
them  at  his  house  on  time.  He  telephoned  often  to  the 
Honourable  George  to  be  assured  that  the  carriage  with  its 
escort  would  be  prompt.  He  telephoned  repeatedly  to  the 
driver  chap,  to  impress  upon  him  the  importance  of  his 
mission. 

His  guests  began  to  arrive  even  before  I  had  decked  his 
sideboard  with  what  was,  I  have  no  hesitation  in  declaring, 
the  most  superbly  dainty  buffet  collation  that  Red  Gap  had 
ever  beheld.  The  atmosphere  at  once  became  tense  with 
expectation. 

At  three  o'clock  the  host  announced  from  the  telephone : 
" Vane-Basingwell  has  started  from  the  Floud  house." 
The  guests  thrilled  and  hushed  the  careless  chatter  of  new 
arrivals.  Belknap- Jackson  remained  heroically  at  the 
telephone,  having  demanded  to  be  put  through  to  the  hotel. 
He  was  flushed  with  excitement.  A  score  of  minutes  later 
he  announced  with  an  effort  to  control  his  voice:  "They 
have  left  the  hotel — they  are  on  the  way." 

The  guests  stiffened  in  their  seats.  Some  of  them 
nervously  and  for  no  apparent  reason  exchanged  chairs 


278  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

with  others.  Some  late  arrivals  bustled  in  and  were  im 
mediately  awed  to  the  same  electric  silence  of  waiting. 
Belknap-Jackson  placed  the  sherry  decanter  where  the 
vodka  bottle  had  been  and  the  vodka  bottle  where  the 
sherry  decanter  had  been.  "The  effect  is  better,"  he 
remarked,  and  went  to  stand  where  he  could  view  the 
driveway.  The  moments  passed. 

At  such  crises,  which  I  need  not  say  have  been  plentiful 
in  my  life,  I  have  always  known  that  I  possessed  an  im 
mense  reserve  of  coolness.  Seldom  have  I  ever  been  so 
much  as  slightly  flustered.  Now  I  was  calmness  itself,  and 
the  knowledge  brought  me  no  little  satisfaction  as  I  noted 
the  rather  painful  distraction  of  our  host.  The  moments 
passed — long,  heavy,  silent  moments.  Our  host  ascended 
trippingly  to  an  upper  floor  whence  he  could  see  farther 
down  the  drive.  The  guests  held  themselves  in  smiling 
readiness.  Our  host  descended  and  again  took  up  his  post 
at  a  lower  window. 

The  moments  passed— stilled,  leaden  moments.  The 
silence  had  become  intolerable.  Our  host  jiggled  on  his 
feet.  Some  of  the  quicker-minded  guests  made  a  pretence 
of  little  conversational  flurries:  "That  second  move 
ment — oh,  exquisitely  rendered!  .  .  .  No  one  has 
ever  read  Chopin  so  divinely.  .  .  .  How  his 
family  must  idolize  him!  .  .  .  They  say  . 
That  exquisite  concerto!  .  .  .  Hasn't  he  the  most 
stunning  hair.  .  .  .  Those  staccato  passages  left  me 
actually  limp — I'm  starting  Myrtle  in  Tuesday  to  take  of 
Professor  Gluckstein.  She  wants  to  take  stenography, 
but  I  tell  her  .  .  .  Did  you  think  the  preludes  were 
just  the  tiniest  bit  idealized  ...  I  always  say  if  one 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  279 

has  one's  music,  and  one's  books,  of  course He  must 

be  very,  very  fond  of  music!" 

Such  were  the  hushed,  tentative  fragments  I  caught. 

The  moments  passed.  Belknap- Jackson  went  to  the 
telephone.  "What?  But  they 're  not  here !  Very  strange! 
They  should  have  been  here  half  an  hour  ago.  Send  some 
one — yes,  at  once. ' '  In  the  ensuing  silence  he  repaired  to  the 
buffet  and  drank  a  glass  of  vodka.  Quite  distraught  he  was. 

The  moments  passed.  Again  several  guests  exchanged 
seats  with  other  guests.  It  seemed  to  be  a  device  for 
relieving  the  strain.  Once  more  there  were  scattering 
efforts  at  normal  talk.  "Myrtle  is  a  strange  girl — a 
creature  of  moods,  I  call  her.  She  wanted  to  act  in  the 
moving  pictures  until  papa  bought  the  car.  And  she 
knows  every  one  of  the  new  tango  steps,  but  I  tell  her  a  few 

lessons  in  cooking  wouldn't Beryl  Mae  is  just  the 

same  puzzling  child;  one  thing  one  day,  and  another  thing 
the  next;  a  mere  bundle  of  nerves,  and  so  sensitive  if  you 
say  the  least  little  thing  to  her  .  .  .  If  we  could 
only  get  Ling  Wong  back — this  Jap  boy  is  always  threat 
ening  to  leave  if  the  men  don't  get  up  to  breakfast  on  time, 
or  if  Gertie  makes  fudge  in  his  kitchen  of  an  afternoon 
.  .  .  Our  boy  sends  all  his  wages  to  his  uncle  in 
China,  but  I  simply  can't  get  him  to  say,  'Dinner  is  served/ 
He  just  slides  in  and  says,  'All  right,  you  come ! '  It's  very 
annoying,  but  I  always  tell  the  family,  'Remember  what  a 
time  we  had  with  the  Swede— 

I  mean  to  say,  things  were  becoming  rapidly  impossible. 
The  moments  passed.  Belknap-Jackson  again  telephoned : 
"You  did  send  a  man  after  them?  Send  some  one  after 
him,  then.  Yes,  at  once!"  He  poured  himself  another 


280  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

peg  of  the  vodka.  Silence  fell  again.  The  waiting  was 
terrific.  We  had  endured  an  hour  of  it,  and  but  little  more 
was  possible  to  any  sensitive  human  organism.  All  at 
once,  as  if  the  very  last  possible  moment  of  silence  had 
passed,  the  conversation  broke  loudly  and  generally :  '  'And 
did  you  notice  that  slimpsy  thing  she  wore  last  night? 
Indecent,  if  you  ask  me,  with  not  a  petticoat  under  it,  I'll 
be  bound!  .  .  .  Always  wears  shoes  twice  too  small 
for  her  .  .  .  What  men  can  see  in  her 
How  they  can  endure  that  perpetual  smirk!  .  .  .  " 
They  were  at  last  discussing  the  Klondike  woman,  and 
whatever  had  befallen  our  guest  of  honour  I  knew  that 
those  present  would  never  regain  their  first  awe  of  the 
occasion.  It  was  now  unrestrained  gabble. 

The  second  hour  passed  quickly  enough,  the  latter 
half  of  it  being  enlivened  by  the  buffet  collation  which 
elicited  many  compliments  upon  my  ingenuity  and  good 
taste.  Quite  almost  every  guest  partook  of  a  glass  of 
the  vodka.  They  chattered  of  everything  but  music,  I 
dare  say  it  being  thought  graceful  to  ignore  the  after 
noon's  disaster. 

Belknap-Jackson  had  sunk  into  a  mood  of  sullen  desper 
ation.  He  drained  the  vodka  bottle.  Perhaps  the  liquor 
brought  him  something  of  the  chill  Russian  fatalism.  He 
was  dignified  but  sodden,  with  a  depression  that  seemed 
to  blow  from  the  bleak  Siberian  steppes.  His  wife  was 
already  receiving  the  adieus  of  their  guests.  She  was 
smouldering  ominously,  uncertain  where  the  blame  lay, 
but  certain  there  was  blame.  Criminal  blame!  I  could 
read  as  much  in  her  narrowed  eyes  as  she  tried  for  aplomb 
vith  her  guests. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  281 

My  own  leave  I  took  unobtrusively.  I  knew  our 
strangely  missing  guest  was  to  depart  by  the  six-two  train, 
and  I  strolled  toward  the  station.  A  block  away  I  halted, 
waiting.  It  had  been  a  time  of  waiting.  The  moments 
passed.  I  heard  the  whistle  of  the  approaching  train.  At 
the  same  moment  I  was  startled  by  the  approach  of  a  team 
that  I  took  to  be  running  away. 

I  saw  it  was  the  carriage  of  the  Pierce  chap  and  that  he 
was  driving  with  the  most  abandoned  recklessness.  His 
passengers  were  the  Honourable  George,  Cousin  Eg 
bert,  and  our  missing  guest.  The  great  artist  as  they 
passed  me  seemed  to  feel  a  vast  delight  in  his  wild  ride. 
He  was  cheering  on  the  driver.  He  waved  his  arms  and 
himself  shouted  to  the  maddened  horses.  The  carriage 
drew  up  to  the  station  with  the  train,  and  the  three  de 
scended. 

The  artist  hurriedly  shook  hands  in  the  warmest  manner 
with  his  companions,  including  the  Pierce  chap,  who  had 
driven  them.  He  beckoned  to  his  secretary,  who  was 
waiting  with  his  bags.  He  mounted  the  steps  of  the 
coach,  and  as  the  train  pulled  out  he  waved  frantically 
to  the  three.  He  kissed  his  hand  to  them,  looking  far 
out  as  the  train  gathered  momentum.  Again  and  again 
he  kissed  his  hand  to  the  hat- waving  trio. 

It  was  too  much.  The  strain  of  the  afternoon  had  told 
even  upon  my  own  iron  nerves.  I  felt  unequal  at  that 
moment  to  the  simplest  inquiry,  and  plainly  the  situation 
was  not  one  to  attack  in  haste.  I  mean  to  say,  it  was  too 
pregnant  with  meaning.  I  withdrew  rapidly  from  the 
scene,  feeling  the  need  for  rest  and  silence. 

As  I  walked  I  meditated  profoundly. 


CHAPTER  SIXTEEN 

FROM  the  innocent  lips  of  Cousin  Egbert  the  fol 
lowing  morning  there  fell  a  tale  of  such  cold 
blooded  depravity  that  I  found  myself  with 
difficulty  giving  it  credit.  At  ten  o'clock,  while  I  still 
mused  pensively  over  the  events  of  the  previous  day, 
he  entered  the  Grill  in  search  of  breakfast,  as  had  lately 
become  his  habit.  I  greeted  him  with  perceptible  re 
straint,  not  knowing  what  guilt  might  be  his,  but  his 
manner  to  me  was  so  unconsciously  genial  that  I  at  once 
acquitted  him  ot  any  complicity  in  whatever  base  doings 
had  been  forward. 

He  took  his  accustomed  seat  with  a  pleasant  word  to 
me.  I  waited. 

"Feeling  a  mite  off  this  morning,"  he  began,  "account 
of  a  lot  of  truck  I  eat  yesterday.  I  guess  I'll  just  take 
something  kind  of  dainty.  Tell  Clarice  to  cook  me  up 
a  nice  little  steak  with  plenty  of  fat  on  it,  and  some  fried 
potatoes,  and  a  cup  of  coffee  and  a  few  waffles  to  come. 
The  Judge  he  wouldn't  get  up  yet.  He  looked  kind  of 
mottled  and  anguished,  but  I  guess  he'll  pull  around  all 
right.  I  had  the  chink  take  him  up  about  a  gallon  of 
strong  tea,.  Say,  listen  here,  the  Judge  ain't  so  awful 
much  of  a  stayer,  is  he?" 

Burning  with  curiosity  I  was  to  learn  what  he  could  tell 
me  of  the  day  before,  yet  I  controlled  myself  to  the  calmest 

S82 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  283 

of  leisurely  questioning  in  order  not  to  alarm  him.  It 
was  too  plain  that  he  had  no  realization  of  what  had 
occurred.  It  was  always  the  way  with  him,  I  had  noticed. 
Events  the  most  momentous  might  culminate  furiously 
about  his  head,  but  he  never  knew  that  anything  had 
happened. 

"The  Honourable  George,"  I  began,  "was  with  you 
yesterday?  Perhaps  he  ate  something  he  shouldn't." 

"He  did,  he  did;  he  done  it  repeatedly.  He  et  pretty 
near  as  much  of  that  sauerkraut  and  frankfurters  as  the 
piano  guy  himself  did,  and  that's  some  tribute,  believe  me, 
Bill!  Some  tribute!" 

"The  piano  guy?"  I  murmured  quite  casually. 

"And  say,  listen  here,  that  guy  is  all  right  if  anybody 
should  ask  you.  You  talk  about  your  mixers!" 

This  was  a  bit  puzzling,  for  of  course  I  had  never 
"'talked  about  my  mixers."  I  shouldn't  a  bit  know  how 
to  go  on.  I  ventured  another  query. 

"Where  was  it  this  mixing  and  that  sort  of  thing  took 
place?" 

"  Why,  up  at  Mis'  Kenner's,  where  we  was  having  a  little 
party:  frankfurters  and  sauerkraut  and  beer.  My  stars! 
but  that  steak  looks  good.  I'm  feeling  better  already." 
His  food  was  before  him,  and  he  attacked  it  with  no  end 
of  spirit. 

"Tell  me  quite  all  about  it,"  I  amiably  suggested,  and 
after  a  moment's  hurried  devotion  to  the  steak,  he  slowed 
up  a  bit  to  talk. 

"Well,  listen  here,  now.  The  Judge  says  to  me  when 
Eddie  Pierce  comes,  'Sour-dough,'  he  says,  'look  in  at 
Mis'  Kenner's  this  afternoon  if  you  got  nothing  else  on; 


284  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

I  fancy  it  will  repay  you.'  Just  like  that.  'Well,' I  says, 
'all  right,  Judge,  I  fancy  I  will.  I  fancy  I  ain't  got  any 
thing  else  on/  I  says.  'And  I'm  always  glad  to  go  there,' 
I  says,  because  no  matter  what  they're  always  saying 
about  this  here  Bohemian  stuff,  Kate  Kenner  is  one  good 
scout,  take  it  from  me.  So  in  a  little  while  I  slicked  up 
some  and  went  on  around  ,to  her  house.  Then  hitched 
outside  I  seen  Eddie  Pierce's  hack,  and  I  says,  'My  lands! 
that's  a  funny  thing,'  I  says.  'I  thought  the  Judge  was 
going  to  haul  this  here  piano  guy  out  to  the  Jackson  place 
where  he  could  while  away  the  tejum,  like  Jackson  said, 
and  now  it  looks  as  if  they  was  here.  Or  mebbe  it's  just 
Eddie  himself  that  has  fancied  to  look  in,  not  having  any 
thing  else  on.' 

"Well,  so  anyway  I  go  up  on  the  stoop  and  knock,  and 
when  I  get  in  the  parlour  there  the  piano  guy  is  and  the 
Judge  and  Eddie  Pierce,  too,  Eddie  helping  the  Jap  around 
with  frankfurters  and  sauerkraut  and  beer  and  one  thing 
and  another. 

"Besides  them  was  about  a  dozen  of  Mis'  Kenner's  own 
particular  friends,  all  of  'em  good  scouts,  let  me  tell  you, 
and  everybody  laughing  and  gassing  back  and  forth  and 
cutting  up  and  having  a  good  time  all  around.  Well,  so  as 
soon  as  they  seen  me,  everybody  says,  'Oh,  here  comes 
Sour-dough — good  old  Sour-dough!'  and  all  like  that,  and 
they  introduced  me  to  the  piano  guy,  who  gets  up  to  shake 
hands  with  me  and  spills  his  beer  off  the  chair  arm  on  to 
the  wife  of  Eddie  Fosdick  in  the  Farmers'  and  Merchants' 
National,  and  so  I  sat  down  and  et  with  'em  and  had  a  few 
steins  of  beer,  and  everybody  had  a  good  time  all  around." 

The  wonderful  man  appeared  to  believe  that  he  had  told 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  285 

me  quite  all  of  interest  concerning  this  monstrous  festivity. 
He  surveyed  the  mutilated  remnant  of  his  steak  and  safd : 
"I  guess  Clarice  might  as  well  fry  me  a  few  eggs.  I'm 
feeling  a  lot  better."  I  directed  that  this  be  done,  musing 
upon  the  dreadful  menu  he  had  recited  and  recalling  the 
exquisite  finish  of  the  collation  I  myself  had  prepared. 
Sausages,  to  be  sure,  have  their  place,  and  beer  as  well,  but 
sauerkraut  I  have  never  been  able  to  regard  as  an  at  all 
possible  food  for  persons  that  really  matter.  Germans,  to 
be  sure ! 

Discreetly  I  renewed  my  inquiry:  "I  dare  say  the 
Honourable  George  was  in  good  form?  "  I  suggested. 

"  Well,  he  et  a  lot.  Him  and  the  piano  guy  was  bragging 
which  could  eat  the  most  sausages." 

I  was  unable  to  restrain  a  shudder  at  the  thought  of  this 
revolting  contest. 

"  The  piano  guy  beat  him  out,  though.  He'd  been  at  the 
Palace  Hotel  for  three  meals  and  I  guess  his  appetite  was 
right  craving." 

"And  afterward?" 

"Well,  it  was  like  Jackson  said:  this  lad  wanted  to  while 
away  the  tejum  of  a  Sunday  afternoon,  and  so  he  whiled  it, 
that's  all.  Purty  soon  Mis'  Kenner  set  down  to  the  piano 
and  sung  some  coon  songs  that  tickled  him  most  to  death, 
and  then  she  got  to  playing  ragtime — say,  believe  me,  Bill, 
when  she  starts  in  on  that  rag  stuff  she  can  make  a  piano 
simply  stutter  itself  to  death. 

"Well,  at  that  the  piano  guy  says  it's  great  stuff,  and  so 
he  sets  down  himself  to  try  it,  and  he  catches  on  pretty 
good,  I'll  say  that  for  him,  so  we  got  to  dancing  while  he 
plays  for  us,  only  he  don't  remember  the  tunes  good  and 


286  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

has  to  fake  a  lot.  Then  he  makes  Mis'  Kenner  play  again 
while  he  dances  with  Mis'  Fosdick  that  he  spilled  the  beer 
on,  and  after  that  we  had  some  more  beer  and  this  guy  et 
another  plate  of  kraut  and  a  few  sausages,  and  Mis'  Kenner 
sings  'The  Robert  E.  Lee'  and  a  couple  more  good  ones,  and 
the  guy  played  some  more  ragtime  himself,  trying  to  get 
the  tunes  right,  and  then  he  played  some  fancy  pieces  that 
he'd  practised  up  on,  and  we  danced  some  and  had  a  few 
more  beers,  with  everybody  laughing  and  cutting  up  and 
having  a  nice  home  afternoon. 

"Well,  the  piano  guy  enjoyed  himself  every  minute,  if 
anybody  asks  you,  being  lit  up  like  a  main  chandelier. 
They  made  him  feel  like  he  was  one  of  their  own  folks. 
You  certainly  got  to  hand  it  to  him  for  being  one  little  good 
mixer.  Talk  about  whiling  away  the  tejum !  He  done  it,  all 
right,  all  right.  He  whiled  away  so  much  tejum  there  he 
darned  near  missed  his  train.  Eddie  Pierce  kept  telling 
him  what  time  it  was,  only  he'd  keep  asking  Mis'  Kenner  to 
play  just  one  more  rag,  and  at  last  we  had  to  just  shoot  him 
into  his  fur  overcoat  while  he  was  kissing  all  the  women  on 
their  hands,  and  we'd  have  missed  the  train  at  that  if  Eddie 
hadn't  poured  the  leather  into  them  skates  of  his  all  the  way 
down  to  the  dee-po.  He  just  did  make  it,  and  he  told  the 
Judge  and  Eddie  and  me  that  he  ain't  had  such  a  good  time 
since  he  left  home.  I  kind  of  hated  to  see  him  go." 

He  here  attacked  the  eggs  with  what  seemed  to  be  a 
freshening  of  his  remarkable  appetite.  And  as  yet,  be  it 
noted,  I  had  detected  no  consciousness  on  his  part  that 
a  foul  betrayal  of  confidence  had  been  committed.  I 
approached  the  point. 

"The  Belknap-Jacksons  were  rather  expecting  him,  you 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  287 

know.     My  impression  was  that  the  Honourable  George 
had  been  sent  to  escort  him  to  the  Belknap- Jackson  house." 

"Well, that's  what  I  thought,  too,  but  I  guess  the  Judge 
forgot  it,  or  mebbe  he  thinks  the  guy  will  mix  in  better  with 
Mis'  Kenner's  crowd.  Anyway,  there  they  was,  and  it 
probably  didn't  make  any  difference  to  the  guy  himself. 
He  likely  thought  he  could  while  away  the  tejum  there  as 
well  as  he  could  while  it  any  place,  all  of  them  being  such 
good  scouts.  And  the  Judge  has  certainly  got  a  case  on 
Mis'  Kenner,  so  mebby  she  asked  him  to  drop  in  with  any 
friend  of  his.  She's  got  him  bridle- wise  and  broke  to  all 
gaits . ' '  He  visibly  groped  for  an  illumining  phrase .  * '  He 
— he  just  looks  at  her." 

The  simple  words  fell  upon  my  ears  with  a  sickening 
finality.  "He  just  looks  at  her."  I  had  seen  him  "just 
look"  at  the  typing-girl  and  at  the  Brixton  milliner.  All 
too  fearfully  I  divined  their  preposterous  significance. 
Beyond  question  a  black  infamy  had  been  laid  bare,  but  I 
made  no  effort  to  convey  its  magnitude  to  my  guileless 
informant.  As  I  left  him  he  was  mildly  bemoaning  his  own 
lack  of  skill  on  the  pianoforte. 

"Darned  if  I  don't  wish  I'd  'a'  took  some  lessons  on  the 
piano  myself  like  that  guy  done.  It  certainly  does  help  to 
while  away  the  tejum  when  you  got  friends  in  for  the 
afternoon.  But  then  I  was  just  a* hill-billy.  Likely  I 
couldn't  have  learned  the  notes  good." 

It  was  a  half -hour  later  that  I  was  called  to  the  telephone 
to  listen  to  the  anguished  accents  of  Belknap-Jackson. 

"Have  you  heard  it?  "  he  called.    I  answered  that  I  had, 

"The  man  is  a  paranoiac.  He  should  be  at  once  con 
fined  in  an  asylum  for  the  criminal  insane." 


288  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

"I  shall  row  him  fiercely  about  it,  never  fear.  I've  not 
seen  him  yet." 

"  But  the  creature  should  be  watched.  He  may  do  harm 
to  himself  or  to  some  innocent  person.  They — they  run 
wild,  they  kill,  they  burn — set  fire  to  buildings — that  sort 
of  thing.  I  tell  you,  none  of  us  is  safe." 

"The  situation,"  I  answered,  "has  even  more  shocking 
possibilities,  but  I've  an  idea  I  shall  be  equal  to  it.  If  the 
worst  seems  to  be  imminent  I  shall  adopt  extreme  meas 
ures."  I  closed  the  interview.  It  was  too  painful.  1 
wished  to  summon  all  my  powers  of  deliberation. 

To  my  amazement  who  should  presently  appear  among 
my  throng  of  luncheon  patrons  but  the  Honourable  George. 
I  will  not  say  that  he  slunk  in,  but  there  was  an  unac 
customed  diffidence  in  his  bearing.  He  did  not  meet  my 
eye,  and  it  was  not  difficult  to  perceive  that  he  had  no  wish 
to  engage  my  notice.  As  he  sought  a  vacant  table  I 
observed  that  he  was  spotted  quite  profusely,  and  his 
luncheon  order  was  of  the  simplest. 

Straight  I  went  to  him.  He  winced  a  bit,  I  thought,  as 
he  saw  me  approach,  but  then  he  apparently  resolved  to 
brass  it  out,  for  he  glanced  full  at  me  with  a  terrific  as 
sumption  of  bravado  and  at  once  began  to  give  me  beans 
about  my  service. 

"Your  bally  tea  shop  running  down,  what!  Louts  for 
waiters,  cloddish  louts!  Disgraceful,  my  word!  Slow 
beggars !  Take  a  year  to  do  you  a  rasher  and  a  bit  of  toast, 
what!" 

To  this  absurd  tirade  I  replied  not  a  word,  but  stood 
silently  regarding  him.  I  dare  say  my  gaze  was  of  the  most 
chilling  character  and  steady.  He  endured  it  but  a  mo- 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  289 

ment.  His  eyes  fell,  his  bravado  vanished,  he  fumbled 
with  the  cutlery.  Quite  abashed  he  was. 

"Come,  your  explanation!"  I  said  curtly,  divining  that 
the  moment  was  one  in  which  to  adopt  a  tone  with  him. 
He  wriggled  a  bit,  crumpling  a  roll  with  panic  fingers. 

"Come,  come!'*  I  commanded. 

His  face  brightened,  though  with  an  intention  most 
obviously  false.  He  coughed — a  cough  of  pure  deception. 
Not  only  were  his  eyes  averted  from  mine,  but  they  were 
glassed  to  an  uncanny  degree.  The  fingers  wrought  pite- 
ously  at  the  now  plastic  roll. 

"My  word,  the  chap  was  taken  bad;  had  to  be  seen 
to,  what!  Revived,  I  mean  to  say.  All  piano  Johnnies 
that  way — nervous  wrecks,  what !  Spells !  Spells,  man — 
spells!" 

"Come,  come!"  I  said  crisply.  The  glassed  eyes  were 
those  of  one  hypnotized. 

"In  the  carriage — to  the  hyphen  chap's  place,  to  be  sure. 
Fainting  spell — weak  heart,  what!  No  stimulants  about. 
Passing  house!  Perhaps  have  stimulants — heart  tablets, 
er — beer — things  of  that  sort.  Lead  him  in.  Revive 
him.  Quite  well  presently,  but  not  well  enough  to  go  on. 
Couldn't  let  a  piano  Johnny  die  on  our  hands,  what! 
Inquest,  evidence,  witnesses — all  that  silly  rot.  Save  his 
life,  what !  Presence  of  mind !  Kind  hearts,  what !  Hu 
manity!  Do  as  much  for  any  chap.  Not  let  him  die  like 

a  dog  in  the  gutter,  what!     Get  no  credit,  though 

His  curiously  mechanical  utterance  trailed  off  to  be  lost  in 
a  mere  husky  murmur.  The  glassy  stare  was  still  at  my 
wall. 

I  have  in  the  course  of  my  eventful  career  ha.d  occasion 


290  RUGGLES  OF  RED   GAP 

to  mark  the  varying  degrees  of  plausibility  with  which  men 
speak  untruths,  but  never,  I  confidently  aver,  have  I  beheld 
one  lie  with  so  piteous  a  futility.  The  art — and  I  dare  say 
with  diplomat  chaps  and  that  sort  it  may  properly  be 
called  an  art — demands  as  its  very  essence  that  the  speaker 
seem  to  be  himself  convinced  of  the  truth  of  that  which  he 
utters.  And  the  Honourable  George  in  his  youth  mentioned 
for  the  Foreign  Office ! 

I  turned  away.  The  exhibition  was  quite  too  indecent. 
I  left  him  to  mince  at  his  meagre  fare.  As  I  glanced  his 
way  at  odd  moments  thereafter,  he  would  be  muttering 
feverishly  to  himself.  I  mean  to  say,  he  no  longer  was 
himself.  He  presently  made  his  way  to  the  street,  looking 
neither  to  right  nor  left.  He  had,  in  truth,  the  dazed  manner 
of  one  stupefied  by  some  powerful  narcotic.  I  wondered 
pityingly  when  I  should  again  behold  him — if  it  might  be 
that  his  poor  wits  were  bedevilled  past  mending. 

My  period  of  uncertainty  was  all  too  brief.  Some  two 
hours  later,  full  into  the  tide  of  our  afternoon  shopping 
throng,  there  issued  a  spectacle  that  removed  any  lingering 
doubt  of  the  unfortunate  man's  plight.  In  the  rather 
smart  pony-trap  of  the  Klondike  woman,  driven  by  the 
person  herself,  rode  the  Honourable  George.  Full  in  the 
startled  gaze  of  many  of  our  best  people  he  advertised  his 
defection  from  all  that  makes  for  a  sanely  governed 
stability  in  our  social  organism.  He  had  gone  flagrantly 
over  to  the  Bohemian  set. 

I  could  detect  that  his  eyes  were  still  glassy,  but  his  head 
was  erect.  He  seemed  to  flaunt  his  shame.  And  the 
guilty  partner  of  his  downfall  drove  with  an  affectation  of 
easy  carelessness,  yet  with  a  lift  of  the  chin  which,  though 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  291 

barely  perceptible,  had  all  the  effect  of  binding  the  prisoner 
to  her  chariot  wheels;  a  prisoner,  moreover,  whom  it  was 
plain  she  meant  to  parade  to  the  last  ignominious  degree. 
She  drove  leisurely,  and  in  the  little  infrequent  curt  turns  of 
her  head  to  address  her  companion  she  contrived  to  instill 
so  finished  an  effect  of  boredom  that  she  must  have  goaded 
to  frenzy  any  matron  of  the  North  Side  set  who  chanced 
to  observe  her,  as  more  than  one  of  them  did. 

Thrice  did  she  halt  along  our  main  thoroughfare  for  bits 
of  shopping,  a  mere  running  into  of  shops  or  to  the  doors  of 
them  where  she  could  issue  verbal  orders,  the  while  she 
surveyed  her  waiting  and  drugged  captive  with  a  certain 
half-veiled  but  good-humoured  insolence.  At  these  mo 
ments — for  I  took  pains  to  overlook  the  shocking  scene 
—the  Honourable  George  followed  her  with  eyes  no  longer 
glassed;  the  eyes  of  helpless  infatuation.  "He  looks  at 
her,"  Cousin  Egbert  had  said.  He  had  told  it  all  and  told 
it  well.  The  equipage  graced  our  street  upon  one  paltry 
excuse  or  another  for  the  better  part  of  an  hour,  the 
woman  being  minded  that  none  of  us  should  longer  ques 
tion  her  supremacy  over  the  next  and  eleventh  Earl  of 
Brinstead. 

Not  for  another  hour  did  the  effects  of  the  sensation  die 
out  among  tradesmen  and  the  street  crowds.  It  was  like 
waves  that  recede  but  gradually.  They  talked.  They 
stopped  to  talk.  They  passed  on  talking.  They  hissed 
vivaciously;  they  rose  to  exclamations.  I  mean  to  say, 
there  was  no  end  of  a  gabbling  row  about  it. 

There  was  in  my  mind  no  longer  any  room  for  hesitation. 
The  quite  harshest  of  extreme  measures  must  be  at  once 
adopted  before  all  was  too  late.  I  made  my  way  to  the 


292  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

telegraph  office.  It  was  not  a  time  for  correspondence  by 
post. 

Afterward  I  had  myself  put  through  by  telephone  to 
Belknap- Jackson.  With  his  sensitive  naturehehadstopped 
in  all  day.  Although  still  averse  to  appearing  publicly,  he 
now  consented  to  meet  me  at  my  chambers  late  that  evening. 

"The  whole  town  is  seething  with  indignation,"  he 
called  to  me.  "It  was  disgraceful.  I  shall  come  at  ten. 
We  rely  upon  you." 

Again  I  saw  that  he  was  concerned  solely  with  his  humili 
ation  as  a  would-be  host.  Not  yet  had  he  divined  that 
the  deluded  Honourable  George  might  go  to  the  unspeak 
able  length  of  a  matrimonial  alliance  with  the  woman  who 
had  enchained  him.  And  as  to  his  own  disaster,  he  was  less 
than  accurate  when  he  said  that  the  whole  town  was  seething 
with  indignation.  The  members  of  the  North  Side  set,  to 
be  sure,  were  seething  furiously,  but  a  flippant  element  of 
the  baser  sort  was  quite  openly  rejoicing.  As  at  the  time 
of  that  most  slanderous  minstrel  performance,  it  was  said 
that  the  Bohemian  set  had  again,  if  I  have  caught  the 
phrase,  "put  a  thing  over  upon"  the  North  Side  set. 
Many  persons  of  low  taste  seemed  quite  to  enjoy  the  dread 
ful  affair,  and  the  members  of  the  Bohemian  set,  naturally, 
throughout  the  day  had  been  quite  coarsely  beside  them 
selves  with  glee. 

Little  they  knew,  I  reflected,  what  power  I  could  wield^ 
nor  that  I  had  already  set  in  motion  its  deadly  springs. 
Little  did  the  woman  dream,  flaunting  her  triumph  up  and 
down  our  main  business  thoroughfare,  that  one  who 
watched  her  there  had  but  to  raise  his  hand  to  wrest  the 
victim  from  her  toils.  Little  did  she  now  dream  that  he 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

would  stop  at  no  half  measures.  I  mean  to  say,  she  would 
never  think  I  could  bowl  her  out  as  easy  as  buying  cockles 
off  a  barrow. 

At  the  hour  for  our  conference  Belknap-Jackson  arrived 
at  my  chambers  muffled  in  an  ulster  and  with  a  soft  hat 
well  over  his  face.  I  gathered  that  he  had  not  wished  to  be 
observed. 

"I  feel  that  this  is  a  crisis,"  he  began  as  he  gloomily 
shook  my  hand.  "Where  is  our  boasted  twentieth- 
century  culture  if  outrages  like  this  are  permitted?  For 
the  first  time  I  understand  how  these  Western  communities 
have  in  the  past  resorted  to  mob  violence.  Public  feeling 
is  already  running  high  against  the  creature  and  her  un 
speakable  set." 

I  met  this  outburst  with  the  serenity  of  one  who  holds 
the  winning  cards  in  his  hand,  and  begged  him  to  be  seated. 
Thereupon  I  disclosed  to  him  the  weakly,  susceptible 
nature  of  the  Honourable  George,  reciting  the  incidents  of 
the  typing-girl  and  the  Brixton  milliner.  I  added  that  now, 
as  before,  I  should  not  hesitate  to  preserve  the  family  honour. 

"A  dreadful  thing,  indeed,"  he  murmured,  "if  that 
adventuress  should  trap  him  into  a  marriage.  Imagine 
her  one  day  a  Countess  of  Brinstead!  But  suppose  the 
fellow  prove  stubborn;  suppose  his  infatuation  dulls  all  his 
finer  instincts?" 

I  explained  that  the  Honourable  George,  while  he  might 
upon  the  spur  of  the  moment  commit  a  folly,  was  not  to  be 
taken  too  seriously;  that  he  was,  I  believed,  quite  incapable 
of  a  grand  passion.  I  mean  to  say,  he  always  forgot  them 
after  a  few  days.  More  like  a  child  staring  into  shop- 
windows  he  was,  rapidly  forgetting  one  desired  object  in 


294  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

the  presence  of  others.     I  added  that  I  had  adopted  the 
extremest  measures. 

Thereupon,  perceiving  that  I  had  something  in  my  sleeve, 
as  the  saying  is,  my  caller  besought  me  to  confide  in  him. 
Without  a  word  I  handed  him  a  copy  of  my  cable  message 
sent  that  afternoon  to  his  lordship : 

"  Your  immediate  presence  required  to  prevent  a  monstrous 
folly." 

He  brightened  as  he  read  it. 

"You  actually  mean  to  say "  he  began. 

"His  lordship,"  I  explained,  "will  at  once  understand 
the  nature  of  what  is  threatened.  He  knows,  moreover, 
that  I  would  not  alarm  him  without  cause  He  will  come 
at  once,  and  the  Honourable  George  will  be  told  what. 
His  lordship  has  never  failed.  He  tells  him  what  perfectly, 
and  that's  quite  all  to  it.  The  poor  chap  will  be  saved." 

My  caller  was  profoundly  stirred.  "Coming  here — to 
Red  Gap — his  lordship  the  Earl  of  Brinstead — actually 
coming  here!  My  God!  This  is  wonderful !"  He  paused; 
he  seemed  to  moisten  his  dry  lips;  he  began  once  more,  and 
now  his  voice  trembled  with  emotion:  "He  will  need  a 
place  to  stay;  our  hotel  is  impossible;  had  you  thought 
He  glanced  at  me  appealingly. 

"I  dare  say,"  I  replied,  "that  his  lordship  will  be  pleased 
to  have  you  put  him  up;  you  would  do  him  quite  nicely." 

"You  mean  it — seriously?  That  would  be — oh,  inex 
pressible!  He  would  be  our  house  guest!  The  Earl  of 
Brinstead!  I  fancy  that  would  silence  a  few  of  these 
serpent  tongues  that  are  wagging  so  venomously  to-day ! " 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  295 

"But  before  his  coming,"  I  insisted,  "there  must  be  no 
word  of  his  arrival.  The  Honourable  George  would  know 
the  meaning  of  it,  and  the  woman,  though  I  suspect  now 
that  she  is  only  making  a  show  of  him,  might  go  on  to  the 
bitter  end.  They  must  suspect  nothing." 

"I  had  merely  thought  of  a  brief  and  dignified  notice  in 
our  press,"  he  began,  quite  wistfully,  "but  if  you  think  it 
might  defeat  our  ends 

"It  must  wait  until  he  has  come." 

"Glorious!"  he  exclaimed.  "It  will  be  even  more  of  a 
blow  to  them."  He  began  to  murmur  as  if  reading  from  a 
journal,  "  'His  lordship  the  Earl  of  Brinstead  is  visiting  for 
a  few  days' — it  will  surely  be  as  much  as  a  few  days,  perhaps 
a  week  or  more — 'is  visiting  for  a  few  days  the  C.  Belknap- 
Jacksons  of  Boston  and  Red  Gap.' "  He  seemed  to  regard 
the  printed  words.  "  Better  still, '  The  C.  Belknap- Jacksons 
of  Boston  and  Red  Gap  are  for  a  few  days  entertaining  as 
their  honoured  house  guest  his  lordship  the  Earl  of  Brin 
stead Yes,  that's  admirable." 

He  arose  and  impulsively  clasped  my  hand.  "Ruggles, 
dear  old  chap,  I  shan't  know  at  all  how  to  repay  you.  The 
Bohemian  set,  such  as  are  possible,  will  be  bound  to  come 
over  to  us.  There  will  be  left  of  it  but  one  unprincipled 
woman — and  she  wretched  and  an  outcast.  She  has  made 
me  absurd.  I  shall  grind  her  under  my  heel.  The  east 
room  shall  be  prepared  for  his  lordship;  he  shall  breakfast 
there  if  he  wishes.  I  fancy  he'll  find  us  rather  more  like 
himself  than  he  suspects.  He  shall  see  that  we  have  ideals 
that  are  not  half  bad." 

He  wrung  my  hand  again.  His  eyes  were  misty  with 
gratituder 


T 


CHAPTER  SEVENTEEN 

,HREE  days  later  came  the  satisfying  answer  to 
my  cable  message: 


"Damn!     Sailing  Wednesday.  — BRINSTEAD." 

Glad  I  was  he  had  used  the  cable.  In  a  letter  there 
would  doubtless  have  been  still  other  words  improper  to  a 
peer  of  England. 

Belknap-Jackson  thereafter  bore  himself  with  a  dignity 
quite  tremendous  even  for  him.  Graciously  aloof,  he  was 
as  one  carrying  an  inner  light.  "We  hold  them  in  the 
hollow  of  our  hand,"  said  he,  and  both  his  wife  and  himself 
took  pains  on  our  own  thoroughfare  to  cut  the  Honourable 
George  dead,  though  I  dare  say  the  poor  chap  never  at  all 
noticed  it.  They  spoke  of  him  as  "a  remittance  man" — 
the  black  sheep  of  a  noble  family.  They  mentioned 
sympathetically  the  trouble  his  vicious  ways  had  been  to 
his  brother,  the  Earl.  Indeed,  so  mysteriously  important 
were  they  in  allusions  of  this  sort  that  I  was  obliged  to 
caution  them,  lest  they  let  out  the  truth.  As  it  was, 
there  ran  through  the  town  an  undercurrent  of  puzzled 
suspicion.  It  was  intimated  that  we  had  something  in  on  r 
sleeves. 

Whether  this  tension  was  felt  by  the  Honourable  George, 
I  had  no  means  of  knowing.  I  dare  say  not,  as  he  is  self- 

ttf 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  297 

centred,  being  seldom  aware  of  anything  beyond  his  own 
immediate  sensations.  But  I  had  reason  to  believe  that  the 
Klondike  woman  had  divined  some  menace  in  our  attitude 
of  marked  indifference.  Her  own  manner,  when  it  could  be 
observed,  grew  increasingly  defiant,  if  that  were  possible. 
The  alliance  of  the  Honourable  George  with  the  Bohemian 
set  had  become,  of  course,  a  public  scandal  after  the  day 
of  his  appearance  in  her  trap  and  after  his  betrayal  of 
the  Belknap-Jacksons  had  been  gossiped  to  rags.  He  no 
longer  troubled  himself  to  pretend  any  esteem  whatever 
for  the  North  Side  set.  Scarce  a  day  passed  but  he  ap 
peared  in  public  as  the  woman's  escort.  He  flagrantly  per 
formed  her  commissions,  and  at  their  questionable  Bohemian 
gatherings,  with  their  beer  and  sausages  and  that  sort  of 
thing,  he  was  the  gayest  of  that  gay,  mad  set. 

Indeed,  of  his  old  associates,  Cousin  Egbert  quite  almost 
alone  seemed  to  find  him  any  longer  desirable,  and  him  I 
had  no  heart  to  caution,  knowing  that  I  should  only  wound 
without  enlightening  him,  he  being  entirely  impervious  to 
even  these  cruder  aspects  of  class  distinction.  I  dare  say 
he  would  have  considered  the  marriage  of  the  Honourable 
George  as  no  more  than  the  marriage  of  one  of  his  cattle- 
person  companions.  I  mean  to  say,  he  is  a  dear  old  sort 
and  I  should  never  fail  to  defend  him  in  the  most  dis 
heartening  of  his  vagaries,  but  he  is  undeniably  insensitive 
to  what  one  does  and  does  not  do. 

The  conviction  ran,  let  me  repeat,  that  we  had  another 
pot  of  broth  on  the  fire.  I  gleaned  as  much  from  the 
Mixer,  she  being  one  of  the  few  others  besides  Cousin 
Egbert  in  whose  liking  the  Honourable  George  had  not 
terrifically  descended.  She  made  it  a  point  to  address  me 


298  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

on  the  subject  over  a  dish  of  tea  at  the  Grill  one  afternoon, 
choosing  a  table  sufficiently  remote  from  my  other  feminine 
guests,  who  doubtless,  at  their  own  tables,  discussed  the 
same  complication.  I  was  indeed  glad  that  we  were  re 
mote  from  other  occupied  tables,  because  in  the  course  of 
her  remarks  she  quite  forcefully  uttered  an  oath,  which  I 
thought  it  as  well  not  to  have  known  that  I  cared  to  tolerate 
in  my  lady  patrons. 

"  As  to  what  Jackson  feels  about  the  way  it  was  handed 
out  to  him  that  Sunday,"  she  bluntly  declared,  "I  don't 
care  a —  The  oath  quite  dazed  me  for  a  moment, 

although  I  had  been  warned  that  she  would  use  language 
on  occasion.  "  What  I  do  care  about,"  she  went  on  briskly, 
"  is  that  I  won't  have  this  girl  pestered  by  Jackson  or  by 
you  or  by  any  man  that  wears  hair!  Why,  Jackson  talk& 
so  silly  about  her  sometimes  you'd  think  she  was  a  bad 
woman — and  he  keeps  hinting  about  something  he's  going 
to  put  over  till  I  can  hardly  keep  my  hands  off  him.  I  just 
know  some  day  he'll  make  me  forget  I'm  a  lady.  Now, 
take  it  from  me,  Bill,  if  you're  setting  in  with  him,  don't 
start  anything  you  can't  finish." 

Really  she  was  quite  fierce  about  it.  I  mean  to  say,  the 
glitter  in  her  eyes  made  me  recall  what  Cousin  Egbert  had 
said  of  Mrs.  Effie,  her  being  quite  entirely  willing  to  take 
on  a  rattlesnake  and  give  it  the  advantage  of  the  first  two 
assaults.  Somewhat  flustered  I  was,  yet  I  hastened  to 
assure  her  that,  whatever  steps  I  might  feel  obliged  to  take 
for  the  protection  of  the  Honourable  George,  they  would 
involve  nothing  at  all  unfair  to  the  lady  in  question. 

"Well,  they  better  hadn't!"  she  resumed  threateningly. 
"That  girl  had  a  hard  time  all  right,  but  listen  here — she's 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  299 

as  right  as  a  church.  She  couldn't  fool  me  a  minute  if  she 
wasn't.  Don't  you  suppose  I  been  around  and  around 
quite  some?  Just  because  she  likes  to  have  a  good  time 
and  outdresses  these  dames  here — is  that  any  reason  they 
should  get  out  their  hammers?  Ain't  she  earned  some 
right  to  a  good  time,  tell  me,  after  being  married  when  she 
was  a  silly  kid  to  Two-spot  Kenner,  the  swine — and  God 
bless  the  trigger  finger  of  the  man  that  bumped  him  off! 
As  for  the  poor  old  Judge,  don't  worry.  I  like  the  old  boy, 
but  Kate  Kenner  won't  do  anything  more  than  make  a 
monkey  of  him  just  to  spite  Jackson  and  his  band  of  lady 
knockers.  Marry  him?  Say,  get  me  right,  Bill — I'll  put 
it  as  delicate  as  I  can — the  Judge  is  too  darned  far  from 
being  a  mental  giant  for  that." 

I  dare  say  she  would  have  slanged  me  for  another  half- 
hour  but  for  the  constant  strain  of  keeping  her  voice  down. 
As  it  was,  she  boomed  up  now  and  again  in  a  way  that 
reduced  to  listening  silence  the  ladies  at  several  distant 
tables. 

As  to  the  various  points  she  had  raised,  I  was  somewhat 
confused.  About  the  Honourable  George,  for  example: 
He  was,  to  be  sure,  no  mental  giant.  But  one  occupying 
his  position  is  not  required  to  be.  Indeed,  in  the  class 
to  which  he  was  born  one  well  knows  that  a  mental  giant 
would  be  quite  as  distressingly  bizarre  as  any  other  freak. 
I  regretted  not  having  retorted  this  to  her,  for  it  now 
occurred  to  me  that  she  had  gone  it  rather  strong  with  her 
"poor  old  Judge."  I  mean  to  say,  it  was  almost  quite  a 
little  bit  raw  for  a  native  American  to  adopt  this  patron 
izing  tone  toward  one  of  us. 

And  yet  I  found  that  my  esteem  for  the  Mixer  had  in- 


300  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

creased  rather  than  diminished  by  reason  of  her  plucky 
defence  of  the  Klondike  woman.  I  had  no  reason  to  sup 
pose  that  the  designing  creature  was  worth  a  defence,  but 
I  could  only  admire  the  valour  that  made  it.  Also  I  found 
food  for  profound  meditation  in  the  Mixer's  assertion  that 
the  woman's  sole  aim  was  to  "make  a  monkey"  of  the 
Honourable  George.  If  she  were  right,  a  mesalliance  need 
not  be  feared,  at  which  thought  I  felt  a  great  relief.  That 
she  should  achieve  the  lesser  and  perhaps  equally  easy  feat 
with  the  poor  chap  was  a  calamity  that  would  be,  I  fancied, 
endured  by  his  lordship  with  a  serene  fortitude. 

Curiously  enough,  as  I  went  over  the  Mixer's  tirade 
point  by  point,  I  found  in  myself  an  inexplicable  loss  of 
animus  toward  the  Klondike  woman.  I  will  not  say  I  was 
moved  to  sympathy  for  her,  but  doubtless  that  strange 
ferment  of  equality  stirred  me  toward  her  with  something 
less  than  the  indignation  I  had  formerly  felt.  Perhaps  she 
was  an  entirely  worthy  creature.  In  that  case,  I  merely 
wished  her  to  be  taught  that  one  must  not  look  too  far 
above  one's  station,  even  in  America,  in  so  serious  an 
affair  as  matrimony.  With  all  my  heart  I  should  wish  her 
a  worthy  mate  of  her  own  class,  and  I  was  glad  indeed  to 
reflect  upon  the  truth  of  my  assertion  to  the  Mixer,  that  no 
unfair  advantage  would  be  taken  of  her.  His  lordship 
would  remove  the  Honourable  George  from  her  toils,  a 
made  monkey,  perhaps,  but  no  husband. 

Again  that  day  did  I  listen  to  a  defence  of  this  woman, 
and  from  a  source  whence  I  could  little  have  expected  it. 
Meditating  upon  the  matter,  I  found  myself  staring  at  Mrs. 
Judson  as  she  polished  some  glassware  in  the  pantry.  As 
always,  the  worthy  woman  made  a  pleasing  picture  in  her 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  301 

neat  print  gown.  From  staring  at  her  rather  absently  1 
caught  myself  reflecting  that  she  was  one  of  the  few 
women  whose  hair  is  always  perfectly  coiffed.  I  mean  to 
say,  no  matter  what  the  press  of  her  occupation,  it  never 
goes  here  and  there. 

From  the  hair,  my  meditative  eye,  still  rather  absently,  I 
believe,  descended  her  quite  good  figure  to  her  boots. 
Thereupon,  my  gaze  ceased  to  be  absent.  They  were  not 
boots.  They  were  bronzed  slippers  with  high  heels  and 
metal  buckles  and  of  a  character  so  distinctive  that  I 
instantly  knew  they  had  once  before  been  impressed  upon 
my  vision.  Swiftly  my  mind  identified  them:  they  had 
been  worn  by  the  Klondike  woman  on  the  occasion  of  a 
dinner  at  the  Grill,  in  conjunction  with  a  gown  to  match 
and  a  bluish  scarf — all  combining  to  achieve  an  immense 
effect. 

My  assistant  hummed  at  her  task,  unconscious  of  my 
scrutiny.  I  recall  that  I  coughed  slightly  before  disclosing 
to  her  that  my  attention  had  been  attracted  to  her  slippers. 
She  took  the  reference  lightly,  affecting,  as  the  sex  will,  to 
belittle  any  prized  possession  in  the  face  of  masculine 
praise. 

"I  have  seen  them  before,"  I  ventured. 

"She  gives  me  all  of  hers.  I  haven't  had  to  buy  shoes 
since  baby  was  born.  She  gives  me — lots  of  things — 
stockings  and  things.  She  likes  me  to  have  them." 

"I  didn't  know  you  knew  her." 

"  Years !  I'm  there  once  a  week  to  give  the  house  a  good 
going  over.  That  Jap  of  hers  is  the  limit.  Dust  till  you 
can't  rest.  And  when  I  clean  he  just  grins." 

I  mused  upon  this.     The  woman  was  already  giving  half 


302  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

her  time  to  superintending  two  assistants  in  the  preparation 
of  the  International  Relish. 

"Her  work  is  too  much  in  addition  to  your  own,"  I 
suggested. 

"Me?  Work  too  hard?  Not  in  a  thousand  years.  I 
do  all  right  for  you,  don't  I?  " 

It  was  true;  she  was  anything  but  a  slacker.  I  more 
nearly  approached  my  real  objection. 

"A  woman  in  your  position,"  I  began,  "can't  be  too 

careful  as  to  the  associations  she  forms "  I  had  meant 

to  go  on,  but  found  it  quite  absurdly  impossible.  My 
assistant  set  down  the  glass  she  had  and  quite  venomously 
brandished  her  towel  at  me. 

"So  that's  it?"  she  began,  and  almost  could  get  no 
farther  for  mere  sputtering.  I  mean  to  say,  I  had  long 
recognized  that  she  possessed  character,  but  never  had  I 
suspected  that  she  would  have  so  inadequate  a  control  of 
her  temper. 

"So  that's  it?"  she  sputtered  again.  "And  I  thought 
you  were  too  decent  to  join  in  that  talk  about  a  woman 
just  because  she's  young  and  wears  pretty  clothes  and  likes 
to  go  out.  I'm  astonished  at  you,  I  really  am.  I  thought 
you  were  more  of  a  man!"  She  broke  off,  scowling  at  me 
most  furiously. 

Feeling  all  at  once  rather  a  fool,  I  sought  to  conciliate 
her.  "I  have  joined  in  no  talk,"  I  said.  "I  merely 
suggested "  But  she  shut  me  off  sharply. 

"And  let  me  tell  you  one  thing:  I  can  pick  out  my 
associates  in  this  town  without  any  outside  help.  The 
idea !  That  girl  is  just  as  nice  a  person  as  ever  walked  the 
earth,  and  nobody  ever  said  she  wasn't  except  those 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  303 

frumpy  old  cats  that  hate  her  good  looks  because  the  men 
all  like  her." 

"Old  cats!"  I  echoed,  wishing  to  rebuke  this  violence  of 
epithet,  but  she  would  have  none  of  me. 

"Nasty  old  spite-cats,"  she  insisted  with  even  more 
violence,  and  went  on  to  an  almost  quite  blasphemous 
absurdity.  "A  prince  in  his  palace  wouldn't  be  any  too 
good  for  her!" 

"Tut,  tut!"  I  said,  greatly  shocked. 

"Tut  nothing!"  she  retorted  fiercely.  "A  regular 
prince  in  his  palace,  that's  what  she  deserves.  There  isn't 
a  single  man  in  this  one-horse  town  that's  good  enough  to 
pick  up  her  glove.  And  she  knows  it,  too.  She's  carrying 
on  with  your  silly  Englishman  now,  but  it's  just  to  pay 
those  old  cats  back  in  their  own  coin.  She'll  carry  on 
with  him — yes!  But  marry?  Good  heavens  and  earth! 
Marriage  is  serious!"  With  this  novel  conclusion  she 
seized  another  glass  and  began  to  wipe  it  viciously.  She 
glared  at  me,  seeming  to  believe  that  she  had  closed  the 
interview.  But  I  couldn't  stop.  In  some  curious  way  she 
had  stirred  me  rather  out  of  myself — but  not  about  the 
Klondike  woman  nor  about  the  Honourable  George.  I 
began  most  illogically,  I  admit,  to  rage  inwardly  about 
another  matter. 

"You  have  other  associates,"!  exclaimed  quite  violently, 
"those  cattle-persons — I  know  quite  all  about  it.  That 
Hank  and  Buck — they  come  here  on  the  chance  of  seeing 
you;  they  bring  you  boxes  of  candy,  they  bring  you  little 
presents.  Twice  they've  escorted  you  home  at  night  when 

you  quite  well  knew  I  was  only  too  glad  to  do  it "  I 

felt  my  temper  most  curiously  running  away  with  me, 


304  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

ranting  about  things  I  hadn't  meant  to  at  all.  I  looked 
for  another  outburst  from  her,  but  to  my  amazement  she 
flashed  me  a  smile  with  a  most  enigmatic  look  back  of  it. 
She  tossed  her  head,  but  resumed  her  wiping  of  the  glass 
with  a  certain  demureness.  She  spoke  almost  meekly: 

"They're  very  old  friends,  and  I'm  sure  they  always  act 
right.  I  don't  see  anything  wrong  in  it,  even  if  Buck 
Edwards  has  shown  me  a  good  deal  of  attention." 

But  this  very  meekness  of  hers  seemed  to  arouse  all  the 
violence  in  my  nature. 

"I  won't  have  it!"  I  said.  "You  have  no  right  to 
receive  presents  from  men.  I  tell  you  I  won't  have  it! 
You' ve  no  right !" 

"Haven't  I?"  she  suddenly  said  in  the  most  curious, 
cool  little  voice,  her  eyes  falling  before  mine.  "Haven't 
I?  I  didn't  know." 

It  was  quite  chilling,  her  tone  and  manner.  -I  was  cool 
in  an  instant.  Things  seemed  to  mean  so  much  more  than 
I  had  supposed  they  did.  I  mean  to  say,  it  was  a  fair 
crumpler.  She  paused  in  her  wiping  of  the  glass  but  did 
not  regard  me.  I  was  horribly  moved  to  go  to  her,  but 
coolly  remembered  that  that  sort  of  thing  would  never  do. 

"I  trust  I  have  said  enough,"  I  remarked  with  entirely 
recovered  dignity. 

"You  have,"  she  said. 

"I  mean  I  won't  have  such  things,"  I  said. 

"I  hear  you,"  she  said,  and  fell  again  to  her  work.  I 
thereupon  investigated  an  ice-box  and  found  enough  matter 
for  complaint  against  the  Hobbs  boy  to  enable  me  to 
manage  a  dignified  withdrawal  to  the  rear.  The  remark 
able  creature  was  humming  again  as  I  left. 


I    STOOD   IN   THE    BACK  DOOR  OF  THE  GRILL  GIVING  UPON  THE  ALLEY,  WHERE 
MUSED  RATHER  EXCITEDLY 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  305 

I  stood  in  the  back  door  of  the  Grill  giving  upon  the 
alley,  where  I  moused  rather  excitedly.  Here  I  was  presently 
interrupted  by  the  dog,  Mr.  Barker.  For  weeks  now  I  had 
been  relieved  of  his  odious  attentions,  by  the  very  curious 
circumstance  that  he  had  transferred  them  to  the  Honour 
able  George.  Not  all  my  kicks  and  cuffs  and  beatings  had 
sufficed  one  whit  to  repulse  him.  He  had  kept  after  me, 
fawned  upon  me,  in  spite  of  them.  And  then  on  a  day  he 
had  suddenly,  with  glad  cries,  become  enamoured  of  the 
Honourable  George,  waiting  for  him  at  doors,  following 
him,  hanging  upon  his  every  look.  And  the  Honourable 
George  had  rather  fancied  the  beast  and  made  much  of 
him. 

And  yet  this  animal  is  reputed  by  poets  and  that  sort  of 
thing  to  be  man's  best  friend,  faithfully  sharing  his  good 
fortune  and  his  bad,  staying  by  his  side  to  the  bitter  end, 
even  refusing  to  leave  his  body  when  he  has  perished — 
starving  there  with  a  dauntless  fidelity.  How  chagrined 
the  weavers  of  these  tributes  would  have  been  to  observe 
the  fickle  nature  of  the  beast  in  question!  For  weeks  he 
had  hardly  deigned  me  a  glance.  It  had  been  a  relief,  to  be 
sure,  but  what  a  sickening  disclosure  of  the  cur's  trifling 
inconstancy.  Even  now,  though  he  sniffed  hungrily  at 
the  open  door,  he  paid  me  not  the  least  attention — me 
whom  he  had  once  idolized ! 

I  slipped  back  to  the  ice-box  and  procured  some  slices 
of  beef  that  were  far  too  good  for  him.  He  fell  to  them 
with  only  a  perfunctory  acknowledgment  of  my  agency  in 
procuring  them. 

"Why,  I  thought  you  hated  him!"  suddenly  said  the 
voice  of  his  owner.  She  had  tiptoed  to  my  side. 


306  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

"I  do,"  I  said  quite  savagely,  "but  the  unspeakable 
beast  can't  be  left  to  starve,  can  he?  " 

I  felt  her  eyes  upon  me,  but  would  not  turn.  Suddenly 
she  put  her  hand  upon  my  shoulder,  patting  it  rather 
curiously,  as  she  might  have  soothed  her  child.  When  I 
did  turn  she  was  back  at  her  task.  She  was  humming  again, 
nor  did  she  glance  my  way.  Quite  certainly  she  was  no 
longer  conscious  that  I  stood  about.  She  had  quite  for 
gotten  me.  I  could  tell  as  much  from  her  manner.  "Such," 
I  reflected,  with  an  unaccustomed  cynicism,  "is  the  light 
inconsequence  of  women  and  dogs."  Yet  I  still  experi 
enced  a  curiously  thrilling  determination  to  protect  her 
from  her  own  good  nature  in  the  matter  of  her  associates. 

At  a  later  and  cooler  moment  of  the  day  I  reflected  upon 
her  defence  of  the  Klondike  woman.  A  "prince  in  his 
palace"  not  too  good  for  her !  No  doubt  she  had  meant  me 
to  take  these  remarkable  words  quite  seriously.  It  was 
amazing,  I  thought,  with  what  seriousness  the  lower 
classes  of  the  country  took  their  dogma  of  equality,  and 
with  what  naive  confidence  they*relied  upon  us  to  accept 
it.  Equality  in  North  America  was  indeed  praiseworthy; 
I  had  already  given  it  the  full  weight  of  my  approval  and 
meant  to  live  by  it.  But  at  home,  of  course,  that  sort  of 
thing  would  never  do.  The  crude  moral  worth  of  the 
Klondike  woman  might  be  all  that  her  two  defenders  had 
alleged,  and  indeed  I  felt  again  that  strange  little  thrill  of 
almost  sympathy  for  her  as  one  who  had  been  unjustly 
aspersed.  But  I  could  only  resolve  that  I  would  be  no 
party  to  any  unfair  plan  of  opposing  her.  The  Honourable 
George  must  be  saved  from  her  trifling  as  well  as  from  her 
serious  designs,  if  such  she  might  have;  but  so  far  as  I  could 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  307 

influence  the  process  it  should  cause  as  little  chagrin  as 
possible  to  the  offender.  This  much  the  Mixer  and  my 
charwoman  had  achieved  with  me.  Indeed,  quite  hope 
ful  I  was  that  when  the  creature  had  been  set  right  as  to 
what  was  due  one  of  our  oldest  and  proudest  families  she 
would  find  We  entirely  pleasant  among  those  of  her  own 
station.  She  seemed  to  have  a  good  heart. 

As  the  day  of  his  lordship's  arrival  drew  near,  Belknap- 
Jackson  became  increasingly  concerned  about  the  precise 
manner  of  his  reception  and  the  details  of  his  entertainment, 
despite  my  best  assurances  that  no  especially  profound 
thought  need  be  given  to  either,  his  lordship  being  quite 
that  sort,  fussy  enough  in  his  own  way  but  hardly  formal 
or  pretentious. 

His  prospective  host,  after  many  consultations  with 
me,  at  length  allowed  himself  to  be  dissuaded  from  meeting 
his  lordship  in  correct  afternoon  garb  of  frock-coat  and  top- 
hat,  consenting,  at  my  urgent  suggestion,  to  a  mere  lounge- 
suit  of  tweeds  with  a  soft-rolled  hat  and  a  suitable  rough 
day  stick.  Again  in  the  matter  of  the  menu  for  his  lord 
ship's  initial  dinner  which  we  had  determined  might  well 
be  tendered  him  at  my  establishment.  Both  husband  and 
wife  were  rather  keen  for  an  elaborate  repast  of  many 
courses,  feeling  that  anything  less  would  be  doing  in 
sufficient  honour  to  their  illustrious  guest,  but  I  at  length 
convinced  them  that  I  quite  knew  what  his  lordship 
would  prefer:  a  vegetable  soup,  an  abundance  of  boiled 
mutton  with  potatoes,  a  thick  pudding,  a  bit  of  scientifi 
cally  correct  cheese,  and  a  jug  of  beer.  Rather  trying  they 
were  at  my  first  mention  of  this — a  dinner  quite  without 
finesse,  to  be  sure,  but  eminently  nutritive — and  only  their 


308  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

certainty  that  I  knew  his  lordship's  ways  made  them  give 
in. 

The  affair  was  to  be  confined  to  the  family,  his  lordship 
the  only  guest,  this  being  thought  discreet  for  the  night  of 
his  arrival  in  view  of  the  peculiar  nature  of  his  mission. 
Belknap-Jackson  had  hoped  against  hope  that  the  Mixer 
might  not  be  present,  and  even  so  late  as  the  day  of  his 
lordship's  arrival  he  was  cheered  by  word  that  she  might  be 
compelled  to  keep  her  bed  with  a  neuralgia. 

To  the  afternoon  train  I  accompanied  him  in  his  new 
motor-car,  finding  him  not  a  little  distressed  because  the 
chauffeur,  a  native  of  the  town,  had  stoutly — and  with 
some  not  nice  words,  I  gathered — refused  to  wear  the 
smart  uniform  which  his  employer  had  provided. 

"I  would  have  shopped  the  fellow  in  an  instant,"  he  con 
fided  to  me,  "had  it  been  at  any  other  time.  He  was  most 
impertinent.  But  as  usual,  here  I  am  at  the  mercy  of 
circumstances.  We  couldn't  well  subject  Brinstead  to 
those  loathsome  public  conveyances." 

We  waited  in  the  usual  throng  of  the  leisured  lower- 
classes  who  are  so  naively  pleased  at  the  passage  of  a  train. 
I  found  myself  picturing  their  childish  wonder  had  they 
guessed  the  identity  of  him  we  were  there  to  meet.  Even 
as  the  train  appeared  Belknap-Jackson  made  a  last  moan 
of  complaint. 

"Mrs.  Pettingill,"  he  observed  dejectedly,  "is  about  the 
house  again  and  I  fear  will  be  quite  well  enough  to  be  with 
us  this  evening."  For  a  moment  I  almost  quite  dis 
approved  of  the  fellow.  I  mean  to  say,  he  was  vogue  and 
all  that,  and  no  doubt  had  been  wretchedly  mistreated,  but 
after  all  the  Mixer  was  not  one  to  be  wished  ill  to. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  309 

A  moment  later  I  was  contrasting  the  quiet  arrival  of  his 
lordship  with  the  clamour  and  confusion  that  had  marked 
the  advent  among  us  of  the  Honourable  George.  He 
carried  but  one  bag  and  attracted  no  attention  whatever 
from  the  station  loungers.  While  I  have  never  known  him 
be  entirely  vogue  in  his  appointments,  his  lordship  carries 
off  a  lounge-suit  and  his  gray-cloth  hat  with  a  certain 
manner  which  the  Honourable  George  was  never  known  to 
achieve  even  in  the  days  when  I  groomed  him.  The  gray 
ish  rather  aggressive  looking  side-whiskers  first  caught  my 
eye,  and  a  moment  later  I  had  taken  his  hand.  Belknap- 
Jackson  at  the  same  time  took  his  bag,  and  with  a  trepi 
dation  so  obvious  that  his  lordship  may  perhaps  have  been 
excusable  for  a  momentary  misapprehension.  I  mean  to 
say,  he  instantly  and  crisply  directed  Belknap-Jackson  to 
go  forward  to  the  luggage  van  and  recover  his  box. 

A  bit  awkward  it  wras,  to  be  sure,  but  I  speedily  took  the 
situation  in  hand  by  formally  presenting  the  two  men, 
covering  the  palpable  embarrassment  of  the  host  by  ex 
plaining  to  his  lordship  the  astounding  ingenuity  of  the 
American  luggage  system.  By  the  time  I  had  deprived 
him  of  his  check  and  convinced  him  that  his  box  would  be 
admirably  recovered  by  a  person  delegated  to  that  service, 
Belknap-Jackson,  again  in  form,  was  apologizing  to  him  for 
the  squalid  character  of  the  station  and  for  the  hardships 
he  must  be  prepared  to  endure  in  a  crude  Western  village. 
Here  again  the  host  was  annoyed  by  having  to  call  repeat 
edly  to  his  mechanician  in  order  to  detach  him  from  a 
gossiping  group  of  loungers.  He  came  smoking  a  quite 
fearfully  bad  cigar  and  took  his  place  at  the  wheel  entirely 
without  any  suitable  deference  to  his  employer. 


310  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

His  lordship  during  the  ride  rather  pointedly  surveyed 
me,  being  impressed,  I  dare  say,  by  something  in  my 
appearance  and  manner  quite  new  to  him.  Doubtless  I 
had  been  feeling  equal  for  so  long  that  the  thing  was  to  be 
noticed  in  my  manner.  He  made  no  comment  upon  me, 
however.  Indeed  almost  the  only  time  he  spoke  during 
our  passage  was  to  voice  his  astonishment  at  not  having 
been  able  to  procure  the  London  Times  at  the  press-stalls 
along  the  way.  His  host  made  clucking  noises  of  sympa 
thy  at  this.  He  had,  he  said,  already  warned  his  lordship 
that  America  was  still  crude. 

"Crude?  Of  course,  what,  what!"  exclaimed  his  lord 
ship.  "But  naturally  they'd  have  the  Times!  I  dare  say 
the  beggars  were  too  lazy  to  look  it  out.  Laziness,  what, 
what!" 

"We've  a  job  teaching  them  to  know  their  places," 
ventured  Belknap- Jackson,  moodily  regarding  the  back  of 
his  chauffeur  which  somehow  contrived  to  be  eloquent  with 
disrespect  for  him. 

"  My  word,  what  rot ! "  rejoined  his  lordship.  I  saw  that 
he  had  arrived  in  one  of  his  peppery  moods.  I  fancy  he 
could  not  have  recited  a  multiplication  table  without  be 
coming  fanatically  assertive  about  it.  That  was  his  way. 
I  doubt  if  he  had  ever  condescended  to  have  an  opinion. 
What  might  have  been  opinions  came  out  on  him  like  a 
rash  in  form  of  the  most  violent  convictions. 

"What  rot  not  to  know  their  places,  when  they  must 
know  them!"  he  snappishly  added. 

"Quite  so,  quite  so!"  his  host  hastened  to  assure  him. 

"A — dashed — fine  big  country  you  have,"  was  his  only 
other  observation. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  311 

"Indeed,  indeed,"  murmured  his  host  mildly.  I  had 
rather  dreaded  the  oath  which  his  lordship  is  prone  to  use 
lightly.  • 

Reaching  the  Belknap-Jackson  house,  his  lordship  was 
shown  to  the  apartment  prepared  for  him. 

"Tea  will  be  served  in  half  an  hour,  your — er — Brin- 
stead,"  announced  his  host  cordially,  although  seemingly 
at  a  loss  how  to  address  him. 

"  Quite  so,  what,  what !  Tea,  of  course,  of  course !  Why 
wouldn't  it  be?  Meantime,  if  you  don't  mind,  I'll  have  a 
word  with  Ruggles.  At  once." 

Belknap-Jackson  softly  and  politely  withdrew  at  once. 

Alone  with  his  lordship,  I  thought  it  best  to  acquaint 
him  instantly  with  the  change  in  my  circumstances,  touch 
ing  lightly  upon  the  matter  of  my  now  being  an  equal  with 
rather  most  of  the  North  Americans.  He  listened  with 
exemplary  patience  to  my  brief  recital  and  was  good  enough 
to  felicitate  me. 

"Assure  you,  glad  to  hear  it — glad  no  end.  Worthy 
fellow;  always  knew  it.  And  equal,  of  course,  of  course  1 
Take  up  their  equality  by  all  means  if  you  take  'em  up 
themselves.  Curious  lot  of  nose-talking  beggars,  and 
putting  r's  every  place  one  shouldn't,  but  don't  blame 
you.  Do  it  myself  if  I  could — England  gone  to  pot. 
Quite!" 

"Gone  to  pot,  sir?"  I  gasped. 

"Don't  argue.  Course  it  has.  Women!  Slasher  fiends 
and  firebrands!  Pictures,  churches,  golf -greens,  cabinet 
members — nothing  safe.  Pouring  their  beastly  filth  into 
pillar  boxes.  Women  one  knows.  Hussies,  though !  Want 
the  vote — rot !  Awful  rot !  Don't  blame  you  for  America. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

Wish  I  might,  too.  Good  thing,  my  word!  No  backbone 
in  Downing  Street.  Let  the  fiends  out  again  directly 
they're  hungry.  No  system!  No  firmness!  No  dash! 
Starve  'em  proper,  I  would." 

He  was  working  himself  into  no  end  of  a  state.  I  sought 
to  divert  him. 

"About  the  Honourable  George,  sir —      '  I  ventured. 

"What's  the  silly  ass  up  to  now?  Dancing  girl  got 
him — yes?  How  he  does  it,  I  can't  think.  No  looks,  no 
manner,  no  way  with  women.  Can't  stand  him  myself. 
How  ever  can  they?  Frightful  bore,  old  George  is.  Well, 
well,  man,  I'm  waiting.  Tell  me,  tell  me,  tell  me!" 

Briefly  I  disclosed  to  him  that  his  brother  had  entangled 
himself  with  a  young  person  who  had  indeed  been  a  danc 
ing  girl  or  a  bit  like  that  in  the  province  of  Alaska.  That 
at  the  time  of  my  cable  there  was  strong  reason  to  believe 
she  would  stop  at  nothing — even  marriage,  but  that  I  had 
since  come  to  suspect  that  she  might  be  bent  only  on 
making  a  fool  of  her  victim,  she  being,  although  an  honest 
enough  character,  rather  inclined  to  levity  and  without 
proper  respect  for  established  families. 

I  hinted  briefly  at  the  social  warfare  of  which  she  had 
been  a  storm  centre.  I  said  again,  remembering  the  warm 
words  of  the  Mixer  and  of  my  charwoman,  that  to  the  best 
of  my  knowledge  her  character  was  without  blemish.  All 
at  once  I  was  feeling  preposterously  sorry  for  the  creature. 

His  lordship  listened,  though  with  a  cross-fire  of  in 
terruptions.  "Alaska  dancing  girl.  Silly!  Nothing  but 
snow  and  mines  in  Alaska."  Or,  again,  "Make  a  fool  of 
old  George?  What  silly  piffle!  Already  done  it  himself, 
what,  what!  Waste  her  time!"  And  if  she  wasn't  keen 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  313 

to  marry  him,  had  I  called  him  across  the  ocean  to  in 
tervene  in  a  vulgar  village  squabble  about  social  prece 
dence?  "  Social  precedence  silly  rot ! " 

I  insisted  that  his  brother  should  be  seen  to.  One 
couldn't  tell  what  the  woman  might  do.  Her  audacity  was 
tremendous,  even  for  an  American.  To  this  he  listened 
more  patiently. 

"Dare  say  you're  right.  You  don't  go  off  your  head 
easily.  I'll  rag  him  proper,  now  I'm  here.  Always  knew 
the  ass  would  make  a  silly  marriage  if  he  could.  Yes,  yes, 
I'll  break  it  up  quick  enough.  I  say  I'll  break  it  up 
proper.  Dancers  and  that  sort.  Dangerous.  But  I  know 
their  tricks." 

A  summons  to  tea  below  interrupted  him. 

"Hungry,  my  word!  Hardly  dared  eat  in  that  dining- 
coach.  Tinned  stuff  all  about  one.  Appendicitis!  Ameri 
can  journal — some  Colonel  chap  found  it  out.  Hunting 
sort.  Looked  a  fool  beside  his  silly  horse,  but  seemed  to 
know.  Took  no  chances.  Said  the  tin-opener  slays  its 
thousands.  Rot,  no  doubt.  Perhaps  not." 

I  led  him  below,  hardly  daring  at  the  moment  to  confess 
my  own  responsibility  for  his  fears.  Another  time,  I 
thought,  we  might  chat  of  it. 

Belknap- Jackson  with  his  wife  and  the  Mixer  awaited 
us.  His  lordship  was  presented,  and  I  excused  myself. 

"Mrs.  Pettingill,  his  lordship  the  Earl  of  Brinstead,w 
had  been  the  host's  speech  of  presentation  to  the  Mixer. 

"How  do  do,  Earl;  I'm  right  glad  to  meet  you,"  had 
been  the  Mixer's  acknowledgment,  together  with  a  hearty 
grasp  of  the  hand.  I  saw  his  lordship's  face  brighten. 

"What  ho!"  he  cried  with  the  first  cheerfulness  he  had 


314  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

exhibited,  and  the  Mixer,  still  vigorously  pumping  his  hand, 
had  replied,  "Same  here ! "  with  a  vast  smile  of  good  nature. 
It  occurred  to  me  that  they,  at  least,  were  quite  going  to 
"get"  each  other,  as  Americans  say. 

"Come  right  in  and  set  down  in  the  parlour,"  she  was 
saying  at  the  last.  "I  don't  eat  between  meals  like  you 
English  folks  are  always  doing,  but  I'll  take  a  shot  of  hooch 
with  you." 

The  Belknap-Jacksons  stood  back  not  a  little  distressed. 
They  seemed  to  publish  that  their  guest  was  being  torn 
from  them. 

"A  shot  of  hooch!"  observed  his  lordship  "I  dare  say 
your  shooting  over  here  is  absolutely  top-hole — keener 
sport  than  our  popping  at  driven  birds.  What,  what!" 


CHAPTER   EIGHTEEN 

A'  A  latish  seven,  when  the  Grill  had  become  nicely 
filled  with  a  representative  crowd,  the  Belknap- 
Jacksons  arrived  with  his  lordship.  The  latter 
had  not  dressed  and  I  was  able  to  detect  that  Belknap- 
Jackson,  doubtless  noting  his  guest's  attire  ai  the  last 
moment,  had  hastily  changed  back  to  a  lounge-suit  of  his 
own.  Also  I  noted  the  absence  of  the  Mixer  and  wondered 
how  the  host  had  contrived  to  eliminate  her.  On  this  point 
he  found  an  opportunity  to  enlighten  me  before  taking 
his  seat. 

"Mark  my  words,  that  old  devil  is  up  to  something,"  he 
darkly  said,  and  I  saw  that  he  was  genuinely  put  about,  for 
not  often  does  he  fall  into  strong  language. 

"After  pushing  herself  forward  with  his  lordship  all 
through  tea-time  in  the  most  brazen  manner,  she  announces 
that  she  has  a  previous  dinner  engagement  and  can't  be 
with  us.  I'm  as  well  pleased  to  have  her  absent,  of  course, 
but  I'd  pay  handsomely  to  know  what  her  little  game  is. 
Imagine  her  not  dining  with  the  Earl  of  Brinstead  when 
she  had  the  chance!  That  shows  something's  wrong.  I 
don't  like  it.  I  tell  you  she's  capable  of  things." 

I  mused  upon  this .  The  Mixer  was  undoubtedly  capable 
of  things.  Especially  things  concerning  her  son-in-law. 
And  yet  I  could  imagine  no  opening  for  her  at  the  present 
moment  and  said  as  much.  And  Mrs.  Belknap- Jackson, 

315 


316  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

I  was  glad  to  observe,  did  not  share  her  husband's  evident 
worry.  She  had  entered  the  place  plumingly,  as  it  were, 
sweeping  the  length  of  the  room  before  his  lordship  with 
quite  all  the  manner  her  somewhat  stubby  figure  could 
carry  off.  Seated,  she  became  at  once  vivacious,  chatting 
to  his  lordship  brightly  and  continuously,  raking  the  room 
the  while  with  her  lorgnon.  Half  a  dozen  ladies  of  the 
North  Side  set  were  with  parties  at  other  tables.  I  saw  she 
was  immensely  stimulated  by  the  circumstance  that  these 
friends  were  unaware  of  her  guest's  identity.  I  divined 
that  before  the  evening  was  over  she  would  contrive  to  dis 
close  it. 

His  lordship  responded  but  dully  to  her  animated  chat. 
He  is  never  less  urbane  than  when  hungry,  and  I  took  pains 
to  have  his  favourite  soup  served  quite  almost  at  once. 
This  he  fell  upon.  I  may  say  that  he  has  always  a  hearty 
manner  of  attacking  his  soup.  Not  infrequently  he  makes 
noises.  He  did  so  on  this  occasion.  I  mean  to  say,  there 
was  no  finesse.  I  hovered  near,  anxious  that  the  service 
should  be  without  flaw. 

His  head  bent  slightly  over  his  plate,  I  saw  a  spoonful  of 
soup  ascending  with  precision  toward  his  lips.  But  curi 
ously  it  halted  in  mid-air,  then  fell  back.  His  lordship's  eyes 
had  become  fixed  upon  some  one  back  of  me.  At  once,  too, 
I  noted  looks  of  consternation  upon  the  faces  of  the  Bel- 
knap- Jacksons,  the  hostess  freezing  in  the  very  midst  of 
some  choice  phrase  she  had  smilingly  begun. 

I  turned  quickly.  It  was  the  Klondike  person,  radiant 
in  the  costume  of  black  and  the  black  hat.  She  moved 
down  the  hushed  room  with  well-lifted  chin,  eyes  straight 
ahead  and  narrowed  to  but  a  faint  offended  consciousness 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  317 

of  the  staring  crowd.  It  was  well  done.  It  was  superior. 
I  am  able  to  judge  those  things. 

Reaching  a  table  the  second  but  one  from  the  Belknap- 
Jacksons',  she  relaxed  finely  from  the  austere  note  of  her 
progress  and  turned  to  her  companions  with  a  pretty  and 
quite  perfect  confusion  as  to  which  chair  she  might  oc 
cupy.  Quite  awfully  these  companions  were  the  Mixer, 
overwhelming  in  black  velvet  and  diamonds,  and  Cousin 
Egbert,  uncomfortable  enough  looking  but  as  correctly 
enveloped  in  evening  dress  as  he  could  ever  manage  by  him 
self.  His  cravat  had  been  tied  many  times  and  needed  it 
once  more. 

They  were  seated  by  the  raccoon  with  quite  all  his  im- 
pressiveness  of  manner.  They  faced  the  Belknap-Jackson 
party,  yet  seemed  unconscious  of  its  presence.  Cousin  Eg 
bert,  with  a  bored  manner  which  I  am  certain  he  achieved 
only  with  tremendous  effort,  scanned  my  simple  menu. 
The  Mixer  settled  herself  with  a  vast  air  of  comfort  and 
arranged  various  hand-belongings  about  her  on  the  table. 

Between  them  the  Klondike  woman  sat  with  a  restraint 
that  would  actually  not  have  ill-become  one  of  our  own 
women.  She  did  not  look  about;  her  hands  were  still,  her 
head  was  up.  At  former  times  with  her  own  set  she  had 
been  wont  to  exhibit  a  rather  defiant  vivacity.  Now  she 
did  not  challenge.  Finely,  eloquently,  there  pervaded  her 
a  reserve  that  seemed  almost  to  exhale  a  fragrance.  But  of 
course  that  is  silly  rot.  I  mean  to  say,  she  drew  the  at 
tention  without  visible  effort.  She  only  waited. 

The  Earl  of  Brinstead,  as  we  all  saw,  had  continued  to 
stare.  Thrice  slowly  arose  the  spoon  of  soup,  for  mere 
animal  habit  was  strong  upon  him,  yet  at  a  certain  eleva- 


318  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

tion  it  each  time  fell  slowly  back.  He  was  acting  like 
a  mechanical  toy.  Then  the  Mixer  caught  his  eye  and 
nodded  crisply.  He  bobbed  in  response. 

"What  ho!  The  dowager!"  he  exclaimed,  and  that 
time  the  soup  was  successfully  resumed. 

"Poor  old  mater!"  sighed  his  hostess.  "She's  con 
stantly  taking  up  people.  One  does,  you  know,  in  these 
queer  Western  towns." 

"Jolly  old  thing,  awfully  good  sort!"  said  his  lordship, 
but  his  eyes  were  not  on  the  Mixer. 

Terribly  then  I  recalled  the  Honourable  George's  be 
haviour  at  that  same  table  the  night  he  had  first  viewed 
this  Klondike  person.  His  lordship  was  staring  in  much 
the  same  fashion.  Yet  I  was  relieved  to  observe  that  the 
woman  this  time  was  quite  unconscious  of  the  interest  she 
had  aroused.  In  the  case  of  the  Honourable  George,  who 
had  frankly  ogled  her — for  the  poor  chap  has  ever  lacked 
the  finer  shades  in  these  matters — she  had  not  only  been 
aware  of  it  but  had  deliberately  played  upon  it.  It  is  not 
too  much  to  say  that  she  had  shown  herself  to  be  a  creature 
of  blandishments.  More  than  once  she  had  permitted  her 
eyes  to  rest  upon  him  with  that  peculiarly  womanish  gaze 
which,  although  superficially  of  a  blank  innocence,  is  yet 
all-seeing  and  even  shoots  little  fine  arrows  of  questions 
from  its  ambuscade.  But  now  she  was  ignoring  his  lord 
ship  as  utterly  as  she  did  the  Belknap-Jacksons. 

To  be  sure  she  may  later  have  been  in  some  way  informed 
that  his  eyes  were  seeking  her,  but  never  once,  I  am  sure, 
did  she  descend  to  even  a  veiled  challenge  of  his  glance  or 
betray  the  faintest  discreet  consciousness  of  it.  And  this 
I  was  indeed  glad  to  note  in  her.  Clearly  she  must 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  319 

know  where  to  draw  the  line,  permitting  herself  a  ma 
licious  laxity  with  a  younger  brother  which  she  would  not 
have  the  presumption  to  essay  with  the  holder  of  the  title. 
Pleased  I  was,  I  say,  to  detect  in  her  this  proper  respect  for 
Lis  lordship's  position.  It  showed  her  to  be  not  all  un- 
Avorthy. 

The  dinner  proceeded,  his  lordship  being  good  enough  to 
compliment  me  on  the  fare  which  I  knew  was  done  to  his 
liking.  Yet,  even  in  the  very  presence  of  the  boiled  mutton, 
his  eyes  were  too  often  upon  his  neighbour.  When  he 
behaved  thus  in  the  presence  of  a  dish  of  mutton  I  had  not 
to  be  told  that  he  was  strongly  moved.  I  uneasily  re 
called  now  that  he  had  once  been  a  bit  of  a  dog  himself.  I 
mean  to  say,  there  was  talk  in  the  countryside,  though  of 
course  it  had  died  out  a  score  of  years  ago.  I  thought  it  as 
well,  however,  that  he  be  told  almost  immediately  that  the 
person  he  honoured  with  his  glance  was  no  other  than 
the  one  he  had  come  to  subtract  his  unfortunate  brother 
from. 

The  dinner  progressed — somewhat  jerkily  because  of  his 
lordship's  inattention — through  the  pudding  and  cheese 
to  coffee.  Never  had  I  known  his  lordship  behave  so 
languidly  in  the  presence  of  food  he  cared  for.  His  hosts 
ate  even  less.  They  were  worried.  Mrs.  Belknap- Jack 
son,  however,  could  simply  no  longer  contain  within  herself 
the  secret  of  their  guest's  identity.  With  excuses  to  the 
deaf  ears  of  his  lordship  she  left  to  address  a  friend  at  a 
distant  table.  She  addressed  others  at  other  tables,  leav 
ing  a  flutter  of  sensation  in  her  wake. 

Belknap-Jackson,  having  lighted  one  of  his  non-throat 
cigarettes,  endeavoured  to  engross  his  lordship  with  an 


320  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

account  of  their  last  election  of  officers  to  the  country  club. 
His  lordship  was  not  properly  attentive  to  this.  Indeed, 
with  his  hostess  gone  he  no  longer  made  any  pretence  of 
concealing  his  interest  in  the  other  table.  I  saw  him 
catch  the  eye  of  the  Mixer  and  astonishingly  intercepted 
from  her  a  swift  but  most  egregious  wink. 

"One  moment,"  said  his  lordship  to  the  host.  "Must 
pay  my  respects  to  the  dowager,  what,  what!  Jolly  old 
muggins,  yes ! "  And  he  was  gone. 

I  heard  the  Mixer's  amazing  presentation  speech. 

"Mrs.  Kenner,  Mr.  Floud,  his  lordship — say,  listen  here, 
is  your  right  name  Brinstead,  or  Basingwell,  like  your 
brother's?" 

The  Klondike  person  acknowledged  the  thing  with  a 
faintly  gracious  nod.  It  carried  an  air,  despite  the  slight- 
ness  of  it.  Cousin  Egbert  was  more  cordial. 

"Pleased  to  meet  you,  Lord!"  said  he,  and  grasped  the 
newcomer's  hand.  "Come  on,  set  in  with  us  and  have 
some  coffee  and  a  cigar.  Here,  Jeff,  bring  the  lord  a  good 
cigar.  We  was  just  talking  about  you  that  minute.  How 
do  you  like  our  town?  Say,  this  here  Kulanche  Valley 

"  I  lost  the  rest.  His  lordship  had  seated  himself.  At 

his  own  table  Belknap-Jackson  writhed  acutely.  He  was 
lighting  a  second  cigarette — the  first  not  yet  a  quarter 
consumed ! 

At  once  the  four  began  to  be  thick  as  thieves,  though  it 
was  apparent  his  lordship  had  eyes  only  for  the  woman. 
Coffee  was  brought.  His  lordship  lighted  his  cigar.  And 
now  the  word  had  so  run  from  Mrs.  Belknap-Jackson  that 
all  eyes  were  drawn  to  this  table.  She  had  created  her 
iensation  and  it  had  become  all  at  once  more  of  one  than 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  321 

she  had  thought.  From  Mrs.  Judge  Ballard's  table  I 
caught  her  glare  at  her  unconscious  mother.  It  was  not 
the  way  one's  daughter  should  regard  one  in  public. 

Presently  contriving  to  pass  the  table  again,  I  noted  that 
Cousin  Egbert  had  changed  his  form  of  address. 

"Have  some  brandy  with  your  coffee,  Earl.  Here,  Jeff, 
bring  Earl  and  all  of  us  some  lee-cures."  I  divined  the 
monstrous  truth  that  he  supposed  himself  to  be  calling  his 
lordship  by  his  first  name,  and  he  in  turn  must  have  under 
stood  my  shocked  glance  of  rebuke,  for  a  bit  later,  with 
glad  relief  in  his  tones,  he  was  addressing  his  lordship  as 
"Cap!"  And  myself  he  had  given  the  rank  of  colonel! 

The  Klondike  person  in  the  beginning  finely  maintained 
her  reserve.  Only  at  the  last  did  she  descend  to  vivacity 
or  the  use  of  her  eyes.  This  later  laxness  made  me  wonder 
if,  after  all,  she  would  feel  bound  to  pay  his  lordship  the 
respect  he  was  wont  to  command  from  her  class. 

"You  and  poor  George  are  rather  alike,"  I  overheard, 
"except  that  he  uses  the  single  'what'  and  you  use  the 
double.  Hasn't  he  any  right  to  use  the  double  'what'  yet, 
and  what  does  it  mean,  anyway?  Tell  us." 

"What,  what!"  demanded  his  lordship,  a  bit  puzzled. 

"But  that's  it!  What  do  you  say  'What,  what'  for? 
It  can't  do  you  any  good." 

"What,  what!  But  I  mean  to  say,  you're  having  me 
on.  My  word  you  are — spoofing,  I  mean  to  say.  What, 
what!  To  be  sure.  Chaffing  lot,  you  are ! "  He  laughed. 
He  was  behaving  almost  with  levity. 

"But  poor  old  George  is  so  much  younger  than  you — 
you  must  make  allowances,"  I  again  caught  her  saying; 
and  his  lordship  replied: 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

"Not  at  all;  not  at  all!  Matter  of  a  half -score  years. 
Barely  a  half -score;  nine  and  a  few  months.  Younger? 
What  rot !  Chaffing  again." 

Really  it  was  a  bit  thick,  the  creature  saying  "poor  old 
George"  quite  as  if  he  were  something  in  an  institution, 
having  to  be  wheeled  about  in  a  bath-chair  with  rugs  and 
water-bottles ! 

Glad  I  was  when  the  trio  gave  signs  of  departure.  It 
was  woman's  craft  dictating  it,  I  dare  say.  She  had  made 
her  effect  and  knew  when  to  go. 

"Of  course  we  shall  have  to  talk  over  my  dreadful 
designs  on  your  poor  old  George,"  said  the  amazing  woman, 
intently  regarding  his  lordship  at  parting. 

"Leave  it  to  me,"  said  he,  with  a  scarcely  veiled  signifi 
cance. 

"Well,  see  you  again,  Cap,"  said  Cousin  Egbert  warmly. 
"I'll  take  you  around  to  meet  some  of  the  boys.  We'll 
see  you  have  a  good  time." 

"What  ho!"  his  lordship  replied  cordially.  The  Klon 
dike  person  flashed  him  one  enigmatic  look,  then  turned  to 
precede  her  companions.  Again  down  the  thronged  room 
she  swept,  with  that  chin-lifted,  drooping-eyed,  faintly 
offended  half  consciousness  of  some  staring  rabble  at  hand 
that  concerned  her  not  at  all.  Her  alert  feminine  foes,  I 
am  certain,  read  no  slightest  trace  of  amusement  in  her 
unwavering  lowered  glance.  So  easily  she  could  have  been 
crude  here ! 

Belknap-Jackson,  enduring  his  ignominious  solitude  to 
the  limit  of  his  powers,  had  joined  his  wife  at  the  lower  end  of 
the  room.  They  had  taken  the  unfortunate  development 
with  what  grace  they  could.  His  lordship  had  dropped 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  323 

in  upon  them  quite  informally — charming  man  that  he  was. 
Of  course  he  would  quickly  break  up  the  disgraceful  affair. 
Beginning  at  once.  They  would  doubtless  entertain  for 
him  in  a  quiet  way 

At  the  deserted  table  his  lordship  now  relieved  a  certain 
sickening  apprehension  that  had  beset  me. 

"What,  what!  Quite  right  to  call  me  out  here.  Shan't 
forget  it.  Dangerous  creature,  that.  Badly  needed,  I 
was.  Can't  think  why  you  waited  so  long!  Anything 
might  have  happened  to  old  George.  Break  it  up  proper, 
though.  Never  do  at  all.  Impossible  person  for  him. 
Quite!" 

I  saw  they  had  indeed  taken  no  pains  to  hide  the  woman's 
identity  from  him  nor  their  knowledge  of  his  reason  for 
coming  out  to  the  States,  though  with  wretchedly  low 
taste  they  had  done  this  chaffingly.  Yet  it  was  only  too 
plain  that  his  lordship  now  realized  what  had  been  the  pro- 
found  gravity  of  the  situation,  and  I  was  glad  to  see  that 
he  meant  to  end  it  without  any  nonsense. 

"Silly  ass,  old  George,  though,"  he  added  as  the  Bel- 
knap-Jacksons  approached.  "How  a  creature  like  that 
could  ever  have  fancied  him !  What,  what ! " 

His  hosts  were  profuse  in  their  apologies  for  having  so 
thoughtlessly  run  away  from  his  lordship — they  carried  it 
off  rather  well.  They  were  keen  for  sitting  at  the  table 
once  more,  as  the  other  observant  diners  were  lingering  on, 
but  his  lordship  would  have  none  of  this. 

"Stuffy  place!"  said  he.  "Best  be  getting  on."  And 
so,  reluctantly,  they  led  him  down  the  gauntlet  of  widened 
eyes.  Even  so,  the  tenth  Earl  of  Brinstead  had  dined 
publicly  with  them.  More  than  repaid  they  were  for  the 


324  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

slight  the  Honourable  George  had  put  upon  them  in  the 
affair  of  the  pianoforte  artist. 

An  hour  later  Belknap-Jackson  had  me  on  by  telephone. 
His  voice  was  not  a  little  worried. 

"  I  say,  is  his  lordship,  the  Earl,  subject  to  spells  of  any 
sort?  We  were  in  the  library  where  I  was  showing  him 
some  photographic  views  of  dear  old  Boston,  and  right  over 
a  superb  print  of  our  public  library  he  seemed  to  lose 
consciousness.  Might  it  be  a  stroke?  Or  do  you  think 
it's  just  a  healthy  sleep?  And  shall  I  venture  to  shake 
him?  How  would  he  take  that?  Or  should  I  merely 
cover  him  with  a  travelling  rug?  It  would  be  so  dreadful 
if  anything  happened  when  he's  been  with  us  such  a  little 
time." 

I  knew  his  lordship.  He  has  the  gift  of  sleeping  quite 
informally  when  his  attention  is  not  too  closely  engaged. 
I  suggested  that  the  host  set  his  musical  phonograph  in 
motion  on  some  one  of  the  more  audible  selections.  As  I 
heard  no  more  from  him  that  night  I  dare  say  my  plan 
worked. 

Our  town,  as  may  be  imagined,  buzzed  with  transcen 
dent  gossip  on  the  morrow.  The  Recorder  disclosed  at  last 
that  the  Belknap-Jacksons  of  Boston  and  Red  Gap  were 
quietly  entertaining  his  lordship,  the  Earl  of  Brinstead, 
though  since  the  evening  before  this  had  been  news  to 
hardly  any  one.  Nor  need  it  be  said  that  a  viciously 
fermenting  element  in  the  gossip  concerned  the  apparently 
cordial  meeting  of  his  lordship  with  the  Klondike  person, 
an  encounter  that  had  been  watched  with  jealous  eyes  by 
more  than  one  matron  of  the  North  Side  set.  It  was  even 
intimated  that  if  his  lordship  had  come  to  put  the  creature 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  325 

in  her  place  he  had  chosen  a  curious  way  to  set  about 
it. 

Also  there  were  hard  words  uttered  of  the  Belknap- 
Jacksons  by  Mrs.  Effie,  and  severe  blame  put  upon  myself 
because  his  lordship  had  not  come  out  to  the  Flouds'. 

"But  the  Brinsteads  have  always  stopped  with  us 
before,"  she  went  about  saying,  as  if  there  had  been  a  quite 
long  succession  of  them.  I  mean  to  say,  only  the  Honour 
able  George  had  stopped  on  with  them,  unless,  indeed,  the 
woman  actually  counted  me  as  one.  Between  herself  and 
Mrs.  Belknap- Jackson,  I  understood,  there  ensued  early 
that  morning  by  telephone  a  passage  of  virulent  acidity, 
Mrs.  Effie  being  heard  by  Cousin  Egbert  to  say  bluntly 
that  she  would  get  even. 

Undoubtedly  she  did  not  share  the  annoyance  of  the 
Belknap-Jacksons  at  certain  eccentricities  now  developed 
by  his  lordship  which  made  him  at  times  a  trying  house 
guest.  That  first  morning  he  arose  at  five  sharp,  a  custom 
of  his  which  I  deeply  regretted  not  having  warned  his  host 
about.  Discovering  quite  no  one  about,  he  had  ventured 
abroad  in  search  of  breakfast,  finding  it  at  length  in  the 
eating  establishment  known  as  "Bert's  Place,"  in  company 
with  engine-drivers,  plate-layers,  milk  persons,  and  others 
of  a  common  sort. 

Thereafter  he  had  tramped  furiously  about  the  town  and 
its  environs  for  some  hours,  at  last  encountering  Cousin 
Egbert  who  escorted  him  to  the  Floud  home  for  his  first 
interview  with  the  Honourable  George.  The  latter  re 
ceived  his  lordship  in  bed,  so  Cousin  Egbert  later  informed 
me.  He  had  left  the  two  together,  whereupon  for  an  hour 
there  were  heard  quite  all  over  the  house  words  of  the  most 


326  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

explosive  character.  Cousin  Egbert,  much  alarmed  at  the 
passionate  beginning  of  the  interview,  suspected  they  might 
do  each  other  a  mischief,  and  for  some  moments  hovered 
about  with  the  aim,  if  need  be,  of  preserving  human  life. 
But  as  the  uproar  continued  evenly,  he  at  length  concluded 
they  would  do  no  more  than  talk,  the  outcome  proving  the 
accuracy  of  his  surmise. 

Mrs.  Effie,  meantime,  saw  her  opportunity  and  seized  it 
with  a  cool  readiness  which  I  have  often  remarked  in  her. 
Belknap- Jackson,  distressed  beyond  measure  at  the  strange 
absence  of  his  guest,  had  communicated  with  me  by  tele 
phone  several  times  without  result.  Not  until  near  noon 
was  I  able  to  give  him  any  light.  Mrs.  Effie  had  then 
called  me  to  know  what  his  lordship  preferred  for  luncheon. 
Replying  that  cold  beef,  pickles,  and  beer  were  his  usual 
mid-day  fancy,  I  hastened  to  allay  the  fears  of  the  Belknap- 
Jacksons,  only  to  find  that  Mrs.  Effie  had  been  before  me. 

"She  says,"  came  the  annoyed  voice  of  the  host,  "that 
the  dear  Earl  dropped  in  for  a  chat  with  his  brother  and 
has  most  delightfully  begged  her  to  give  him  luncheon. 
She  says  he  will  doubtless  wish  to  drive  with  them  this 
afternoon,  but  I  had  already  planned  to  drive  him  myself — 
to  the  country  club  and  about.  The  woman  is  high 
handed,  I  must  say.  For  God's  sake,  can't  you  do  some 
thing?" 

I  was  obliged  to  tell  him  straight  that  the  thing  was  be 
yond  me,  though  I  promised  to  recover  his  guest  promptly, 
should  any  opportunity  occur.  The  latter  did  not,  how 
ever,  drive  with  the  Flouds  that  afternoon.  He  was 
observed  walking  abroad  with  Cousin  Egbert,  and  it  was 
later  reported  by  persons  of  unimpeachable  veracity  that 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  327 

they  had  been  seen  to  enter  the  Klondike  person's  es 
tablishment. 

Evening  drew  on  without  further  news.  But  then 
certain  elated  members  of  the  Bohemian  set  made  it  loosely 
known  that  they  were  that  evening  to  dine  informally  at 
their  leader's  house  to  meet  his  lordship.  It  seemed  a  bit 
extraordinary  to  me,  yet  I  could  not  but  rejoice  that  he 
should  thus  adopt  the  peaceful  methods  of  diplomacy  for 
the  extrication  of  his  brother. 

Belknap-Jackson  now  telephoning  to  know  if  I  had  heard 
this  report — "canard"  he  styled  it — I  confirmed  it  and 
remarked  that  his  lordship  was  undoubtedly  by  way  of 
bringing  strong  pressure  to  bear  on  the  woman. 

"But  I  had  expected  him  to  meet  a  few  people  here  this 
evening,"  cried  the  host  pathetically.  I  was  then  obliged 
to  tell  him  that  the  Brinsteads  for  centuries  had  been 
bluntly  averse  to  meeting  a  few  people.  It  seemed  to  run 
in  the  blood. 

The  Bohemian  dinner,  although  quite  informal,  was  said 
to  have  been  highly  enjoyed  by  all,  including  the  Honour 
able  George,  who  was  among  those  present,  as  well  as 
Cousin  Egbert.  The  latter  gossiped  briefly  of  the  affair 
the  following  day. 

"Sure,  the  Cap  had  a  good  time  all  right,"  he  said.  "Of 
course  he  ain't  the  mixer  the  Judge  is,  but  he  livens  up 
quite  some,  now  and  then.  Talks  like  a  bunch  of  fire 
crackers  going  off  all  to  once,  don't  he?  Funny  guy.  I 
walked  with  him  to  the  Jacksons'  about  twelve  or  one. 
He's  going  back  to  Mis'  Kenner's  house  to-day.  He 
says  it'll  take  a  lot  of  talking  back  and  forth  to  get  this 
thing  settled  right,  and  it's  got  to  be  right,  he  says.  He 


328  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

seen  that  right  off."  He  paused  as  if  to  meditate  pro 
foundly. 

"If  you  was  to  ask  me,  though,  I'd  say  she  had  him — 
just  like  that!" 

He  held  an  open  hand  toward  me,  then  tightly  clenched 
it. 

Suspecting  he  might  spread  absurd  gossip  of  this  sort,  I 
explained  carefully  to  him  that  his  lordship  had  indeed  at 
once  perceived  her  to  be  a  dangerous  woman;  and  that  he 
was  now  taking  his  own  cunning  way  to  break  off  the 
distressing  affair  between  her  and  his  brother.  He  listened 
patiently,  but  seemed  wedded  to  some  monstrous  view  of 
his  own. 

"Them  dames  of  that  there  North  Side  set  better  watch 
out,"  he  remarked  ominously.  "First  thing  they  know, 
what  that  Kate  Kenner  '11  hand  them — they  can  make  a 
lemonade  out  of!" 

I  could  make  but  little  of  this,  save  its  general  import, 
which  was  of  course  quite  shockingly  preposterous.  I 
found  myself  wishing,  to  be  sure,  that  his  lordship  had  been 
able  to  accomplish  his  mission  to  North  America  without 
appearing  to  meet  the  person  as  a  social  equal,  as  I  feared 
indeed  that  a  wrong  impression  of  his  attitude  would  be 
gained  by  the  undiscerning  public.  It  might  have  been 
better,  I  was  almost  quite  certain,  had  he  adopted  a  stern 
and  even  brutal  method  at  the  outset,  instead  of  the  cir 
cuitous  and  diplomatic.  Belknap-Jackson  shared  this  view 
with  me. 

"I  should  hate  dreadfully  to  have  his  lordship's  repu 
tation  suffer  for  this,"  he  confided  to  me. 

The  first  week  dragged  to  its  close  in  this  regrettable 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  329 

fashion.  Oftener  than  not  his  hosts  caught  no  glimpse  of 
his  lordship  throughout  the  day.  The  smart  trap  and  the 
tandem  team  were  constantly  ready,  but  he  had  not  yet 
been  driven  abroad  by  his  host.  Each  day  he  alleged  the 
necessity  of  conferring  with  the  woman. 

"Dangerous  creature,  my  word!  But  dangerous!"  he 
would  announce.  "Takes  no  end  of  managing.  Do  it, 
though;  do  it  proper.  Take  a  high  hand  with  her.  Can't 
have  silly  old  George  in  a  mess.  Own  brother,  what,  what ! 
Time  needed,  though.  Not  with  you  at  dinner,  if  you 
don't  mind.  Creature  has  a  way  of  picking  up  things  not 
half  nasty." 

"But  each  day  Belknap- Jackson  met  him  with  pressing 
offers  of  such  entertainment  as  the  town  afforded.  Three 
several  times  he  had  been  obliged  to  postpone  the  informal 
evening  affair  for  a  few  smart  people.  Yet,  though  patient, 
he  was  determined.  Reluctantly  at  last  he  abandoned  the 
design  of  driving  his  guest  about  in  the  trap,  but  he  in 
sistently  put  forward  the  motor-car.  He  would  drive  it 
himself.  They  would  spend  pleasant  hours  going  about 
the  country.  His  lordship  continued  elusive.  To  myself 
he  confided  that  his  host  was  a  nagger. 

"Awfully  nagging  sort,  yes.  Doesn't  know  the  strain 
I'm  under  getting  this  silly  affair  straight.  Country  inter 
esting  no  doubt,  what,  what !  But,  my  word !  saw  nothing 
but  country  coming  out.  Country  quite  all  about,  miles 
and  miles  both  sides  of  the  metals.  Seen  enough  country. 
Seen  motor-cars,  too,  my  word.  Enough  of  both,  what, 
what!" 

Yet  it  seemed  that  on  the  Saturday  after  his  arrival  he 
could  no  longer  decently  put  off  his  insistent  host.  He 


330  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

consented  to  accompany  him  in  the  motor-car.  Rotten 
judging  it  was  on  the  part  of  Belknap-Jackson.  He 
should  have  listened  to  me.  They  departed  after  lunch 
eon,  the  host  at  the  wheel.  I  had  his  account  of  such 
following  events  as  I  did  not  myself  observe. 

"Our  country  club,"  he  observed  early  in  the  drive.  "  No 
one  there,  of  course.  You'd  never  believe  the  trouble  I've 
had " 

"Jolly  good  club,"  replied  his  lordship.  "Drive  back 
that  way." 

"Back  that  way,"  it  appeared,  would  take  them  by  the 
detached  villa  of  the  Klondike  person. 

"Stop  here,"  directed  his  lordship.  "Shan't  detain  you 
a  moment." 

This  was  at  two-thirty  of  a  fair  afternoon.  I  am  able 
to  give  but  the  bare  facts,  yet  I  must  assume  that  the 
emotions  of  Belknap-Jackson  as  he  waited  there  during  the 
ensuing  two  hours  were  of  a  quite  distressing  nature.  As 
much  was  intimated  by  several  observant  townspeople 
who  passed  him.  He  was  said  to  be  distrait;  to  be  smoking 
his  cigarettes  furiously. 

At  four-thirty  his  lordship  reappeared.  With  apparent 
solicitude  he  escorted  the  Klondike  person,  fetching  y 
gowned  in  a  street  costume  of  the  latest  mode.  They 
chatted  gayly  to  the  car. 

"Hope  I've  not  kept  you  waiting,  old  chap,"  said  his 
lordship  genially.  "Time  slips  by  one  so.  You  two  met, 
of  course,  course!"  He  bestowed  his  companion  in  the 
tonneau  and  ensconced  himself  beside  her. 

"Drive,"  said  he,  "to  your  goods  shops,  draper's, 
chemist's — where  was  it?" 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  331 

"To  the  Central  Market,"  responded  the  lady  in  bell- 
like  tones,  "then  to  the  Red  Front  store,  and  to  that  dear 
little  Japanese  shop,  if  he  doesn't  mind." 

"  Mind !  Mind !  Course  not,  course  not !  Are  you  warm  ? 
Let  me  fasten  the  robe." 

I  confess  to  have  felt  a  horrid  fascination  for  this  moment 
as  I  was  able  to  reconstruct  it  from  Belknap-Jackson's 
impassioned  words.  It  was  by  way  of  being  one  of  those 
scenes  we  properly  loathe  yet  morbidly  cannot  resist  over 
looking  if  opportunity  offers. 

Into  the  flood  tide  of  our  Saturday  shopping  throng 
swept  the  car  and  its  remarkably  assembled  occupants. 
The  street  fair  gasped.  The  woman's  former  parade  of  the 
Honourable  George  had  been  as  nothing  to  this  exposure. 

"Poor  Jackson's  face  was  a  study,"  declared  the  Mixer 
to  me  later. 

I  dare  say.  It  was  still  a  study  when  my  own  turn  came 
to  observe  it.  The  car  halted  before  the  shops  that  had 
been  designated.  The  Klondike  person  dispatched  her  com 
missions  in  a  superbly  leisured  manner,  attentively  accom 
panied  by  the  Earl  of  Brinstead  bearing  packages  for  her. 

Belknap- Jackson,  at  the  wheel,  stared  straight  ahead. 
I  am  told  he  bore  himself  with  dignity  even  when  some  of 
our  more  ingenuous  citizens  paused  to  converse  with  him 
concerning  his  new  motor-car.  He  is  even  said  to  have 
managed  a  smile  when  his  passengers  returned. 

"  I  have  it,"  exclaimed  his  lordship  now.  "  Deuced  good 
plan — go  to  that  Ruggles  place  for  a  jolly  fat  tea.  No  end 
of  a  spree,  what,  what!" 

It  is  said  that  on  three  occasions  in  turning  his  car  and 
traversing  the  short  block  to  the  Grill  the  owner  escaped 


332  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

disastrous  collision  with  other  vehicles  only  by  the  narrow 
est  possible  margin.  He  may  have  courted  something  of 
the  sort.  I  dare  say  he  was  desperate. 

"Join  us,  of  course!"  said  his  lordship,  as  he  assisted  his 
companion  to  alight.  Again  I  am  told  the  host  managed 
to  illumine  his  refusal  with  a  smile.  He  would  take  no 
tea — the  doctor's  orders. 

The  surprising  pair  entered  at  the  height  of  my  tea-hour 
and  were  served  to  an  accompaniment  of  stares  from  the 
ladies  present.  To  this  they  appeared  oblivious,  being 
intent  upon  their  conference.  His  lordship  was  amiable  to 
a  degree.  It  now  occurred  to  me  that  he  had  found  the 
woman  even  more  dangerous  than  he  had  at  first  supposed. 
He  was  being  forced  to  play  a  deep  game  with  her  and  was 
meeting  guile  with  guile.  He  had,  I  suspected,  found  his 
poor  brother  far  deeper  in  than  any  of  us  had  thought. 
Doubtless  he  had  written  compromising  letters  that  must 
be  secured — letters  she  would  hold  at  a  price. 

And  yet  I  had  never  before  had  excuse  to  believe  his 
lordship  possessed  the  diplomatic  temperament.  I  re 
flected  that  I  must  always  have  misread  him.  He  was 
deep,  after  all.  Not  until  the  two  left  did  I  learn  that 
Belknap-Jackson  awaited  them  with  his  car.  He  loitered 
about  in  adjacent  doorways,  quite  like  a  hired  fellow.  He 
was  passionately  smoking  more  cigarettes  than  were  good 
for  him. 

I  escorted  my  guests  to  the  car.  Belknap-Jackson  took 
his  seat  with  but  one  glance  at  me,  yet  it  was  eloquent  of 
all  the  ignominy  that  had  been  heaped  upon  him. 

"Home,  I  think,"  said  the  lady  when  they  were  well 
seated.  She  said  it  charmingly. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  333 

"Home,"  repeated  his  lordship.  "Are  you  quite  pro 
tected  by  the  robe?  " 

An  incautious  pedestrian  at  the  next  crossing  narrowly 
escaped  being  run  down.  He  shook  a  fist  at  the  vanishing 
car  and  uttered  a  stream  of  oaths  so  vile  that  he  would 
instantly  have  been  taken  up  in  any  well-policed  city. 

Half  an  hour  later  Belknap-Jackson  called  me. 

"He  got  out  with  that  fiend!  He's  staying  on  there. 
But,  my  God!  can  nothing  be  done?" 

"His  lordship  is  playing  a  most  desperate  game,"  I 
hastened  to  assure  him.  "He's  meeting  difficulties.  She 
must  have  her  dupe's  letters  in  her  possession.  Blackmail, 
I  dare  say.  Best  leave  his  lordship  free.  He's  a  deep 
character." 

"He  presumed  far  this  afternoon — only  the  man's 
position  saved  him  with  me!"  His  voice  seemed  choked 
with  anger.  Then,  remotely,  faint  as  distant  cannonading, 
a  rumble  reached  me.  It  was  hoarse  laughter  of  the  Mixer, 
perhaps  in  another  room.  The  electric  telephone  has  been 
perfected  in  the  States  to  a  marvellous  delicacy  of  response. 

I  now  found  myself  observing  Mrs.  Effie,  who  had  been 
among  the  absorbed  onlookers  while  the  pair  were  at  their 
tea,  she  having  occupied  a  table  with  Mrs.  Judge  Ballard 
and  Mrs.  Dr.  Martingale.  Deeply  immersed  in  thought 
she  had  been,  scarce'  replying  to  her  companions.  Her 
eyes  had  narrowed  in  a  way  I  well  knew  when  she  reviewed 
the  social  field. 

Still  absorbed  she  was  when  Cousin  Egbert  entered, 
accompanied  by  the  Honourable  George.  The  latter  had 
seen  but  little  of  his  brother  since  their  first  stormy  inter 
view;  but  he  had  also  seen  little  of  the  Klondike  woman. 


334  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

His  spirits,  however,  had  seemed  quite  undashed.  He 
rarely  missed  his  tea.  Now  as  they  seated  themselves 
they  were  joined  quickly  by  Mrs.  Effie,  who  engaged  her 
relative  in  earnest  converse.  It  was  easy  to  see  that  she 
begged  a  favour.  She  kept  a  hand  on  his  arm.  She  urged. 
Presently,  seeming  to  have  achieved  her  purpose,  she  left 
them,  and  I  paused  to  greet  the  pair. 

"I  guess  that  there  Mrs.  Effie  is  awful  silly,"  remarked 
Cousin  Egbert  enigmatically.  " No,  sir;  she  can't  ever  tell 
how  the  cat  is  going  to  jump."  Nor  would  he  say  more, 
though  he  most  elatedly  held  a  secret. 

With  this  circumstance  I  connected  the  announcement 
in  Monday's  Recorder  that  Mrs.  Senator  Floud  would  on 
that  evening  entertain  at  dinner  the  members  of  Red  Gap's 
Bohemian  set,  including  Mrs.  Kate  Kenner,  the  guest  of 
honour  being  his  lordship  the  Earl  of  Brinstead,  "at 
present  visiting  in  this  city.  Covers,"  it  added,  "would 
be  laid  for  fourteen."  I  saw  that  Cousin  Egbert  would 
have  been  made  the  ambassador  to  conduct  what  must  have 
been  a  business  of  some  delicacy. 

Among  the  members  of  the  North  Side  set  the  report 
occasioned  the  wildest  alarm.  And  yet  so  staunch  were 
known  to  be  the  principles  of  Mrs.  Effie  that  but  few 
accused  her  of  downright  treachery.  It  seemed  to  be  felt 
that  she  was  but  lending  herself  to  the  furtherance  of  some 
deep  design  of  his  lordship's.  Blackmail,  the  recovery  of 
compromising  letters,  the  avoidance  of  legal  proceedings — 
these  were  hinted  at.  For  myself  I  suspected  that  she  had 
merely  misconstrued  the  seeming  cordiality  of  his  lordship 
toward  the  woman  and,  at  the  expense  of  the  Belknap- 
Jacksons,  had  sought  the  honour  of  entertaining  him.  I£ 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  335 

to  do  that,  she  must  entertain  the  woman,  well  and  good. 
She  was  not  one  to  funk  her  fences  with  the  game  in  sight. 

Consulting  me  as  to  the  menu  for  her  dinner,  she  allowed 
herself  to  be  persuaded  to  the  vegetable  soup,  boiled 
mutton,  thick  pudding,  and  cheese  which  I  recommended, 
though  she  pleaded  at  length  for  a  chance  to  use  the  new 
fish  set  and  for  a  complicated  salad  portrayed  in  her  latest 
woman's  magazine.  Covered  with  grated  nuts  it  was  in 
the  illustration.  I  was  able,  however,  to  convince  her  that 
his  lordship  would  regard  grated  nuts  as  silly. 

From  Belknap-Jackson  I  learned  by  telephone  (during 
these  days,  being  sensitive,  he  stopped  in  almost  quite 
continuously)  that  Mrs.  Effie  had  profusely  explained  to 
his  wife  about  the  dinner.  "Of  course,  my  dear,  I  couldn't 
have  the  presumption  to  ask  you  and  your  husband  to  sit 
at  table  with  the  creature,  even  if  he  did  think  it  all  right 
to  drive  her  about  town  on  a  shopping  trip.  But  I  thought 
we  ought  to  do  something  to  make  the  dear  Earl's  visit 
one  to  be  remembered — he's  so  appreciative!  I'm  sure 
you  understand  just  how  things  are " 

In  reciting  this  speech  to  me  Belknap-Jackson  essayed  to 
simulate  the  tone  and  excessive  manner  of  a  woman  gush 
ing  falsely.  The  fellow  was  quite  bitter  about  it. 

"I  sometimes  think  I'll  give  up,"  he  concluded.  "God 
only  knows  what  things  are  coming  to!" 

It  began  to  seem  even  to  me  that  they  were  coming  a  bit 
thick.  But  I  knew  that  his  lordship  was  a  determined 
man.  He  was  of  the  bulldog  breed  that  has  made  old 
England  what  it  is.  I  mean  to  say,  I  knew  he  would  put 
the  woman  in  her  place. 


CHAPTER  NINETEEN 

ECHOES  of  the  Monday  night  dinner  reached  me 
the  following  day.  The  affair  had  passed  off 
pleasantly  enough,  the  members  of  the  Bohemian 
set  conducting  themselves  quite  as  persons  who  mattered, 
with  the  exception  of  the  Klondike  woman  herself,  who,  I 
gathered,  had  descended  to  a  mood  of  most  indecorous 
liveliness  considering  who  the  guest  of  honour  was.  She 
had  not  only  played  and  sung  those  noisy  native  folksongs 
of  hers,  but  she  had,  it  seemed,  conducted  herself  with  a 
certain  facetious  familiarity  toward  his  lordship. 

"Every  now  and  then,"  said  Cousin  Egbert,  my  princi 
pal  informant,  "she'd  whirl  in  and  josh  the  Cap  all  over  the 
place  about  them  funny  whiskers  he  wears.  She  told  him 
out  and  out  he'd  just  got  to  lose  them." 

"  Shocking  rudeness ! "  I  exclaimed.  * 

"Oh,  sure,  sure!"  he  agreed,  yet  without  indignation. 
"And  the  Cap  just  hated  her  for  it — you  could  tell  that  by 
the  way  he  looked  at  her.  Oh,  he  hates  her  something 
terrible.  He  just  can't  bear  the  sight  of  her." 

"Naturally  enough,"  I  observed,  though  there  had  been 
an  undercurrent  to  his  speech  that  I  thought  almost  quite 
a  little  odd.  His  accents  were  queerly  placed.  Had  I  not 
known  him  too  well  I  should  have  thought  him  trying  to  be 
deep.  I  recalled  his  other  phrases,  that  Mrs.  Effie  was 
seeing  which  way  a  cat  would  leap,  and  that  the  Klondike 

336 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  337 

person  would  hand  the  ladies  of  the  North  Side  set  a 
lemon  squash.  I  put  them  all  down  as  childish  prattle  and 
said  as  much  to  the  Mixer  later  in  the  day  as  she  had  a 
'dish  of  tea  at  the  Grill. 

"Yes,  Sour-dough's  right,"  she  observed.  "That  Earl 
just  hates  the  sight  of  her — can't  bear  to  look  at  her  a 
minute."  But  she,  too,  intoned  the  thing  queerly. 

"He's  putting  pressure  to  bear  on  her,"  I  said. 

"Pressure!"  said  the  Mixer;  and  then,  "Hum!"  very 
dryly. 

With  this  news,  however,  it  was  plain  as  a  pillar-box 
that  things  were  going  badly  with  his  lordship's  effort  to 
release  the  Honourable  George  from  his  entanglement. 
The  woman,  doubtless  with  his  compromising  letters, 
would  be  holding  out  for  a  stiffish  price;  she  would  think 
them  worth  no  end.  And  plainly  again,  his  lordship  had 
thrown  off  his  mask;  was  unable  longer  to  conceal  his 
aversion  for  her.  This,  to  be  sure,  was  more  in  accordance 
with  his  character  as  I  had  long  observed  it.  If  he  hated 
her  it  was  like  him  to  show  it  when  he  looked  at  her.  I 
mean  he  was  quite  like  that  with  almost  any  one.  I  hoped, 
however,  that  diplomacy  might  still  save  us  all  sorts  of  a 
nasty  row. 

To  my  relief  when  the  pair  appeared  for  tea  that  after 
noon — a  sight  no  longer  causing  the  least  sensation — I  saw 
that  his  lordship  must  have  returned  to  his  first  or  diplo 
matic  manner.  Doubtless  he  still  hated  her,  but  one  would 
little  have  suspected  it  from  his  manner  of  looking  at  her. 
I  mean  to  say,  he  looked  at  her  another  way.  The  opposite 
way,  in  fact.  He  was  being  subtle  in  the  extreme.  I 
fancied  it  must  have  been  her  wretched  levity  regarding 


338  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

his  beard  that  had  goaded  him  into  the  exhibitions  of 
hatred  noted  by  Cousin  Egbert  and  the  Mixer.  Unques 
tionably  his  lordship  may  be  goaded  in  no  time  if  one 
deliberately  sets  about  it.  At  the  time,  doubtless,  he  had 
sliced  a  drive  or  two,  as  one  might  say,  but  now  he  was 
back  in  form. 

Again  I  confess  I  was  not  a  little  sorry  for  the  creature, 
seeing  her  there  so  smartly  taken  in  by  his  effusive  manner. 
He  was  having  her  on  in  the  most  obvious  way  and  she, 
poor  dupe,  taking  it  all  quite  seriously.  Prime  it  was, 
though,  considering  the  creature's  designs;  and  I  again 
marvelled  that  in  all  the  years  of  my  association  with  his 
lordship  I  had  never  suspected  what  a  topping  sort  he 
could  be  at  this  game.  His  mask  was  now  perfect.  It 
recalled,  indeed,  Cousin  Egbert's  simple  but  telling  phrase 
about  the  Honourable  George — "He  looks  at  her!"  It 
could  now  have  been  said  of  his  lordship  with  the  utmost 
significance  to  any  but  those  in  the  know. 

And  so  began,  quite  as  had  the  first,  the  second  week  of 
his  lordship's  stay  among  us.  Knowing  he  had  booked  a 
return  from  Cooks,  I  fancied  that  results  of  some  sort  must 
soon  ensue.  The  pressure  he  was  putting  on  the  woman 
must  begin  to  tell.  And  this  was  the  extreme  of  the  en 
couragement  I  was  able  to  offer  the  Belknap-Jacksons. 
Both  he  and  his  wife  were  of  course  in  a  bit  of  a  state. 
Nor  could  I  blame  them.  With  an  Earl  for  house  guest 
they  must  be  content  with  but  a  glimpse  of  him  at  odd 
moments.  Rather  a  barren  honour  they  were  finding  it. 

His  lordship's  conferences  with  the  woman  were  un 
abated.  When  not  secluded  with  her  at  her  own  establish 
ment  he  would  be  abroad  with  her  in  her  trap  or  in  the  car 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  339 

of  Belknap-Jackson.  The  owner,  however,  no  longer 
drove  his  car.  He  had  never  taken  another  chance.  And 
well  I  knew  these  activities  of  his  lordship's  were  being 
basely  misconstrued  by  the  gossips. 

"The  Cap  is  certainly  some  queener,"  remarked  Cousin 
Egbert,  which  perhaps  reflected  the  view  of  the  deceived 
public  at  this  time,  the  curious  term  implying  that  his 
lordship  was  by  way  of  being  a  bit  of  a  dog.  But  calm  I 
remained  under  these  aspersions,  counting  upon  a  clean- 
cut  vindication  of  his  lordship's  methods  when  he  should 
have  got  the  woman  where  he  wished  her. 

I  remained,  I  repeat,  serenely  confident  that  a  signal 
triumph  would  presently  crown  his  lordship's  subtly 
planned  attack.  And  then,  at  midweek,  I  was  rudely 
shocked  to  the  suspicion  that  all  might  not  be  going  well 
with  his  plan.  I  had  not  seen  the  pair  for  a  day,  and  when 
they  did  appear  for  their  tea  I  instantly  detected  a  pro 
found  change  in  their  mutual  bearing.  His  lordship  still 
looked  at  the  woman,  but  the  raillery  of  their  past  meetings 
had  gone.  Too  plainly  something  momentous  had  occurred. 
Even  the  woman  was  serious.  Had  they  fought  to  the 
last  stand?  Would  she  have  been  too  much  for  him?  I 
mean  to  say,  was  the  Honourable  George  cooked? 

I  now  recalled  that  I  had  observed  an  almost  similar 
change  in  the  latter 's  manner.  His  face  wore  a  look  of 
wildest  gloom  that  might  have  been  mitigated  perhaps  by 
a  proper  trimming  of  his  beard,  but  even  then  it  would 
have  been  remarked  by  those  who  knew  him  well.  I 
divined,  I  repeat,  that  something  momentous  had  now 
occurred  and  that  the  Honourable  George  was  one  not 
least  affected  by  it. 


340  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

Rather  a  sleepless  night  I  passed,  wondering  fearfully 
if,  after  all,  his  lordship  would  have  been  unable  to  ex 
tricate  the  poor  chap  from  this  sordid  entanglement.  Had 
the  creature  held  out  for  too  much?  Had  she  refused  to 
compromise?  Would  there  be  one  of  those  appalling  legal 
things  which  our  best  families  so  often  suffer?  What  if 
the  victim  were  to  cut  off  home? 

Nor  was  my  trepidation  allayed  by  the  cryptic  remark 
of  Mrs.  Judson  as  I  passed  her  at  her  tasks  in  the  pantry 
that  morning : 

"A  prince  in  his  palace  not  too  good — that's  what  I 
said!" 

She  shot  the  thing  at  me  with  a  manner  suspiciously 
near  to  flippancy.  I  sternly  demanded  her  meaning. 

"I  mean  what  I  mean,"  she  retorted,  shutting  her  lips 
upon  it  in  a  definite  way  she  has.  Well  enough  I  knew 
the  import  of  her  uncivil  speech,  but  I  resolved  not  to 
bandy  words  with  her,  because  in  my  position  it  would  be 
undignified;  because,  further,  of  an  unfortunate  effect  she 
has  upon  my  temper  at  such  times. 

"She's  being  terrible  careful  about  her  associates,"  she 
presently  went  on,  with  a  most  irritating  effect  of  address 
ing  only  herself;  "nothing  at  all  but  just  dukes  and  earls 
and  lords  day  in  and  day  out!"  Too  often  when  the 
woman  seems  to  wish  it  she  contrives  to  get  me  in  motion, 
as  the  American  saying  is. 

"And  it  is  deeply  to  be  regretted,"  I  replied  with  dignity, 
"that  other  persons  must  say  less  of  themselves  if  put  to 
it." 

Well  she  knew  what  I  meant.  Despite  my  previous 
Slear  warning,  she  had  more  than  once  accepted  small  gifts 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  341 

from  the  cattle-persons,  Hank  and  Buck,  and  had  even 
been  seen  brazenly  in  public  with  them  at  a  cinema  palace. 
One  of  a  more  suspicious  nature  than  I  might  have  guessed 
that  she  conducted  herself  thus  for  the  specific  purpose  of 
enraging  me,  but  I  am  glad  to  say  that  no  nature  could  be 
more  free  than  mine  from  vulgar  jealousy,  and  I  spoke 
now  from  the  mere  wish  that  she  should  more  carefully 
guard  her  reputation.  As  before,  she  exhibited  a  surpris 
ing  meekness  under  this  rebuke,  though  I  uneasily  won 
dered  if  there  might  not  be  guile  beneath  it. 

"Can  I  help  it,"  she  asked,  "if  they  like  to  show  me 
attentions?  I  guess  I'm  a  free  woman."  She  lifted  her 
head  to  observe  a  glass  she  had  polished.  Her  eyes  were 
curiously  lighted.  She  had  this  way  of  embarrassing  me. 
And  invariably,  moreover,  she  aroused  all  that  is  evil  in  my 
nature  against  the  two  cattle-persons,  especially  the  Buck 
one,  actually  on  another  occasion  professing  admiration 
for  "his  wavy  chestnut  hair ! "  I  saw  now  that  I  could  not 
trust  myself  to  speak  of  the  fellow.  I  took  up  another 
matter. 

"That  baby  of  yours  is  too  horribly  fat,"  I  said  suddenly. 
I  had  long  meant  to  put  this  to  her.  "  It's  too  fat.  It  eats 
too  much!" 

To  my  amazement  the  creature  was  transformed  into  a 
vixen. 

"It— it!  Too  fat!  You  call  my  boy  'it'  and  say  he's 
too  fat !  Don't  you  dare !  What  does  a  creature  like  you 
know  of  babies?  Why,  you  wouldn't  even  know " 

But  the  thing  was  too  painful.  Let  her  angry  words  be 
forgotten.  Suffice  to  say,  she  permitted  herself  to  cry  out 
things  that  might  have  given  grave  offence  to  one  less 


342  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

certain  of  himself  than  I.  Rather  chilled  I  admit  I  was  by 
her  frenzied  outburst.  I  was  shrewd  enough  to  see 
instantly  that  anything  in  the  nature  of  a  criticism  of  her 
offspring  must  be  led  up  to,  rather;  perhaps  couched  in  less 
direct  phrases  than  I  had  chosen.  Fearful  I  was  that  she 
would  burst  into  another  torrent  of  rage,  but  to  my  amaze 
ment  she  all  at  once  smiled. 

"What  a  fool  I  am!"  she  exclaimed.  "Kidding  me, 
were  you?  Trying  to  make  me  mad  about  the  baby. 
Well,  I'll  give  you  good.  You  did  it.  Yes,  sir,  I  never 
would  have  thought  you  had  a  kidding  streak  in  you — old 
glum-face!" 

"Little  you  know  me,"  I  retorted,  and  quickly  withdrew, 
for  I  was  then  more  embarrassed  than  ever,  and,  besides, 
there  were  other  and  graver  matters  forward  to  depres? 
and  occupy  me. 

In  my  fitful  sleep  of  the  night  before  I  had  dreamed 
vividly  that  I  saw  the  Honourable  George  being  dragged 
shackled  to  the  altar.  I  trust  I  am  not  superstitious,  but 
the  vision  had  remained  with  me  in  all  its  tormenting 
detail.  A  veiled  woman  had  grimly  awaited  him  as  he 
struggled  with  his  uniformed  captors.  I  mean  to  say,  he 
was  being  hustled  along  by  two  constables. 

That  day,  let  me  now  put  down,  was  to  be  a  day  of  the 
most  fearful  shocks  that  a  man  of  rather  sensitive  nervous 
organism  has  ever  been  called  upon  to  endure.  There  are 
now  lines  in  my  face  that  I  make  no  doubt  showed  then  for 
the  first  time. 

And  it  was  a  day  that  dragged  interminably,  so  that  I 
became  fair  off  my  head  with  the  suspense  of  it,  feeling 
that  at  any  moment  the  worst  might  happen.  For  hours 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  343 

I  saw  no  one  with  whom  I  could  consult.  Once  I  was 
almost  moved  to  call  up  Belknap-Jackson,  so  intolerable 
was  the  menacing  uncertainty;  but  this  I  knew  bordered 
on  hysteria,  and  I  restrained  the  impulse  with  an  iron  will. 

But  I  wretchedly  longed  for  a  sight  of  Cousin  Egbert  or 
the  Mixer,  or  even  of  the  Honourable  George ;  some  one  to 
assure  me  that  my  horrid  dream  of  the  night  before  had 
been  a  baseless  fabric,  as  the  saying  is.  The  very  absence 
of  these  people  and  of  his  lordship  was  in  itself  ominous. 

Nervously  I  kept  to  a  post  at  one  of  my  windows  where  I 
could  survey  the  street.  And  here  at  mid-day  I  sustained 
my  first  shock.  Terrific  it  was.  His  lordship  had  emerged 
from  the  chemist's  across  the  street.  He  paused  a  moment, 
as  if  to  recall  his  next  mission,  then  walked  briskly  off. 
And  this  is  what  I  had  been  stupefied  to  note :  he  was  clean 
shaven !  The  Brinstead  side- whiskers  were  gone !  Whiskers 
that  had  been  worn  in  precisely  that  fashion  by  a  tremen 
dous  line  of  the  Earls  of  Brinstead!  And  the  tenth  of  his 
line  had  abandoned  them.  As  well,  I  thought,  could  he 
have  defaced  the  Brinstead  arms. 

It  was  plain  as  a  pillar-box,  indeed.  The  woman  had 
our  family  at  her  mercy,  and  she  would  show  no  mercy. 
My  heart  sank  as  I  pictured  the  Honourable  George  in  her 
toils.  My  dream  had  been  prophetic.  Then  I  reflected 
that  this  very  circumstance  of  his  lordship's  having 
pandered  to  her  lawless  whim  about  his  beard  would  go  to 
show  he  had  not  yet  given  up  the  fight.  If  the  thing  were 
hopeless  I  knew  he  would  have  seen  her — dashed — before 
he  would  have  relinquished  it.  There  plainly  was  still 
hope  for  poor  George.  Indeed  his  lordship  might  well 
have  planned  some  splendid  coup;  this  defacement  would 


344  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

be  a  part  of  his  strategy,  suffered  in  anguish  for  his  ultimate 
triumph.  Quite  cheered  I  became  at  the  thought.  I  still 
scanned  the  street  crowd  for  some  one  who  could  acquaint 
me  with  developments  I  must  have  missed. 

But  then  a  moment  later  came  the  call  by  telephone  of 
Belknap-Jackson.  I  answered  it,  though  with  little  hope 
than  to  hear  more  of  his  unending  complaints  about  his 
lordship's  negligence.  Startled  instantly  I  was,  however, 
for  his  voice  was  stranger  than  I  had  known  it  even  in 
moments  of  his  acutest  distress.  Hoarse  it  was,  and  his 
words  alarming  but  hardly  intelligible. 

"Heard?— My  God!— Heard?— My  God !— Marriage ! 
Marriage!  God!"  But  here  he  broke  off  into  the  most 
appalling  laughter — the  blood-curdling  laughter  of  a 
chained  patient  in  a  mad-house.  Hardly  could  I  endure 
it  and  grateful  I  was  when  I  heard  the  line  close.  Even 
when  he  attempted  vocables  he  had  sounded  quite  like  an 
inferior  record  on  a  phonographic  machine.  But  I  had 
heard  enough  to  leave  me  aghast.  Beyond  doubt  now  the 
very  worst  had  come  upon  our  family.  His  lordship's  tre 
mendous  sacrifice  would  have  been  all  in  vain.  Marriage ! 
The  Honourable  George  was  done  for.  Better  had  it  been 
the  typing-girl,  I  bitterly  reflected.  Her  father  had  at 
least  been  a  curate ! 

Thankful  enough  I  now  was  for  the  luncheon-hour  rush : 
I  could  distract  myself  from  the  appalling  disaster.  That 
day  I  took  rather  more  than  my  accustomed  charge  of  the 
serving.  I  chatted  with  our  business  chaps,  recommending 
the  joint  in  the  highest  terms;  drawing  corks;  seeing  that 
the  relish  was  abundantly  stocked  at  every  table.  I  was 
striving  to  forget. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  345 

Mrs.  Judson  alone  persisted  in  reminding  me  of  the 
impending  scandal.  "A  prince  in  his  palace,"  she  would 
maliciously  murmur  as  I  encountered  her.  I  think  she 
must  have  observed  that  I  was  bitter,  for  she  at  last  spoke 
quite  amiably  of  our  morning's  dust-up. 

"You  certainly  got  my  goat,"  she  said  in  the  quaint 
American  fashion,  "telling  me  little  No-no  was  too  fat. 
You  had  me  going  there  for  a  minute,  thinking  you  meant 
it!" 

The  creature's  name  wTas  Albert,  yet  she  persisted  in 
calling  it  "No-no,"  because  the  child  itself  would  thus 
falsely  declare  its  name  upon  being  questioned,  having  in 
some  strange  manner  gained  this  impression.  It  was 
another  matter  I  meant  to  bring  to  her  attention,  but  at 
this  crisis  I  had  no  heart  for  it. 

My  crowd  left.  I  was  again  alone  to  muse  bitterly  upon 
our  plight.  Still  I  scanned  the  street,  hoping  for  a  sight  of 
Cousin  Egbert,  who,  I  fancied,  would  be  informed  as  to 
the  wretched  details.  Instead,  now,  I  saw  the  Honourable 
George.  He  walked  on  the  opposite  side  of  the  thorough 
fare,  his  manner  of  dejection  precisely  what  I  should  have 
expected.  Followed  closely  as  usual  he  was  by  the  Judson 
cur.  A  spirit  of  desperate  mockery  seized  me.  I  called 
to  Mrs.  Judson,  who  was  gathering  glasses  from  a  table. 
I  indicated  the  pair. 

"  Mr.  Barker,"  I  said,  " is  dogging  his  footsteps."  I  mean 
to  say,  I  uttered  the  words  in  the  most  solemn  manner. 
Little  the  woman  knew  that  one  may  often  be  moved  in  the 
most  distressing  moments  to  a  jest  of  this  sort.  She 
laughed  heartily,  being  of  quick  discernment.  And  thus 
jauntily  did  I  carry  my  knowledge  of  the  lowering  cloud. 


346  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

But  I  permitted  myself  no  further  sallies  of  that  sort.  I 
stayed  expectantly  by  the  window,  and  I  dare  say  my 
bearing  would  have  deceived  the  most  alert.  I  was  steadily 
calm.  The  situation  called  precisely  for  that. 

The  hours  sped  darkly  and  my  fears  mounted.  In  sheer 
desperation,  at  length,  I  had  myself  put  through  to  Bel- 
knap-Jackson.  To  my  astonishment  he  seemed  quite 
revived,  though  in  a  state  of  feverish  gayety.  He  fair 
bubbled. 

"Just  leaving  this  moment  with  his  lordship  to  gather 
up  some  friends.  We  meet  at  your  place.  Yes,  yes — all 
the  uncertainty  is  past.  Better  set  up  that  largest  table — 
rather  a  celebration." 

Almost  more  confusing  it  was  than  his  former  message, 
which  had  been  confined  to  calls  upon  his  Maker  and  to 
maniac  laughter.  Was  he,  I  wondered,  merely  making  the 
best  of  it?  Had  he  resolved  to  be  a  dead  sportsman?  A 
few  moments  later  he  discharged  his  lordship  at  my  door 
and  drove  rapidly  on.  (Only  a  question  of  time  it  is  when 
he  will  be  had  heavily  for  damages  due  to  his  reckless 
driving.) 

His  lordship  bustled  in  with  a  cheerfulness  that  staggered 
me.  He,  too,  was  gay;  almost  debonair.  A  gardenia 
was  in  his  lapel.  He  was  vogue  to  the  last  detail  in  a  form- 
fitting  gray  morning-suit  that  had  all  the  style  essentials. 
Almost  it  seemed  as  if  three  valets  had  been  needed  to 
groom  him.  He  briskly  rubbed  his  hands. 

"  Biggest  table — people.  Tea,  that  sort  of  thing.  Ha\  ts 
a  go  of  champagne,  too,  what,  what!  Beard  off,  much 
younger  appearing?  Of  course,  course!  Trust  women, 
those  matters.  Tea  cake,  toast,  crumpets,  marmalade — 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  347 

things  like  that.  Plenty  champagne!  Not  happen  every 
day!  Ha!  ha!" 

To  my  acute  distress  he  here  thumbed  me  in  the  ribs 
and  laughed  again.  Was  he,  too,  I  wondered,  madly 
resolved  to  be  a  dead  sportsman  in  the  face  of  the  unavoid 
able?  I  sought  to  edge  in  a  discreet  word  of  condolence, 
for  I  knew  that  between  us  there  need  be  no  pretence. 

"I  know  you  did  your  best,  sir,"  I  observed.  "And  I 
was  never  quite  free  of  a  fear  that  the  woman  would  prove 
too  many  for  us.  I  trust  the  Honourable  George 

But  I  had  said  as  much  as  he  would  let  me.  He  inter 
rupted  me  with  his  thumb  again,  and  on  his  face  was  what 
in  a  lesser  person  I  should  unhesitatingly  have  called  a  leer. 

"You  dog,  you!  Woman  prove  too  many  for  us,  what, 
what!  Dare  say  you  knew  what  to  expect.  Silly  old 
George!  Though  how  she  could  ever  have  fancied  the 
juggins " 

I  was  about  to  remark  that  the  creature  had  of  course 
played  her  game  from  entirely  sordid  motives  and  I  should 
doubtless  have  ventured  to  applaud  the  game  spirit  in 
which  he  was  taking  the  blow.  But  before  I  could  shape 
my  phrases  on  this  delicate  ground  Mrs.  Effie,  the  Senator, 
and  Cousin  Egbert  arrived.  They  somewhat  formally  had 
the  air  of  being  expected.  All  of  them  rushed  upon  his 
lordship  with  an  excessive  manner.  Apparently  they  were 
all  to  be  dead  sportsmen  together.  And  then  Mrs.  Effie 
called  me  aside. 

"You  can  do  me  a  favour,"  she  began.  "About  the 
wedding  breakfast  and  reception.  Dear  Kate's  place  is  so 
small.  It  wouldn't  do.  There  will  be  a  crush,  of  course. 
I've  had  the  loveliest  idea  for  it — ourownhouse.  Youknow 


348  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

how  delighted  we'd  be.  The  Earl  has  been  so  charming  and 
everything  has  turned  out  so  splendidly.  Oh,  I'd  love  to 
do  them  this  little  parting  kindness.  Use  your  influence 
like  a  good  fellow,  won't  you,  when  the  thing  is  suggested?  " 

"Only  too  gladly,"  I  responded,  sick  at  heart,  and  she 
returned  to  the  group.  Well  I  knew  her  motive.  She  was 
by  way  of  getting  even  with  the  Belknap-Jacksons.  As 
Cousin  Egbert  in  his  American  fashion  would  put  it,  she 
was  trying  to  pass  them  a  bison.  But  I  was  willing  enough 
she  should  house  the  dreadful  affair.  The  more  private 
the  better,  thought  I. 

A  moment  later  Belknap-Jackson's  car  appeared  at  my 
door,  now  discharging  the  Klondike  woman,  effusively 
escorted  by  the  Mixer  and  by  Mrs.  Belknap- Jackson.  The 
latter  at  least,  I  had  thought,  would  show  more  principle. 
But  she  had  buckled  atrociously,  quite  as  had  her  husband, 
who  had  quickly,  almost  merrily,  followed  them.  There 
was  increased  gayety  as  they  seated  themselves  about  the 
large  table,  a  silly  noise  of  pretended  felicitation  over  a 
calamity  that  not  even  the  tenth  Earl  of  Brinstead  had 
been  able  to  avert.  And  then  Belknap-Jackson  beckoned 
me  aside. 

"I  want  your  help,old  chap,in  case  it's  needed,"  he  began. 

"The  wedding  breakfast  and  reception?"  I  said  quite 
cynically. 

"You've  thought  of  it?  Good!  Her  own  place  is  far 
too  small.  Crowd,  of  course.  And  it's  rather  proper  at 
our  place,  too,  his  lordship  having  been  our  house  guest. 
You  see  ?  Use  what  influence  you  have.  The  affair  will  be 
rather  widely  commented  on — even  the  New  York  papers, 
I  dare  say." 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  349 

"Count  upon  me,"  I  answered  blandly,  even  as  I  had 
promised  Mrs.  Effie.  Disgusted  I  was.  Let  them  maul 
each  other  about  over  the  wretched  "honour."  They 
could  all  be  dead  sports  if  they  chose,  but  I  was  now  firmly 
resolved  that  for  myself  I  should  make  not  a  bit  of  pretence. 
The  creature  might  trick  poor  George  into  a  marriage,  but  I 
for  one  would  not  affect  to  regard  it  as  other  than  a  blight 
upon  our  house.  I  was  just  on  the  point  of  hoping  that 
the  victim  himself  might  have  cut  off  to  unknown  parts 
when  I  saw  him  enter.  By  the  other  members  of  the  party 
he  was  hailed  with  cries  of  delight,  though  his  own  air  was 
finely  honest,  being  dejected  in  the  extreme.  He  was 
dressed  as  regrettably  as  usual,  this  time  in  parts  of  two 
lounge-suits. 

As  he  joined  those  at  the  table  I  constrained  myself  to 
serve  the  champagne.  Senator  Floud  arose  with  a  brim 
ming  glass. 

"My  friends,"  he  began  in  his  public-speaking  manner, 
"let  us  remember  that  Red  Gap's  loss  is  England's  gain — 
to  the  future  Countess  of  Brinstead!" 

To  my  astonishment  this  appalling  breach  of  good  taste 
was  received  with  the  loudest  applause,  nor  was  his  lord 
ship  the  least  clamorous  of  them.  I  mean  to  say,  the  chap 
had  as  good  as  wished  that  his  lordship  would  directly  pop 
off.  It  was  beyond  me.  I  walked  to  the  farthest  window 
and  stood  a  long  time  gazing  pensively  out;  I  wished  to  be 
away  from  that  false  show.  But  they  noticed  my  absence 
at  length  and  called  to  me.  Monstrously  I  was  desired  to 
drink  to  the  happiness  of  the  groom.  I  thought  they  were 
pressing  me  too  far,  but  as  they  quite  gabbled  now  with 
their  tea  and  things,  I  hoped  to  pass  it  off.  The  Senator, 


350  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

however,  seemed  to  fasten  me  with  his  eye  as  he  proposed 
the  toast— "To  the  happy  man!" 

I  drank  perforce. 

"A  body  would  think  Bill  was  drinking  to  the  Judge," 
remarked  Cousin  Egbert  in  a  high  voice. 

"Eh?"  I  said,  startled  to  this  outburst  by  his  strange 
words. 

"Good  old  George!"  exclaimed  his  lordship.  "Owe  it 
all  to  the  old  juggins,  what,  what!" 

The  Klondike  person  spoke.  I  heard  her  voice  as  a  bell 
pealing  through  breakers  at  sea.  I  mean  to  say,  I  was  now 
fair  dazed. 

"Not  to  old  George,"  said  she.     "To  old  Ruggles!" 

"To  old  Ruggles ! "  promptly  cried  the  Senator,  and  they 
drank. 

Muddled  indeed  I  was.  Again  in  my  eventful  career  I 
felt  myself  tremble;  I  knew  not  what  I  should  say,  my 
savoir  faire  being  quite  gone.  I  had  received  a  crumpler 
of  some  sort — but  what  sort? 

My  sleeve  was  touched.  I  turned  blindly,  as  in  a  night 
mare.  The  Hobbs  cub  who  was  my  vestiare  was  handing 
me  our  evening  paper.  I  took  it  from  him,  staring — 
staring  until  my  knees  grew  weak.  Across  the  page  in 
clarion  type  rang  the  unbelievable  words : 

BRITISH  PEER  WINS  AMERICAN  BRIDE 

His  Lordship  Tenth  Earl  of  Brinstead  to  Wed  One  of  Red  Gap's 
Fairest  Daughters 

My  hands  so  shook  that  in  quick  subterfuge  I  dropped 
the  sheet,  then  stooped  for  it,  trusting  to  control  myself 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  351 

before  I  again  raised  my  face.  Mercifully  the  others  were 
diverted  by  the  journal.  It  was  seized  from  me,  passed 
from  hand  to  hand,  the  incredible  words  read  aloud  by  each 
in  turn.  They  jested  of  it ! 

" Amazing  chaps,  your  pressmen!"  Thus  the  tenth 
Earl  of  Brinstead,  while  I  pinched  myself  viciously  to  bring 
back  my  lost  aplomb.  "Speedy  beggars,  what,  what! 
Never  knew  it  myself  till  last  night.  She  would  and  she 
wouldn't." 

"I  think  you  knew,"  said  the  lady.  Stricken  as  I  was  I 
noted  that  she  eyed  him  rather  strangely,  quite  as  if  she 
felt  some  decent  respect  for  him. 

"  Marriage  is  serious,"  boomed  the  Mixer. 

"Don't  blame  her,  don't  blame  her — swear  I  don't!" 
returned  his  lordship.  "Few  days  to  think  it  over — quite 
right,  quite  right.  Got  to  know  their  own  minds,  my  word!" 

While  their  attention  was  thus  mercifully  diverted  from 
me  my  own  world  by  painful  degrees  resumed  its  stability. 
I  mean  to  say,  I  am  not  the  fainting  sort,  but  if  I  were,  then 
I  should  have  keeled  over  at  my  first  sight  of  that  journal. 
But  now  I  merely  recovered  my  glass  of  champagne  and 
drained  it.  Rather  pigged  it  a  bit,  I  fancy.  Badly  need 
ing  a  stimulant  I  was,  to  be  sure. 

They  now  discussed  details:  the  ceremony — that  sort  of 
thing. 

"Before  a  registrar,  quickest  way,"  said  his  lordship. 

"Nonsense!  Church,  of  course!"  rumbled  the  Mixer 
very  arbitrarily. 

"Quite  so,  then,"  assented  his  lordship.  "Get  me  the 
rector  of  the  parish' — a  vicar,  a  curate,  something  of  that 
sort." 


352  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

"Then  the  breakfast  and  reception,"  suggested  Mrs. 
Effie  with  a  meaning  glance  at  me  before  she  turned  to  the 
lady.  "Of  course,  dearest,  your  own  tiny  nest  would  never 
hold  your  host  of  friends — 

"I've  never  noticed,"  said  the  other  quickly.  "It's 
always  seemed  big  enough,"  she  added  in  pensive  tones 
and  with  downcast  eyes. 

"  Oh,  not  large  enough  by  half,"  put  in  Belknap- Jackson. 
"  Most  charming  little  home-nook  but  worlds  too  small  for 
all  your  well-wishers."  With  a  glance  at  me  he  narrowed 
his  eyes  in  friendly  calculation.  "I'm  somewhat  puzzled 

myself Suppose  we  see  what  the  capable  Ruggles  has 

to  suggest." 

"Let  Ruggles  suggest  something  by  all  means!"  cried 
Mrs.  Effie. 

I  mean  to  say,  they  both  quite  thought  they  knew  what  I 
would  suggest,  but  it  was  nothing  of  the  sort.  The  situ 
ation  had  entirely  changed.  Quite  another  sort  of  thing  it 
was.  Quickly  I  resolved  to  fling  them  both  aside.  I,  too, 
would  be  a  dead  sportsman. 

"I  was  about  to  suggest,"  I  remarked,  "that  my  place 
here  is  the  only  one  at  all  suitable  for  the  breakfast  and  re 
ception.  I  can  promise  that  the  affair  will  go  off  smartly." 

The  two  had  looked  up  with  such  radiant  expectation  at 
my  opening  words  and  were  so  plainly  in  a  state  at  my  con 
clusion  that  I  dare  say  the  future  Countess  of  Brinstead  at 
once  knew  what.  She  flashed  them  a  look,  then  eyed  me 
with  quick  understanding. 

"Great!"  she  exclaimed  in  a  hearty  American  manner. 
"Then  that's  settled,"  she  continued  briskly,  as  both 
Belknap- Jackson  and  Mrs,  Effie  would  have  interposed 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  353 

"Ruggles  shall  do  everything:  take  it  off  our  shoulders — 
ices,  flowers,  invitations." 

"The  invitation  list  will  need  great  care,  of  course,"  re 
marked  Belknap-Jackson  with  a  quite  savage  glance  at  me. 

"But  you  just  called  him  'the  capable  Ruggles,'  "  in 
sisted  the  fiancee.  "We  shall  leave  it  all  to  him.  How 
many  will  you  ask,  Ruggles?  "  Her  eyes  flicked  from  mine 
to  Belknap-Jackson. 

"Quite  almost  every  one,"  I  answered  firmly. 

"Fine!  "she  said. 

"Ripping!"  said  his  lordship. 

"His  lordship  will  of  course  wish  a  best  man,"  suggested 
Belknap-Jackson.  "I  should  be  only  too  glad — 

"You're  going  to  suggest  Ruggles  again! "  cried  the  lady. 
"Just  the  man  for  it!  You're  quite  right.  Why,  we  owe 
it  all  to  Ruggles,  don't  we?" 

She  here  beamed  upon  his  lordship.  Belknap-Jackson 
wore  an  expression  of  the  keenest  disrelish. 

"Of  course,  course!"  replied  his  lordship.  "Dashed 
*ood  man,  Ruggles !  Owe  it  all  to  him,  what,  what ! " 

I  fancy  in  the  cordial  excitement  of  the  moment  he  was 
quite  sincere.  As  to  her  ladyship,  I  am  to  this  day  unable 
to  still  a  faint  suspicion  that  she  was  having  me  on.  True, 
she  owed  it  all  to  me.  But  I  hadn't  a  bit  meant  it  and  well 
she  knew  it.  Subtle  she  was,  I  dare  say,  but  bore  me  no 
malice,  though  she  was  not  above  setting  Belknap-Jackson 
back  a  pace  or  two  each  time  he  moved  up. 

A  final  toast  was  drunk  and  my  guests  drifted  out. 
Belknap-Jackson  again  glared  savagely  at  me  as  he  went, 
but  Mrs.  Effie  rather  outglared  him.  Even  I  should  hardly 
have  cared  to  face  her  at  that  moment. 


354  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

And  I  was  still  in  a  high  state  of  muddle.  It  was  all 
beyond  me.  Had  his  lordship,  I  wondered,  too  seriously 
taken  my  careless  words  about  American  equality?  Of 
course  I  had  meant  them  to  apply  only  to  those  stopping 
on  in  the  States. 

Cousin  Egbert  lingered  to  the  last,  rather  with  a  troubled 
air  of  wishing  to  consult  me.  When  I  at  length  came  up 
with  him  he  held  the  journal  before  me,  indicating  lines  in 
the  article — "relict  of  an  Alaskan  capitalist,  now  for  some 
years  one  of  Red  Gap's  social  favourites." 

"Read  that  there,"  he  commanded  grimly.  Then  with 
a  terrific  earnestness  I  had  never  before  remarked  in  him: 
"Say,  listen  here!  I  better  go  round  right  off  and  mix  it 
up  with  that  fresh  guy.  What's  he  hinting  around  at  by 
that  there  word  'relict'?  Why,  say,  she  was  married  to 
him " 

I  hastily  corrected  his  preposterous  interpretation  of  the 
word,  much  to  his  relief. 

I  was  still  in  my  precious  state  of  muddle.  Mrs.  Judson 
took  occasion  to  flounce  by  me  in  her  work  of  clearing  the 
table. 

"A  prince  in  his  palace,"  she  taunted.  I  laughed  in  a 
lofty  manner. 

"Why,  you  poor  thing,  I've  known  it  all  for  some  days," 
I  said. 

"Well,  I  must  say  you're  the  deep  one  if  you  did — never 
letting  on!" 

She  was  unable  to  repress  a  glance  of  admiration  at  me 
as  she  moved  off. 

I  stood  where  she  had  left  me,  meditating  profoundly. 


CHAPTER  TWENTY 

TWO  days  later  at  high  noon  was  solemnized  the 
marriage  of  his  lordship  to  the  woman  who,  with 
out  a  bit  meaning  it,  I  had  so  curiously  caused  to 
enter  his  life.     The  day  was  for  myself  so  crowded  with 
emotions  that  it  returns  in  rather  a  jumble:  patches  of 
incidents,  little  floating  clouds  of  memory;  some  meaning 
less  and  one  at  least  to  be  significant  to  my  last  day. 

The  ceremony  was  had  in  our  most  nearly  smart  church. 
It  was  only  a  Methodist  church,  but  I  took  pains  to  assure 
myself  that  a  ceremony  performed  by  its  curate  would  be 
legal.  I  still  seem  to  hear  the  organ  strains  of  "The  Voice 
That  Breathed  Through  Eden,"  as  we  neared  the  altar;  also 
the  Mixer's  rumbling  whisper  about  a  lost  handkerchief 
which  she  apparently  found  herself  needing  at  that  moment. 

The  responses  of  bride  and  groom  were  unhesitating, 
even  firm.  Her  ladyship,  I  thought,  had  never  appeared 
to  better  advantage  than  in  the  pearl-tinted  lustreless 
going-away  gown  she  had  chosen.  As  always,  she  had 
finely  known  what  to  put  on  her  head. 

Senator  Floud,  despite  Belknap-Jackson's  suggestion  of 
himself  for  the  office,  had  been  selected  to  give  away  the 
bride,  as  the  saying  is.  He  performed  his  function  with 
dignity,  though  I  recall  being  seized  with  horror  when  the 
moment  came;  almost  certain  I  am  he  restrained  himseli 
with  difficulty  from  making  a  sort  of  a  speech. 

355 


356  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

The  church  was  thronged.  I  had  seen  to  that.  I  had 
told  her  ladyship  that  I  should  ask  quite  almost  every  one, 
and  this  I  had  done,  squarely  in  the  face  of  Belknap-Jack- 
son's  pleading  that  discretion  be  used.  For  a  great  white 
light,  as  one  might  say,  had  now  suffused  me.  I  had  seen 
that  the  moment  was  come  when  the  warring  factions  of 
Red  Gap  should  be  reunited.  A  Bismarck  I  felt  myself, 
indeed.  That  I  acted  ably  was  later  to  be  seen. 

Even  for  the  wedding  breakfast,  which  occurred  directly 
after  the  ceremony,  I  had  shown  myself  a  dictator  in  the 
matter  of  guests.  Covers  were  laid  in  my  room  for  seventy, 
and  among  these  were  included  not  only  the  members  of 
the  North  Side  set  and  the  entire  Bohemian  set,  but  many 
worthy  persons  not  hitherto  socially  existent  yet  who  had 
been  friends  or  well-wishers  of  the  bride. 

I  am  persuaded  to  confess  that  in  a  few  of  these  instances 
I  was  not  above  a  snarky  little  wish  to  correct  the  social 
horizon  of  Belknap- Jackson;  to  make  it  more  broadly 
accord,  as  I  may  say,  with  the  spirit  of  American  equality 
for  which  their  forefathers  bled  and  died  on  the  battlefields 
of  Boston,  New  York,  and  Vicksburg. 

Not  the  least  of  my  reward,  then,  was  to  see  his  eyebrows 
more  than  once  eloquently  raise,  as  when  the  cattle-persons, 
Hank  and  Buck,  appeared  in  suits  of  decent  black,  or  when 
the  driver  chap  Pierce  entered  with  his  quite  obscure 
mother  on  his  arm,  or  a  few  other  cattle  and  horse  persons 
with  whom  the  Honourable  George  had  palled  up  during 
his  process  of  going  in  for  America. 

This  laxity  I  felt  that  the  Earl  of  Brinstead  and  his  bride 
could  amply  afford,  while  for  myself  I  had  soundly  de 
termined  that  Red  Gap  should  henceforth  be  without 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  357 

"sets."  I  mean  to  say,  having  frankly  taken  up  America, 
I  was  at  last  resolved  to  do  it  whole-heartedly.  If  I  could 
not  take  up  the  whole  of  it,  I  would  not  take  up  a  part. 
Quite  instinctively  I  had  chosen  the  slogan  of  our  Chamber 
of  Commerce:  "Don't  Knock — Boost;  and  Boost  Alto 
gether."  Rudely  worded  though  it  is,  I  had  seen  it  to  be 
sound  in  spirit. 

These  thoughts  ran  in  my  mind  during  the  smart  repast 
that  now  followed.  Insidiously  I  wrought  among  the 
guests  to  amalgamate  into  one  friendly  whole  certain 
elements  that  had  hitherto  been  hostile.  The  Bohemian 
set  was  not  segregated.  Almost  my  first  inspiration  had 
been  to  scatter  its  members  widely  among  the  conservative 
pillars  of  the  North  Side  set.  Left  in  one  group,  I  had 
known  they  would  plume  themselves  quite  intolerably  over 
the  signal  triumph  of  their  leader;  perhaps,  in  the  American 
speech, "  start  something."  Widely  scattered,  they  became 
mere  parts  of  the  whole  I  was  seeking  to  achieve. 

The  banquet  progressed  gayly  to  its  finish.  Toasts  were 
drunk  no  end,  all  of  them  proposed  by  Senator  Floud  who, 
toward  the  last,  kept  almost  constantly  on  his  feet.  From 
the  bride  and  groom  he  expanded  geographically  through 
Red  Gap,  the  Kulanche  Valley,  the  State  of  Washington, 
and  the  United  States  to  the  British  Empire,  not  omitting 
the  Honourable  George — who,  I  noticed,  called  for  the 
relish  and  consumed  quite  almost  an  entire  bottle  during 
the  meal.  Also  I  was  proposed — "through  whose  lifelong 
friendship  for  the  illustrious  groom  this  meeting  of  hearts 
and  hands  has  been  so  happily  brought  about." 

Her  ladyship's  eyes  rested  briefly  upon  mine  as  her  lips 
touched  the  glass  to  this.  They  conveyed  the  unspeakable. 


i 


358  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

Rather  a  fool  I  felt,  and  unable  to  look  away  until  she  re 
leased  me.  She  had  been  wondrously  Ctdiet  through  it  all. 
Not  dazed  in  the  least,  as  might  have  oeen  looked  for  in 
one  of  her  lowly  station  thus  prodigiously  elevated;  and  not 
feverishly  gay,  as  might  alsohavebeenanticipated.  Simple 
and  quiet  she  was,  showing  a  complete  but  perfectly  con 
trolled  awareness  of  her  position. 

For  the  first  time  then,  I  think,  I  did  envision  her  as  the 
Countess  of  Brinstead.  She  was  going  to  carry  it  off. 
Perhaps  quite  as  well  as  even  I  could  have  wished  his  lord 
ship's  chosen  mate  to  do.  I  observed  her  look  at  his  lord 
ship  with  those  strange  lights  in  her  eyes,  as  if  only  half 
realizing  yet  wholly  believing  all  that  he  believed.  And 
once  at  the  height  of  the  gayety  I  saw  her  reach  out  to 
touch  his  sleeve,  furtively,  swiftly,  and  so  gently  he  nevei 
knew. 

It  occurred  to  me  there  were  things  about  the  woman  we 
had  taken  too  little  trouble  to  know.  I  wondered  what 
old  memories  might  be  coming  to  her  now;  what  staring 
faces  might  obtrude,  what  old,  far-off,  perhaps  hated,  voices 
might  be  sounding  to  her;  what  of  remembered  hurts  and 
heartaches  might  newly  echo  back  to  make  her  flinch 
and  wonder  if  she  dreamed.  She  touched  the  sleeve  again, 
as  it  might  have  been  in  protection  from  them,  her  eyes 
narrowed,  her  gaze  fixed.  It  queerly  occurred  to  me  that 
his  lordship  might  find  her  as  difficult  to  know  as  we  had — 
and  yet  would  keep  always  trying  more  than  we  had,  to  be 
sure.  I  mean  to  say,  she  was  no  gabbler. 

The  responses  to  the  Senator's  toasts  increased  in  volume. 
His  final  flight,  I  recall,  involved  terms  like  "our  blood- 
cousins  of  the  British  Isles,"  and  introduced  a  figure  of 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  359 

speech  about  "hands  across  the  sea,"  which  I  thought 
striking,  indeed.  The  applause  aroused  by  this  was  noisy 
in  the  extreme,  a  \  umber  of  the  cattle  and  horse  persons, 
including  the  redskin  Tuttle,  emitting  a  shrill,  concerted 
"yipping"  which,  though  it  would  never  have  done  with 
us,  seemed  somehow  not  out  of  place  in  North  America, 
although  I  observed  Belknap-Jackson  to  make  gestures  of 
extreme  repugnance  while  it  lasted. 

There  ensued  a  rather  flurried  wishing  of  happiness  to 
the  pair.  A  novel  sight  it  was,  the  most  austere  matrons 
of  the  North  Side  set  vying  for  places  in  the  line  that  led 
past  them.  I  found  myself  trying  to  analyze  the  inner 
emotions  of  some  of  them  I  best  knew  as  they  fondly 
greeted  the  now  radiant  Countess  of  Brinstead.  But  that 
way  madness  lay,  as  Shakespeare  has  so  aptly  said  of  another 
matter.  I  recalled,  though,  the  low-toned  comment  of 
Cousin  Egbert,  who  stood  near  me. 

"Don't  them  dames  stand  the  gaff  noble!"  It  was  quite 
true.  They  were  heroic.  I  recalled  then  his  other  quaint 
prophecy  that  her  ladyship  would  hand  them  a  bottle  of 
lemonade.  As  is  curiously  usual  with  this  simple  soul,  he 
had  gone  to  the  heart  of  the  matter. 

The  throng  dwindled  to  the  more  intimate  friends. 
Among  those  who  lingered  were  the  Belknap-Jacksons  and 
Mrs.  Effie.  Quite  solicitous  they  were  for  the  "dear 
Countess,"  as  they  rather  defiantly  called  her  to  one  an 
other.  Belknap-Jackson  casually  mentioned  in  my  hear 
ing  that  he  had  been  asked  to  Chaynes-Wotten  for  the 
shooting.  Mrs.  Effie,  who  also  heard,  swiftly  remarked 
that  she  would  doubtless  run  over  in  the  spring — the  dear 
Earl  was  so  insistent.  They  rather  glared  at  each  other. 


360  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

But  in  truth  his  lordship  had  insisted  that  quite  almost 
every  one  should  come  and  stop  on  with  him1. 

"Of  course,  course,  what,  what!  Jplly  party,  no  end  of 
fun.  Week-end,  that  sort  of  thing.  Know  she'll  like  her 
old  friends  best.  Wouldn't  be  keen  for  the  creature  if 
she'd  not.  Have  'em  all,  have  'em  all.  Capital,  by  Jove !" 

To  be  sure  it  was  a  manner  of  speaking,  born  of  the  ex 
pansive  good  feeling  of  the  moment.  Yet  I  believe  Cousin 
Egbert  was  the  only  invited  one  to  decline.  He  did  so 
with  evident  distress  at  having  to  refuse. 

"I  like  your  little  woman  a  whole  lot,"  he  observed  to 
his  lordship,  "but  Europe  is  too  kind  of  uncomfortable  for 
me;  keeps  me  upset  all  the  time,  what  with  all  the  foreigners 
and  one  thing  and  another.  But,  listen  here,  Cap!  You 
pack  the  little  woman  back  once  in  a  while.  Just  to  give 
us  a  flash  at  her.  We'll  give  you  both  a  good  time." 

"What  ho!"  returned  his  lordship.  "Of  course,  course! 
Fancy  we'd  like  it  vastly,  what,  what!" 

"Yes,  sir,  I  fancy  you  would,  too,"  and  rather  start- 
lingly  Cousin  Egbert  seized  her  ladyship  and  kissed  her 
heartily.  Whereupon  her  ladyship  kissed  the  fellow  in 
return. 

"Yes,  sir,  I  dare  say  I  fancy  you  would,"  he  called  back 
a  bit  nervously  as  he  left. 

Belknap-Jackson  drove  the  party  to  the  station,  feeling, 
I  am  sure,  that  he  scored  over  Mrs.  Erne,  though  he  was 
obliged  to  include  the  Mixer,  from  whom  her  ladyship 
bluntly  refused  to  be  separated.  I  inferred  that  she  must 
have  found  the  time  and  seclusion  in  which  to  weep  a  bit  on 
the  Mixer's  shoulder.  The  waist  of  the  latter's  purple  satin 
gown  was  quite  spotty  at  the  height  of  her  ladyship's  eyes. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  361 

Belknap-Jackson  on  this  occasion  drove  his  car  with  the 
greatest  solicitude,  proceeding  more  slowly  than  I  had  ever 
known  him  do.  As  I  attended  to  certain  luggage  details  at 
the  station  he  was  regretting  to  his  lordship  that  they  had 
not  had  a  longer  time  at  the  country  club  the  day  it  was 
exhibited. 

"Look  a  bit  after  silly  old  George,"  said  his  lordship  to 
me  at  parting.  "  Chap's  dotty,  I  dare  say.  Talking  about 
a  plantation  of  apple  trees  now.  For  his  old  age — that 
sort  of  thing.  Be  something  new  in  a  fortnight,  though. 
Like  him,  of  course,  course!" 

Her  ladyship  closed  upon  my  hand  with  a  remarkable 
vigour  of  grip. 

"We  owe  it  all  to  you,"  she  said,  again  with  dancing  eyes. 
Then  her  eyes  steadied  queerly.  "Maybe  you  won't  be 
sorry." 

"Know  I  shan't."  I  fancy  I  rather  growled  it,  stupidly 
feeling  I  was  not  rising  to  the  occasion.  "Knew  his  lord 
ship  wouldn't  rest  till  he  had  you  where  he  wanted  you. 
Glad  he's  got  you."  And  curiously  I  felt  a  bit  of  a  glad 
little  squeeze  in  my  throat  for  her.  I  groped  for  something 
light — something  American. 

"You  are  some  Countess,"  I  at  last  added  in  a  silly 
way. 

"What,  what!"  said  his  lordship,  but  I  had  caught  her 
eyes.  They  brimmed  with  understanding. 

With  the  going  of  that  train  all  life  seemed  to  go.  I 
mean  to  say,  things  all  at  once  became  flat.  I  turned  to  the 
dull  station. 

"Give  you  a  lift,  old  chap,"  said  Belknap-Jackson, 
Again  he  was  cordial.  So  firmly  had  I  kept  the  reins  of  the 


362  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

whole  affair  in  my  grasp,  such  prestige  he  knew  it  would 
give  me,  he  dared  not  broach  his  grievance. 

Some  half-remembered  American  phrase  of  Cousin  Eg 
bert's  ran  in  my  mind.  I  had  put  a  buffalo  on  him! 

"Thank  you,"  I  said,  "I'm  needing  a  bit  of  a  stretch 
and  a  breeze-out." 

I  wished  to  walk  that  I  might  the  better  meditate.  With 
Belknap-Jackson  one  does  not  sufficiently  meditate. 

A  block  up  from  the  station  I  was  struck  by  the  sight  of 
the  Honourable  George.  Plodding  solitary  down  that 
low  street  he  was,  heeled  as  usual  by  the  Judson  cur.  He 
came  to  the  Spilmer  public  house  and  for  a  moment  stared 
up,  quite  still,  at  the  "Last  Chance"  on  its  chaffing  sign 
board.  Then  he  wheeled  abruptly  and  entered.  I  was 
moved  to  follow  him,  but  I  knew  it  would  never  do.  He 
would  row  me  about  the  service  of  the  Grill — something  of 
that  sort.  I  dare  say  he  had  fancied  her  ladyship  as  keenly 
as  one  of  his  volatile  nature  might.  But  I  knew  him ! 

Back  on  our  street  the  festival  atmosphere  still  lingered. 
Groups  of  recent  guests  paused  to  discuss  the  astounding 
event.  The  afternoon  paper  was  being  scanned  by  many 
of  them.  An  account  of  the  wedding  was  its  "feature," 
as  they  say.  I  had  no  heart  for  that,  but  on  the  second 
page  my  eye  caught  a  minor  item : 

"A  special  meeting  of  the  Ladies  Onwards  and  Upwards  Club 
is  called  for  to-morrow  afternoon  at  two  sharp  at  the  residence 
of  Mrs.  Dr.  Percy  Hailey  Martingale,  for  the  transaction  of  im 
portant  business." 

One  could  fancy,  I  thought,  what  the  meeting  would 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  363 

discuss.  Nor  was  I  wrong,  for  I  may  here  state  that  the 
evening  paper  of  the  following  day  disclosed  that  her  lady 
ship  the  Countess  of  Brinstead  had  unanimously  been 
elected  to  a  life  honorary  membership  in  the  club. 

Back  in  the  Grill  I  found  the  work  of  clearing  the  tables 
well  advanced,  and  very  soon  its  before-dinner  aspect  of 
calm  waiting  was  restored.  Surveying  it  I  reflected  that 
one  might  well  wonder  if  aught  momentous  had  indeed  so 
lately  occurred  here.  A  motley  day  it  had  been. 

I  passed  into  the  linen  and  glass  pantry. 

Mrs.  Judson,  polishing  my  glassware,  burst  into  tears 
at  my  approach,  frankly  stanching  them  with  her  towel. 
I  saw  it  to  be  a  mere  overflow  of  the  meaningless  emotion 
that  women  stock  so  abundantly  on  the  occasion  of  a 
wedding.  She  is  an  almost  intensely  feminine  person,  as 
can  be  seen  at  once  by  any  one  who  understands  women. 
In  a  goods  box  in  the  passage  beyond  I  noted  her  nipper 
fast  asleep,  a  mammoth  beef-rib  clasped  to  its  fat  chest.  I 
debated  putting  this  abuse  to  her  once  more  but  feared  the 
moment  was  not  propitious.  She  dried  her  eyes  and 
smiled  again. 

"A  prince  in  his  palace,"  she  murmured  inanely.  "She 
thought  first  he  was  going  to  be  as  funny  as  the  other  one; 
then  she  found  he  wasn't.  I  liked  him,  too.  I  didn't 
blame  her  a  bit.  He's  one  of  that  kind — his  bark's  worse 
than  his  bite.  And  to  think  you  knew  all  the  time  what 
was  coming  off.  My,  but  you're  the  Mr.  Deep-one ! " 

I  saw  no  reason  to  stultify  myself  by  denying  this.  I 
mean  to  say,  if  she  thought  it,  let  her! 

"  The  last  thing  yesterday  she  gave  me  this  dress." 

I  had  already  noted  the  very  becoming  dull  blue  house 


364  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

gown  she  wore.  Quite  with  an  air  she  carried  it.  To  be 
•"ure,  it  was  not  suitable  to  her  duties.  The  excitements 
of  the  day,  I  suppose,  had  rendered  me  a  bit  sterner  than  is 
my  wont.  Perhaps  a  little  authoritative. 

"A  handsome  gown,"  I  replied  icily,  "but  one  would 
hardly  choose  it  for  the  work  you  are  performing." 

"Rubbish!"  she  retorted  plainly.  "I  wanted  to  look 
nice — I  had  to  go  in  there  lots  of  times.  And  I  wanted  to 
be  dressed  for  to-night." 

"Why  to-night,  may  I  ask?"  I  was  all  at  once  un 
comfortably  curious. 

"Why,  the  boys  are  coming  for  me.  They're  going  to 
take  No-no  home,  then  we're  all  going  to  the  movies. 
They've  got  a  new  bill  at  the  Bijou,  and  Buck  Edwards 
especially  wants  me  to  see  it.  One  of  the  cowboys  in  it 
that  does  some  star  riding  looks  just  like  Buck — wavy 
chestnut  hair.  Buck  himself  is  one  of  the  best  riders  in  the 
whole  Kulanche." 

The  woman  seemed  to  have  some  fiendish  power  to  en 
rage  me.  As  she  prattled  thus,  her  eyes  demurely  on  the 
glass  she  dried,  I  felt  a  deep  flush  mantle  my  brow.  She 
could  never  have  dreamed  that  she  had  this  malign  power, 
but  she  was  now  at  least  to  suspect  it. 

"Your  Mr.  Edwards,"  I  began  calmly  enough,  "may  be 
like  the  cinema  actor :  the  two  may  be  as  like  each  other  as 
makes  no  difference — but  you  are  not  going. "  I  was  aware 
that  the  latter  phrase  was  heated  where  I  had  merely  meant 
it  to  be  impressive.  Dignified  firmness  had  been  the  line  I 
intended,  but  my  rage  was  mounting.  She  stared  at  me. 
Astonished  beyond  words  she  was,  if  I  can  read  human 
expressions. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  365 

"I  am!"  she  snapped  at  last. 

"You  are  not!"  I  repeated,  stepping  a  bit  toward  her. 
I  was  conscious  of  a  bit  of  the  rowdy  in  my  manner,  but  I 
seemed  powerless  to  prevent  it.  All  my  culture  was  again 
but  the  flimsiest  veneer. 

"I  am,  too!"  she  again  said,  though  plainly  dismayed. 

"No!"  I  quite  thundered  it,  I  dare  say.  "No,  no! 
No,  no!" 

The  nipper  cried  out  from  his  box.  Not  until  later  did  it 
occur  to  me  that  he  had  considered  himself  to  be  addressed 
in  angry  tones. 

"No,  no!"  I  thundered  again.  I  couldn't  help  myself, 
though  silly  rot  I  call  it  now.  And  then  to  my  horror  the 
mother  herself  began  to  weep. 

"I  will!  "she  sobbed.     "I  will!     I  will!     I  will!" 

"No,  no!"  I  insisted,  and  I  found  myself  seizing  her 
shoulders,  not  knowing  if  I  mightn't  shake  her  smartly,  so 
drawn-out  had  the  woman  got  me ;  and  still  I  kept  shouting 
my  senseless  "  No,  no ! "  at  which  the  nipper  was  now  yelling. 

She  struggled  her  best  as  I  clutched  her,  but  I  seemed  to 
have  the  strength  of  a  dozen  men;  the  woman  was  nothing 
in  my  grasp,  and  my  arms  were  taking  their  blind  rage  out 
on  her. 

Secure  I  held  her,  and  presently  she  no  longer  struggled, 
and  I  was  curiously  no  longer  angry,  but  found  myself 
soothing  her  in  many  strange  ways.  I  mean  to  say,  the 
passage  between  us  had  fallen  to  be  of  the  very  shockingly 
most  sentimental  character. 

"You  are  so  masterful!"  she  panted. 

"I'll  have  my  own  way,"  I  threatened;  "I've  told  you 
often  enough." 


366  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

"Oh,  you're  so  domineering!"  she  murmured.  I  dare 
say  I  am  a  bit  that  way. 

"  I'll  show  you  who's  to  be  master ! " 

"But  I  never  dreamed  you  meant  this,"  she  answered. 
True,  I  had  most  brutally  taken  her  by  surprise.  I  could 
easily  see  how,  expecting  nothing  of  the  faintest  sort,  she 
had  been  rudely  shocked. 

"I  meant  it  all  along,"  I  said  firmly,  "from  the  very 
first  moment."  And  now  again  she  spoke  in  almost  awed 
tones  of  my  "deepness."  I  have  never  believed  in  that 
excessive  intuition  which  is  so  widely  boasted  for  woman. 

"I  never  dreamed  of  it,"  she  said  again,  and  added: 
"Mrs.  Kenner  and  I  were  talking  about  this  dress  only 
last  night  and  I  said —  I  never,  never  dreamed  of  such 
a  thing!"  She  broke  off  with  sudden  inconsequence,  as 
women  will. 

We  had  now  to  quiet  the  nipper  in  his  box.  I  saw  even 
then  that,  domineering  though  I  may  be,  I  should  probably 
never  care  to  bring  the  child's  condition  to  her  notice  again. 
There  was  something  about  her — something  volcanic  in  her 
femininity.  I  knew  it  would  never  do.  Better  let  the 
thing  continue  to  be  a  monstrosity!  I  might,  unnoticed, 
of  course,  snatch  a  bun  from  its  grasp  now  and  then. 

Our  evening  rush  came  and  went  quite  as  if  nothing  had 
happened.  I  may  have  been  rather  absent,  reflecting 
pensively.  I  mean  to  say,  I  had  at  times  considered  this 
alliance  as  a  dawning  possibility,  but  never  had  I  meant  to 
be  sudden.  Only  for  the  woman's  remarkably  stubborn 
obtuseness  I  dare  say  the  understanding  might  have  been 
deferred  to  a  more  suitable  moment  and  arranged  in  a 
calm  and  orderly  manner.  But  the  die  was  cast.  Like 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  367 

his  lordship,  I  had  chosen  an  American  bride — taken  her 
by  storm  and  carried  her  off  her  feet  before  she  knew  it. 
We  English  are  often  that  way. 

At  ten  o'clock  we  closed  the  Grill  upon  a  day  that  had 
been  historic  in  the  truest  sense  of  the  word.  I  shouldered 
the  sleeping  nipper.  He  still  passionately  clutched  the 
beef -rib  and  for  some  reason  I  felt  averse  to  depriving  him 
of  it,  even  though  it  would  mean  a  spotty  top-coat. 

Strangely  enough,  we  talked  but  little  in  our  walk.  It 
seemed  rather  too  tremendous  to  talk  of. 

When  I  gave  the  child  into  her  arms  at  the  door  it  had 
become  half  awake. 

"Ruggums!"  it  muttered  sleepily. 

"Ruggums!"  echoed  the  mother,  and  again,  very  softly 
in  the  still  night:  "Ruggums — Ruggums!" 


That  in  the  few  months  since  that  rather  agreeable  night 
I  have  acquired  the  title  of  Red  Gap's  social  dictator  can 
not  be  denied.  More  than  one  person  of  discernment 
may  now  be  heard  to  speak  of  my  "reign,"  though  this,  of 
course,  is  coming  it  a  bit  thick. 

The  removal  by  his  lordship  of  one  who,  despite  her  ster 
ling  qualities,  had  been  a  source  of  discord,  left  the  social 
elements  of  the  town  in  a  state  of  the  wildest  disorganization. 
And  having  for  myself  acquired  a  remarkable  prestige 
from  my  intimate  association  with  the  affair,  I  promptly 
seized  the  reins  and  drew  the  scattered  forces  together. 

First,  at  an  early  day  I  sought  an  interview  with  Belknap- 
Jackson  and  Mrs.  Effie  and  told  them  straight  precisely 
why  I  had  played  them  both  false  in  the  matter  of  the 


368  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

wedding  breakfast.  With  the  honour  granted  to  either  of 
them,  I  explained,  I  had  foreseen  another  era  of  cliques, 
divisions,  and  acrimony.  Therefore  I  had  done  the  thing 
myself,  as  a  measure  of  peace. 

Flatly  then  I  declared  my  intention  of  reconciling  all 
those  formerly  opposed  elements  and  of  creating  a  society 
in  Red  Gap  that  would  be  a  social  union  in  the  finest  sense 
of  the  word.  I  said  that  contact  with  their  curious  Ameri 
can  life  had  taught  me  that  their  equality  should  be  more 
than  a  name,  and  that,  especially  in  the  younger  settle 
ments,  a  certain  relaxation  from  the  rigid  requirements  of 
an  older  order  is  not  only  unavoidable  but  vastly  to  be 
desired.  I  meant  to  say,  if  we  were  going  to  be  Americans 
it  was  silly  rot  trying  to  be  English  at  the  same  time. 

I  pointed  out  that  their  former  social  leaders  had  ever 
been  inspired  by  the  idea  of  exclusion;  the  soul  of  their 
leadership  had  been  to  cast  others  out;  and  that  the 
campaign  I  planned  was  to  be  one  of  inclusion — even  to  the 
extent  of  Bohemians  and  well-behaved  cattle-persons — 
which  I  believed  to  be  in  the  finest  harmony  with  their 
North  American  theory  of  human  association.  It  might 
be  thought  a  nai've  theory,  I  said,  but  so  long  as  they  had 
chosen  it  I  should  staunchly  abide  by  it. 

I  added  what  I  dare  say  they  did  not  believe :  that  the 
position  of  leader  was  not  one  I  should  cherish  for  any 
other  reason  than  the  public  good.  That  when  one  better 
fitted  might  appear  they  would  find  me  the  first  to  rejoice. 

I  need  not  say  that  I  was  interrupted  frequently  and 
acridly  during  this  harangue,  but  I  had  given  them  both  a 
buffalo  and  well  they  knew  it.  And  I  worked  swiftly  from 
that  moment.  I  gave  the  following  week  the  first  of  a  series 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  369 

of  subscription  balls  in  the  dancing  hall  above  the  Grill,  and 
both  Mrs.  Belknap- Jackson  and  Mrs.  Effie  early  enrolled 
themselves  as  patronesses,  even  after  I  had  made  it  plain 
that  I  alone  should  name  the  guests. 

The  success  of  the  affair  was  all  I  could  have  wished. 
Red  Gap  had  become  a  social  unit.  Nor  was  appreciation 
for  my  leadership  wanting.  There  will  be  malcontents,  I 
foresee,  and  from  the  informed  inner  circles  I  learn  that  I 
have  already  been  slightingly  spoken  of  as  a  foreigner 
wielding  a  sceptre  over  native-born  Americans,  but  I  have 
the  support  of  quite  all  who  really  matter,  and  I  am  con 
fident  these  rebellions  may  be  put  down  by  tact  alone.  It 
is  too  well  understood  by  those  who  know  me  that  I  have 
Equality  for  my  watchword. 

I  mean  to  say,  at  the  next  ball  of  the  series  I  may  even 
see  that  the  fellow  Hobbs  has  a  card  if  I  can  become 
assured  that  he  has  quite  freed  himself  from  certain  debas 
ing  class-ideals  of  his  native  country.  This  to  be  sure  is 
an  extreme  case,  because  the  fellow  is  that  type  of  our 
serving  class  to  whom  equality  is  unthinkable.  They 
must,  from  their  centuries  of  servility,  look  either  up  or 
down;  and  I  scarce  know  in  which  attitude  they  are  more 
offensive  to  our  American  point  of  view.  Still  I  mean  to  be 
broad.  Even  Hobbs  shall  have  his  chance  with  us ! 

It  is  late  June.  Mrs.  Ruggles  and  I  are  comfortably 
installed  in  her  enlarged  and  repaired  house.  We  have  a 
fowl-run  on  a  stretch  of  her  free-hold,  and  the  kitchen- 
garden  thrives  under  the  care  of  the  Japanese  argicultural 
labourer  I  have  employed. 

Already  I  have  discharged  more  than  half  my  debt  to 


370  RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP 

Cousin  Egbert,  who  exclaims,  "Oh,  shucks!"  each  time  I 
make  him  a  payment.  He  and  the  Honourable  George 
remain  pally  no  end  and  spend  much  of  their  abundant 
leisure  at  Cousin  Egbert's  modest  country  house.  At 
times  when  they  are  in  town  they  rather  consort  with 
street  persons,  but  such  is  the  breadth  of  our  social  scheme 
that  I  shall  never  exclude  them  from  our  gayeties,  though  it 
is  true  that  more  often  than  not  they  decline  to  be  present. 

Mrs.  Buggies,  I  may  say,  is  a  lady  of  quite  amazing 
capacities  combined  strangely  with  the  commonest  femi 
nine  weaknesses.  She  has  acute  business  judgment  at  most 
times,  yet  would  fly  at  me  in  a  rage  if  I  were  to  say  what  I 
think  of  the  nipper's  appalling  grossness.  Quite  naturally 
I  do  not  push  my  unquestioned  mastery  to  this  extreme 
There  are  other  matters  in  which  I  amusedly  let  her  have 
her  way,  though  she  fondly  reminds  me  almost  daily  of 
my  brutal  self-will. 

On  one  point  I  have  just  been  obliged  to  assert  this. 
She  came  running  to  me  with  a  suggestion  for  economizing 
in  the  manufacture  of  the  relish.  She  had  devised  a 
cheaper  formula.  But  I  was  firm. 

"So  long  as  the  inventor's  face  is  on  that  flask,"  I  said, 
"its  contents  shall  not  be  debased  a  tuppence.  My 
name  and  face  will  guarantee  its  purity." 

She  gave  in  nicely,  merely  declaring  that  I  needn't 
growl  like  one  of  their  bears  with  a  painful  foot. 

At  my  carefully  mild  suggestion  she  has  just  brought 
the  nipper  in  from  where  he  was  cattying  the  young  fowls, 
much  to  their  detriment.  But  she  is  now  heaping  compote 
upon  a  slice  of  thickly  buttered  bread  for  him,  glancing 
meanwhile  at  our  evening  newspaper. 


RUGGLES  OF  RED  GAP  371 

"Ruggums  always  has  his  awful  own  way,  doesn't  urns?  " 
she  remarks  to  the  nipper. 

Deeply  ignoring  this,  I  resume  my  elocutionary  studies 
of  the  Declaration  of  Independence.  For  I  should  say 
that  a  signal  honour  of  a  municipal  character  has  just  been 
done  me.  A  committee  of  the  Chamber  of  Commerce  has 
invited  me  to  participate  in  their  exercises  on  an  early  day 
in  July — the  fourth,  I  fancy — when  they  celebrate  the 
issuance  of  this  famous  document.  I  have  been  asked  to 
read  it,  preceding  a  patriotic  address  to  be  made  by  Senator 
Floud. 

I  accepted  with  the  utmost  pleasure,  and  now  on  my 
vine-sheltered  porch  have  begun  trying  it  out  for  the 
proper  voice  effects.  Its  substance,  I  need  not  say,  is 
already  familiar  to  me. 

The  nipper  is  horribly  gulping  at  its  food,  jam  smears 
quite  all  about  its  countenance.  Mrs.  Ruggles  glances 
over  her  journal. 

"How  would  you  like  it,"  she  suddenly  demands,  "if  I 
went  around  town  like  these  English  women — burning 
churches  and  houses  of  Parliament  and  cutting  up  fine  oil 
paintings.  How  would  that  suit  your  grouchy  highness?" 

"This  is  not  England,"  I  answer  shortly.  "That  sort 
of  thing  would  never  do  with  us." 

"My,  but  isn't  he  the  fierce  old  Ruggums!"  she  cries  in 
affected  alarm  to  the  now  half -suffocated  nipper. 

Once  more  I  take  up  the  Declaration  of  Independence. 
It  lends  itself  rather  well  to  reciting.  I  feel  that  my  voice 
is  going  to  carry. 

THE    END 


THE  COUNTRY   LIFE   PRESS 
GARDEN  CITY,   N.  Y. 


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